control,choice,teens ... need a response
[email protected]
I want to answer this email to a friend with a good response but I have too
many emotions right now.. <<G>>. (This is a friend who *thinks* she's has
an unschooling philosophy). It's about a dance/get together/social type of
thing . Kids bring their own music. They rented out a place. My son 11 1/2 is
excited to go and yet knows noone who is attending. I asked her if her son was
going.
And she said : "I know the two families who planned it. They have older teen
’s 14-18 range and were originally trying to lure out some older teens for
their kids to get acquainted with…but the response was poor in that age range
so they opened it up to 10 and up…
In a nut shell, I just feel it is a bit soon for my two for a dance/social…
and I’m not mentally prepared to go there at this very moment! LOL!!!! All in
good time! Adam is just 12 and Brenda at just 10 is way to young for a real
“teen setting” with low lights dancing etc…. so I haven’t even mentioned it
again to them.
I’m not being prude about it, just doesn’t rank top of my list of things
for them to do right now! I know one of the families’ whose son is 12 and I
guess he is the one who asked if he could plan something to meet more kids his
age."
My thoughts are ..it's all about what SHE wants and what SHE feels is best
and no CHOICE for the kids!
Part of me WANTS to respond to her, the other part doesn't even want to
bother <<G>>.
What would you say?
~marcia
**************Ideas to please picky eaters. Watch video on AOL Living.
(http://living.aol.com/video/how-to-please-your-picky-eater/rachel-campos-duffy/
2050827?NCID=aolcmp00300000002598)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
many emotions right now.. <<G>>. (This is a friend who *thinks* she's has
an unschooling philosophy). It's about a dance/get together/social type of
thing . Kids bring their own music. They rented out a place. My son 11 1/2 is
excited to go and yet knows noone who is attending. I asked her if her son was
going.
And she said : "I know the two families who planned it. They have older teen
’s 14-18 range and were originally trying to lure out some older teens for
their kids to get acquainted with…but the response was poor in that age range
so they opened it up to 10 and up…
In a nut shell, I just feel it is a bit soon for my two for a dance/social…
and I’m not mentally prepared to go there at this very moment! LOL!!!! All in
good time! Adam is just 12 and Brenda at just 10 is way to young for a real
“teen setting” with low lights dancing etc…. so I haven’t even mentioned it
again to them.
I’m not being prude about it, just doesn’t rank top of my list of things
for them to do right now! I know one of the families’ whose son is 12 and I
guess he is the one who asked if he could plan something to meet more kids his
age."
My thoughts are ..it's all about what SHE wants and what SHE feels is best
and no CHOICE for the kids!
Part of me WANTS to respond to her, the other part doesn't even want to
bother <<G>>.
What would you say?
~marcia
**************Ideas to please picky eaters. Watch video on AOL Living.
(http://living.aol.com/video/how-to-please-your-picky-eater/rachel-campos-duffy/
2050827?NCID=aolcmp00300000002598)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
g-liberatedlearning
I might just say something simple like, "Well shucks! My son is
excited about the opportunity to meet other kids but was hoping he'd
get to see your son there too. He's so excited about this fun
opportunity and I'll be around to make sure he's comfortable and
having fun so we're going for it!"
A comment like this acknowledges that you heard her but that you are
chosing to look at it from your child's point of view, honor his
desire and approach it in a positive manner yet not sound like you're
throwing your son to the wolves.
Just an idea.
Chris in IA
excited about the opportunity to meet other kids but was hoping he'd
get to see your son there too. He's so excited about this fun
opportunity and I'll be around to make sure he's comfortable and
having fun so we're going for it!"
A comment like this acknowledges that you heard her but that you are
chosing to look at it from your child's point of view, honor his
desire and approach it in a positive manner yet not sound like you're
throwing your son to the wolves.
Just an idea.
Chris in IA
On Feb 27, 2008, at 1:56 PM, MarSi77@... wrote:
> My thoughts are ..it's all about what SHE wants and what SHE feels
> is best
> and no CHOICE for the kids!
> Part of me WANTS to respond to her, the other part doesn't even
> want to
> bother <<G>>.
> What would you say?
> ~marcia
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-My thoughts are ..it's all about what SHE wants and what SHE feels
is best
and no CHOICE for the kids!
Part of me WANTS to respond to her, the other part doesn't even want to
bother <<G>>.
What would you say? -=-
I think don't bother.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
is best
and no CHOICE for the kids!
Part of me WANTS to respond to her, the other part doesn't even want to
bother <<G>>.
What would you say? -=-
I think don't bother.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/27/2008 4:00:50 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
liberatedlearning@... writes:
A comment like this acknowledges that you heard her but that you are
chosing to look at it from your child's point of view, honor his
desire and approach it in a positive manner yet not sound like you're
throwing your son to the wolves.
***********************
Thanks. I've done that already, but I so wanted to bring up the importance
of *choice* and *trust*, neither of which she gives her kids .. sigh
And the fact she needs to look at *teens* in a positive light. Teens are aw
esome!
~marcia
**************Ideas to please picky eaters. Watch video on AOL Living.
(http://living.aol.com/video/how-to-please-your-picky-eater/rachel-campos-duffy/
2050827?NCID=aolcmp00300000002598)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
liberatedlearning@... writes:
A comment like this acknowledges that you heard her but that you are
chosing to look at it from your child's point of view, honor his
desire and approach it in a positive manner yet not sound like you're
throwing your son to the wolves.
***********************
Thanks. I've done that already, but I so wanted to bring up the importance
of *choice* and *trust*, neither of which she gives her kids .. sigh
And the fact she needs to look at *teens* in a positive light. Teens are aw
esome!
~marcia
**************Ideas to please picky eaters. Watch video on AOL Living.
(http://living.aol.com/video/how-to-please-your-picky-eater/rachel-campos-duffy/
2050827?NCID=aolcmp00300000002598)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
A comment like this acknowledges that you heard her but that you are
chosing to look at it from your child's point of view, honor his
desire and approach it in a positive manner yet not sound like you're
throwing your son to the wolves.
***********************
Thanks. I've done that already, but I so wanted to bring up the
importance
of *choice* and *trust*, neither of which she gives her kids .. sigh
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
This seems as good a time as any to mention that choice and trust can
be a slippery slope. <g>
Holly, who turned 16 in November, has a boyfriend who will turn 24 in
April.
This couldn't have happened if we had some RULES around here. And
we've known him for three years, and he was a friend of Kirby's even
before then. So he's fully vetted by Kirby and Marty and Holly.
She's known him since she was 13. He's been to several parties
here. He came to my birthday party last summer.
Holly wouldn't like him if he weren't pretty special, because the
stream of friends of her brothers has been constant for years, and
most of those guys weren't interesting to her.
They flirted and talked, but he had two girlfriends in that time (the
first one had been his girlfriend since they were 15), but it started
looking to me a few months ago that it was inevitable that they would
end up a couple. I knew it before they did.
We had never predicted that Holly would like someone older than
either of her brothers, but for years we've been happy with the fact
that Kirby's friends were younger and older than he is, and Marty's,
and... well...
I guess you should *not* tell this story to your friend with the ten
year old.
Holly and the young man are being open and he hangs around here, and
has talked to everyone in the family and their friends, some of whom
thought it might be illegal to even think about it. A friend of mine
is an assistant DA and I checked legalities with him just before
Holly's 16th birthday. It all varies state by state, but as long as
the older male doesn't work at a school she attends or at a hospital
in which she's being treated, it's her option.
The coolest thing about it for me is that she is SO not in a hurry.
It's very sweet and calm. They hold hands. They've been listening
to a lot of Donovan together. They're going on a picnic tomorrow.
He's in grad school and she insisted that he do his homework last
night before they hung out.
In high school if a boy would pay much attention to me I was
immediately besotted. And part of school's pressure is reporting
each day to your friends what you've done, or why not. She has no
such pressure at all, and the boy knows we would run him off if he
were not treating her the way we wanted him to. He likes Kirby and
Marty so much he would hate to lose those friendships.
Holly said he told her yesterday that it was lucky for him the Dodd
family had a girl.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
chosing to look at it from your child's point of view, honor his
desire and approach it in a positive manner yet not sound like you're
throwing your son to the wolves.
***********************
Thanks. I've done that already, but I so wanted to bring up the
importance
of *choice* and *trust*, neither of which she gives her kids .. sigh
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
This seems as good a time as any to mention that choice and trust can
be a slippery slope. <g>
Holly, who turned 16 in November, has a boyfriend who will turn 24 in
April.
This couldn't have happened if we had some RULES around here. And
we've known him for three years, and he was a friend of Kirby's even
before then. So he's fully vetted by Kirby and Marty and Holly.
She's known him since she was 13. He's been to several parties
here. He came to my birthday party last summer.
Holly wouldn't like him if he weren't pretty special, because the
stream of friends of her brothers has been constant for years, and
most of those guys weren't interesting to her.
They flirted and talked, but he had two girlfriends in that time (the
first one had been his girlfriend since they were 15), but it started
looking to me a few months ago that it was inevitable that they would
end up a couple. I knew it before they did.
We had never predicted that Holly would like someone older than
either of her brothers, but for years we've been happy with the fact
that Kirby's friends were younger and older than he is, and Marty's,
and... well...
I guess you should *not* tell this story to your friend with the ten
year old.
Holly and the young man are being open and he hangs around here, and
has talked to everyone in the family and their friends, some of whom
thought it might be illegal to even think about it. A friend of mine
is an assistant DA and I checked legalities with him just before
Holly's 16th birthday. It all varies state by state, but as long as
the older male doesn't work at a school she attends or at a hospital
in which she's being treated, it's her option.
The coolest thing about it for me is that she is SO not in a hurry.
It's very sweet and calm. They hold hands. They've been listening
to a lot of Donovan together. They're going on a picnic tomorrow.
He's in grad school and she insisted that he do his homework last
night before they hung out.
In high school if a boy would pay much attention to me I was
immediately besotted. And part of school's pressure is reporting
each day to your friends what you've done, or why not. She has no
such pressure at all, and the boy knows we would run him off if he
were not treating her the way we wanted him to. He likes Kirby and
Marty so much he would hate to lose those friendships.
Holly said he told her yesterday that it was lucky for him the Dodd
family had a girl.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/27/2008 5:55:53 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
Sandra@... writes:
-=-My thoughts are ..it's all about what SHE wants and what SHE feels
is best and no CHOICE for the kids!
Part of me WANTS to respond to her, the other part doesn't even want to
bother <<G>>.
What would you say? -=-
I think don't bother.
Sandra
*****************
Thanks
Now that I have calmed down <<G>>, I don't think I will bother saying
anymore to her. She probably won't *internalize* it and feel the need to *get it*
anyway.
It's frustrating because I can see how much better it *could* be .
A veteran unschooler friend said to me recently, "I'd love to tell you it
won't bug you as time goes on but I'm afraid we've only gotten more sensitive
to it".
So true.
~marcia
**************Ideas to please picky eaters. Watch video on AOL Living.
(http://living.aol.com/video/how-to-please-your-picky-eater/rachel-campos-duffy/
2050827?NCID=aolcmp00300000002598)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra@... writes:
-=-My thoughts are ..it's all about what SHE wants and what SHE feels
is best and no CHOICE for the kids!
Part of me WANTS to respond to her, the other part doesn't even want to
bother <<G>>.
What would you say? -=-
I think don't bother.
Sandra
*****************
Thanks
Now that I have calmed down <<G>>, I don't think I will bother saying
anymore to her. She probably won't *internalize* it and feel the need to *get it*
anyway.
It's frustrating because I can see how much better it *could* be .
A veteran unschooler friend said to me recently, "I'd love to tell you it
won't bug you as time goes on but I'm afraid we've only gotten more sensitive
to it".
So true.
~marcia
**************Ideas to please picky eaters. Watch video on AOL Living.
(http://living.aol.com/video/how-to-please-your-picky-eater/rachel-campos-duffy/
2050827?NCID=aolcmp00300000002598)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-A veteran unschooler friend said to me recently, "I'd love to tell
you it
won't bug you as time goes on but I'm afraid we've only gotten more
sensitive
to it".
So true.-=-
I see Marty and Holly cringe at the way other people treat kids.
Maybe it's the best argument for parents drinking and sending kids to
school. Numbing ourselves to acceptance of those around us. It
might be the more sociable, comfortable thing to do. Ignorance is
bliss, if you define it all right.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
you it
won't bug you as time goes on but I'm afraid we've only gotten more
sensitive
to it".
So true.-=-
I see Marty and Holly cringe at the way other people treat kids.
Maybe it's the best argument for parents drinking and sending kids to
school. Numbing ourselves to acceptance of those around us. It
might be the more sociable, comfortable thing to do. Ignorance is
bliss, if you define it all right.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/27/2008 6:17:57 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
Sandra@... writes:
The coolest thing about it for me is that she is SO not in a hurry.
********************
That is what is so awesome. Good for her!
The more knowledge and trust and communication and choice they have, the
more empowered they are to do what THEY feel is right for them :)
~marcia
**************Ideas to please picky eaters. Watch video on AOL Living.
(http://living.aol.com/video/how-to-please-your-picky-eater/rachel-campos-duffy/
2050827?NCID=aolcmp00300000002598)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra@... writes:
The coolest thing about it for me is that she is SO not in a hurry.
********************
That is what is so awesome. Good for her!
The more knowledge and trust and communication and choice they have, the
more empowered they are to do what THEY feel is right for them :)
~marcia
**************Ideas to please picky eaters. Watch video on AOL Living.
(http://living.aol.com/video/how-to-please-your-picky-eater/rachel-campos-duffy/
2050827?NCID=aolcmp00300000002598)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]