Sandra Dodd

A while back a critic wrote:
-=-I completely disagree with putting all your energy into making
your children happy, and quite franky, putting all your energy into
making your children happy has absolutely NOTHING to do with
unschooling.-=-

There was a clash (this list or another) a few months ago about
someone who had lots of very young children getting angry because I
said there could be too many children for some things to work.

Sometimes people write about whether something is "their job" as a
mom or not.

All those things have come together in a thought about labor unions.

Cultural expectations color our thoughts and language. It can't be
helped. Growing up after labor unions and workplace regulations
about hours and breaks and conditions were very common, the idea that
life should be fair and somewhat equalized, and no one in the same
position should "have to" work harder than others of the same grade
and rank seem like realities.

To speak of mothering or parenting as "a job" doesn't seem to show
the realities of it clearly. Having reproduced, one is a mother or
a father. Having adopted, one is a mother or a father. That's what
it is. The only thing remaining then is whether to be a good parent
or not. There is no court of appeals to say "Yes, you get a nanny
because you have so many kids," or "Yes, you can go to lunch like
your friends who have two kids, even though you have six."

Each child needs as much love and attention as possible.

Sometimes the parents are very needy due to their own backgrounds or
upbringing. Rather than having children fulfill my needs, I found
other outlets and sources for processing my personal problems.
Lists like this can be helpful, and I spent some years in Adult
Children of Alcoholics meetings, and La Leche League was great for
moms helping moms too.

Needy parents could beget needy children just as spanked children can
beget spanked children.

I opted to try to make sure my children weren't needy. That's going
to be different in different families and different circumstances,
and with different kids. The practicalities are going to be
different, but the principles are the same. No mom is guaranteed six
consecutive hours of sleep. No mom is guaranteed an hour to herself
free, or even fifteen minute coffee breaks.

An early investment in children's happiness pays off pretty quickly,
though, and in the long run moms gets LOTS of peace and quiet when
their kids are older and helpful and trustworthy and content.

Sandra