proudwahm

OK I'm having some trouble knowing how to handle certain
situations.... Today in the car Hunter asked me "Mom can I have a
peice of gum please?" (which in most cases I always say no because of
them throwing it on the floor or sticking it to something in the back
of the van. But since I'm trying to say No less and Yes more...I
gave them some. Then once we got to my Mom I noticed that there was
gum stuck to the arm rest....so if I give them the gum should I still
not give a warning of "I don't want to find it stuck anywhere" or
should I just see what happens and when it does then address it?

Usually my kids get told No alot but I'm having alot of behavior
problems with both my kids (more with my almost 5 year old) and since
I've been trying to listen to their needs more (just in the last
week) I've noticed a BIG difference in him. He has only had 1 or 2
big break downs which I was able to help him though by knowing what
was upsetting him.

I was so proud this morning....I gave him is clothes so he could get
dressed in which he did and then I said for him to get his shoes and
socks on. He told me he didn't want to wear any shoes (which
normally I would of said...You don't have a choice go get them on),
so I said OK but what happens if you decide you want to go outside at
Nanas? You won't be able to because you won't have your shoes on.
He says "Thanks OK, I won't want to play outside" I then said "OK I
guess you don't have a need to wear them" and proceeded to get up and
get my coat on. He then said "Well I guess maybe I should wear them
just incase" :) Wow letting him make that decision instead of
getting in a heated debate what GREAT! Did I do this the right way?

Sorry for such a long message! Just trying to get everything worked
out!

Thanks,
Estella

Sandra Dodd

-=-Today in the car Hunter asked me "Mom can I have a
peice of gum please?" (which in most cases I always say no because of
them throwing it on the floor or sticking it to something in the back
of the van. But since I'm trying to say No less and Yes more...I
gave them some. Then once we got to my Mom I noticed that there was
gum stuck to the arm rest....so if I give them the gum should I still
not give a warning of "I don't want to find it stuck anywhere" or
should I just see what happens and when it does then address it?-=-

Did he have the wrapper? If you gave it to him without the paper,
and he couldn't reach kleenex, maybe he didn't have any idea what to
do with it. Maybe next time make sure he has a kleenex or paper
napkin to put it in when he's done, without making a big deal out of
the last time. Our goal as parents is to help them with future
times, not review past times to death.

-=-I've been trying to listen to their needs more (just in the last
week) I've noticed a BIG difference in him. He has only had 1 or 2
big break downs which I was able to help him though by knowing what
was upsetting him. -=-

Very cool. Thanks for letting us know that.

-=-so I said OK but what happens if you decide you want to go outside at
Nanas? You won't be able to because you won't have your shoes on.
He says "Thanks OK, I won't want to play outside" I then said "OK I
guess you don't have a need to wear them" and proceeded to get up and
get my coat on. He then said "Well I guess maybe I should wear them
just incase" :) Wow letting him make that decision instead of
getting in a heated debate what GREAT! Did I do this the right way?-=-

Last things first: There is no one single "right way."

Could you do better next time?

Does Nana's house have stickers in the yard, or broken glass, or dog
poo?
Why couldn't he play outside there without shoes?

If there's a real reason, maybe it should've been mentioned.
If there's not a real reason, maybe you could re-think it.

Letting him make the decision about shoes is a good one.
I think I would've said, "Well let's take them in the car just in
case you change your mind."

Same if a kid doesn't want to take a coat or a hat, if I know it's
going to be cold or get cold. I don't argue with them, and I don't
say "FINE, then don't take one and I hope you get cold," I just say
"Let's take it just in case."

Sandra




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Estella Schmelter

Yes...Thanks for the suggestions on the coat and shoe
thing. From now on I'll just say that :)

The only reason I said that about Nanas house is that
it is only about 40 degrees here and really don't
think it is a good idea that he plays outside without
shoes since it is so cold. During the summer...He
never wears shoes which is probably he still wants to
do it now even though it is cold.

Thanks,
Estella

--- Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:

> -=-Today in the car Hunter asked me "Mom can I have
> a
> peice of gum please?" (which in most cases I always
> say no because of
> them throwing it on the floor or sticking it to
> something in the back
> of the van. But since I'm trying to say No less and
> Yes more...I
> gave them some. Then once we got to my Mom I noticed
> that there was
> gum stuck to the arm rest....so if I give them the
> gum should I still
> not give a warning of "I don't want to find it stuck
> anywhere" or
> should I just see what happens and when it does then
> address it?-=-
>
> Did he have the wrapper? If you gave it to him
> without the paper,
> and he couldn't reach kleenex, maybe he didn't have
> any idea what to
> do with it. Maybe next time make sure he has a
> kleenex or paper
> napkin to put it in when he's done, without making a
> big deal out of
> the last time. Our goal as parents is to help them
> with future
> times, not review past times to death.
>
> -=-I've been trying to listen to their needs more
> (just in the last
> week) I've noticed a BIG difference in him. He has
> only had 1 or 2
> big break downs which I was able to help him though
> by knowing what
> was upsetting him. -=-
>
> Very cool. Thanks for letting us know that.
>
> -=-so I said OK but what happens if you decide you
> want to go outside at
> Nanas? You won't be able to because you won't have
> your shoes on.
> He says "Thanks OK, I won't want to play outside" I
> then said "OK I
> guess you don't have a need to wear them" and
> proceeded to get up and
> get my coat on. He then said "Well I guess maybe I
> should wear them
> just incase" :) Wow letting him make that decision
> instead of
> getting in a heated debate what GREAT! Did I do this
> the right way?-=-
>
> Last things first: There is no one single "right
> way."
>
> Could you do better next time?
>
> Does Nana's house have stickers in the yard, or
> broken glass, or dog
> poo?
> Why couldn't he play outside there without shoes?
>
> If there's a real reason, maybe it should've been
> mentioned.
> If there's not a real reason, maybe you could
> re-think it.
>
> Letting him make the decision about shoes is a good
> one.
> I think I would've said, "Well let's take them in
> the car just in
> case you change your mind."
>
> Same if a kid doesn't want to take a coat or a hat,
> if I know it's
> going to be cold or get cold. I don't argue with
> them, and I don't
> say "FINE, then don't take one and I hope you get
> cold," I just say
> "Let's take it just in case."
>
> Sandra
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been
> removed]
>
>


Work At Home United!!

Estella Schmelter
Senior Director
Mom to Junior,Hunter & Baby Jalynn
Phone: 517-748-9344
Your Life, Your Dreams,
Your Business....Find Out Today!!
www.WorkAtHomeUnitedSuccess.com


















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Sandra Dodd

-=-The only reason I said that about Nanas house is that
it is only about 40 degrees here and really don't
think it is a good idea that he plays outside without
shoes since it is so cold.-=-

That's different from "can't."

While it can be irritating to paraphrase other people, it can be a
great thinking tool to paraphrase ourselves.

Marty asked me, when he was little, "When people count to infinity,
is that illegal?"
Someone said "You can't count to infinity," and he was thinking about
that.
If someone tells a child "You can't go barefooted when it's 40
degrees," he's going to think about that, but it might not be the
best thoughts. If he goes outside and is cold, then he'll want to
wear shoes for real-world shoe-reasons, not because he "has to" or
because mom thinks it's a good idea.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Estella Schmelter

So then I should have just said OK and took his shoes
and let him decide that he wanted to put the shoes on?

Estella

--- Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:

> -=-The only reason I said that about Nanas house is
> that
> it is only about 40 degrees here and really don't
> think it is a good idea that he plays outside
> without
> shoes since it is so cold.-=-
>
> That's different from "can't."
>
> While it can be irritating to paraphrase other
> people, it can be a
> great thinking tool to paraphrase ourselves.
>
> Marty asked me, when he was little, "When people
> count to infinity,
> is that illegal?"
> Someone said "You can't count to infinity," and he
> was thinking about
> that.
> If someone tells a child "You can't go barefooted
> when it's 40
> degrees," he's going to think about that, but it
> might not be the
> best thoughts. If he goes outside and is cold,
> then he'll want to
> wear shoes for real-world shoe-reasons, not because
> he "has to" or
> because mom thinks it's a good idea.
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been
> removed]
>
>


Work At Home United!!

Estella Schmelter
Senior Director
Mom to Junior,Hunter & Baby Jalynn
Phone: 517-748-9344
Your Life, Your Dreams,
Your Business....Find Out Today!!
www.WorkAtHomeUnitedSuccess.com


















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Sandra Dodd

-=-So then I should have just said OK and took his shoes
and let him decide that he wanted to put the shoes on?-=-

I can't say "should have."
You might consider something like that some other time and see how it
goes.

As you decide what you believe about all this, you can figure out
which principles you want to live by, and then the decisions will
come easily.

http://sandradodd.com/rules

There are some ideas there.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

wisdomalways5

Yes- exactly- I always do this for my girls take shoes, socks,
coats, mittens, boots just in case they need them

--- In [email protected], Estella Schmelter
<proudwahm@...> wrote:
>
> So then I should have just said OK and took his shoes
> and let him decide that he wanted to put the shoes on?
>
> Estella
>
> --- Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> > -=-The only reason I said that about Nanas house is
> > that
> > it is only about 40 degrees here and really don't
> > think it is a good idea that he plays outside
> > without
> > shoes since it is so cold.-=-
> >
> > That's different from "can't."
> >
> > While it can be irritating to paraphrase other
> > people, it can be a
> > great thinking tool to paraphrase ourselves.
> >
> > Marty asked me, when he was little, "When people
> > count to infinity,
> > is that illegal?"
> > Someone said "You can't count to infinity," and he
> > was thinking about
> > that.
> > If someone tells a child "You can't go barefooted
> > when it's 40
> > degrees," he's going to think about that, but it
> > might not be the
> > best thoughts. If he goes outside and is cold,
> > then he'll want to
> > wear shoes for real-world shoe-reasons, not because
> > he "has to" or
> > because mom thinks it's a good idea.
> >
> > Sandra
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been
> > removed]
> >
> >
>
>
> Work At Home United!!
>
> Estella Schmelter
> Senior Director
> Mom to Junior,Hunter & Baby Jalynn
> Phone: 517-748-9344
> Your Life, Your Dreams,
> Your Business....Find Out Today!!
> www.WorkAtHomeUnitedSuccess.com
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> __________________________________________________
> Do You Yahoo!?
> Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
> http://mail.yahoo.com
>

Joylyn

One day I picked up my near teen from home to go to park day. She knew
that we had three or four things to do after park day, and was supposed
to have prepared for those things. So, we get to park day and she says
"mom, I forgot my shoes." Well, you can't go into a hospital, store,
etc without shoes. Well, we borrowed a pair froma friend who had an
extra in the car, but this sorta thing happens often. Shoes are not a
priority.

Once my kids got old enough, it wasn't really my job to remind them
about shoes, jackets, etc.

Of course, the one time that made me really mad was when I gave the
girls a packing list for the mountains, in fall, and on the way there my
9 year old says "oh, mom, I forgot to pack a jacket. I hate walmart but
it was the only t hing open.

Of course, I've forgotten things too, so I couldn't be too mad.

Joylyn

Estella Schmelter wrote:

> So then I should have just said OK and took his shoes
> and let him decide that he wanted to put the shoes on?
>
> Estella
>
> --- Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...
> <mailto:Sandra%40SandraDodd.com>> wrote:
>
> > -=-The only reason I said that about Nanas house is
> > that
> > it is only about 40 degrees here and really don't
> > think it is a good idea that he plays outside
> > without
> > shoes since it is so cold.-=-
> >
> > That's different from "can't."
> >
> > While it can be irritating to paraphrase other
> > people, it can be a
> > great thinking tool to paraphrase ourselves.
> >
> > Marty asked me, when he was little, "When people
> > count to infinity,
> > is that illegal?"
> > Someone said "You can't count to infinity," and he
> > was thinking about
> > that.
> > If someone tells a child "You can't go barefooted
> > when it's 40
> > degrees," he's going to think about that, but it
> > might not be the
> > best thoughts. If he goes outside and is cold,
> > then he'll want to
> > wear shoes for real-world shoe-reasons, not because
> > he "has to" or
> > because mom thinks it's a good idea.
> >
> > Sandra
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been
> > removed]
> >
> >
>
> Work At Home United!!
>
> Estella Schmelter
> Senior Director
> Mom to Junior,Hunter & Baby Jalynn
> Phone: 517-748-9344
> Your Life, Your Dreams,
> Your Business....Find Out Today!!
> www.WorkAtHomeUnitedSuccess.com
>
>
> __________________________________________________
> Do You Yahoo!?
> Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
> http://mail.yahoo.com <http://mail.yahoo.com>
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>------------------------------------------------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-Once my kids got old enough, it wasn't really my job to remind
them about shoes, jackets, etc. -=-

I still remind my husband. I still help my kids get ready for trips
even though they've started paying for their own plane tickets. They
all help me too. I think it's nicer to help than to say it's their
job. I remind friends who are going on trips of things they might've
forgotten, and remind them to take extra car keys and tell them if I
know something particular about the weather or something they might
need for where they're going.

The kids will say "Mom will you checklist me?" and that involves
going through all the parts of the trip and naming what I think
they'll need, and they'll be saying "got it, have it..." after
they've packed. Holly has asked me the last few times I went
somewhere "Do you have the notes for your talk? Do you have extra
batteries?" and stuff.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Heather

My dd and I recently went somewhere & she forgot her shoes. I had
reminded her to get her shoes, but didn't check to make sure she had
them once we were in the car. She was upset when she realized she
didn't have shoes and said she wouldn't be able to go to ____
(wherever it was we were going, I don't remember). Anyway, I finally
realized that she could wear MY shoes & I went barefoot instead LOL.
She's 9 and we wear almost the same shoe size. Shoes are not a
priority for her either. She used to just not wear shoes - even in
the HOT summers here in Tucson. She's gone barefoot in the snow as
well. We all shivered just watching her LOL.

heather

purple_flygirl

-Just wondering- shouldn't we be teaching them to do these things for
themselves? If we are trying to teach them to make choices for
themselves, and then we "take the supplies just in case they change
their minds" aren't we telling them subconsciously that we are second
guessing their decisions? Just a thought.



-- In [email protected], "wisdomalways5" <wisdom1133@...>
wrote:
>
> Yes- exactly- I always do this for my girls take shoes, socks,
> coats, mittens, boots just in case they need them
>
> --- In [email protected], Estella Schmelter
> <proudwahm@> wrote:
> >
> > So then I should have just said OK and took his shoes
> > and let him decide that he wanted to put the shoes on?
> >
> > Estella
> >
> > --- Sandra Dodd <Sandra@> wrote:
> >
> > > -=-The only reason I said that about Nanas house is
> > > that
> > > it is only about 40 degrees here and really don't
> > > think it is a good idea that he plays outside
> > > without
> > > shoes since it is so cold.-=-
> > >
> > > That's different from "can't."
> > >
> > > While it can be irritating to paraphrase other
> > > people, it can be a
> > > great thinking tool to paraphrase ourselves.
> > >
> > > Marty asked me, when he was little, "When people
> > > count to infinity,
> > > is that illegal?"
> > > Someone said "You can't count to infinity," and he
> > > was thinking about
> > > that.
> > > If someone tells a child "You can't go barefooted
> > > when it's 40
> > > degrees," he's going to think about that, but it
> > > might not be the
> > > best thoughts. If he goes outside and is cold,
> > > then he'll want to
> > > wear shoes for real-world shoe-reasons, not because
> > > he "has to" or
> > > because mom thinks it's a good idea.
> > >
> > > Sandra
> > >
> > > [Non-text portions of this message have been
> > > removed]
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
> > Work At Home United!!
> >
> > Estella Schmelter
> > Senior Director
> > Mom to Junior,Hunter & Baby Jalynn
> > Phone: 517-748-9344
> > Your Life, Your Dreams,
> > Your Business....Find Out Today!!
> > www.WorkAtHomeUnitedSuccess.com
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > __________________________________________________
> > Do You Yahoo!?
> > Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
> > http://mail.yahoo.com
> >
>

Joyce Fetteroll

On Nov 10, 2007, at 3:37 AM, purple_flygirl wrote:

> shouldn't we be teaching them to do these things for
> themselves?

Shouldn't we be teaching them math and how to read and how to write?

Why is planning ahead for a visit such a different skill from math
that it needs taught?

> If we are trying to teach them to make choices for
> themselves,

We aren't trying to teach them to make choices. That sounds like a
quibble about word choice but it's profound when trying to clarify
your thoughts about unschooling.

If you put "making choices" in the same box as "school math" it's
hard to see how kids will learn by living life.

We are supporting their exploration of the world. In the process they
learn all sorts of things, including various strategies in making
choices. (We can be there to supply some ideas when they get stuck.)

> and then we "take the supplies just in case they change
> their minds" aren't we telling them subconsciously that we are second
> guessing their decisions? Just a thought.

Only if it's intended that way. If you're taking a jacket while
thinking "You're wrong. I'll show you you're wrong because you're
going to need this jacket and I'll have been the superior one who
knew to bring it."

When we are their partners, we aren't in competition with each other
over who made the better decision. We're just helping each other out.
And they'll do the same for us.

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=--Just wondering- shouldn't we be teaching them to do these things for
themselves? If we are trying to teach them to make choices for
themselves, and then we "take the supplies just in case they change
their minds" aren't we telling them subconsciously that we are second
guessing their decisions? Just a thought.-=-

"Teaching" isn't the cornerstone of unschooling.

Helping them learn how to make good choices is a better direction to go.

What's wrong with second guessing? Decision-making doesn't mean
"final answer" decision making. It means learning to use good
judgment for real reasons.

Leaving the shoes or coats behind is punitive. If a mom knows it's
cold and a child is newer to the world, leaving the coat behind is a
"serves you right" situation. It's not 1930. Let's leave "serves
you right" in the past.

I'm not "trying to teach" my children to make choices for themselves,
nor have I been making their choices for them. Since they were
little I've been letting them make choices, sometimes from a limited
set of options for one reason or another, but not for arbitrary
reasons. And I'll advice and coach, and provide backup options.

When I buy a car, I will choose from a limited set of options. When
I eat breakfast, I will choose from what's in the house or what I'm
willing to walk to the store and buy. When I got dressed, I chose
from a limited set of options. No one "taught me" to do that. It's
a function of availability and practicality. I'm not wearing
cowgirl boots and a tutu, but when holly was little she might've. I
would've carried a coat and some other shoes for her if we were going
out, depending on the destination and the weather.

The purpose of a coat is not training. It's warmth.
The purpose of shoes isn't training. They're for warmth, safety,
sanitation, ease of dancing, noise of clogging/tapping, fashion
(depending on the situation and the shoes).
The purpose of moms is to provide comfort and safety to children.

For reading about learning vs. teaching http://sandradodd.com/wordswords
For principles over rules http://sandradodd.com/rules

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-And I'll advice and coach, and provide backup options.
-=-

Advise. Typo. Sorry.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Estella Schmelter

Great! Thanks for your Help :)

Estella

Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
-=-So then I should have just said OK and took his shoes
and let him decide that he wanted to put the shoes on?-=-

I can't say "should have."
You might consider something like that some other time and see how it
goes.

As you decide what you believe about all this, you can figure out
which principles you want to live by, and then the decisions will
come easily.

http://sandradodd.com/rules

There are some ideas there.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]






Work At Home United!!

Estella Schmelter
Senior Director
Mom to Junior,Hunter & Baby Jalynn
Phone: 517-748-9344
Your Life, Your Dreams,
Your Business....Find Out Today!!
www.WorkAtHomeUnitedSuccess.com

















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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Robyn L. Coburn

<<<<<.so if I give them the gum should I still
> not give a warning of "I don't want to find it stuck anywhere" or
> should I just see what happens and when it does then address it? >>>>

Rather than thinking of it in terms of a warning which is inherently
adversarial, I would offer some help.

"When you have finished you can give your gum to me to throw away".

Jayn used to drop the little wrappers off juice box straws on the floor at
home. I started asking her to give them to me instead, so that I didn't have
to bend. Sometimes I would find them on the table - still better than
bending. Over time she hands them to me less often, and puts them in one of
the appropriate trash places that are around more often. It has been a long
time since I found one on the floor.

<<<<<> I was so proud this morning....I gave him is clothes so he could get
> dressed in which he did and then I said for him to get his shoes and
> socks on. He told me he didn't want to wear any shoes (which
> normally I would of said...You don't have a choice go get them on),
> so I said OK but what happens if you decide you want to go outside at
> Nanas? You won't be able to because you won't have your shoes on.
> He says "Thanks OK, I won't want to play outside" I then said "OK I
> guess you don't have a need to wear them" and proceeded to get up and
> get my coat on. >>>>

Just bring along the shoes if it really is essential that he wears them
outside at Granny's instead of putting him in the position of having to
choose between two unpleasant in the moment options. This is exactly the
same as me bringing along a sweater if I know it is likely to be cold and
Jayn really didn't want to carry one. It is my chance to be her hero.

BTW Jayn chooses her own clothes, including if she prefers to stay in pj's
all day.

<<<<< Wow letting him make that decision instead of
> getting in a heated debate what GREAT! >>>>

Getting him to make the decision that you wanted him to make, you mean.

"Choosing your option after a veiled threat" and "getting into a debate" are
not the only paths.


Robyn L. Coburn

wisdomalways5

Its a whole mindset thing- are you saying that NOBODY should ever
remind you or suggest you might need something? And you in turn
should have the choice to say yes or no?

The difference is kids do not "get" that just because it is warm and
cozy IN the house that it might be freezing OUT side the house. They
do not get it because they do not have the experience knowing that
it is so.

I will send my 4.5 and 3 yr old out to the balcony to see if they
THINK they need jackets- If I think they may want them as soon as we
get down the stairs I take them with me-- the funny thing is the
more I help them the more they now will prepare on their own.

Not taking a jacket and deciding it is COLD should not turn into a
punishment because the child did not take their jacket and now must
suffer- how many men lovingly turn over their jackets to silly
females who think a jacket will look silly over a nice outfit. Men
do that out of love because they care about you. How would you feel
if someone said "well you must freeze because you did not bring your
coat" -- why should we tell a child that--

you are helping them to live life not teaching them anything



--- In [email protected], "purple_flygirl"
<purple_flygirl@...> wrote:
>
> -Just wondering- shouldn't we be teaching them to do these things
for
> themselves? If we are trying to teach them to make choices for
> themselves, and then we "take the supplies just in case they change
> their minds" aren't we telling them subconsciously that we are
second
> guessing their decisions? Just a thought.
>
>
>
> -- In [email protected], "wisdomalways5" <wisdom1133@>
> wrote:
> >
> > Yes- exactly- I always do this for my girls take shoes, socks,
> > coats, mittens, boots just in case they need them
> >
> > --- In [email protected], Estella Schmelter
> > <proudwahm@> wrote:
> > >
> > > So then I should have just said OK and took his shoes
> > > and let him decide that he wanted to put the shoes on?
> > >
> > > Estella
> > >
> > > --- Sandra Dodd <Sandra@> wrote:
> > >
> > > > -=-The only reason I said that about Nanas house is
> > > > that
> > > > it is only about 40 degrees here and really don't
> > > > think it is a good idea that he plays outside
> > > > without
> > > > shoes since it is so cold.-=-
> > > >
> > > > That's different from "can't."
> > > >
> > > > While it can be irritating to paraphrase other
> > > > people, it can be a
> > > > great thinking tool to paraphrase ourselves.
> > > >
> > > > Marty asked me, when he was little, "When people
> > > > count to infinity,
> > > > is that illegal?"
> > > > Someone said "You can't count to infinity," and he
> > > > was thinking about
> > > > that.
> > > > If someone tells a child "You can't go barefooted
> > > > when it's 40
> > > > degrees," he's going to think about that, but it
> > > > might not be the
> > > > best thoughts. If he goes outside and is cold,
> > > > then he'll want to
> > > > wear shoes for real-world shoe-reasons, not because
> > > > he "has to" or
> > > > because mom thinks it's a good idea.
> > > >
> > > > Sandra
> > > >
> > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been
> > > > removed]
> > > >
> > > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Work At Home United!!
> > >
> > > Estella Schmelter
> > > Senior Director
> > > Mom to Junior,Hunter & Baby Jalynn
> > > Phone: 517-748-9344
> > > Your Life, Your Dreams,
> > > Your Business....Find Out Today!!
> > > www.WorkAtHomeUnitedSuccess.com
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > __________________________________________________
> > > Do You Yahoo!?
> > > Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection
around
> > > http://mail.yahoo.com
> > >
> >
>

jenstarc4

>
> Same if a kid doesn't want to take a coat or a hat, if I know it's
> going to be cold or get cold. I don't argue with them, and I don't
> say "FINE, then don't take one and I hope you get cold," I just say
> "Let's take it just in case."
>
> Sandra
>

I still do this with my 13 yo daughter. There have been many times
when I just grabbed a jacket for her, and she's been really grateful
that I remembered her needs for comfort when she didn't.

I keep extra clothing and shoes in the car most of the time too, just
because kids don't always think about that kind of stuff. I've been
doing that for so long now, that my older daughter is starting to think
about that stuff too, not always, but sometimes. And sometimes she
remembers for her little sister and that's really cool too.

jenstarc4

> -Just wondering- shouldn't we be teaching them to do these things for
> themselves? If we are trying to teach them to make choices for
> themselves, and then we "take the supplies just in case they change
> their minds" aren't we telling them subconsciously that we are second
> guessing their decisions? Just a thought.
>

I think kids learn by following examples. No kid wants to be
uncomfortable. Even if they "learn their lesson" from being cold, it's
still a much better lesson to learn that mom takes care of their needs
by grabbing those shoes just in case, and that they can do that too
when they are old enough to think ahead that way.

The benefit is that one day, they will think about it all on their own
and grab an extra jacket, water bottle, pair of shoes, etc., for you
too, and you'll suddenly find yourself ready to go before you'd planned
because it's all done already by your thoughtful kids that have watched
you do it for years.

Robyn L. Coburn

<<<<<> I think kids learn by following examples. No kid wants to be
> uncomfortable. Even if they "learn their lesson" from being cold, it's
> still a much better lesson to learn that mom takes care of their needs
> >>>>

I think I told the story once before about a mom at a park day whose toddler
hadn't wanted to bring along her sweater after being told to, so the Mom
left it behind and said to me "That's how they learn." The little girl was
freezing, couldn't play and in the end the whole family had to leave early.

But what did the little girl learn? That she can't rely on Mom to protect or
help her - maybe that she should do as she is told, but you can imagine the
resentment in her heart at this mean lesson. "Mom was right, darn her."

What if Mom had secreted the sweater in her bag, and been able to pull it
out and hand it to the little girl. The little girl would still have learnt
that Mom sometimes has good suggestions about when it is cold, but she would
have had the memory of being loved and saved and warmed. "Gee Mom was right
and I love her".

Robyn L. Coburn

Bob Collier

LOL

You're exactly right. The lesson I wanted my children to learn when
they were toddlers was, you can have what you want and I'll help you
get it. I'd always bring the sweater anyway. "Better to have it and
not need it than to need it and not have it." How much does a sweater
weigh? Not much.

Bob



--- In [email protected], "Robyn L. Coburn"
<dezigna@...> wrote:
>
> <<<<<> I think kids learn by following examples. No kid wants to be
> > uncomfortable. Even if they "learn their lesson" from being
cold, it's
> > still a much better lesson to learn that mom takes care of their
needs
> > >>>>
>
> I think I told the story once before about a mom at a park day
whose toddler
> hadn't wanted to bring along her sweater after being told to, so
the Mom
> left it behind and said to me "That's how they learn." The little
girl was
> freezing, couldn't play and in the end the whole family had to
leave early.
>
> But what did the little girl learn? That she can't rely on Mom to
protect or
> help her - maybe that she should do as she is told, but you can
imagine the
> resentment in her heart at this mean lesson. "Mom was right, darn
her."
>
> What if Mom had secreted the sweater in her bag, and been able to
pull it
> out and hand it to the little girl. The little girl would still
have learnt
> that Mom sometimes has good suggestions about when it is cold, but
she would
> have had the memory of being loved and saved and warmed. "Gee Mom
was right
> and I love her".
>
> Robyn L. Coburn
>