how far do you go to keep a kids playmate?
halfshadow1
My son has an 8yo friend who comes over fridays to play. His mom and
me are not hanging out friends,she drops him off .We are friendly tho.
She also has a 3yo. that i have babysat for but the three of
them(Lukas,Steven and Matt)are just too much.Her husband just got out
of jail. He was in for a year,something with stealing a boat motor.
I met him and when he was in our house he asked to use the bathroom
and was in there an awlfully long time(no,he wasn't number twoing,lol)
I and my husband had a feeling he was snooping. He always seems to tag
along with his wife. This guy is a 6'6' duffus..not right if ya know
what i mean. Today Steven was over for a few hours when all of a
sudden i see Her car pull up. I figure she's picking Steven up. She
and her husband and MAtt come walking up. I was just sitting down to
eat. I asked her"oh,your picking him up early? She said no,she has to
use my computer to put something on her floppy. I said i was just
eating.she said that's okay(NO farking,oh sorry we'll come back)
NO<FARKING ASKING if she can use my computer!!! JUst all of them
walking in!! My house is too small for that crap and i had the 3 boys
to deal with plus her lurch husband standing here. Was she rude?? Why
couldn't she leave her husband home?? He could of stayed home with
little Matt. I am about to fire off an email telling her how i feel
but that will risk her son playing with mine.
What would you do??
me are not hanging out friends,she drops him off .We are friendly tho.
She also has a 3yo. that i have babysat for but the three of
them(Lukas,Steven and Matt)are just too much.Her husband just got out
of jail. He was in for a year,something with stealing a boat motor.
I met him and when he was in our house he asked to use the bathroom
and was in there an awlfully long time(no,he wasn't number twoing,lol)
I and my husband had a feeling he was snooping. He always seems to tag
along with his wife. This guy is a 6'6' duffus..not right if ya know
what i mean. Today Steven was over for a few hours when all of a
sudden i see Her car pull up. I figure she's picking Steven up. She
and her husband and MAtt come walking up. I was just sitting down to
eat. I asked her"oh,your picking him up early? She said no,she has to
use my computer to put something on her floppy. I said i was just
eating.she said that's okay(NO farking,oh sorry we'll come back)
NO<FARKING ASKING if she can use my computer!!! JUst all of them
walking in!! My house is too small for that crap and i had the 3 boys
to deal with plus her lurch husband standing here. Was she rude?? Why
couldn't she leave her husband home?? He could of stayed home with
little Matt. I am about to fire off an email telling her how i feel
but that will risk her son playing with mine.
What would you do??
Sandra Dodd
-=-Was she rude?? Why
couldn't she leave her husband home?? He could of stayed home with
little Matt. I am about to fire off an email telling her how i feel
but that will risk her son playing with mine.
What would you do??
-=-
I'd try to maintain the friendship opportunity for my child. If it's
about the kids and not about you, that makes it easier to decide.
Priorities.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
couldn't she leave her husband home?? He could of stayed home with
little Matt. I am about to fire off an email telling her how i feel
but that will risk her son playing with mine.
What would you do??
-=-
I'd try to maintain the friendship opportunity for my child. If it's
about the kids and not about you, that makes it easier to decide.
Priorities.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
olga o
***I am about to fire off an email telling her how i feel
but that will risk her son playing with mine.
What would you do??***
I would try to keep the friendship for my son but I wouldn't let this person
walk all over me either. I wouldn't be rude about it but I think you can
express the fact that you would appreciate it if she called or asked first
before she barged into your home. I know that my children would understand
if I explained to them what happened. Just like I would protect them from
that kind of boundary violation (or help them to protect themselves) I would
also protect myself. I would tell them beforehand how I felt and what I was
doing so it wouldn't come as a surprise if she reacted badly or kept her
child away. If they expressed real distress at the idea of me confronting
the other mom, I would at least explain to them that if the same situation
happened again, I would have to act differently and I would have to protect
myself and my own boundaries.
I think you teach your children something when you let people treat you
badly as well as when you stop people from treating them badly.
Just my thoughts.
olga*
--
877 4 LA LECHE
La Leche League's Breastfeeding Helpline - US
Breastfeeding Help 24 Hours a day
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
but that will risk her son playing with mine.
What would you do??***
I would try to keep the friendship for my son but I wouldn't let this person
walk all over me either. I wouldn't be rude about it but I think you can
express the fact that you would appreciate it if she called or asked first
before she barged into your home. I know that my children would understand
if I explained to them what happened. Just like I would protect them from
that kind of boundary violation (or help them to protect themselves) I would
also protect myself. I would tell them beforehand how I felt and what I was
doing so it wouldn't come as a surprise if she reacted badly or kept her
child away. If they expressed real distress at the idea of me confronting
the other mom, I would at least explain to them that if the same situation
happened again, I would have to act differently and I would have to protect
myself and my own boundaries.
I think you teach your children something when you let people treat you
badly as well as when you stop people from treating them badly.
Just my thoughts.
olga*
--
877 4 LA LECHE
La Leche League's Breastfeeding Helpline - US
Breastfeeding Help 24 Hours a day
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-I think you teach your children something when you let people
treat you
badly as well as when you stop people from treating them badly.-=-
I guess the difference might involve motive and communication.
If I "stand up for myself" at my child's expense, I'm not necessarily
teaching them a great thing. If my child has a friend and I don't
like the mom as much as they like the friend, then I find ways to get
them together without it involving parents, and not in unfriendly
ways, just different places and times and I try to make sure the
child can maintain that friendship.
It's traditional for parents to put their comfort ahead of their
childrens' and it's the easy way for the parents, maybe, but not so
fair to the children.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
treat you
badly as well as when you stop people from treating them badly.-=-
I guess the difference might involve motive and communication.
If I "stand up for myself" at my child's expense, I'm not necessarily
teaching them a great thing. If my child has a friend and I don't
like the mom as much as they like the friend, then I find ways to get
them together without it involving parents, and not in unfriendly
ways, just different places and times and I try to make sure the
child can maintain that friendship.
It's traditional for parents to put their comfort ahead of their
childrens' and it's the easy way for the parents, maybe, but not so
fair to the children.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
olga o
***If I "stand up for myself" at my child's expense, I'm not necessarily
teaching them a great thing. If my child has a friend and I don't
like the mom as much as they like the friend, then I find ways to get
them together without it involving parents, and not in unfriendly
ways, just different places and times and I try to make sure the
child can maintain that friendship.***
This is basically what I was thinking. I don't think I said stand up for
herself at her child's expense but, rather, in conjunction and partnership
with her child though I may not have expressed that fully.
All I meant was she doesn't have to put up with the way this woman seems to
be treating her and the rest of her family. I don't think she should
disregard her son's feelings (and if that is what it sounded like I was
saying, that is totally not what I meant), but I also don't agree with
letting that kind of treatment pass and I wouldn't let it happen again.
***If it's about the kids and not about you, that makes it easier to
decide.***
I think it can be about the kids and about you as well. In fact, I thought
that was the whole point.
I wouldn't make my child put up with rude intrusive behavior so that I could
see my friend and I would not put up with that kind of behavior so that my
child could have a friend. That being said, I didn't mean that "put up with
it or no friend" are the only two options. I would hope that her son can
have her friend and she doesn't have to take that kind of treatment.
olga*
--
877 4 LA LECHE
La Leche League's Breastfeeding Helpline - US
Breastfeeding Help 24 Hours a day
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
teaching them a great thing. If my child has a friend and I don't
like the mom as much as they like the friend, then I find ways to get
them together without it involving parents, and not in unfriendly
ways, just different places and times and I try to make sure the
child can maintain that friendship.***
This is basically what I was thinking. I don't think I said stand up for
herself at her child's expense but, rather, in conjunction and partnership
with her child though I may not have expressed that fully.
All I meant was she doesn't have to put up with the way this woman seems to
be treating her and the rest of her family. I don't think she should
disregard her son's feelings (and if that is what it sounded like I was
saying, that is totally not what I meant), but I also don't agree with
letting that kind of treatment pass and I wouldn't let it happen again.
***If it's about the kids and not about you, that makes it easier to
decide.***
I think it can be about the kids and about you as well. In fact, I thought
that was the whole point.
I wouldn't make my child put up with rude intrusive behavior so that I could
see my friend and I would not put up with that kind of behavior so that my
child could have a friend. That being said, I didn't mean that "put up with
it or no friend" are the only two options. I would hope that her son can
have her friend and she doesn't have to take that kind of treatment.
olga*
--
877 4 LA LECHE
La Leche League's Breastfeeding Helpline - US
Breastfeeding Help 24 Hours a day
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
halfshadow1
-Sandra and all, I did not fire off an email to her. I waited until
she called asking if we were still on for friday(the 9th) and i said
yes,but i want to talk to you first. She came in and told me she felt
bad,it's not like her to do that,she would never had done that ,her
husband was bugging her and gave her husband hell for pushing her to
com e over. anyway,he called and told me he was sorry. Communication!
Everything is fine.-- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd
<Sandra@...> wrote:
she called asking if we were still on for friday(the 9th) and i said
yes,but i want to talk to you first. She came in and told me she felt
bad,it's not like her to do that,she would never had done that ,her
husband was bugging her and gave her husband hell for pushing her to
com e over. anyway,he called and told me he was sorry. Communication!
Everything is fine.-- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd
<Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> -=-I think you teach your children something when you let people
> treat you
> badly as well as when you stop people from treating them badly.-=-
>
> I guess the difference might involve motive and communication.
>
> If I "stand up for myself" at my child's expense, I'm not necessarily
> teaching them a great thing. If my child has a friend and I don't
> like the mom as much as they like the friend, then I find ways to get
> them together without it involving parents, and not in unfriendly
> ways, just different places and times and I try to make sure the
> child can maintain that friendship.
>
> It's traditional for parents to put their comfort ahead of their
> childrens' and it's the easy way for the parents, maybe, but not so
> fair to the children.
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Sandra Dodd
-=- i said
yes,but i want to talk to you first. She came in and told me she felt
bad,it's not like her to do that,she would never had done that ,her
husband was bugging her-=-
Good!
Thanks for letting us know things are being resolved. I'm glad the
girls' friendship will survive a while more (maybe for life).
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
yes,but i want to talk to you first. She came in and told me she felt
bad,it's not like her to do that,she would never had done that ,her
husband was bugging her-=-
Good!
Thanks for letting us know things are being resolved. I'm glad the
girls' friendship will survive a while more (maybe for life).
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]