Are we doing them a disservice?
rn9302000
This is what my hubby said to me tonight. Usually he is onboard 100%
with the homeschooling,but he has his occasional doubts, like tonight,
i know why he said this.
there are about 3 families in our neighborhood with kids the same ages
or within a year of my dd, my dd used to play with these kids when
they were all little, before anyone went to school, now they all go to
school, my dd doesn't and they don't play with her as much. they were
all trick or treating together,.........my kids did not care, did not
notice who was walking with who, they were just happy to be trick or
treating. they have their friends they play with all the time , just
not the same ones here in the neighborhood anymore.
so i think hubby saw them ( the other kids) all together, and our
kids were not part of that group............he won't admit this is why
he said it, but I know it is. There are other kids in the neighborhood
of the same age range that are not friends in that particular group
either. and it is kind of a clique and i hate it. I am glad they are
not part of it, because frankly the kids are snotty and rude,( toward
adults and other kids) they don't know how to socialize with other
kids not their exact same age. the ones that are 1 or 2 years older
than my dd will not even acknowledge my kids if they say hi. I have
said things to them in the past, but I don't like to point it out to
my kids too much, they don't seem to care or even notice even though I
do. They have their group of close friends, they just don't happen to
live in our neighborhood.
any thoughts on this? any good things I can say to hubby when he says
things like this? I tend to get defensive because I am so anti school.
I think my kids are thriving in this unschooling lifetyle. I told
hubby I think he is afraid and feels funny about being perceived as
"different". he has notions about what he thinks the kids "should be
doing", he thinks it is not a good thing that they do not have the
same kind of structure as schooled kids, he thinks we are doing them a
disservice by keeping them from being a "part of it all"........
any thoughts on this?
Diane
with the homeschooling,but he has his occasional doubts, like tonight,
i know why he said this.
there are about 3 families in our neighborhood with kids the same ages
or within a year of my dd, my dd used to play with these kids when
they were all little, before anyone went to school, now they all go to
school, my dd doesn't and they don't play with her as much. they were
all trick or treating together,.........my kids did not care, did not
notice who was walking with who, they were just happy to be trick or
treating. they have their friends they play with all the time , just
not the same ones here in the neighborhood anymore.
so i think hubby saw them ( the other kids) all together, and our
kids were not part of that group............he won't admit this is why
he said it, but I know it is. There are other kids in the neighborhood
of the same age range that are not friends in that particular group
either. and it is kind of a clique and i hate it. I am glad they are
not part of it, because frankly the kids are snotty and rude,( toward
adults and other kids) they don't know how to socialize with other
kids not their exact same age. the ones that are 1 or 2 years older
than my dd will not even acknowledge my kids if they say hi. I have
said things to them in the past, but I don't like to point it out to
my kids too much, they don't seem to care or even notice even though I
do. They have their group of close friends, they just don't happen to
live in our neighborhood.
any thoughts on this? any good things I can say to hubby when he says
things like this? I tend to get defensive because I am so anti school.
I think my kids are thriving in this unschooling lifetyle. I told
hubby I think he is afraid and feels funny about being perceived as
"different". he has notions about what he thinks the kids "should be
doing", he thinks it is not a good thing that they do not have the
same kind of structure as schooled kids, he thinks we are doing them a
disservice by keeping them from being a "part of it all"........
any thoughts on this?
Diane
emmy
I told
hubby I think he is afraid and feels funny about being perceived as
"different". he has notions about what he thinks the kids "should be
doing", he thinks it is not a good thing that they do not have the
same kind of structure as schooled kids, he thinks we are doing them a
disservice by keeping them from being a "part of it all"........
any thoughts on this?
i just replied to another post (OT-panic) but really this is the same issue just wrapped in a different appearance! so i'll post (below) what i wrote here again. although i've just gathered that from the info you posted its hard to know what exactly your dh maybe truly thinking....when the time is right you should discuss it with your dh again. anyways going from your thought........
right here is the source of your fear, you've allowed yourself to take your eyes off of your children and put them on others. you should never let other people define your children (or yourself). we are each so unique. comparing one to another is unhealthy and truly damages relationships. not everyone learns at the same pace nor in the same style. yes we can be similar in some areas but not in all. we are individuals, one of a kinds. if you allow the fear, it will overcome you. define your child by who they are and you achieve that by discovering that along beside them.
emmy
www.foundthings.etsy.com
www.cafepress.com/emmytofa
www.emmytofa.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
hubby I think he is afraid and feels funny about being perceived as
"different". he has notions about what he thinks the kids "should be
doing", he thinks it is not a good thing that they do not have the
same kind of structure as schooled kids, he thinks we are doing them a
disservice by keeping them from being a "part of it all"........
any thoughts on this?
i just replied to another post (OT-panic) but really this is the same issue just wrapped in a different appearance! so i'll post (below) what i wrote here again. although i've just gathered that from the info you posted its hard to know what exactly your dh maybe truly thinking....when the time is right you should discuss it with your dh again. anyways going from your thought........
right here is the source of your fear, you've allowed yourself to take your eyes off of your children and put them on others. you should never let other people define your children (or yourself). we are each so unique. comparing one to another is unhealthy and truly damages relationships. not everyone learns at the same pace nor in the same style. yes we can be similar in some areas but not in all. we are individuals, one of a kinds. if you allow the fear, it will overcome you. define your child by who they are and you achieve that by discovering that along beside them.
emmy
www.foundthings.etsy.com
www.cafepress.com/emmytofa
www.emmytofa.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
rn9302000
Emmy ,
When he said be a "part of it all", he explained himself. He said when
he was in school he had a large group of friends, he was always off
with his friends. He doesn't see our kids as having "a lot of friends"
like the big groups that was trick or treating together. He said he
just starts to think about it all sometimes and questions what we are
doing.
Our kids are 7 and 4. We have a group of about 10 families we
socialize with . the kids have friends, we do have to make plans and
effort to get together with these friends, because they don't live
here in our neighborhood, so the kids don't have anyone they can just
run outside and play with. Last summer they did occasionally play
with some of the neighborhood kids, but as soon as school starts it
changes.
Diane
When he said be a "part of it all", he explained himself. He said when
he was in school he had a large group of friends, he was always off
with his friends. He doesn't see our kids as having "a lot of friends"
like the big groups that was trick or treating together. He said he
just starts to think about it all sometimes and questions what we are
doing.
Our kids are 7 and 4. We have a group of about 10 families we
socialize with . the kids have friends, we do have to make plans and
effort to get together with these friends, because they don't live
here in our neighborhood, so the kids don't have anyone they can just
run outside and play with. Last summer they did occasionally play
with some of the neighborhood kids, but as soon as school starts it
changes.
Diane
--- In [email protected], "emmy" <foundthings@...> wrote:
>
> I told
> hubby I think he is afraid and feels funny about being perceived as
> "different". he has notions about what he thinks the kids "should be
> doing", he thinks it is not a good thing that they do not have the
> same kind of structure as schooled kids, he thinks we are doing them a
> disservice by keeping them from being a "part of it all"........
> any thoughts on this?
>
>
> i just replied to another post (OT-panic) but really this is the
same issue just wrapped in a different appearance! so i'll post
(below) what i wrote here again. although i've just gathered that from
the info you posted its hard to know what exactly your dh maybe truly
thinking....when the time is right you should discuss it with your dh
again. anyways going from your thought........
>
>
> right here is the source of your fear, you've allowed yourself to
take your eyes off of your children and put them on others. you should
never let other people define your children (or yourself). we are each
so unique. comparing one to another is unhealthy and truly damages
relationships. not everyone learns at the same pace nor in the same
style. yes we can be similar in some areas but not in all. we are
individuals, one of a kinds. if you allow the fear, it will overcome
you. define your child by who they are and you achieve that by
discovering that along beside them.
>
>
>
> emmy
>
> www.foundthings.etsy.com
> www.cafepress.com/emmytofa
> www.emmytofa.com
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Pamela Sorooshian
Sounds like he is concerned about the kids missing out on some of the
better aspects of his own childhood. He probably really enjoyed that
sense of being part of the big group of friends, and he wants his
kids to enjoy it too. I have something like that, too, which I
sometimes regret my own kids never got. I remember getting up on
Saturday morning, packing a lunch, and going off on my bike - riding
for an hour or two all over the place. Then I'd stop in a nice place
and eat my lunch, then ride some more. I liked to ride at the
different schools - elementary, jr. high, and high school, as well as
in the open dirt fields. Sometimes another kid and I would hook up
and ride together a while, or get started playing something together,
but a lot of the time it was just me, by myself. I LOVED the freedom
of it - I appreciated it even then.
The thing is, they aren't us. Even if they went to school, what was
important to us may very likely not be important to them. Given a
long Saturday with no scheduled activities, none of my kids would
have chosen to go off, on their own, on a bicycle, just wandering and
playing pretend games all alone. One of my most treasured memories is
just totally unappealing to them.
That urge to be part of a big group of friends is interesting. It
might help your husband to consider that your kids are not needy of
being part of a big group to feel accepted. They are more okay with
themselves than he probably was and probably will be more particular
about who they spend their time with. And, they'll be way more likely
to consider their own siblings (and parents) as worthy of hanging out
with.
-pam
better aspects of his own childhood. He probably really enjoyed that
sense of being part of the big group of friends, and he wants his
kids to enjoy it too. I have something like that, too, which I
sometimes regret my own kids never got. I remember getting up on
Saturday morning, packing a lunch, and going off on my bike - riding
for an hour or two all over the place. Then I'd stop in a nice place
and eat my lunch, then ride some more. I liked to ride at the
different schools - elementary, jr. high, and high school, as well as
in the open dirt fields. Sometimes another kid and I would hook up
and ride together a while, or get started playing something together,
but a lot of the time it was just me, by myself. I LOVED the freedom
of it - I appreciated it even then.
The thing is, they aren't us. Even if they went to school, what was
important to us may very likely not be important to them. Given a
long Saturday with no scheduled activities, none of my kids would
have chosen to go off, on their own, on a bicycle, just wandering and
playing pretend games all alone. One of my most treasured memories is
just totally unappealing to them.
That urge to be part of a big group of friends is interesting. It
might help your husband to consider that your kids are not needy of
being part of a big group to feel accepted. They are more okay with
themselves than he probably was and probably will be more particular
about who they spend their time with. And, they'll be way more likely
to consider their own siblings (and parents) as worthy of hanging out
with.
-pam
On Nov 1, 2007, at 8:20 AM, rn9302000 wrote:
> When he said be a "part of it all", he explained himself. He said when
> he was in school he had a large group of friends, he was always off
> with his friends. He doesn't see our kids as having "a lot of friends"
> like the big groups that was trick or treating together. He said he
> just starts to think about it all sometimes and questions what we are
> doing.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
Pam wrote about good aspects of our own childhoods. I had written
this earlier today, with a friend (it's an IM, and he said he was
going to Silver City, where his wife's large family lives, this
weekend):
I'm going to Silver City this weekend for a dia de los muertos parade
do you have a camera?
Will you have relatives in the parade?
yes mam
to both
I really loved parades in Espanola. Lots of times I was in them, and
knew about 1/4 of the people on the street
Or I was watching and knew about 1/3 of the people in the parade.
Once when kirby was little i took him to the state fair parade.
We were sitting in the median around Central somewhere around
Wyoming, kind of a depressing place, and I was thinking how I knew
NOBODY in the parade, and then someone said "SANDRA!"
It was Oñate!
Well, it was my high school classmate and friend (he kissed me once
when I was about Holly's age) Arsenio Martinez, who was Oñate that
year, in costume on a horse with the rest of the Espanola parade
contingency.
I was SO GLAD he
1) saw me
2) recognized me
and 3) said something
=========================================
When I wrote that, I realized it's one of the things I think back to
fondly, about my childhood--marching band, floats, parades in a small
town... My kids can't have that, though. They also can't have
buying the Beatles' 45s as they come out new, which I had.
But my kids have other, different things. Marty is on his way to
Oregon, and Holly can take the car and decide where to go (which has
never been far) and come back when she wants (which has never been
late).
http://sandradodd.blogspot.com/2007/11/marty-has-left-town-again.html
Instead of spending time wishing they had my life (which makes *no
sense*), it has been better for me to look at the wonderful things
they have that I missed. Holly just got out of bed at 2:20 p.m.,
calm and happy. It's her last day of being fifteen. She was up late
with Marty (see the blog post after the one above about their costumes).
The desire to have our children experience what we did is probably a
totally natural instinct for passing on culture or teaching young
primates how to find safe places to sleep and how to find food. But
we should look at the instinct for what it is, and not let it hold
them back.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
this earlier today, with a friend (it's an IM, and he said he was
going to Silver City, where his wife's large family lives, this
weekend):
I'm going to Silver City this weekend for a dia de los muertos parade
do you have a camera?
Will you have relatives in the parade?
yes mam
to both
I really loved parades in Espanola. Lots of times I was in them, and
knew about 1/4 of the people on the street
Or I was watching and knew about 1/3 of the people in the parade.
Once when kirby was little i took him to the state fair parade.
We were sitting in the median around Central somewhere around
Wyoming, kind of a depressing place, and I was thinking how I knew
NOBODY in the parade, and then someone said "SANDRA!"
It was Oñate!
Well, it was my high school classmate and friend (he kissed me once
when I was about Holly's age) Arsenio Martinez, who was Oñate that
year, in costume on a horse with the rest of the Espanola parade
contingency.
I was SO GLAD he
1) saw me
2) recognized me
and 3) said something
=========================================
When I wrote that, I realized it's one of the things I think back to
fondly, about my childhood--marching band, floats, parades in a small
town... My kids can't have that, though. They also can't have
buying the Beatles' 45s as they come out new, which I had.
But my kids have other, different things. Marty is on his way to
Oregon, and Holly can take the car and decide where to go (which has
never been far) and come back when she wants (which has never been
late).
http://sandradodd.blogspot.com/2007/11/marty-has-left-town-again.html
Instead of spending time wishing they had my life (which makes *no
sense*), it has been better for me to look at the wonderful things
they have that I missed. Holly just got out of bed at 2:20 p.m.,
calm and happy. It's her last day of being fifteen. She was up late
with Marty (see the blog post after the one above about their costumes).
The desire to have our children experience what we did is probably a
totally natural instinct for passing on culture or teaching young
primates how to find safe places to sleep and how to find food. But
we should look at the instinct for what it is, and not let it hold
them back.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
rn9302000
Yes, I think he is thinking about things from his childhood, that he
feels the kids are missing out on. I do that too. I played a lot of
team sports, I was in the bandfront, competed in marching band
competitions.......these are all things my kids may or may not
experience. They can still be done while homeschooling, but they may
not want to. I also think about when I was a kid going out on my bike
with the neighbor kids all day, mom not seeing us til supper time, but
times are different, and kids don't do that anymore, they get
playdates scheduled, or they go to each others houses and play there,
There are never kids just out all day, and if they are , they are
right in front of their own homes.
So even if they went off to school with these neighbors, things may or
may not be different.
And the thing is, my kids are happy, they have no problems with who
plays with them and who doesn't . they have their own group of
friends, they are over here frequently, and we are at their houses
frequently.
I think it was just all nostalgia for hubby that night thinking about
his large group of friends.
and you hit the nail on the head sandra, they are not us.
Diane
feels the kids are missing out on. I do that too. I played a lot of
team sports, I was in the bandfront, competed in marching band
competitions.......these are all things my kids may or may not
experience. They can still be done while homeschooling, but they may
not want to. I also think about when I was a kid going out on my bike
with the neighbor kids all day, mom not seeing us til supper time, but
times are different, and kids don't do that anymore, they get
playdates scheduled, or they go to each others houses and play there,
There are never kids just out all day, and if they are , they are
right in front of their own homes.
So even if they went off to school with these neighbors, things may or
may not be different.
And the thing is, my kids are happy, they have no problems with who
plays with them and who doesn't . they have their own group of
friends, they are over here frequently, and we are at their houses
frequently.
I think it was just all nostalgia for hubby that night thinking about
his large group of friends.
and you hit the nail on the head sandra, they are not us.
Diane