A friend's concern about DD's education
Jenny Canfield
Hi everyone!
I don't think I've posted here before, so here goes.
I'm hoping someone can help me with the following situation. I am trying to
figure out how to explain what we are doing to my friend, A, who has
"concerns" about my 10 year old daughter, Karen. I've known A since she was
8 months pregnant with C. We attended the same LLL group and became LLL
Leaders together. Karen considers C to be her best friend from birth. Her
daughter has been in school all along, first Montessori preschool (where her
mom worried that she wasn't reading like some of the other 4-year-olds),
then on to all-day kindergarten at a private school. Karen has been
homeschooled the whole time, with attempts at a version of school-at-home
with K and 1st grade, transitioning into unschooling by the time she was 7
and I gave birth to my 3rd daughter. We attend the same small neighborhood
church where A is one of the Sunday school teachers.
Yesterday I was picking up my daughter from a slumber party with C. My
friend, A, hosted 3 kids, plus her own, and took them to church in the
morning. We chatted as I gathered up Karen's things and A says she has a
question about homeschooling. We had a short conversation that went like
this:
A: "Do you ever have Karen evaluated?"
Me: You mean do I test her?
A: Yes.
Me: No, I don't test her.
A: Oh, because I have some concerns
The conversation stopped there because the kids were in and out of the room.
The other mom was also there picking up her kids and I did not want to have
this conversation with the other mom there also. This other mom has asked me
several times how I know how Karen is doing if I don't test her.
I'm pretty sure I know what the concerns are. My daughter does not read as
fast as her daughter and cannot answer "pop quiz" type math questions. I
recently learned that my friend has "quizzed" Karen at past playdates at
their house.
Two weeks ago in Sunday school, when A was the teacher, Karen was asked to
read part of a peace prayer out loud. (This is a small church, by the way,
and this particular Sunday, there were only 3 kids in Sunday school.)
Karen's friend, C, is saying, oh I'll read it! This is fine with Karen, as
she'd rather not read. But A (C's mom) says, no let's give Karen a turn.
Well, Karen gets stuck on the first word (almighty) and a few more after
that. Her friend would supply the word quietly and really fast before Karen
could figure it out herself. Karen says that this really bugged and
embarrassed her, and that she almost had a few of them figured out when C
said the word for her. At some point, A quietly said C's name and she
stopped supplying the words. Then it was C's turn to read, and Karen says
she reads really fast, "like you mom."
When Karen told me about it, she showed me her copy of the prayer and the
words she got stuck on. We went over the whole thing; she likes the prayer.
She explained that she just had not seen some of the words before and did
not recognize them. I asked Karen, "How do you feel about your reading?" I
was wondering, since she said she was embarrassed, that maybe she thinks she
should be reading better. A couple of years ago, she used to state that
so-and-so could read better because they went to school. Her answer, "I'm
fine with it! I don't care how long it takes me to read faster. I just
want to be able to read in my own time [meaning her own pace] and without
someone telling me all the words."
I've been avoiding a big conversation with my friend. When we were newer
unschoolers, I was still figuring it out myself and did not feel confident
explaining it to others. Especially to someone who believes so strongly in
traditional education. Now I am more confident in our choices, but still I
hesitate to get into a debate. Not that I "have to" debate with her, but I
feel like the whole things needs to be addressed if we are going to continue
to support the friendship between the girls. I'd like for her to understand
that I am not neglecting my daughter's education, and to just drop the
"evaluations". I don't hope to convince her that this is a better way. My
husband is worried that she would become so "concerned" that she would
contact social services or something, thinking she was doing the right
thing. I don't think that is likely, but still, the thought is there.
I appreciate any input anyone might have.
Jenny Canfield
in So Cal
Mom to Karen, 10.5; Linda 6.5; and Melissa, 3.5.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I don't think I've posted here before, so here goes.
I'm hoping someone can help me with the following situation. I am trying to
figure out how to explain what we are doing to my friend, A, who has
"concerns" about my 10 year old daughter, Karen. I've known A since she was
8 months pregnant with C. We attended the same LLL group and became LLL
Leaders together. Karen considers C to be her best friend from birth. Her
daughter has been in school all along, first Montessori preschool (where her
mom worried that she wasn't reading like some of the other 4-year-olds),
then on to all-day kindergarten at a private school. Karen has been
homeschooled the whole time, with attempts at a version of school-at-home
with K and 1st grade, transitioning into unschooling by the time she was 7
and I gave birth to my 3rd daughter. We attend the same small neighborhood
church where A is one of the Sunday school teachers.
Yesterday I was picking up my daughter from a slumber party with C. My
friend, A, hosted 3 kids, plus her own, and took them to church in the
morning. We chatted as I gathered up Karen's things and A says she has a
question about homeschooling. We had a short conversation that went like
this:
A: "Do you ever have Karen evaluated?"
Me: You mean do I test her?
A: Yes.
Me: No, I don't test her.
A: Oh, because I have some concerns
The conversation stopped there because the kids were in and out of the room.
The other mom was also there picking up her kids and I did not want to have
this conversation with the other mom there also. This other mom has asked me
several times how I know how Karen is doing if I don't test her.
I'm pretty sure I know what the concerns are. My daughter does not read as
fast as her daughter and cannot answer "pop quiz" type math questions. I
recently learned that my friend has "quizzed" Karen at past playdates at
their house.
Two weeks ago in Sunday school, when A was the teacher, Karen was asked to
read part of a peace prayer out loud. (This is a small church, by the way,
and this particular Sunday, there were only 3 kids in Sunday school.)
Karen's friend, C, is saying, oh I'll read it! This is fine with Karen, as
she'd rather not read. But A (C's mom) says, no let's give Karen a turn.
Well, Karen gets stuck on the first word (almighty) and a few more after
that. Her friend would supply the word quietly and really fast before Karen
could figure it out herself. Karen says that this really bugged and
embarrassed her, and that she almost had a few of them figured out when C
said the word for her. At some point, A quietly said C's name and she
stopped supplying the words. Then it was C's turn to read, and Karen says
she reads really fast, "like you mom."
When Karen told me about it, she showed me her copy of the prayer and the
words she got stuck on. We went over the whole thing; she likes the prayer.
She explained that she just had not seen some of the words before and did
not recognize them. I asked Karen, "How do you feel about your reading?" I
was wondering, since she said she was embarrassed, that maybe she thinks she
should be reading better. A couple of years ago, she used to state that
so-and-so could read better because they went to school. Her answer, "I'm
fine with it! I don't care how long it takes me to read faster. I just
want to be able to read in my own time [meaning her own pace] and without
someone telling me all the words."
I've been avoiding a big conversation with my friend. When we were newer
unschoolers, I was still figuring it out myself and did not feel confident
explaining it to others. Especially to someone who believes so strongly in
traditional education. Now I am more confident in our choices, but still I
hesitate to get into a debate. Not that I "have to" debate with her, but I
feel like the whole things needs to be addressed if we are going to continue
to support the friendship between the girls. I'd like for her to understand
that I am not neglecting my daughter's education, and to just drop the
"evaluations". I don't hope to convince her that this is a better way. My
husband is worried that she would become so "concerned" that she would
contact social services or something, thinking she was doing the right
thing. I don't think that is likely, but still, the thought is there.
I appreciate any input anyone might have.
Jenny Canfield
in So Cal
Mom to Karen, 10.5; Linda 6.5; and Melissa, 3.5.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-I've been avoiding a big conversation with my friend.-=-
You don't need to have a big conversation with her.
Give her some reading, and tell her that you'll be glad to discuss it
with her after she's read whatever book(s) or articles you provide her.
If she starts in right then, hold your hand up and say "I've read a
lot about it, and you haven't, but I'll be willing to discuss it
after you've done this reading and whatever other research you want
to do.
Here are some ideas:
http://unschooling.blogspot.com
That's a blog someone else started and I kinda inherited. It has
links to mainstream articles and research that might be of interest.
The second article that's on there right now has a link (the second
one) to a current article and the mom who set that up has put links
to all the books and resources. That whole thing might be too much
"required reading," but a couple or three of the books might not be.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
You don't need to have a big conversation with her.
Give her some reading, and tell her that you'll be glad to discuss it
with her after she's read whatever book(s) or articles you provide her.
If she starts in right then, hold your hand up and say "I've read a
lot about it, and you haven't, but I'll be willing to discuss it
after you've done this reading and whatever other research you want
to do.
Here are some ideas:
http://unschooling.blogspot.com
That's a blog someone else started and I kinda inherited. It has
links to mainstream articles and research that might be of interest.
The second article that's on there right now has a link (the second
one) to a current article and the mom who set that up has put links
to all the books and resources. That whole thing might be too much
"required reading," but a couple or three of the books might not be.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jenny Canfield
Thanks for this Sandra. I had seen the article before, but forgotten about
the long list of resources at the end.
-Jenny Canfield
_____
From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]
On Behalf Of Sandra Dodd
Sent: Monday, October 08, 2007 12:06 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] A friend's concern about DD's education
-=-I've been avoiding a big conversation with my friend.-=-
You don't need to have a big conversation with her.
Give her some reading, and tell her that you'll be glad to discuss it
with her after she's read whatever book(s) or articles you provide her.
If she starts in right then, hold your hand up and say "I've read a
lot about it, and you haven't, but I'll be willing to discuss it
after you've done this reading and whatever other research you want
to do.
Here are some ideas:
http://unschooling. <http://unschooling.blogspot.com> blogspot.com
That's a blog someone else started and I kinda inherited. It has
links to mainstream articles and research that might be of interest.
The second article that's on there right now has a link (the second
one) to a current article and the mom who set that up has put links
to all the books and resources. That whole thing might be too much
"required reading," but a couple or three of the books might not be.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
the long list of resources at the end.
-Jenny Canfield
_____
From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]
On Behalf Of Sandra Dodd
Sent: Monday, October 08, 2007 12:06 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] A friend's concern about DD's education
-=-I've been avoiding a big conversation with my friend.-=-
You don't need to have a big conversation with her.
Give her some reading, and tell her that you'll be glad to discuss it
with her after she's read whatever book(s) or articles you provide her.
If she starts in right then, hold your hand up and say "I've read a
lot about it, and you haven't, but I'll be willing to discuss it
after you've done this reading and whatever other research you want
to do.
Here are some ideas:
http://unschooling. <http://unschooling.blogspot.com> blogspot.com
That's a blog someone else started and I kinda inherited. It has
links to mainstream articles and research that might be of interest.
The second article that's on there right now has a link (the second
one) to a current article and the mom who set that up has put links
to all the books and resources. That whole thing might be too much
"required reading," but a couple or three of the books might not be.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]