Sandra Dodd
This was sent to me from the moderator of another group, and it reminds me of a story I can share:
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I don't doubt for a moment that my friends feel as much love in their heart for their kids as I do for my kids. But as much joy in parenting them? As much trust in their relationship with them? As much connection with them? I don't know. Something tells me maybe not. I hear more complaints than joy, they express reluctance to do things with their kids, share stories about how much trouble their teenagers are, and make comments like "Gosh, I can't wait until school starts back next month!"
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Sorry about funky formatting; I'm on a friend's computer and I don't know how to fix it.
But what I wanted to say was that Holly and I are in Minnesota, where we came for a conference last weekend. Holly will be sixteen in a month. Kelli Traaseth, whose three children are younger but not lots younger, has wonderfully and generously hosted us and taken us to see some beautiful parts of Minnesota, and it's been a long busy week, with lots of talking and laughing and not enough sleep.
Last night I had packed up all my stuff and left one bag mostly empty, and I told Holly she could put her dirty clothes or anything she wanted to in there. I was in the bed reading, and after a bit she said "Thanks for making it so easy to pack my stuff."
After a while I had fallen asleep, but she might not have known it. She came up on the bed we were sharing and leaned over me and it woke me up and I thought she was going to say "You left your light on" or to ask me something, but she said "I'm glad I came with you. I've had a lot of fun."
Stories like that of fifteen-nearly-sixteen-year-old girls aren't so common in the culture at large, I don't think. And Holly missed two friends' birthdays, and is looking forward to going straight from the airport to a party Saturday night, so it's not like she would've been bored at home, but she's still glad to hang out with me and that's pretty wonderful. And she will spontaneously express it.
Very soon instead of saying "I have three kids who are 10, 13 and 15 (or whatever it was that day) I'll be saying "I have two kids at home who are 16 and 18." That sounds so old... And still we have fun together.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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I don't doubt for a moment that my friends feel as much love in their heart for their kids as I do for my kids. But as much joy in parenting them? As much trust in their relationship with them? As much connection with them? I don't know. Something tells me maybe not. I hear more complaints than joy, they express reluctance to do things with their kids, share stories about how much trouble their teenagers are, and make comments like "Gosh, I can't wait until school starts back next month!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Sorry about funky formatting; I'm on a friend's computer and I don't know how to fix it.
But what I wanted to say was that Holly and I are in Minnesota, where we came for a conference last weekend. Holly will be sixteen in a month. Kelli Traaseth, whose three children are younger but not lots younger, has wonderfully and generously hosted us and taken us to see some beautiful parts of Minnesota, and it's been a long busy week, with lots of talking and laughing and not enough sleep.
Last night I had packed up all my stuff and left one bag mostly empty, and I told Holly she could put her dirty clothes or anything she wanted to in there. I was in the bed reading, and after a bit she said "Thanks for making it so easy to pack my stuff."
After a while I had fallen asleep, but she might not have known it. She came up on the bed we were sharing and leaned over me and it woke me up and I thought she was going to say "You left your light on" or to ask me something, but she said "I'm glad I came with you. I've had a lot of fun."
Stories like that of fifteen-nearly-sixteen-year-old girls aren't so common in the culture at large, I don't think. And Holly missed two friends' birthdays, and is looking forward to going straight from the airport to a party Saturday night, so it's not like she would've been bored at home, but she's still glad to hang out with me and that's pretty wonderful. And she will spontaneously express it.
Very soon instead of saying "I have three kids who are 10, 13 and 15 (or whatever it was that day) I'll be saying "I have two kids at home who are 16 and 18." That sounds so old... And still we have fun together.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Cally Brown
> Stories like that of fifteen-nearly-sixteen-year-old girls aren't so common in the culture at large, I don't think. And Holly missed two friends' birthdays, and is looking forward to going straight from the airport to a party Saturday night, so it's not like she would've been bored at home, but she's still glad to hang out with me and that's pretty wonderful. And she will spontaneously express it.It's the 'little' things that show the really important differences
>
between our kids and those from the main stream, I think.
A couple of weeks ago dh, ds24 and partner, ds17 and I went for a walk
on the beach. Dh was busy exploring our new camera, and one of the
photos will always be a favourite of mine I think. It is from behind, of
me and my 17yo son walking down the beach together - public place, quite
a few people around, some may even have known him - he was talking to me
and put his arm around me and we walked down the beach arms round each
other for about ten minutes.
On Friday night, after a very miserable day, I was feeling terrible
about something that is happening to my oldest ds26. I picked my 17yo up
from work at 4.30. It was meant to be 4 but he was busy finishing a job,
so while I waited I talked to ds 20 who works at the same place. I was
still feeling terrible, and just needing to touch base with all my sons,
so drove to my husband's work and.... (still in my gardening clothes) we
drove 2 hours and got takeaway kebabs for dinner with my other son, 24,
who is away at university. Yeah, slightly crazy, I know, but still, I
felt a lot better for touching base! But while we were waiting for our
kebabs, ds 24 sat beside me talking, with his arm around me having a
cuddle. I noticed some strange looks from other people, but whether he
noticed I don't know - if he did, it didn't stop him.
I don't know about how it is in America, but here in New Zealand that is
certainly not the way 'normal' boys aged 17 -24 behave.
My 17yo, who had had a very long week having worked his first ever full
week at work (43 hours) and was very tired, but who misses his older
brother hugely, said several times, 'thank you so much for bringing me
to see Steve'.
I am so fortunate.
Cally