"dependence nurtures independence" (thank you Schuyler!!)
Sandra Dodd
Hey, list-people...
I just got something cool by e-mail from Schuyler and because I have
in-laws (four adults) upstairs asleep and Holly's going to babysit
today elsewhere, and I have to leave for a conference tomorrow, I
don't even have time to read the article twice, but I DID read it
once, and this could be the thing some people really, really need to
share with their own friend and relatives. It could be the "Shush-up/
back-off" talisman of our dreams.
==============================
dependence nurtures independence
I know you know this. I know it is known amongst unschoolers. But,
I thought you might be interested in a study that demonstrates that
supportive, nurturing relationships produce more independent and
confident partners.
http://www.postgazette.com/pg/07155/791406-51.stm
Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com

A researcher at Carnegie-Mellon University has shown that attachment
theory (which we all refer to as "attachment parenting") works with
married couples too. Things we've been discussing among unschoolers
for years has research now! How cool. Part of my purpose in
posting this here now is so I can find it again more easily when my
world finally settles from this upcoming conference and Kirby's move
to Austin (he's going to Sacramento with me; we get back Monday
afternoon; he leaves town Wednesday morning).
Those audio links might work from here, or you might need to go to
the article link, above. (I haven't listened to them yet).
The Thinkers: CMU prof shows benefits of emotional support
Monday, June 04, 2007
By Mark Roth, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
Brooke Feeney has discovered that the same thing that works for
crying babies also works for adult couples and for parents and their
teenage children.
Listen in
Carnegie Mellon relationship researcher Brooke Feeney says parents'
emotional support of children is more important than giving them things.
Ms. Feeney explains why people's behavioral patterns are hard to
change.
Ms. Feeney talks about why people who avoid emotional involvement
often pair with those who are anxious about relationships.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I just got something cool by e-mail from Schuyler and because I have
in-laws (four adults) upstairs asleep and Holly's going to babysit
today elsewhere, and I have to leave for a conference tomorrow, I
don't even have time to read the article twice, but I DID read it
once, and this could be the thing some people really, really need to
share with their own friend and relatives. It could be the "Shush-up/
back-off" talisman of our dreams.
==============================
dependence nurtures independence
I know you know this. I know it is known amongst unschoolers. But,
I thought you might be interested in a study that demonstrates that
supportive, nurturing relationships produce more independent and
confident partners.
http://www.postgazette.com/pg/07155/791406-51.stm
Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com

A researcher at Carnegie-Mellon University has shown that attachment
theory (which we all refer to as "attachment parenting") works with
married couples too. Things we've been discussing among unschoolers
for years has research now! How cool. Part of my purpose in
posting this here now is so I can find it again more easily when my
world finally settles from this upcoming conference and Kirby's move
to Austin (he's going to Sacramento with me; we get back Monday
afternoon; he leaves town Wednesday morning).
Those audio links might work from here, or you might need to go to
the article link, above. (I haven't listened to them yet).
The Thinkers: CMU prof shows benefits of emotional support
Monday, June 04, 2007
By Mark Roth, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
Brooke Feeney has discovered that the same thing that works for
crying babies also works for adult couples and for parents and their
teenage children.
Listen in
Carnegie Mellon relationship researcher Brooke Feeney says parents'
emotional support of children is more important than giving them things.
Ms. Feeney explains why people's behavioral patterns are hard to
change.
Ms. Feeney talks about why people who avoid emotional involvement
often pair with those who are anxious about relationships.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
To give credit where credit is due, I found the article at
http://daretoknowblog.blogspot.com/ .
Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com
http://daretoknowblog.blogspot.com/ .
Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com
kacsshultz
I'm actually kind of surprised that there has been no formal research of this type before. It
will be interesting to see what comes of her research on newlyweds and other parts of the ilfe
cycle.
I am passing this link on to my local lists, thanks Schuyler!
Kelly
will be interesting to see what comes of her research on newlyweds and other parts of the ilfe
cycle.
I am passing this link on to my local lists, thanks Schuyler!
Kelly
--- In [email protected], "Schuyler" <s.waynforth@...> wrote:
>
> To give credit where credit is due, I found the article at
> http://daretoknowblog.blogspot.com/ .
>
> Schuyler
> www.waynforth.blogspot.com
>
Bob Collier
One way of looking at this is in terms of the concept of 'cognitive
dissonance'.
Cognitive dissonance is a psychological phenomenon first identified
by a Leon Festinger in the 1950s. It's a deep sense of discomfort
that occurs when what we believe to be true is challenged by
contradictory evidence.
A child raised in the experience of having his or her needs readily
and willingly met (even when that might be regarded by the majority
as excessive dependence) will perceive the satisfaction of their
needs to be 'normal'. When that child as an adult finds him or her
self in a situation where their needs are not being met, there will
be a cognitive dissonance between how things are and how they 'should
be'. This person will consequently be SELF-motivated from an
unconscious level to return their conditions to 'normal' and will
apply themselves to changing the situation accordingly.
A child raised in the experience of having his or her needs denied
will perceive unsatisfied needs to be 'normal'. When the child as an
adult finds him or her self in a situation where their needs are not
being met, there will be NO cognitive dissonance between how things
are and how they 'should be'. This person will consequently NOT be
motivated to return their conditions to 'normal' - because they
already ARE 'normal'. It's 'just the way things are'.
So, strange as it may seem to those who confuse parenting with child
management, the more you give children what they want, the more
capable they become at getting what they want in the world at large;
the less you give children what they want, the LESS capable they
become at getting what they want in the world at large.
But, as Deepak Chopra says, "The possibility of stepping into a
higher plane is quite real for everyone. It requires no force or
effort or sacrifice. It involves little more than changing our ideas
about what is normal."
Bob
--- In [email protected], "kacsshultz" <kashultz@...>
wrote:
dissonance'.
Cognitive dissonance is a psychological phenomenon first identified
by a Leon Festinger in the 1950s. It's a deep sense of discomfort
that occurs when what we believe to be true is challenged by
contradictory evidence.
A child raised in the experience of having his or her needs readily
and willingly met (even when that might be regarded by the majority
as excessive dependence) will perceive the satisfaction of their
needs to be 'normal'. When that child as an adult finds him or her
self in a situation where their needs are not being met, there will
be a cognitive dissonance between how things are and how they 'should
be'. This person will consequently be SELF-motivated from an
unconscious level to return their conditions to 'normal' and will
apply themselves to changing the situation accordingly.
A child raised in the experience of having his or her needs denied
will perceive unsatisfied needs to be 'normal'. When the child as an
adult finds him or her self in a situation where their needs are not
being met, there will be NO cognitive dissonance between how things
are and how they 'should be'. This person will consequently NOT be
motivated to return their conditions to 'normal' - because they
already ARE 'normal'. It's 'just the way things are'.
So, strange as it may seem to those who confuse parenting with child
management, the more you give children what they want, the more
capable they become at getting what they want in the world at large;
the less you give children what they want, the LESS capable they
become at getting what they want in the world at large.
But, as Deepak Chopra says, "The possibility of stepping into a
higher plane is quite real for everyone. It requires no force or
effort or sacrifice. It involves little more than changing our ideas
about what is normal."
Bob
--- In [email protected], "kacsshultz" <kashultz@...>
wrote:
>research of this type before. It
> I'm actually kind of surprised that there has been no formal
> will be interesting to see what comes of her research on newlywedsand other parts of the ilfe
> cycle.wrote:
>
> I am passing this link on to my local lists, thanks Schuyler!
>
> Kelly
>
> --- In [email protected], "Schuyler" <s.waynforth@>
> >
> > To give credit where credit is due, I found the article at
> > http://daretoknowblog.blogspot.com/ .
> >
> > Schuyler
> > www.waynforth.blogspot.com
> >
>