importance of words
Sandra Dodd
Just now, moments ago by instant message, a discussion with a
childless, male 35-year-old friend turned to the importance of words,
and breathing, and some of this might help the mom with the daycare,
and other situations I don't even know about in some lives of other
readers probably:
----------------------------------
Me:
If I were still young enough that the focus of my life was making
friends and seeing and being seen, it wouldn't make sense.
Things really change with age, though. I'm through that phase of
defining myself by others' positive regard.
The friend:
Happiness comes from within.
There's been some really interesting stuff about that that people
have posted when I've done some myspace blogging
Me:
Happiness doesn't come from within for a 13 year old.
Nor for a two year old.
But human development phases seem real and true, in my experience,
and they don't end at 21.
The friend:
True. Eventually you have to stop being a child.
Me:
Not really.
Some people get stuck in a phase and live there forever.
If one wants to find happiness from within, THEN they will discover a
need to stop being a child.
"have to" is too strong a term. <g>
The friend:
If you want to function, well, in modern society. I guess.
I'm working on breaking out of that mode now, and I'll be 35 on
Wednesday.
Me:
I bet you can ease out and not have to break out. <g>
Keep some of the childish wonder and joy. Don't artificially turn
your back on the good parts.
The friend:
Easing out, breaking out. Careless use of words. there's an initial
breaking, when I realised how much I knew was true and right wasn't,
and then easing past and round some corners
Me:
I think it's more than careless use of words. When you say "break
out" it indicates that you feel trapped or bound or that there's a wall.
I would like to propose that careful use of words will lead to more
clarity of thought which will help you ease toward being the way you
feel more comfortable being.
Stronger and more confident, if you're using words you really mean to
use, to share thoughts you consciously thought.
The friend:
I guess. I do tend to feel trapped by some of this stuff. It's a
struggle. Seeing things as they are RIGHT NOW and not looking at what
that'll mean to me in 5 years (ONLY) or what that'll make Tom, Dick,
or Harry think.
Me (to the end):
It's not easy and our culture makes it even harder.
When people hear "stop and smell the roses" they think of thorns, and
ownership, and the cost of the roses, and whether they require more
water than xeriscaping would.
That's why deep breathing helps. It makes brains slow down.
Although it's usually dolled up as formal meditation or chanting or
yoga (which has other benefits, certainly, but for my current
argument, the breathing...)...
what it immediately does is slow the heart which stills the brain.
And then thoughts can step gently and slowly around, instead of
trying to jump on the speeding train of brains going the speed of
people who are thinking of cost and future and past and promotion and
danger and they're breathing fast, fast, fast.
And shallow, shallow, shallow.
Deep breaths change everything, for a few moments.
I'm going to lift that, what I wrote above, and save it.
I never wrote it so clearly before.
======================================================
Shallow breathing maintains a state. If you're angry or afraid and
you breathe shallowly, you stay that way.
If you're calm (as in a meditative state) then breathing shallowly
maintains it, once you've gotten there.
Anyway... I thought it might be worth bringing it here.
Sandra
childless, male 35-year-old friend turned to the importance of words,
and breathing, and some of this might help the mom with the daycare,
and other situations I don't even know about in some lives of other
readers probably:
----------------------------------
Me:
If I were still young enough that the focus of my life was making
friends and seeing and being seen, it wouldn't make sense.
Things really change with age, though. I'm through that phase of
defining myself by others' positive regard.
The friend:
Happiness comes from within.
There's been some really interesting stuff about that that people
have posted when I've done some myspace blogging
Me:
Happiness doesn't come from within for a 13 year old.
Nor for a two year old.
But human development phases seem real and true, in my experience,
and they don't end at 21.
The friend:
True. Eventually you have to stop being a child.
Me:
Not really.
Some people get stuck in a phase and live there forever.
If one wants to find happiness from within, THEN they will discover a
need to stop being a child.
"have to" is too strong a term. <g>
The friend:
If you want to function, well, in modern society. I guess.
I'm working on breaking out of that mode now, and I'll be 35 on
Wednesday.
Me:
I bet you can ease out and not have to break out. <g>
Keep some of the childish wonder and joy. Don't artificially turn
your back on the good parts.
The friend:
Easing out, breaking out. Careless use of words. there's an initial
breaking, when I realised how much I knew was true and right wasn't,
and then easing past and round some corners
Me:
I think it's more than careless use of words. When you say "break
out" it indicates that you feel trapped or bound or that there's a wall.
I would like to propose that careful use of words will lead to more
clarity of thought which will help you ease toward being the way you
feel more comfortable being.
Stronger and more confident, if you're using words you really mean to
use, to share thoughts you consciously thought.
The friend:
I guess. I do tend to feel trapped by some of this stuff. It's a
struggle. Seeing things as they are RIGHT NOW and not looking at what
that'll mean to me in 5 years (ONLY) or what that'll make Tom, Dick,
or Harry think.
Me (to the end):
It's not easy and our culture makes it even harder.
When people hear "stop and smell the roses" they think of thorns, and
ownership, and the cost of the roses, and whether they require more
water than xeriscaping would.
That's why deep breathing helps. It makes brains slow down.
Although it's usually dolled up as formal meditation or chanting or
yoga (which has other benefits, certainly, but for my current
argument, the breathing...)...
what it immediately does is slow the heart which stills the brain.
And then thoughts can step gently and slowly around, instead of
trying to jump on the speeding train of brains going the speed of
people who are thinking of cost and future and past and promotion and
danger and they're breathing fast, fast, fast.
And shallow, shallow, shallow.
Deep breaths change everything, for a few moments.
I'm going to lift that, what I wrote above, and save it.
I never wrote it so clearly before.
======================================================
Shallow breathing maintains a state. If you're angry or afraid and
you breathe shallowly, you stay that way.
If you're calm (as in a meditative state) then breathing shallowly
maintains it, once you've gotten there.
Anyway... I thought it might be worth bringing it here.
Sandra
kacsshultz
I for one, appreciate many little tidbits that are thrown out there
without a necessary purpose.
I'm just getting to the point in my life where I can begin to learn
about the power of breathing, as well as the power of being sensitive
to our bodies in general. It's taken me, like, 42 years to get
there??? I think that by learning that myself, perhaps my kids will
recognize it sooner (maybe not, but that's okay), and be better able
to stay in tune with their own needs.
Little things and images stick and can become a mantra of sorts (or
something you post on the kitchen cupboard). A while back you posted
about the "soft meadow of yeses," and on some days I will wonder to
myself, how soft is our meadow today?
Kelly
without a necessary purpose.
I'm just getting to the point in my life where I can begin to learn
about the power of breathing, as well as the power of being sensitive
to our bodies in general. It's taken me, like, 42 years to get
there??? I think that by learning that myself, perhaps my kids will
recognize it sooner (maybe not, but that's okay), and be better able
to stay in tune with their own needs.
Little things and images stick and can become a mantra of sorts (or
something you post on the kitchen cupboard). A while back you posted
about the "soft meadow of yeses," and on some days I will wonder to
myself, how soft is our meadow today?
Kelly
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> Just now, moments ago by instant message, a discussion with a
> childless, male 35-year-old friend turned to the importance of
words,
> and breathing, and some of this might help the mom with the
daycare,
> and other situations I don't even know about in some lives of
other
> readers probably:
>
> ----------------------------------
> Me:
> If I were still young enough that the focus of my life was making
> friends and seeing and being seen, it wouldn't make sense.
> Things really change with age, though. I'm through that phase of
> defining myself by others' positive regard.
>
> The friend:
> Happiness comes from within.
> There's been some really interesting stuff about that that people
> have posted when I've done some myspace blogging
>
> Me:
> Happiness doesn't come from within for a 13 year old.
> Nor for a two year old.
> But human development phases seem real and true, in my experience,
> and they don't end at 21.
>
> The friend:
> True. Eventually you have to stop being a child.
>
> Me:
> Not really.
> Some people get stuck in a phase and live there forever.
> If one wants to find happiness from within, THEN they will discover
a
> need to stop being a child.
> "have to" is too strong a term. <g>
>
> The friend:
> If you want to function, well, in modern society. I guess.
> I'm working on breaking out of that mode now, and I'll be 35 on
> Wednesday.
>
> Me:
> I bet you can ease out and not have to break out. <g>
> Keep some of the childish wonder and joy. Don't artificially turn
> your back on the good parts.
>
> The friend:
> Easing out, breaking out. Careless use of words. there's an
initial
> breaking, when I realised how much I knew was true and right
wasn't,
> and then easing past and round some corners
>
> Me:
> I think it's more than careless use of words. When you say "break
> out" it indicates that you feel trapped or bound or that there's a
wall.
> I would like to propose that careful use of words will lead to
more
> clarity of thought which will help you ease toward being the way
you
> feel more comfortable being.
> Stronger and more confident, if you're using words you really mean
to
> use, to share thoughts you consciously thought.
>
> The friend:
> I guess. I do tend to feel trapped by some of this stuff. It's a
> struggle. Seeing things as they are RIGHT NOW and not looking at
what
> that'll mean to me in 5 years (ONLY) or what that'll make Tom,
Dick,
> or Harry think.
>
> Me (to the end):
> It's not easy and our culture makes it even harder.
> When people hear "stop and smell the roses" they think of thorns,
and
> ownership, and the cost of the roses, and whether they require
more
> water than xeriscaping would.
>
> That's why deep breathing helps. It makes brains slow down.
> Although it's usually dolled up as formal meditation or chanting
or
> yoga (which has other benefits, certainly, but for my current
> argument, the breathing...)...
> what it immediately does is slow the heart which stills the brain.
> And then thoughts can step gently and slowly around, instead of
> trying to jump on the speeding train of brains going the speed of
> people who are thinking of cost and future and past and promotion
and
> danger and they're breathing fast, fast, fast.
> And shallow, shallow, shallow.
>
> Deep breaths change everything, for a few moments.
> I'm going to lift that, what I wrote above, and save it.
> I never wrote it so clearly before.
>
> ======================================================
> Shallow breathing maintains a state. If you're angry or afraid
and
> you breathe shallowly, you stay that way.
> If you're calm (as in a meditative state) then breathing shallowly
> maintains it, once you've gotten there.
>
> Anyway... I thought it might be worth bringing it here.
>
> Sandra
>