charging 18 year olds rent, or throwing them out
Sandra Dodd
By e-mail I had questions I would rather answer here.
-= In one of your posts you said that you thought it was evil for
parents to charge their adult children "rent" or board for remaining
at home.
Why?-=-
It penalizes them for growing up, for having a birthday.
Going to kindergarten and first grade is said to teach kids what real
life is.
The philosophy and principles behind why you wouldn't send your kids
to school can be applied to other situations.
-=-I agree with you but since that was the way i was raised i need to
know the "why".I need to ask why to learn of course since the reason i
heard for my parents charging me rent was; to teach me what real life
is like.
-=-
But how does it make those 18 year olds feel?
And *does* it teach them what real life is like?
And IS that how real life is, or should be?
-=-I need to ask why to learn -=-
I disagree with this.
It's good when people can synthesize their own answers from their own
beliefs instead of just repeating or reciting what was said to them.
I don't mind the discussion at all--I think it's great for the list.
Sandra
-= In one of your posts you said that you thought it was evil for
parents to charge their adult children "rent" or board for remaining
at home.
Why?-=-
It penalizes them for growing up, for having a birthday.
Going to kindergarten and first grade is said to teach kids what real
life is.
The philosophy and principles behind why you wouldn't send your kids
to school can be applied to other situations.
-=-I agree with you but since that was the way i was raised i need to
know the "why".I need to ask why to learn of course since the reason i
heard for my parents charging me rent was; to teach me what real life
is like.
-=-
But how does it make those 18 year olds feel?
And *does* it teach them what real life is like?
And IS that how real life is, or should be?
-=-I need to ask why to learn -=-
I disagree with this.
It's good when people can synthesize their own answers from their own
beliefs instead of just repeating or reciting what was said to them.
I don't mind the discussion at all--I think it's great for the list.
Sandra
diana jenner
On 7/12/07, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
signaling "time for school" - it's also not over because they reached an age
of majority in our country. I remember thinking *selfishly* that I didn't
want to send Hannah to Kindy because she was just becoming interesting and
why should some stranger receive the benefit of that, when I'm right here
ready to appreciate her in her 5-year-old loveliness. Same for Kirby, he's a
great guy, one you want to keep around to open those pickle jars or talk
about the real meaning of life through WoW or to run those errands you can't
do and he doesn't mind anyway... why kick him out just when he's becoming a
fascinating adult?? Far better for him to leave on his own, of his own
motives, with his mother's blessing -- knowing all the while he can change
his mind and come home -- makes for a much better beginning to adult life.
The stresses of being on your own for the very first time are tough enough,
without you parents arbitrarily adding to the burden by making you feel
unwelcome in your own home!
-=-I agree with you but since that was the way i was raised i need to
Real Life doesn't have to be something you make up all on your own... every
single day around here *is* Real Life and we're in it together. I don't
imagine that changing because of a birthday. Nor can I imagine doing
anything different around here to make Life more REAL -- how is that
possible?
I'm definitely in this RU Life so that we continue to be healthy and whole
and happy -- far beyond just today and FAR beyond a mere 18 years!
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>~.~Just as attachment parenting isn't over just because the bell dinged
> By e-mail I had questions I would rather answer here.
>
> -= In one of your posts you said that you thought it was evil for
> parents to charge their adult children "rent" or board for remaining
> at home.
> Why?-=-
>
> It penalizes them for growing up, for having a birthday.
>
> Going to kindergarten and first grade is said to teach kids what real
> life is.
>
> The philosophy and principles behind why you wouldn't send your kids
> to school can be applied to other situations.
>
signaling "time for school" - it's also not over because they reached an age
of majority in our country. I remember thinking *selfishly* that I didn't
want to send Hannah to Kindy because she was just becoming interesting and
why should some stranger receive the benefit of that, when I'm right here
ready to appreciate her in her 5-year-old loveliness. Same for Kirby, he's a
great guy, one you want to keep around to open those pickle jars or talk
about the real meaning of life through WoW or to run those errands you can't
do and he doesn't mind anyway... why kick him out just when he's becoming a
fascinating adult?? Far better for him to leave on his own, of his own
motives, with his mother's blessing -- knowing all the while he can change
his mind and come home -- makes for a much better beginning to adult life.
The stresses of being on your own for the very first time are tough enough,
without you parents arbitrarily adding to the burden by making you feel
unwelcome in your own home!
-=-I agree with you but since that was the way i was raised i need to
> know the "why".I need to ask why to learn of course since the reason i~.~I'm loving that Real Life for Kirby feels like parents who support him.
> heard for my parents charging me rent was; to teach me what real life
> is like.
> -=-
>
> But how does it make those 18 year olds feel?
> And *does* it teach them what real life is like?
> And IS that how real life is, or should be?
>
Real Life doesn't have to be something you make up all on your own... every
single day around here *is* Real Life and we're in it together. I don't
imagine that changing because of a birthday. Nor can I imagine doing
anything different around here to make Life more REAL -- how is that
possible?
I'm definitely in this RU Life so that we continue to be healthy and whole
and happy -- far beyond just today and FAR beyond a mere 18 years!
>--
>
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-Same for Kirby, he's a
great guy, one you want to keep around to open those pickle jars or talk
about the real meaning of life through WoW or to run those errands
you can't
do and he doesn't mind anyway... why kick him out just when he's
becoming a
fascinating adult??-=-
He can reach shelves I can't reach. He's introduced me to some very
nice people, and to music I might've missed, to movies, to humor.
Kirby's greatest service in our family has been, in recent years, to
have the room next to Holly's.
The way our house is laid out, Keith and I sleep very far from
Holly. She's above Marty and next to Kirby, though, and whether it's
realistic or sensible, that makes me feel better, knowing that Kirby
and his array of martial arts weapons he's trained in are right there.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
great guy, one you want to keep around to open those pickle jars or talk
about the real meaning of life through WoW or to run those errands
you can't
do and he doesn't mind anyway... why kick him out just when he's
becoming a
fascinating adult??-=-
He can reach shelves I can't reach. He's introduced me to some very
nice people, and to music I might've missed, to movies, to humor.
Kirby's greatest service in our family has been, in recent years, to
have the room next to Holly's.
The way our house is laid out, Keith and I sleep very far from
Holly. She's above Marty and next to Kirby, though, and whether it's
realistic or sensible, that makes me feel better, knowing that Kirby
and his array of martial arts weapons he's trained in are right there.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Chester Crump
I can't imagine charging rent or food for staying at home either. I mean jeez. It makes me smile to think that my 15 year old son will want to stay home awhile. It might mean he really likes us and likes being around us. I guess it could mean other things. since he digs his parents and siblings I think he'll just not be in a hurry to grow up and smart enough to know it.
Kim
diana jenner <hahamommy@...> wrote:
Kim
diana jenner <hahamommy@...> wrote:
On 7/12/07, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> By e-mail I had questions I would rather answer here.
>
> -= In one of your posts you said that you thought it was evil for
> parents to charge their adult children "rent" or board for remaining
> at home.
> Why?-=-
>
> It penalizes them for growing up, for having a birthday.
>
> Going to kindergarten and first grade is said to teach kids what real
> life is.
>
> The philosophy and principles behind why you wouldn't send your kids
> to school can be applied to other situations.
>
~.~Just as attachment parenting isn't over just because the bell dinged
signaling "time for school" - it's also not over because they reached an age
of majority in our country. I remember thinking *selfishly* that I didn't
want to send Hannah to Kindy because she was just becoming interesting and
why should some stranger receive the benefit of that, when I'm right here
ready to appreciate her in her 5-year-old loveliness. Same for Kirby, he's a
great guy, one you want to keep around to open those pickle jars or talk
about the real meaning of life through WoW or to run those errands you can't
do and he doesn't mind anyway... why kick him out just when he's becoming a
fascinating adult?? Far better for him to leave on his own, of his own
motives, with his mother's blessing -- knowing all the while he can change
his mind and come home -- makes for a much better beginning to adult life.
The stresses of being on your own for the very first time are tough enough,
without you parents arbitrarily adding to the burden by making you feel
unwelcome in your own home!
-=-I agree with you but since that was the way i was raised i need to
> know the "why".I need to ask why to learn of course since the reason i
> heard for my parents charging me rent was; to teach me what real life
> is like.
> -=-
>
> But how does it make those 18 year olds feel?
> And *does* it teach them what real life is like?
> And IS that how real life is, or should be?
>
~.~I'm loving that Real Life for Kirby feels like parents who support him.
Real Life doesn't have to be something you make up all on your own... every
single day around here *is* Real Life and we're in it together. I don't
imagine that changing because of a birthday. Nor can I imagine doing
anything different around here to make Life more REAL -- how is that
possible?
I'm definitely in this RU Life so that we continue to be healthy and whole
and happy -- far beyond just today and FAR beyond a mere 18 years!
>
>
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-It makes me smile to think that my 15 year old son will want to
stay home awhile. It might mean he really likes us and likes being
around us. I guess it could mean other things. since he digs his
parents and siblings I think he'll just not be in a hurry to grow up
and smart enough to know it.-=-
The thinks people will swear "have to happen" with teens seem not to
happen when the parents stop doing the things those other people
swore they "had to do."
Parents will shame kids for wanting to do what their friends are
doing, or have privileges their friends have, and they'll say
something like "If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump
off too?"
Oh wait...
They don't say things LIKE that; they say that very exact thing.
How many hundreds of thousands of parents have said that? Is it just
in the U.S.? Are there other similar stock phrases used to shame
kids who are going through an absolutely natural phase of wanting to
identify with people of their own choosing?
Isn't it interesting that those parents are doing what their friends
do, in keeping their kids "under control" and unbalanced and ashamed
and afraid?
Someone I've known for 30 years was here recently. Her younger of
two is Kirby's age. She raised her kids very much more
conservatively than I did, and they suffered through a divorce and
all that compromise and one-upmanship of the parents...
I was making cookies. The oven wasn't heating up right. I need a
new one. This one takes forever to light.
I came back in and 1/3 of the raw cookies were gone from the tray. I
just laughed. There were four teens in the house, and my husband,
and her... I just made some more.
My friend said "I decided lately that I'm an adult and if I want to
make cookie dough and eat it raw I can."
I laughed and teased her about something, about whether she wasn't
afraid of raw eggs, and that since we won't sue ourselves for food
poisoning we can live dangerously or some such.
What I thought, and am still thinking, is that she probably hasn't
thought about the idea that even kids should be able to make cookie
dough and eat it raw if they want to. She sees it as the privilege
of adulthood.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
stay home awhile. It might mean he really likes us and likes being
around us. I guess it could mean other things. since he digs his
parents and siblings I think he'll just not be in a hurry to grow up
and smart enough to know it.-=-
The thinks people will swear "have to happen" with teens seem not to
happen when the parents stop doing the things those other people
swore they "had to do."
Parents will shame kids for wanting to do what their friends are
doing, or have privileges their friends have, and they'll say
something like "If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump
off too?"
Oh wait...
They don't say things LIKE that; they say that very exact thing.
How many hundreds of thousands of parents have said that? Is it just
in the U.S.? Are there other similar stock phrases used to shame
kids who are going through an absolutely natural phase of wanting to
identify with people of their own choosing?
Isn't it interesting that those parents are doing what their friends
do, in keeping their kids "under control" and unbalanced and ashamed
and afraid?
Someone I've known for 30 years was here recently. Her younger of
two is Kirby's age. She raised her kids very much more
conservatively than I did, and they suffered through a divorce and
all that compromise and one-upmanship of the parents...
I was making cookies. The oven wasn't heating up right. I need a
new one. This one takes forever to light.
I came back in and 1/3 of the raw cookies were gone from the tray. I
just laughed. There were four teens in the house, and my husband,
and her... I just made some more.
My friend said "I decided lately that I'm an adult and if I want to
make cookie dough and eat it raw I can."
I laughed and teased her about something, about whether she wasn't
afraid of raw eggs, and that since we won't sue ourselves for food
poisoning we can live dangerously or some such.
What I thought, and am still thinking, is that she probably hasn't
thought about the idea that even kids should be able to make cookie
dough and eat it raw if they want to. She sees it as the privilege
of adulthood.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Cathy
-= In one of your posts you said that you thought it was evil for
parents to charge their adult children "rent" or board for remaining
at home.
Why?-=-
What about situations where you really do need the money? Is it 'wrong' to
ask the kids to help?
Cathy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
parents to charge their adult children "rent" or board for remaining
at home.
Why?-=-
What about situations where you really do need the money? Is it 'wrong' to
ask the kids to help?
Cathy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Vicki Dennis
On 7/14/07, Cathy <cathy@...> wrote:
different than demanding rent. Perhaps it falls under the "who is in
charge?" or "who gets to decide?" banner. I might (and have in the
past when our finances were very different) let them know that money is
tight and provide input on what added expenses are involved with extra
people around. More of a "we're all in this together".
I can even remember having house "guests" where I explained that I was
thrilled to have visitors but would need them to "chip in" for added food,
utilities or that I would lend my car for transportation but could not
provide gas or any needed oil changes.
I have even heard of instances where calling it "rent" (from an adult
child or even an elderly parent moving in with an adult child) was the way
that the boarder convinced the owner to accept help. And the help might
end up being way more than fair market value of a room. ............
Family transaction, not business transactions, are in my opinion more
appropriate for family to engage in.
vicki
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>***My opinion is that asking the kids to help financially is completely
>
> -= In one of your posts you said that you thought it was evil for
> parents to charge their adult children "rent" or board for remaining
> at home.
> Why?-=-
>
> What about situations where you really do need the money? Is it 'wrong' to
> ask the kids to help?
>
> Cathy
>
different than demanding rent. Perhaps it falls under the "who is in
charge?" or "who gets to decide?" banner. I might (and have in the
past when our finances were very different) let them know that money is
tight and provide input on what added expenses are involved with extra
people around. More of a "we're all in this together".
I can even remember having house "guests" where I explained that I was
thrilled to have visitors but would need them to "chip in" for added food,
utilities or that I would lend my car for transportation but could not
provide gas or any needed oil changes.
I have even heard of instances where calling it "rent" (from an adult
child or even an elderly parent moving in with an adult child) was the way
that the boarder convinced the owner to accept help. And the help might
end up being way more than fair market value of a room. ............
Family transaction, not business transactions, are in my opinion more
appropriate for family to engage in.
vicki
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jenstarc4
> What about situations where you really do need the money? Isit 'wrong' to
> ask the kids to help?This is a theoretical argument really. I simply cannot imagine my
>
> Cathy
>
children knowing we needed financial help and not offering to help.
Even now at the age of 5 and 13 they would try to help. I wouldn't
even have to ask, they would just help because helping us, helps them.
If we fastforward 5 yrs and my oldest is 18, living at home and earning
money, she would be just as gracious as she always has been. If we
were really tight financially and were struggling to put food on the
table, she would buy food because she wouldn't want us to go without
food, herself included.
When you live sharing, that doesn't go away when a child turns 18. I
would even go so far as saying that living this way all along, I could
garauntee that I wouldn't even have to ask for help if I needed it, and
neither would my kids. I know when my kids need help and I help them
as needed. I see my kids doing the same.
diana jenner
On 7/15/07, jenstarc4 <jenstarc4@...> wrote:
be a lot for any budget and on our already tight finances, it's a major
blow. The rewards are great for our money, although they're hard to see when
the things we're giving up seem so large and looming. Hayden is 8.5 and we
had a big talk about our budget the other day; I told him exactly where
*our* money was going this month and how much we had budgeted for specifics
(i.e. 4th of July & HP5) and the *essentials* (i.e. World of Warcraft). He
was much calmer about the cutbacks as soon as I was open about our
situation. He still wishes we had more opportunities to go out to eat AND
he's having a great time cooking with me at home :) Keeping him aware of the
Real Life phenomenon of finances and budget make for a peaceful *right now*
for us and makes for an enlightened *future adult* in him.
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>-=-This is a good point! We just took a $600 ding to our budget. $600 would
> When you live sharing, that doesn't go away when a child turns 18. I
> would even go so far as saying that living this way all along, I could
> guarantee that I wouldn't even have to ask for help if I needed it, and
> neither would my kids. I know when my kids need help and I help them
> as needed. I see my kids doing the same
>
be a lot for any budget and on our already tight finances, it's a major
blow. The rewards are great for our money, although they're hard to see when
the things we're giving up seem so large and looming. Hayden is 8.5 and we
had a big talk about our budget the other day; I told him exactly where
*our* money was going this month and how much we had budgeted for specifics
(i.e. 4th of July & HP5) and the *essentials* (i.e. World of Warcraft). He
was much calmer about the cutbacks as soon as I was open about our
situation. He still wishes we had more opportunities to go out to eat AND
he's having a great time cooking with me at home :) Keeping him aware of the
Real Life phenomenon of finances and budget make for a peaceful *right now*
for us and makes for an enlightened *future adult* in him.
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
romelia hotca
Back in Romania I never heard of anyone doing that, I knew it was common here, but not where I`m from. On the other side, there are parents who support their children as long as necesary but they keep reminding them how much they did for them, how hard was for them and so on So I guess that`s a way to get them out
---------------------------------
Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship answers from someone who knows.
Yahoo! Answers - Check it out.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
---------------------------------
Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship answers from someone who knows.
Yahoo! Answers - Check it out.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/12/2007 4:06:48 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
c_crump@... writes:
I can't imagine charging rent or food for staying at home either.
On a recent episode of Gene Simmon's Family Jewels (The Osbournes with the
KISS basist and his family, basically), their oldest son went on a freshman
weekend to college to get a feel for what living on campus might feel like. Dad
gave him a limo ride and a credit card to make sure everything was covered,
and offered many times for him to call if he needed *anything* or wanted to
come home. Mom spent the weekend making a new bedroom for him in the basement,
so he'd have a space of his own, complete with a huge, flat screen HDTV,
enormous fish tank, an actual arcade-type Dance-Dance Revolution, stereo system,
etc. in hopes that it would help convince him to live at home while he went
to college. They finished up the show with the kids talking about them being
the only "kids" they know who talk nice about their parents and how they love
to hang out with them. Mom and Dad talked about how much they love the kids
and love having them around the house and would like them to stay home
"forever"-in a half-joking way. It was very sweet. I wish there was more of this on
t.v.!
Peace,
Sang
************************************** Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL at
http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
c_crump@... writes:
I can't imagine charging rent or food for staying at home either.
On a recent episode of Gene Simmon's Family Jewels (The Osbournes with the
KISS basist and his family, basically), their oldest son went on a freshman
weekend to college to get a feel for what living on campus might feel like. Dad
gave him a limo ride and a credit card to make sure everything was covered,
and offered many times for him to call if he needed *anything* or wanted to
come home. Mom spent the weekend making a new bedroom for him in the basement,
so he'd have a space of his own, complete with a huge, flat screen HDTV,
enormous fish tank, an actual arcade-type Dance-Dance Revolution, stereo system,
etc. in hopes that it would help convince him to live at home while he went
to college. They finished up the show with the kids talking about them being
the only "kids" they know who talk nice about their parents and how they love
to hang out with them. Mom and Dad talked about how much they love the kids
and love having them around the house and would like them to stay home
"forever"-in a half-joking way. It was very sweet. I wish there was more of this on
t.v.!
Peace,
Sang
************************************** Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL at
http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandrewmama
Having only subbed to extended cable in the last month I've just
discovered this show and LOVE it!
Gene Simmons is portrayed as a very generous, loving and protective
daddy and their mother is very sweet and caring to all of them too.
As a couple they seem very much connected to each other and their
children. Lotsa love!
Really, really sweet parenting and open, accepting relationships - if
not a tad mainstream.
Chris in IA
discovered this show and LOVE it!
Gene Simmons is portrayed as a very generous, loving and protective
daddy and their mother is very sweet and caring to all of them too.
As a couple they seem very much connected to each other and their
children. Lotsa love!
Really, really sweet parenting and open, accepting relationships - if
not a tad mainstream.
Chris in IA
On Jul 18, 2007, at 2:13 AM, Sanguinegirl83@... wrote:
> They finished up the show with the kids talking about them being
> the only "kids" they know who talk nice about their parents and how
> they love
> to hang out with them. Mom and Dad talked about how much they love
> the kids
> and love having them around the house and would like them to stay home
> "forever"-in a half-joking way. It was very sweet. I wish there was
> more of this on
> t.v.!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
hmsdragonfly
--- In [email protected], Sanguinegirl83@... wrote:
our house for the girls. They could experience the FUN of living
separately while still being a stone's throw (literally) from Mom and
Dad.
df
>Yeah! Or we've talked about renting one of the alley apartments behind
> Mom spent the weekend making a new bedroom for him in the basement
our house for the girls. They could experience the FUN of living
separately while still being a stone's throw (literally) from Mom and
Dad.
df
Julie v.
It does seem that way from the show, but I saw Gene Simmons on a talk show last year
and they were talking about positive parenting and negotiating with kids and giving them
choices and he said something like "I'm in charge in my house and when we go out my
kids know that they better behave or else".
Here's an excerpt from an interview with Gene Simmons about 'Family Jewels' from this
site:
http://www.channelguidemag.com/articles/simmons.lasso
Question: "Outside of the marriage issue, what stands out most on the show is your
relationship with your kids. It seems to be very strong and they seem to be, surprisingly,
very normal. What's the most difficult part of balancing your role as a rock star with being
a dad?"
Gene's Answer: "None. Discipline. The same discipline that will not allow me to get high or
get drunk or smoke is the same discipline that's in this house. The only job kids have is to
do well in school and behave period. "I'll protect you, I'll give my life for you, [but] this
is not a negotiation." And what's happened to parenting in America is just a f***ing insult.
This idea of and I've heard shrinks talking about this "let's sit down and negotiate
with your child." Well, first, they never earned the right, and what makes you think that any
of this is sinking [in]? There's no qualification for negotiation, and they haven't earned the
right to negotiate. No, no, no. Good rules make good neighbors. Mother Nature doesn't
really care if you're young, old, good guy or bad guy. There's a price: Put your hand in the
fire, you will get burned whether you meant it or not. Human beings come up with this
thing, "I ran you over but I didn't mean it." And my point is, "What the f***'s the difference?
I've been run over." So, I'm a firm believer in discipline. They know about tough love camp
in the middle of the desert. There's no hitting here because they know this is serious
business. And small noes like, "Can I move this dish over here?" "No." That same no is the
one that says, "Can I get high?" The word "no" means no. Once. And that's it consistency
and strict rules. And be willing to act up. Don't bluff. We don't bluff. I will not bluff. Bluff is
for wimps. Say or don't say it, but mean it. Yoda was right: Do or do not do, but do not
try."
and they were talking about positive parenting and negotiating with kids and giving them
choices and he said something like "I'm in charge in my house and when we go out my
kids know that they better behave or else".
Here's an excerpt from an interview with Gene Simmons about 'Family Jewels' from this
site:
http://www.channelguidemag.com/articles/simmons.lasso
Question: "Outside of the marriage issue, what stands out most on the show is your
relationship with your kids. It seems to be very strong and they seem to be, surprisingly,
very normal. What's the most difficult part of balancing your role as a rock star with being
a dad?"
Gene's Answer: "None. Discipline. The same discipline that will not allow me to get high or
get drunk or smoke is the same discipline that's in this house. The only job kids have is to
do well in school and behave period. "I'll protect you, I'll give my life for you, [but] this
is not a negotiation." And what's happened to parenting in America is just a f***ing insult.
This idea of and I've heard shrinks talking about this "let's sit down and negotiate
with your child." Well, first, they never earned the right, and what makes you think that any
of this is sinking [in]? There's no qualification for negotiation, and they haven't earned the
right to negotiate. No, no, no. Good rules make good neighbors. Mother Nature doesn't
really care if you're young, old, good guy or bad guy. There's a price: Put your hand in the
fire, you will get burned whether you meant it or not. Human beings come up with this
thing, "I ran you over but I didn't mean it." And my point is, "What the f***'s the difference?
I've been run over." So, I'm a firm believer in discipline. They know about tough love camp
in the middle of the desert. There's no hitting here because they know this is serious
business. And small noes like, "Can I move this dish over here?" "No." That same no is the
one that says, "Can I get high?" The word "no" means no. Once. And that's it consistency
and strict rules. And be willing to act up. Don't bluff. We don't bluff. I will not bluff. Bluff is
for wimps. Say or don't say it, but mean it. Yoda was right: Do or do not do, but do not
try."
--- In [email protected], Sandrewmama <sandrewmama@...> wrote:
>
> Having only subbed to extended cable in the last month I've just
> discovered this show and LOVE it!
>
> Gene Simmons is portrayed as a very generous, loving and protective
> daddy and their mother is very sweet and caring to all of them too.
> As a couple they seem very much connected to each other and their
> children. Lotsa love!
>
> Really, really sweet parenting and open, accepting relationships - if
> not a tad mainstream.
>
> Chris in IA
>
> On Jul 18, 2007, at 2:13 AM, Sanguinegirl83@... wrote:
>
> > They finished up the show with the kids talking about them being
> > the only "kids" they know who talk nice about their parents and how
> > they love
> > to hang out with them. Mom and Dad talked about how much they love
> > the kids
> > and love having them around the house and would like them to stay home
> > "forever"-in a half-joking way. It was very sweet. I wish there was
> > more of this on
> > t.v.!
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Julie v.
If you read the whole interview he actually mentions many times how he is the one who's
in charge, here's a couple more quotes:
"In this household, there is a man. This is my house. Most of the rest of you wimps out
there don't have the balls to stand up on your own two feet and say, "This is my house. I
paid for it. I worked for it. It's mine." Everybody lives here because I allow it, when it really
comes down to it. This idea of joint bank accounts and "we" and stuff like that the
person who earns the money owns it. When I go and buy a car, the people who sit in it
don't say "our car." I don't subscribe to that notion. What happened to man? That's my
question to all of you wimps out there. What the f*** have you done to yourselves?"
Question: "But I'm assuming the urge to protect your daughter won't go away when she
turns 18 ..."
Answer: "Yeah, but then she'll have her own say about it. You know, your mom was right
and your dad was right in the old days: You live under my roof, it's my rules. It's a good
idea. It's a fine idea. I am paying for the privilege to tell you what to do what do you
think of them apples? I'm protecting you and I'm paying for you my rules. Once you go
off on your own, I have squat to say. This ain't India. This isn't arranged marriages."
Question: "It's amazing because we see other shows that focus on the family lives of
famous people, and the kids are just insane ..."
Answer: "They're insane and they misbehave because they're allowed to, don't you get it?"
Answer: "But it goes for the animals, too. You notice the animals don't bark because
they're not allowed to. Literally, when they hear [a whistle], they immediately hold their
breath. Because Mother Nature is a good teacher. When you see the alpha male eating
first, the other ones stay away because [otherwise] they get killed. Good rules,
repercussions for bad behavior you'll get results. [With pets] you can't do lovey-
dovey and you can't kind of go, "Oh, they're so cute," because they will twist you, they'll
rule you. And young people, children, are trying to figure out how to survive in this
world, which is why they go and they try stuff, trying to figure out who they are. Not here. I
catch you high once, you're going to be in the desert in a camp you never knew existed.
Just once. They know that."
Julie
in charge, here's a couple more quotes:
"In this household, there is a man. This is my house. Most of the rest of you wimps out
there don't have the balls to stand up on your own two feet and say, "This is my house. I
paid for it. I worked for it. It's mine." Everybody lives here because I allow it, when it really
comes down to it. This idea of joint bank accounts and "we" and stuff like that the
person who earns the money owns it. When I go and buy a car, the people who sit in it
don't say "our car." I don't subscribe to that notion. What happened to man? That's my
question to all of you wimps out there. What the f*** have you done to yourselves?"
Question: "But I'm assuming the urge to protect your daughter won't go away when she
turns 18 ..."
Answer: "Yeah, but then she'll have her own say about it. You know, your mom was right
and your dad was right in the old days: You live under my roof, it's my rules. It's a good
idea. It's a fine idea. I am paying for the privilege to tell you what to do what do you
think of them apples? I'm protecting you and I'm paying for you my rules. Once you go
off on your own, I have squat to say. This ain't India. This isn't arranged marriages."
Question: "It's amazing because we see other shows that focus on the family lives of
famous people, and the kids are just insane ..."
Answer: "They're insane and they misbehave because they're allowed to, don't you get it?"
Answer: "But it goes for the animals, too. You notice the animals don't bark because
they're not allowed to. Literally, when they hear [a whistle], they immediately hold their
breath. Because Mother Nature is a good teacher. When you see the alpha male eating
first, the other ones stay away because [otherwise] they get killed. Good rules,
repercussions for bad behavior you'll get results. [With pets] you can't do lovey-
dovey and you can't kind of go, "Oh, they're so cute," because they will twist you, they'll
rule you. And young people, children, are trying to figure out how to survive in this
world, which is why they go and they try stuff, trying to figure out who they are. Not here. I
catch you high once, you're going to be in the desert in a camp you never knew existed.
Just once. They know that."
Julie
--- In [email protected], "Julie v." <jlvw@...> wrote:
>
> It does seem that way from the show, but I saw Gene Simmons on a talk show last year
> and they were talking about positive parenting and negotiating with kids and giving
them
> choices and he said something like "I'm in charge in my house and when we go out my
> kids know that they better behave or else".
>
> Here's an excerpt from an interview with Gene Simmons about 'Family Jewels' from this
> site:
> http://www.channelguidemag.com/articles/simmons.lasso
>
> Question: "Outside of the marriage issue, what stands out most on the show is your
> relationship with your kids. It seems to be very strong and they seem to be, surprisingly,
> very normal. What's the most difficult part of balancing your role as a rock star with
being
> a dad?"
>
>
> Gene's Answer: "None. Discipline. The same discipline that will not allow me to get high
or
> get drunk or smoke is the same discipline that's in this house. The only job kids have is
to
> do well in school and behave period. "I'll protect you, I'll give my life for you, [but]
this
> is not a negotiation." And what's happened to parenting in America is just a f***ing
insult.
> This idea of and I've heard shrinks talking about this "let's sit down and negotiate
> with your child." Well, first, they never earned the right, and what makes you think that
any
> of this is sinking [in]? There's no qualification for negotiation, and they haven't earned
the
> right to negotiate. No, no, no. Good rules make good neighbors. Mother Nature doesn't
> really care if you're young, old, good guy or bad guy. There's a price: Put your hand in
the
> fire, you will get burned whether you meant it or not. Human beings come up with
this
> thing, "I ran you over but I didn't mean it." And my point is, "What the f***'s the
difference?
> I've been run over." So, I'm a firm believer in discipline. They know about tough love
camp
> in the middle of the desert. There's no hitting here because they know this is serious
> business. And small noes like, "Can I move this dish over here?" "No." That same no is
the
> one that says, "Can I get high?" The word "no" means no. Once. And that's it
consistency
> and strict rules. And be willing to act up. Don't bluff. We don't bluff. I will not bluff. Bluff
is
> for wimps. Say or don't say it, but mean it. Yoda was right: Do or do not do, but do not
> try."
>
>
>
>
> --- In [email protected], Sandrewmama <sandrewmama@> wrote:
> >
> > Having only subbed to extended cable in the last month I've just
> > discovered this show and LOVE it!
> >
> > Gene Simmons is portrayed as a very generous, loving and protective
> > daddy and their mother is very sweet and caring to all of them too.
> > As a couple they seem very much connected to each other and their
> > children. Lotsa love!
> >
> > Really, really sweet parenting and open, accepting relationships - if
> > not a tad mainstream.
> >
> > Chris in IA
> >
> > On Jul 18, 2007, at 2:13 AM, Sanguinegirl83@ wrote:
> >
> > > They finished up the show with the kids talking about them being
> > > the only "kids" they know who talk nice about their parents and how
> > > they love
> > > to hang out with them. Mom and Dad talked about how much they love
> > > the kids
> > > and love having them around the house and would like them to stay home
> > > "forever"-in a half-joking way. It was very sweet. I wish there was
> > > more of this on
> > > t.v.!
> >
> >
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/19/2007 11:08:23 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
jlvw@... writes:
<<<I saw Gene Simmons on a talk show last year
and they were talking about positive parenting and negotiating with kids and
giving them
choices and he said something like "I'm in charge in my house and when we go
out my
kids know that they better behave or else".
If you read the whole interview he actually mentions many times how he is
the one who's
in charge, here's a couple more quotes:
"In this household, there is a man. This is my house. Most of the rest of
you wimps out
there don't have the balls to stand up on your own two feet and say, "This
is my house. I
paid for it. I worked for it. It's mine." Everybody lives here because I
allow it, when it really
comes down to it. This idea of joint bank accounts and "we" and stuff like
that … the
person who earns the money owns it. When I go and buy a car, the people who
sit in it
don't say "our car." I don't subscribe to that notion. What happened to man?
That's my
question to all of you wimps out there. What the f*** have you done to
yourselves?">>>
LOL Either that man deserves an Oscar, or he's doing what it seems like he
always has done: posture for the interviewer. He talks macho, but I don't know
anyone that has the kind of acting skill that would let him get away with a
completely different persona for his family. He looks and talks tough, but
inside, he's really just a big softie. Like my DH. ;~)
Peace,
Sang
************************************** Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL at
http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jlvw@... writes:
<<<I saw Gene Simmons on a talk show last year
and they were talking about positive parenting and negotiating with kids and
giving them
choices and he said something like "I'm in charge in my house and when we go
out my
kids know that they better behave or else".
If you read the whole interview he actually mentions many times how he is
the one who's
in charge, here's a couple more quotes:
"In this household, there is a man. This is my house. Most of the rest of
you wimps out
there don't have the balls to stand up on your own two feet and say, "This
is my house. I
paid for it. I worked for it. It's mine." Everybody lives here because I
allow it, when it really
comes down to it. This idea of joint bank accounts and "we" and stuff like
that … the
person who earns the money owns it. When I go and buy a car, the people who
sit in it
don't say "our car." I don't subscribe to that notion. What happened to man?
That's my
question to all of you wimps out there. What the f*** have you done to
yourselves?">>>
LOL Either that man deserves an Oscar, or he's doing what it seems like he
always has done: posture for the interviewer. He talks macho, but I don't know
anyone that has the kind of acting skill that would let him get away with a
completely different persona for his family. He looks and talks tough, but
inside, he's really just a big softie. Like my DH. ;~)
Peace,
Sang
************************************** Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL at
http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandrewmama
That's what I was thinking. I hope that he's just talking tough for
the interviewer or at least, if he really thinks that way that he
doesn't actually act on his thoughts the way he makes out to the
interviewer.
After reading through that interview I'm quite disillusioned with the
show.
Chris in IA
the interviewer or at least, if he really thinks that way that he
doesn't actually act on his thoughts the way he makes out to the
interviewer.
After reading through that interview I'm quite disillusioned with the
show.
Chris in IA
On Jul 19, 2007, at 11:21 AM, Sanguinegirl83@... wrote:
> He looks and talks tough, but
> inside, he's really just a big softie. Like my DH. ;~)
>
> Peace,
> Sang
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]