reminding the child that it's bedtime
Sandra Dodd
-=-That is..... we (parents ) TRY very hard to refrain from comments
about not practicing piano and using the computer too much and
eating easy sweets instead of other foods.....but we mess up. We are
2 parents with slightly differing approaches.. One parent constantly
reminds the kids to brush their teeth and the other lets them
remember on their own One parent reminds the child that its bedtime. -=-
The full original post is here: http://tinyurl.com/225nll
I'm letting the parent be anonymous because I had this by e-mail, and
am taking it down to component topics. Please respond!
Thanks,
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
about not practicing piano and using the computer too much and
eating easy sweets instead of other foods.....but we mess up. We are
2 parents with slightly differing approaches.. One parent constantly
reminds the kids to brush their teeth and the other lets them
remember on their own One parent reminds the child that its bedtime. -=-
The full original post is here: http://tinyurl.com/225nll
I'm letting the parent be anonymous because I had this by e-mail, and
am taking it down to component topics. Please respond!
Thanks,
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jenstarc4
... One parent constantly
like it. I let her know what's going on the next day, we work out
the details of the morning and then she makes a decision about how
much sleep she will need accordingly. Sometimes she chooses to stay
up really late and not get much sleep, sometimes she goes to bed
early so that she can wake up feeling rested. She knows the
difference and is willing to live with her decision. She is also
welcome to take naps as needed.
My 5 yo will only go to bed when I do. Wether she's tired or not.
If she isn't tired, she doesn't go to sleep, she stays awake and
watches tv or plays in bed with dolls or a game. I tell her when it
is bedtime, or rather when it is MY bedtime. Sometimes she wants to
stay up with her dad, but mostly she wants to be in bed with me.
When I'm getting my pj's on and brushing my teeth, that is what she
is doing, just so that she's ready for falling asleep when she is
tired enough to do so.
We call it bedtime and prepare for it. I remind her of the time and
let her know how much more time there is before we climb in. This
particular child doesn't need as much sleep as other kids her age,
she never took naps ever and still won't even if she is so tired
she's loopy and cranky. We just work around that and offer other
ways to rest and get sleep, like sleeping in or going to bed a tiny
bit earlier, or doing quiet activities together that don't require
lots of energy. Sometimes it's really hard to deal with a very tired
child, but it's easier than being disrespectful of her needs about
sleep and sleeping arrangements.
> reminds the kids to brush their teeth and the other lets thembedtime. -=-
> remember on their own One parent reminds the child that its
>I remind my kids about time. My 13 yo can go to bed when she feels
like it. I let her know what's going on the next day, we work out
the details of the morning and then she makes a decision about how
much sleep she will need accordingly. Sometimes she chooses to stay
up really late and not get much sleep, sometimes she goes to bed
early so that she can wake up feeling rested. She knows the
difference and is willing to live with her decision. She is also
welcome to take naps as needed.
My 5 yo will only go to bed when I do. Wether she's tired or not.
If she isn't tired, she doesn't go to sleep, she stays awake and
watches tv or plays in bed with dolls or a game. I tell her when it
is bedtime, or rather when it is MY bedtime. Sometimes she wants to
stay up with her dad, but mostly she wants to be in bed with me.
When I'm getting my pj's on and brushing my teeth, that is what she
is doing, just so that she's ready for falling asleep when she is
tired enough to do so.
We call it bedtime and prepare for it. I remind her of the time and
let her know how much more time there is before we climb in. This
particular child doesn't need as much sleep as other kids her age,
she never took naps ever and still won't even if she is so tired
she's loopy and cranky. We just work around that and offer other
ways to rest and get sleep, like sleeping in or going to bed a tiny
bit earlier, or doing quiet activities together that don't require
lots of energy. Sometimes it's really hard to deal with a very tired
child, but it's easier than being disrespectful of her needs about
sleep and sleeping arrangements.
Sandra Dodd
Headdy Down
Honey, lay your head down,
Headdy down, head down;
Zibber lay your head down
Just like mine.
CHORUS:
Headdy down, Headdy down,
Headdy headdy head down;
Baby lay your head down
Just like mine.
Old man Zibber See,
Bizzy Bee, Zibby Zea;
Dibuck lay your head down
Just like mine.
CHORUS
Joady, lay your head down,
Keppy down, Kepula
Joady, lay your head down
Just like mine.
CHORUS
Joady Ben, Joadulah,
Benny, Benny Boombloom,
Joady lay your head down
Just like mine.
CHORUS
A lullaby, originally by Woody Guthrie, with new tune and VERY nice
performance by The Klezmatics.
http://www.klezmatics.com/
If you go there, there's a player. On the righthand side of the
player is an up and down arrow. Clicking there shows you the songlist.
I just found this today. It's very sweet, and goes to a three-part
harmony section near the end that's glorious. But it reminded me
that separating children from adults is a problem. Is "bedtime" a
think adults enforce on children, or is it a sensible, shared,
pleasant part of the day?
Sandra
Honey, lay your head down,
Headdy down, head down;
Zibber lay your head down
Just like mine.
CHORUS:
Headdy down, Headdy down,
Headdy headdy head down;
Baby lay your head down
Just like mine.
Old man Zibber See,
Bizzy Bee, Zibby Zea;
Dibuck lay your head down
Just like mine.
CHORUS
Joady, lay your head down,
Keppy down, Kepula
Joady, lay your head down
Just like mine.
CHORUS
Joady Ben, Joadulah,
Benny, Benny Boombloom,
Joady lay your head down
Just like mine.
CHORUS
A lullaby, originally by Woody Guthrie, with new tune and VERY nice
performance by The Klezmatics.
http://www.klezmatics.com/
If you go there, there's a player. On the righthand side of the
player is an up and down arrow. Clicking there shows you the songlist.
I just found this today. It's very sweet, and goes to a three-part
harmony section near the end that's glorious. But it reminded me
that separating children from adults is a problem. Is "bedtime" a
think adults enforce on children, or is it a sensible, shared,
pleasant part of the day?
Sandra
jenstarc4
But it reminded me
is exactly what we do in our house. A sensible, shared, mostly
pleasant time of the day. Sometimes being really tired doesn't make
it as pleasant as could be.
We just recently realized this and started going to bed a wee bit
earlier to make it more pleasant. If we wait till everyone is really
tired, it's sooo much harder and less pleasant. I think part of
growing up is learning to listen to your internal cues. Margaux is
still not really able to cue herself in to the fact that she is
getting tired, and we, the parents, keep missing Margaux's cues, as
she tends to go from happy high energy, to crash in 5 seconds. Okay
I'm exaggerating a little, but when we go to bed before everyone is
tired, there is a huge difference in attitude and pleasantness that
happens.
Getting ready for bed doesn't mean going to sleep, something that
both my girls are keenly aware of. Getting ready for bed, or having
a bedtime is just something we do to prepare ourselves for the
inevitable sleep that comes when we are tired enough to sleep.
> that separating children from adults is a problem. Is "bedtime" aGood point! I never really thought of it exactly like that, but that
> think adults enforce on children, or is it a sensible, shared,
> pleasant part of the day?
>
>
>
> Sandra
>
is exactly what we do in our house. A sensible, shared, mostly
pleasant time of the day. Sometimes being really tired doesn't make
it as pleasant as could be.
We just recently realized this and started going to bed a wee bit
earlier to make it more pleasant. If we wait till everyone is really
tired, it's sooo much harder and less pleasant. I think part of
growing up is learning to listen to your internal cues. Margaux is
still not really able to cue herself in to the fact that she is
getting tired, and we, the parents, keep missing Margaux's cues, as
she tends to go from happy high energy, to crash in 5 seconds. Okay
I'm exaggerating a little, but when we go to bed before everyone is
tired, there is a huge difference in attitude and pleasantness that
happens.
Getting ready for bed doesn't mean going to sleep, something that
both my girls are keenly aware of. Getting ready for bed, or having
a bedtime is just something we do to prepare ourselves for the
inevitable sleep that comes when we are tired enough to sleep.
diana jenner
On 6/26/07, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
When Hayden, 8.7, seems over/under-whelmed by what's going on, I'll offer
other things. When there's no one available on Skype to talk to while he
plays WoW with them, for example. I can offer to sit with him (generally
with food in my hands, peanut butter or chicken works well here) and watch
(he loves to fill me in on the game), cheer him on; or we can play a board
game; or we can ride bikes... I don't think he needs to get off the
computer, though some of the things I offer are not computer related. Mostly
when he's been doing any one thing for a long time, I miss him. He's not
been playing too long, I've been away too long. Yesterday I struck a cool
balance between hovering and absence. I heard friends sign off, I made up a
plate, I hung out & we chatted, then I excused myself when a friend came
back. win/win/win.
If a child wants to hear options, of course playing the piano would be on
the list - it's an option. When Hannah didn't tinkle on the piano for a few
days, I might mention it because I noticed and I missed it. She'd still play
when *she* felt like it; it was nice for her to be reminded it was a
pleasant part of our life too, without obligation to play.
When I see that Hayden has a big pile of freezie-pop wrappers in front of
him and he's reaching for 5 more, I might mention I'd be happy to make him
some food, did he know I just got more of his favorite X? - not a judgment,
reading the signs that he's hungry and is reaching for what's easy - he does
appreciate the offer and often takes me up on something more substantial. I
have to remember to have the substantial things easily accessible, too.
Hayden's been cooking his own eggs for months (he's moved up from scrambled
(wet or dry?) and is perfecting his over-easy) and has just added Ramen and
Grillers to his repertoire. Sometimes easy sweets is just what he needs.
(me, too! I requested and received popcorn and chocolate to perfect my
evening, last night!!)
He's been showering a lot lately. At least twice a week since we've moved
(up from semi-monthly). And brushing his teeth. He's asked me to remind him
daily. So I do. Sometimes he goes and brushes right then and sometimes he
doesn't. He showered and brushed and put on new clothes for the Bowling for
Soup concert last weekend. I merely had the supplies ready.
I go to bed before he does. I make a sleeping spot for him and set up his
comforts before I turn in. I make sure he's fed and watered and well-loved.
He's asked me to curl up with him and I do. At some point I get crowded and
move to my own, larger, bed. He's even come to bed with me and the DVD
player. Having different schedules doesn't mean we don't have a *bedtime*
routine, or two or three ;) We also use this time to talk about the upcoming
days and what the time schedule is like. He'll often curl up in my bed if he
wants me to wake him up when I get up, before 10. He'll take the sofabed if
he's up late and wants to sleep in. I'll remind him, when he has asked, to
*begin cool down* earlier so he can get sleep for the next day. Sleep is
important, you should talk about it. There are ways to make it a
win/win/win/win/win situation.
I'm free to say things.
I'm free to be sure those are comments that add to our relationship and not
detract.
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>This is a subtle shift in *purpose* of commentary, I think.
> -=-That is..... we (parents ) TRY very hard to refrain from comments
> about not practicing piano and using the computer too much and
> eating easy sweets instead of other foods.....but we mess up. We are
> 2 parents with slightly differing approaches.. One parent constantly
> reminds the kids to brush their teeth and the other lets them
> remember on their own One parent reminds the child that its bedtime. -=-
>
When Hayden, 8.7, seems over/under-whelmed by what's going on, I'll offer
other things. When there's no one available on Skype to talk to while he
plays WoW with them, for example. I can offer to sit with him (generally
with food in my hands, peanut butter or chicken works well here) and watch
(he loves to fill me in on the game), cheer him on; or we can play a board
game; or we can ride bikes... I don't think he needs to get off the
computer, though some of the things I offer are not computer related. Mostly
when he's been doing any one thing for a long time, I miss him. He's not
been playing too long, I've been away too long. Yesterday I struck a cool
balance between hovering and absence. I heard friends sign off, I made up a
plate, I hung out & we chatted, then I excused myself when a friend came
back. win/win/win.
If a child wants to hear options, of course playing the piano would be on
the list - it's an option. When Hannah didn't tinkle on the piano for a few
days, I might mention it because I noticed and I missed it. She'd still play
when *she* felt like it; it was nice for her to be reminded it was a
pleasant part of our life too, without obligation to play.
When I see that Hayden has a big pile of freezie-pop wrappers in front of
him and he's reaching for 5 more, I might mention I'd be happy to make him
some food, did he know I just got more of his favorite X? - not a judgment,
reading the signs that he's hungry and is reaching for what's easy - he does
appreciate the offer and often takes me up on something more substantial. I
have to remember to have the substantial things easily accessible, too.
Hayden's been cooking his own eggs for months (he's moved up from scrambled
(wet or dry?) and is perfecting his over-easy) and has just added Ramen and
Grillers to his repertoire. Sometimes easy sweets is just what he needs.
(me, too! I requested and received popcorn and chocolate to perfect my
evening, last night!!)
He's been showering a lot lately. At least twice a week since we've moved
(up from semi-monthly). And brushing his teeth. He's asked me to remind him
daily. So I do. Sometimes he goes and brushes right then and sometimes he
doesn't. He showered and brushed and put on new clothes for the Bowling for
Soup concert last weekend. I merely had the supplies ready.
I go to bed before he does. I make a sleeping spot for him and set up his
comforts before I turn in. I make sure he's fed and watered and well-loved.
He's asked me to curl up with him and I do. At some point I get crowded and
move to my own, larger, bed. He's even come to bed with me and the DVD
player. Having different schedules doesn't mean we don't have a *bedtime*
routine, or two or three ;) We also use this time to talk about the upcoming
days and what the time schedule is like. He'll often curl up in my bed if he
wants me to wake him up when I get up, before 10. He'll take the sofabed if
he's up late and wants to sleep in. I'll remind him, when he has asked, to
*begin cool down* earlier so he can get sleep for the next day. Sleep is
important, you should talk about it. There are ways to make it a
win/win/win/win/win situation.
I'm free to say things.
I'm free to be sure those are comments that add to our relationship and not
detract.
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-and using the computer too much-=-
I think it's the idea of "too much" and not the child's computer use
that's the problem.
Parents have a model image of the way their child "should" be and
they look at that instead of looking at their real, live child as she
actually in that moment is. That's a problem.
-=-One parent reminds the child that its bedtime-=-
If there IS a bedtime, someone might as well remind her.
When something is scheduled, reminders are good (from anyone, to
anyone).
If something isn't scheduled, and the child is to be allowed to make
her own decisions, or go to bed when she's tired instead of by the
clock (if she's old enough to be up without others with her) that's a
different deal.
Mixing and matching can't work very well. If one wants to take away
reminders but not requirements, that doesn't make sense. If one
wants to take away requirements but still remind (shame?) kids to do
the thing that is no longer "required" that's not good either.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I think it's the idea of "too much" and not the child's computer use
that's the problem.
Parents have a model image of the way their child "should" be and
they look at that instead of looking at their real, live child as she
actually in that moment is. That's a problem.
-=-One parent reminds the child that its bedtime-=-
If there IS a bedtime, someone might as well remind her.
When something is scheduled, reminders are good (from anyone, to
anyone).
If something isn't scheduled, and the child is to be allowed to make
her own decisions, or go to bed when she's tired instead of by the
clock (if she's old enough to be up without others with her) that's a
different deal.
Mixing and matching can't work very well. If one wants to take away
reminders but not requirements, that doesn't make sense. If one
wants to take away requirements but still remind (shame?) kids to do
the thing that is no longer "required" that's not good either.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]