[email protected]

In a message dated 01/23/2002 9:59:34 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:


> We have a "situation" here right now. My son, who is 14 today (wow! when did
> THAT happen??) has a very good (also 14) friend who confided in him a year
> ago that she's gay. She's been debating for months on how/when to tell her
> parents, and it came out vaguely in a heated argument a week ago. Two days
> ago, her parents had rummaged through her room and found a love letter from
> her girlfriend. They attacked her with it, and she ran over here in tears
> that night.
>
> Her parents are very religious (SC, remember) and homophobic and know that
> she's going straight to hell. Her older sister was "Miss Blue Devil", a
> social butterfly, and modeled for a while; and this girl can't do anything
> right.
>
> She's really a delightful girl---her parents only see "dyke". They've taken
> away her phone, her computer, all functions (no going out with friends, no
> movies, no parties, etc), and (worst of all) called her friend's parents
> and
> "outed" this girl as well to her parents! Both girls are very upset---and
> can't even speak to each other! They don't go to the same school, so they
> can't even see each other there.
>
> She's welcome to use our phone and computer (although the other girl's
> parents have agreed that they are NEVER to speak to each other again) and
> just to hang out here as much as possible.< I guess the "straight" boy's
> not
> seen as a threat.> And she seems to need to talk both to Cameron and to me.
>
> Anyway, I was hoping for *something* from y'all---especially maybe
> KathrynB---something that I could give her to help her through this. My
> advice so far has been to "lay low" and not stir things up. And that they
> can
> control her environment, but not her thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and
> sexuality. And to write a letter telling her parents calmly and gently how
> she feels (all conversations turn into "who can yell the loudest").
>
> Anything else from y'all?
>
> Thanks so much!
>
> Kelly
>

Oh, my! My first thought, of course, was *She can come live with us!*

Kelly, the first, best thing, is that she has you and your son. One of the
biggest reasons the suicide rate among gay teens is so high is that they have
NO ONE. You two have the opportunity to let her know that she's okay, she's
normal, that she's loved. You know how to say, "uh-huh, yes, isn't it
terrible" to her parents (or to educate them if you think that's possible,
but it's more important that they let you be with her) and to give her space
and resources and options.

Fourteen sucks. She has a long time before she can really be free of her
parents, and they CAN control her environment. Your advice to lie low is
probably best at this point. I'll try to come up with some resources she can
keep at your house. Where do you live? There may be some local groups she can
connect with.

I'll think about this and try to think of some other ideas.

Kelly...thank you SO much for being there for her.

Kathryn Baptista


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Julie Stauffer

When I was in High School, I wanted Ricky so bad. He was tall, handsome,
funny, kind. I just loved him to death. I tried and tried to get him
interested in me. I even tried out for the school play so I could kiss him
(he was the lead in a romantic comedy) I wasn't half bad looking back then
and couldn't figure out why he wasn't interested at all.

Somebody told me he had a girlfriend in Oklahoma, a few hours away. I was
bummed but figured that explained it. Several years later, I learned that
Ricky was gay, had known about it for years and had run off with another
friend from High School to California. It broke my heart when I learned
they both died of AIDS. They were good friends and I miss them.

Perhaps a long distance romance could also solve some problems.

Julie