Neighbourhood kid problem
Melissa Baker
I'm new to the group. I have a question that I would like to hear a radical
unschooler's (or really any) approach on.
A little background: I have 3 kids (almost 6, 3 and 10 weeks) and a husband
that travels regularly. Since we moved to this house we have had a problem
with the neighbourhood boys (around 5, 7 and 11) that have no boundaries and
play out on the street constantly. Our neighbourhood recently had a child
abductor around, so it is not safe enough for this. They also tormented one
of our dogs (over the fence) to the point that he now tries to bite children
he doesn't know out of fear.
So every day when they finish school they turn up on my doorstep (their
mother really has little to do with them) and want to come inside and play.
While they are here, things are misused and broken and the house is
completely trashed. I can't redirect them outside because the dog will bite
one of them. I honestly don't have the energy to clean up after 3 extra
children, while carrying my baby and tending to the household, kids and
pets. I have even asked the boys to help tidy up before they go but they
just run off. They will stay for hours at a time with no consideration for
meal times (sorry, turning into a rant now!).
The problem is that my kids want to play with them. I don't want to say no,
but have because I just can't face having them over again. I have tried to
explain that they create a lot of extra work for me and it's just too much,
but my kids just want to play (I can't blame them for that).
So what would you do?
Melissa Baker
www.melissabaker.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
unschooler's (or really any) approach on.
A little background: I have 3 kids (almost 6, 3 and 10 weeks) and a husband
that travels regularly. Since we moved to this house we have had a problem
with the neighbourhood boys (around 5, 7 and 11) that have no boundaries and
play out on the street constantly. Our neighbourhood recently had a child
abductor around, so it is not safe enough for this. They also tormented one
of our dogs (over the fence) to the point that he now tries to bite children
he doesn't know out of fear.
So every day when they finish school they turn up on my doorstep (their
mother really has little to do with them) and want to come inside and play.
While they are here, things are misused and broken and the house is
completely trashed. I can't redirect them outside because the dog will bite
one of them. I honestly don't have the energy to clean up after 3 extra
children, while carrying my baby and tending to the household, kids and
pets. I have even asked the boys to help tidy up before they go but they
just run off. They will stay for hours at a time with no consideration for
meal times (sorry, turning into a rant now!).
The problem is that my kids want to play with them. I don't want to say no,
but have because I just can't face having them over again. I have tried to
explain that they create a lot of extra work for me and it's just too much,
but my kids just want to play (I can't blame them for that).
So what would you do?
Melissa Baker
www.melissabaker.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-They also tormented one
of our dogs (over the fence) to the point that he now tries to bite
children
he doesn't know out of fear.-=-
Can you bring the dog in and let the kids play outside?
Can you give the kids whistles and tell them if someone comes and
talks to them and might be an abductor, to blow the whistles and run
home?
-=-. I honestly don't have the energy to clean up after 3 extra
children, while carrying my baby and tending to the household, kids and
pets.-=-
Do you have the energy to find other friends for your kids and drive
them there and hang out while they play?
Doesn't "tending to the household" include cleaning up after your
kids' chosen activities?
Would it be less work for you to anticipate the possibility of a
visit and set up something for them to do and tell them they can do
that if they want to, and then have a clean-up plan already in place?
-=-I have tried to
explain that they create a lot of extra work for me and it's just too
much,
but my kids just want to play (I can't blame them for that).
So what would you do?-=-
I would find ways to say yes.
http://sandradodd.com/yes
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
of our dogs (over the fence) to the point that he now tries to bite
children
he doesn't know out of fear.-=-
Can you bring the dog in and let the kids play outside?
Can you give the kids whistles and tell them if someone comes and
talks to them and might be an abductor, to blow the whistles and run
home?
-=-. I honestly don't have the energy to clean up after 3 extra
children, while carrying my baby and tending to the household, kids and
pets.-=-
Do you have the energy to find other friends for your kids and drive
them there and hang out while they play?
Doesn't "tending to the household" include cleaning up after your
kids' chosen activities?
Would it be less work for you to anticipate the possibility of a
visit and set up something for them to do and tell them they can do
that if they want to, and then have a clean-up plan already in place?
-=-I have tried to
explain that they create a lot of extra work for me and it's just too
much,
but my kids just want to play (I can't blame them for that).
So what would you do?-=-
I would find ways to say yes.
http://sandradodd.com/yes
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jen mobley
God, does Sandra Dodd even HAVE kids? Why does everything she types sound so
holyier than thou Martha Stewart evil mother in law-ish??
Like puzzles? Play free games & earn great prizes. Play Clink now.
http://club.live.com/clink.aspx?icid=clink_hotmailtextlink2
holyier than thou Martha Stewart evil mother in law-ish??
>From: Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...>_________________________________________________________________
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Neighbourhood kid problem
>Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2007 09:17:43 -0600
>
>-=-They also tormented one
>of our dogs (over the fence) to the point that he now tries to bite
>children
>he doesn't know out of fear.-=-
>
>Can you bring the dog in and let the kids play outside?
>
>Can you give the kids whistles and tell them if someone comes and
>talks to them and might be an abductor, to blow the whistles and run
>home?
>
>-=-. I honestly don't have the energy to clean up after 3 extra
>children, while carrying my baby and tending to the household, kids and
>pets.-=-
>
>Do you have the energy to find other friends for your kids and drive
>them there and hang out while they play?
>
>Doesn't "tending to the household" include cleaning up after your
>kids' chosen activities?
>
>Would it be less work for you to anticipate the possibility of a
>visit and set up something for them to do and tell them they can do
>that if they want to, and then have a clean-up plan already in place?
>
>-=-I have tried to
>explain that they create a lot of extra work for me and it's just too
>much,
>but my kids just want to play (I can't blame them for that).
>
>So what would you do?-=-
>
>I would find ways to say yes.
>http://sandradodd.com/yes
>
>Sandra
>
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Like puzzles? Play free games & earn great prizes. Play Clink now.
http://club.live.com/clink.aspx?icid=clink_hotmailtextlink2
Marie Gould
Hi Melissa,
Do you have the energy to invite the kids over for a popsicle and sit
them down to discuss some rules of your home.
Let them know that you like it when they visit, but they need to
understand that there are rules in your home.
Maybe they can make up their own rules as well.
Be respectful of the home.
Kind to the dog. - you may have to reintroduce the dog to the
children (you holding the dog) and them gently approaching him.
Maybe a time limit to their visit (ie: leave 1/2 hour or hour before
your lunch or dinner)
Clean up together before leaving. etc.
If the rules are not followed then they will have to leave. The ball
will be in their court.
It may take a few goodbyes before they get that the rules cause
consequences.
You will be able to say yes a lot more to them if they understand
reasonable boundaries.
Good luck!
Marie Gould, Cape Cod, MA
Do you have the energy to invite the kids over for a popsicle and sit
them down to discuss some rules of your home.
Let them know that you like it when they visit, but they need to
understand that there are rules in your home.
Maybe they can make up their own rules as well.
Be respectful of the home.
Kind to the dog. - you may have to reintroduce the dog to the
children (you holding the dog) and them gently approaching him.
Maybe a time limit to their visit (ie: leave 1/2 hour or hour before
your lunch or dinner)
Clean up together before leaving. etc.
If the rules are not followed then they will have to leave. The ball
will be in their court.
It may take a few goodbyes before they get that the rules cause
consequences.
You will be able to say yes a lot more to them if they understand
reasonable boundaries.
Good luck!
Marie Gould, Cape Cod, MA
On Jun 21, 2007, at 1:51 AM, Melissa Baker wrote:
> I'm new to the group. I have a question that I would like to hear a
> radical
> unschooler's (or really any) approach on.
>
> A little background: I have 3 kids (almost 6, 3 and 10 weeks) and a
> husband
> that travels regularly. Since we moved to this house we have had a
> problem
> with the neighbourhood boys (around 5, 7 and 11) that have no
> boundaries and
> play out on the street constantly. Our neighbourhood recently had a
> child
> abductor around, so it is not safe enough for this. They also
> tormented one
> of our dogs (over the fence) to the point that he now tries to bite
> children
> he doesn't know out of fear.
>
> So every day when they finish school they turn up on my doorstep
> (their
> mother really has little to do with them) and want to come inside
> and play.
> While they are here, things are misused and broken and the house is
> completely trashed. I can't redirect them outside because the dog
> will bite
> one of them. I honestly don't have the energy to clean up after 3
> extra
> children, while carrying my baby and tending to the household, kids
> and
> pets. I have even asked the boys to help tidy up before they go but
> they
> just run off. They will stay for hours at a time with no
> consideration for
> meal times (sorry, turning into a rant now!).
>
> The problem is that my kids want to play with them. I don't want to
> say no,
> but have because I just can't face having them over again. I have
> tried to
> explain that they create a lot of extra work for me and it's just
> too much,
> but my kids just want to play (I can't blame them for that).
>
> So what would you do?
>
> Melissa Baker
> www.melissabaker.com
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
Wow! How rude are you?!!
Sandra has 3 kids. She has helped more people with her wit, wisdom and
experience than your insulting of her will ever do.
Rereading Sandra's post I see nothing to take offense at. Really. Someone
came looking for help with children and Sandra offered very practical
suggestions. Your response isn't practical, nor is it about the problems the
OP was having. It was just a mean remark. That's all. Just mean.
Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com
Sandra has 3 kids. She has helped more people with her wit, wisdom and
experience than your insulting of her will ever do.
Rereading Sandra's post I see nothing to take offense at. Really. Someone
came looking for help with children and Sandra offered very practical
suggestions. Your response isn't practical, nor is it about the problems the
OP was having. It was just a mean remark. That's all. Just mean.
Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com
----- Original Message -----
From: "jen mobley" <jenpmobley@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Friday, June 22, 2007 2:15 PM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Neighbourhood kid problem
> God, does Sandra Dodd even HAVE kids? Why does everything she types sound
> so
> holyier than thou Martha Stewart evil mother in law-ish??
>
Helen Cain
>God, does Sandra Dodd even HAVE kids? Why does everything she types sound soOh, come on! You're on Sandra's list here. If you don't like her
>holyier than thou Martha Stewart evil mother in law-ish??
tone, find another list that suits you better. No one forced you to
come here, and no one's forcing you to stay.
There are hundreds of people on this list who *do* appreciate what
she has to say and the way she says it.
Helen in Melbourne, Australia
> >From: Sandra Dodd <<mailto:Sandra%40SandraDodd.com>Sandra@...>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >Reply-To:
> <mailto:AlwaysLearning%40yahoogroups.com>[email protected]
> >To: <mailto:AlwaysLearning%40yahoogroups.com>[email protected]
> >Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Neighbourhood kid problem
> >Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2007 09:17:43 -0600
> >
> >-=-They also tormented one
> >of our dogs (over the fence) to the point that he now tries to bite
> >children
> >he doesn't know out of fear.-=-
> >
> >Can you bring the dog in and let the kids play outside?
> >
> >Can you give the kids whistles and tell them if someone comes and
> >talks to them and might be an abductor, to blow the whistles and run
> >home?
> >
> >-=-. I honestly don't have the energy to clean up after 3 extra
> >children, while carrying my baby and tending to the household, kids and
> >pets.-=-
> >
> >Do you have the energy to find other friends for your kids and drive
> >them there and hang out while they play?
> >
> >Doesn't "tending to the household" include cleaning up after your
> >kids' chosen activities?
> >
> >Would it be less work for you to anticipate the possibility of a
> >visit and set up something for them to do and tell them they can do
> >that if they want to, and then have a clean-up plan already in place?
> >
> >-=-I have tried to
> >explain that they create a lot of extra work for me and it's just too
> >much,
> >but my kids just want to play (I can't blame them for that).
> >
> >So what would you do?-=-
> >
> >I would find ways to say yes.
> ><http://sandradodd.com/yes>http://sandradodd.com/yes
> >
> >Sandra
> >
> >[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
>
>__________________________________________________________
>Like puzzles? Play free games & earn great prizes. Play Clink now.
><http://club.live.com/clink.aspx?icid=clink_hotmailtextlink2>http://club.live.com/clink.aspx?icid=clink_hotmailtextlink2
>
>
Sandra Dodd
-=-God, does Sandra Dodd even HAVE kids? Why does everything she
types sound so
holyier than thou Martha Stewart evil mother in law-ish??-=-
Are you asking God, or are you asking the others on the list?
God knows, and at least twenty of the other moms have been to my
house, and at least 100 of the other moms have met my kids at
conferences.
I let that post through because it made me laugh. And those who've
been to my house will laugh at the "Martha Stewart" comment.
I don't know how your mother in law is. Mine's pretty harsh, but she
backed down and put IN WRITING that our homeschooling was having
really good results.
You know why she wrote that? Because after years of her being SURE
that the other grandkids would turn out better, they did not. They
got surly and awful and their go-to-church parents separated and
those kids never came to visit them when they weren't forced to, but
mine go voluntarily and sweetly. Kirby went when he was 18, and he
had been pretty much excused-for-all-time when he was 15 and she said
none of her boys ever went on family trips once they turned 15.
She wrote that because she saw the results of what we were doing.
When she told Marty, who was a little guy maybe five or six, that he
couldn't have any dessert because he didn't finish his (canned)
vegetables, I pushed my little raisin compote bowl over and said he
could have mine, without a glance at my mother in law.
She changed her mind and admitted it, which people do here too, if
they stick around long enough.
I cared more about Marty than I did about her.
I care more about the children of those who come to this list than I
care about the moms.
If a mom's priority is her own feelings and the work it will take for
her to clean up after a visit, that will be an ongoing problem for
her children.
I put my kids' happiness and peace and learning above my own. The
results are stunning. http://sandradodd.com/unexpected
I want to help other people learn the simple, simple truth that if
they are generous with their children, the whole family's life gets
better right then and there and stays better for years, maybe for the
rest of their lives.
The whole world around you will say "take care of yourself first;
they're just kids; tell them what to do; don't take any lip; you're
the parent; you're the boss; it's your house; you know what's best;
they don't ned to be making choices; they're too young; what do they
know?; you waited all these years, now it's your turn; keep them in
line; don't let them make a mess; make them clean up."
If those are the messages you like, this isn't the list for you.
Coming here and complaining about the list only makes a person look
churlish and immature.
If you want to stick around and READ and think instead of writing
snarky little complaints, it might do your family a lot of good. If
you don't want to do your family a lot of good, this isn't the list
for you.
If you don't want to change, if you don't want to consider ideals and
aim for them, but you're happy with justifications and excuses, this
isn't the list for you.
Kirby was five and Marty was nearly three when I had Holly.
Kirby is nearly 21 and Holly is 15 and a half. They're healthy,
happy, respected and respectful.
Kirby has worked since he was 14 and was offered a job. He still
lives at home, though others have asked him to move into apartments
with them because they LIKE him. He's considering moving to Austin
in August because his job is moving there. He might or might not,
but we've assured him he can try it, learn what it's like to live
somewhere else, and come home whenever he wants to. (Other families
we know threw their kids out when they were 18, or started charging
them serious rent, or gave them a choice of military or college,
period.--THAT sounds evil to me.)
Marty has worked since he was 14 and was offered a job, but this
summer he's living on his savings (many thousands of dollars he
didn't spend while he was working) so he can travel a little, take
his sister to a music festival in another city overnight, do some
camping, and goof around. Yesterday he went to a movie with
friends, even though he said he would go with me to do something that
evening--a presentation on medieval costume. He assured me they
would be there, in costume, on time. They were there, they were
early, they helped arrange the tables and cleaned up afterwards. Not
many fifteen year olds and their 21 and 22 year old friends will do
that for a mom. They did it for themselves, though. They were
interested in the topic.
Holly is in Rhode Island visiting another unschooling family. She
saved her own money from babysitting, bought the ticket and took
spending money. I was sad to take her to the airport. She was glad
to go, but was already looking forward to coming back to hang out
with her friend Sierra, and with London and his brother Romeo and
their friend Buddy. She has plans for 4th of July, and that music
festival, and a medieval campout. She and Marty are going to Florida
and North Carolina in August. She's going with me to a homeschooling
conference in September.
What was the question? Do I have kids?
God knows I have kids.
God knows they've never been to school, nor been "schooled at home,"
and that they're very HAPPY kids.
God knows this list has helped other people's families be happier too.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
types sound so
holyier than thou Martha Stewart evil mother in law-ish??-=-
Are you asking God, or are you asking the others on the list?
God knows, and at least twenty of the other moms have been to my
house, and at least 100 of the other moms have met my kids at
conferences.
I let that post through because it made me laugh. And those who've
been to my house will laugh at the "Martha Stewart" comment.
I don't know how your mother in law is. Mine's pretty harsh, but she
backed down and put IN WRITING that our homeschooling was having
really good results.
You know why she wrote that? Because after years of her being SURE
that the other grandkids would turn out better, they did not. They
got surly and awful and their go-to-church parents separated and
those kids never came to visit them when they weren't forced to, but
mine go voluntarily and sweetly. Kirby went when he was 18, and he
had been pretty much excused-for-all-time when he was 15 and she said
none of her boys ever went on family trips once they turned 15.
She wrote that because she saw the results of what we were doing.
When she told Marty, who was a little guy maybe five or six, that he
couldn't have any dessert because he didn't finish his (canned)
vegetables, I pushed my little raisin compote bowl over and said he
could have mine, without a glance at my mother in law.
She changed her mind and admitted it, which people do here too, if
they stick around long enough.
I cared more about Marty than I did about her.
I care more about the children of those who come to this list than I
care about the moms.
If a mom's priority is her own feelings and the work it will take for
her to clean up after a visit, that will be an ongoing problem for
her children.
I put my kids' happiness and peace and learning above my own. The
results are stunning. http://sandradodd.com/unexpected
I want to help other people learn the simple, simple truth that if
they are generous with their children, the whole family's life gets
better right then and there and stays better for years, maybe for the
rest of their lives.
The whole world around you will say "take care of yourself first;
they're just kids; tell them what to do; don't take any lip; you're
the parent; you're the boss; it's your house; you know what's best;
they don't ned to be making choices; they're too young; what do they
know?; you waited all these years, now it's your turn; keep them in
line; don't let them make a mess; make them clean up."
If those are the messages you like, this isn't the list for you.
Coming here and complaining about the list only makes a person look
churlish and immature.
If you want to stick around and READ and think instead of writing
snarky little complaints, it might do your family a lot of good. If
you don't want to do your family a lot of good, this isn't the list
for you.
If you don't want to change, if you don't want to consider ideals and
aim for them, but you're happy with justifications and excuses, this
isn't the list for you.
Kirby was five and Marty was nearly three when I had Holly.
Kirby is nearly 21 and Holly is 15 and a half. They're healthy,
happy, respected and respectful.
Kirby has worked since he was 14 and was offered a job. He still
lives at home, though others have asked him to move into apartments
with them because they LIKE him. He's considering moving to Austin
in August because his job is moving there. He might or might not,
but we've assured him he can try it, learn what it's like to live
somewhere else, and come home whenever he wants to. (Other families
we know threw their kids out when they were 18, or started charging
them serious rent, or gave them a choice of military or college,
period.--THAT sounds evil to me.)
Marty has worked since he was 14 and was offered a job, but this
summer he's living on his savings (many thousands of dollars he
didn't spend while he was working) so he can travel a little, take
his sister to a music festival in another city overnight, do some
camping, and goof around. Yesterday he went to a movie with
friends, even though he said he would go with me to do something that
evening--a presentation on medieval costume. He assured me they
would be there, in costume, on time. They were there, they were
early, they helped arrange the tables and cleaned up afterwards. Not
many fifteen year olds and their 21 and 22 year old friends will do
that for a mom. They did it for themselves, though. They were
interested in the topic.
Holly is in Rhode Island visiting another unschooling family. She
saved her own money from babysitting, bought the ticket and took
spending money. I was sad to take her to the airport. She was glad
to go, but was already looking forward to coming back to hang out
with her friend Sierra, and with London and his brother Romeo and
their friend Buddy. She has plans for 4th of July, and that music
festival, and a medieval campout. She and Marty are going to Florida
and North Carolina in August. She's going with me to a homeschooling
conference in September.
What was the question? Do I have kids?
God knows I have kids.
God knows they've never been to school, nor been "schooled at home,"
and that they're very HAPPY kids.
God knows this list has helped other people's families be happier too.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
donannedean
I believe in ballance. I have found that if I say yes to my children
all the time and forget to say yes to what I want or need then I am
too drained to be a happy mom. I believe the problem lies within
society. In an ideal society the mom would have much much nore help.
She wouldn't have to do it all herself. Last night my 18 month old
was up from 1-5am. She was teething. Then my four year old got up at
6.30am. We all sleep together. My four year old still nurses once a
day in the morning. I just couldn't do it this morning. My husband
couldn't help with night time parenting because he has a hard day of
work. I have piles of dishes and I even have a mothers helper this
morning. I still just need to relax. I only have two kids. I can't
imagine what it is like to have more right now. When I can't nurse my
four year old because I am too wiped out I tell her why and offer her
a bottle of rice milk and hold her when she cries. When I just can't
say yes because it is too draining for me physically(I don't want to
example to them that I give and give and give and never nourish
myself) I offer as many alternatives as I can. If you can afford it a
mothers helper can really be a blessing. I practice getting my
children involved in finding a solution. They are so smart. You
already told them that you don't like cleaning up after the neighbors
kids. You are exausted and caring for a baby. Maybe ask them what
they think could be a solution. If you don't like having the
neighbors children around and you still want to honor your childrens
desires then maybe a compromise would work. Maybe allow the visitors
for 45 min only? Or see if you could find other friends with
children to come over for a visit. Maybe your kids would like to play
with thier kids as well and then there would be another parent around
to clean up after their own children.
I wish I could send you a mothers helper. Maybe lots of them. I
really think us moms don't have enough support in this society.
Donanne
--- In [email protected], "jen mobley" <jenpmobley@...>
wrote:
all the time and forget to say yes to what I want or need then I am
too drained to be a happy mom. I believe the problem lies within
society. In an ideal society the mom would have much much nore help.
She wouldn't have to do it all herself. Last night my 18 month old
was up from 1-5am. She was teething. Then my four year old got up at
6.30am. We all sleep together. My four year old still nurses once a
day in the morning. I just couldn't do it this morning. My husband
couldn't help with night time parenting because he has a hard day of
work. I have piles of dishes and I even have a mothers helper this
morning. I still just need to relax. I only have two kids. I can't
imagine what it is like to have more right now. When I can't nurse my
four year old because I am too wiped out I tell her why and offer her
a bottle of rice milk and hold her when she cries. When I just can't
say yes because it is too draining for me physically(I don't want to
example to them that I give and give and give and never nourish
myself) I offer as many alternatives as I can. If you can afford it a
mothers helper can really be a blessing. I practice getting my
children involved in finding a solution. They are so smart. You
already told them that you don't like cleaning up after the neighbors
kids. You are exausted and caring for a baby. Maybe ask them what
they think could be a solution. If you don't like having the
neighbors children around and you still want to honor your childrens
desires then maybe a compromise would work. Maybe allow the visitors
for 45 min only? Or see if you could find other friends with
children to come over for a visit. Maybe your kids would like to play
with thier kids as well and then there would be another parent around
to clean up after their own children.
I wish I could send you a mothers helper. Maybe lots of them. I
really think us moms don't have enough support in this society.
Donanne
--- In [email protected], "jen mobley" <jenpmobley@...>
wrote:
>sound so
> God, does Sandra Dodd even HAVE kids? Why does everything she types
> holyier than thou Martha Stewart evil mother in law-ish??run
>
>
> >From: Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...>
> >Reply-To: [email protected]
> >To: [email protected]
> >Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Neighbourhood kid problem
> >Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2007 09:17:43 -0600
> >
> >-=-They also tormented one
> >of our dogs (over the fence) to the point that he now tries to bite
> >children
> >he doesn't know out of fear.-=-
> >
> >Can you bring the dog in and let the kids play outside?
> >
> >Can you give the kids whistles and tell them if someone comes and
> >talks to them and might be an abductor, to blow the whistles and
> >home?kids and
> >
> >-=-. I honestly don't have the energy to clean up after 3 extra
> >children, while carrying my baby and tending to the household,
> >pets.-=-drive
> >
> >Do you have the energy to find other friends for your kids and
> >them there and hang out while they play?place?
> >
> >Doesn't "tending to the household" include cleaning up after your
> >kids' chosen activities?
> >
> >Would it be less work for you to anticipate the possibility of a
> >visit and set up something for them to do and tell them they can do
> >that if they want to, and then have a clean-up plan already in
> >too
> >-=-I have tried to
> >explain that they create a lot of extra work for me and it's just
> >much,
> >but my kids just want to play (I can't blame them for that).
> >
> >So what would you do?-=-
> >
> >I would find ways to say yes.
> >http://sandradodd.com/yes
> >
> >Sandra
> >
> >[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
>
> _________________________________________________________________
> Like puzzles? Play free games & earn great prizes. Play Clink now.
> http://club.live.com/clink.aspx?icid=clink_hotmailtextlink2
>
Ed Wendell
Well I'm not G-d - wouldn't want to get struck by lightening or anything ;) (my favorite saying to my 13 yr old son when he makes an: I wonder about religion and G-d observation - our son dissects everything even G-d and religion)
But what was wrong with Sandra's responses ? - I thought they were very practical - not way out there in thinking - just bring the dog in and let the kids play outside is very simple IMO - not evil at all. Sometimes we cannot see the forest for the trees (cannot see the big picture due to being bogged down in details) or cannot see the trees for the forest (cannot see the details due to only seeing the big picture) because we are so caught up in the moment - so we ask for help / suggestions. I may not even follow those suggestions, but those suggestions often stimulate my brain to think up my own solution - oh my, stimulate me into thinking for myself!!!!! How unschoolish!
Some day I may be a mother-in-law and my mother is a mother-in-law: So what is with the stereotypes ? My husband certainly does not think of my mother as evil (I just asked him) - she may not be the smartest - LOL - she just got married for the fourth time last Saturday and we all think she has a screw loose but hey it's her life and I'd never say this to her - but certainly not evil. I do love her dearly - she's my mom, not perfect (no one is), but my mom anyway !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then I found out that her new hubby has a cat that they are leaving with one of his son's because my dear hubby has severe cat allergies. She said they decided that the cat would be better off with the son because if they took the new cat to her house (which is where they will live) then we could not stay with them when we visit. They will live in AL and we live in MO. - 16 hours away. How very kind and considerate.
AND my mom and I just got through exchanging emails about school and education - she is admitting for the first time that she thinks our son is getting the best there is - that if she had it to do over she would not send her children to school. Shoot - I went and tried to find the emails so I could quote her but I've deleted them. Oh well they are in my heart.
Lisa
But what was wrong with Sandra's responses ? - I thought they were very practical - not way out there in thinking - just bring the dog in and let the kids play outside is very simple IMO - not evil at all. Sometimes we cannot see the forest for the trees (cannot see the big picture due to being bogged down in details) or cannot see the trees for the forest (cannot see the details due to only seeing the big picture) because we are so caught up in the moment - so we ask for help / suggestions. I may not even follow those suggestions, but those suggestions often stimulate my brain to think up my own solution - oh my, stimulate me into thinking for myself!!!!! How unschoolish!
Some day I may be a mother-in-law and my mother is a mother-in-law: So what is with the stereotypes ? My husband certainly does not think of my mother as evil (I just asked him) - she may not be the smartest - LOL - she just got married for the fourth time last Saturday and we all think she has a screw loose but hey it's her life and I'd never say this to her - but certainly not evil. I do love her dearly - she's my mom, not perfect (no one is), but my mom anyway !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then I found out that her new hubby has a cat that they are leaving with one of his son's because my dear hubby has severe cat allergies. She said they decided that the cat would be better off with the son because if they took the new cat to her house (which is where they will live) then we could not stay with them when we visit. They will live in AL and we live in MO. - 16 hours away. How very kind and considerate.
AND my mom and I just got through exchanging emails about school and education - she is admitting for the first time that she thinks our son is getting the best there is - that if she had it to do over she would not send her children to school. Shoot - I went and tried to find the emails so I could quote her but I've deleted them. Oh well they are in my heart.
Lisa
----- Original Message -----
From: jen mobley
God, does Sandra Dodd even HAVE kids? Why does everything she types sound so holyier than thou Martha Stewart evil mother in law-ish??
.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=I believe in ballance. I have found that if I say yes to my children
all the time and forget to say yes to what I want or need then I am
too drained to be a happy mom. I believe the problem lies within
society.-=-
There seems to be an implication here that I don't believe in
balance, and that it's easy to just blame society and accept things
the way they are.
http://sandradodd.com/balance
http://sandradodd.com/priorities
http://sandradodd.com/mindfulness
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
all the time and forget to say yes to what I want or need then I am
too drained to be a happy mom. I believe the problem lies within
society.-=-
There seems to be an implication here that I don't believe in
balance, and that it's easy to just blame society and accept things
the way they are.
http://sandradodd.com/balance
http://sandradodd.com/priorities
http://sandradodd.com/mindfulness
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-But what was wrong with Sandra's responses ? - I thought they were
very practical - not way out there in thinking - just bring the dog
in and let the kids play outside is very simple IMO - not evil at
all. Sometimes we cannot see the forest for the trees (cannot see the
big picture due to being bogged down in details) or cannot see the
trees for the forest -=-
I think I know the answer.
People come here wanting "support."
But "support" I think people (women) want cooing sympathy and "there
there" noises.
"You can't help it."
"You're right."
"Poor thing."
The support I offer is how they can change their thinking and their
perspective and actions so that their priorities shift to the point
that they don't NEED cooing tea-party noise, but they can take their
confidence from their children's peace and happiness.
So because I said "Well change something," I wasn't "supportive" of
the mom.
The forest didn't come and ask for help, the tree did. The weeping
willow doesn't want someone to say "Stop crying and look up at the
sun and GROW! You have baby trees down that that need you to be fun
and good."
I'm trying to point out to people that they DO have choices, that
they make choices all the time.
Some people like to choose to think they have no choice.
That's not growth. That's curling up and giving up.
That's martyrdom.
Some people say putting children first is martyrdom. Making choices
is strength and freedom. CHOOSING to put someone else first isn't
even a little bit similar to feeling forced to do so.
http://sandradodd.com/chore/shift.html
http://sandradodd.com/chore/option.html
If ALL a mom has to do to arrange for her children to have a play
time with other kids that they wanted to have is to clean up after
it, she should be glad, not weepy-willowy.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
very practical - not way out there in thinking - just bring the dog
in and let the kids play outside is very simple IMO - not evil at
all. Sometimes we cannot see the forest for the trees (cannot see the
big picture due to being bogged down in details) or cannot see the
trees for the forest -=-
I think I know the answer.
People come here wanting "support."
But "support" I think people (women) want cooing sympathy and "there
there" noises.
"You can't help it."
"You're right."
"Poor thing."
The support I offer is how they can change their thinking and their
perspective and actions so that their priorities shift to the point
that they don't NEED cooing tea-party noise, but they can take their
confidence from their children's peace and happiness.
So because I said "Well change something," I wasn't "supportive" of
the mom.
The forest didn't come and ask for help, the tree did. The weeping
willow doesn't want someone to say "Stop crying and look up at the
sun and GROW! You have baby trees down that that need you to be fun
and good."
I'm trying to point out to people that they DO have choices, that
they make choices all the time.
Some people like to choose to think they have no choice.
That's not growth. That's curling up and giving up.
That's martyrdom.
Some people say putting children first is martyrdom. Making choices
is strength and freedom. CHOOSING to put someone else first isn't
even a little bit similar to feeling forced to do so.
http://sandradodd.com/chore/shift.html
http://sandradodd.com/chore/option.html
If ALL a mom has to do to arrange for her children to have a play
time with other kids that they wanted to have is to clean up after
it, she should be glad, not weepy-willowy.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sunday Cote
-=-God, does Sandra Dodd even HAVE kids? Why does everything she
types sound so holyier than thou Martha Stewart evil mother in
law-ish??-=-
When I read comments like these I image that the poster is feeling very
over-whelmed with life or with their kids. I image that the poster
can't even comprehend that there might be a way to accommodate her kids'
desires and not completely loose herself in the process. I guess it's
because I was once that mom who read these posts and thought how harsh
(and unrealistic) they sounded. The first time I posted (not to this
list, but one with many of the same members) I was pretty overwhelmed
and believed that I really needed time to myself (to work) and my son
had decided that he didn't want to go wherever it was I had arranged for
him to go. My reason for posting was really about wanting ways to
manipulate him to go without it really looking like I was manipulating
him. I was very hurt by the responses that questioned that motive and
asked how I could work with his needs and keep him with me. I suspect
if I went back and read those posts today I would think there was some
really good advice there. I think I would see how the posters really
cared about my kids and how they knew if I could be generous with them,
that life would indeed get better for all of us. Being able to read
those posts differently took a shift in consciousness for me. It was
slow and gradual and real. I'm glad I didn't leave in a huff. I'm glad
I decided that it was more important to try and figure out what these
moms knew.
Just recently, my younger son decided that he never wanted to be away
from me. This was new for him because he had always been pretty
independent. However, he suddenly didn't want to be any place without
me. I never forced him to stay anywhere although this meant rearranging
my schedule many times. Some of my more conventional friends thought I
should just peel him off of me and drive away. But I didn't and I just
remembered that this was a season in our life and that at this moment my
son had a deep need to be with me. I knew that he was my first priority
and whatever else I had going on could be rescheduled but his immediate
needs could not. It was fascinating watching how he worked it all out
for himself. First, he'd say that he wanted to go to so and so's house
but only if I stayed. Then he'd say that I could leave, but only when
he said I could. Then he said I could leave, but we needed to hug and
kiss and I had to continue waving to him until I was out of sight. Now
months later, it's just a kiss and a hug. Yesterday, I picked him up
from a friend's house where he had spent the past 24 hours. As we were
getting ready for bed, we were talking about his sleep-over. I asked
him if he missed me while he was there. He said, "No, I was having fun
and I didn't think of you at all." How sweet it that. Because he knows
that he gets to choose when he's away from me and that I'd be there in a
split second if he needed me, he is able to have such a confident and
secure attitude and completely enjoy being right where he is, with or
without me. What a gift and a great way to be in this life!
For this I give much credit to all you Martha Stewart Evil
Mother-In-Law-ish posters!
Thanks!
Sunday
types sound so holyier than thou Martha Stewart evil mother in
law-ish??-=-
When I read comments like these I image that the poster is feeling very
over-whelmed with life or with their kids. I image that the poster
can't even comprehend that there might be a way to accommodate her kids'
desires and not completely loose herself in the process. I guess it's
because I was once that mom who read these posts and thought how harsh
(and unrealistic) they sounded. The first time I posted (not to this
list, but one with many of the same members) I was pretty overwhelmed
and believed that I really needed time to myself (to work) and my son
had decided that he didn't want to go wherever it was I had arranged for
him to go. My reason for posting was really about wanting ways to
manipulate him to go without it really looking like I was manipulating
him. I was very hurt by the responses that questioned that motive and
asked how I could work with his needs and keep him with me. I suspect
if I went back and read those posts today I would think there was some
really good advice there. I think I would see how the posters really
cared about my kids and how they knew if I could be generous with them,
that life would indeed get better for all of us. Being able to read
those posts differently took a shift in consciousness for me. It was
slow and gradual and real. I'm glad I didn't leave in a huff. I'm glad
I decided that it was more important to try and figure out what these
moms knew.
Just recently, my younger son decided that he never wanted to be away
from me. This was new for him because he had always been pretty
independent. However, he suddenly didn't want to be any place without
me. I never forced him to stay anywhere although this meant rearranging
my schedule many times. Some of my more conventional friends thought I
should just peel him off of me and drive away. But I didn't and I just
remembered that this was a season in our life and that at this moment my
son had a deep need to be with me. I knew that he was my first priority
and whatever else I had going on could be rescheduled but his immediate
needs could not. It was fascinating watching how he worked it all out
for himself. First, he'd say that he wanted to go to so and so's house
but only if I stayed. Then he'd say that I could leave, but only when
he said I could. Then he said I could leave, but we needed to hug and
kiss and I had to continue waving to him until I was out of sight. Now
months later, it's just a kiss and a hug. Yesterday, I picked him up
from a friend's house where he had spent the past 24 hours. As we were
getting ready for bed, we were talking about his sleep-over. I asked
him if he missed me while he was there. He said, "No, I was having fun
and I didn't think of you at all." How sweet it that. Because he knows
that he gets to choose when he's away from me and that I'd be there in a
split second if he needed me, he is able to have such a confident and
secure attitude and completely enjoy being right where he is, with or
without me. What a gift and a great way to be in this life!
For this I give much credit to all you Martha Stewart Evil
Mother-In-Law-ish posters!
Thanks!
Sunday
Sandra Dodd
-=-He said, "No, I was having fun and I didn't think of you at all."
How sweet it that.-=-
Not too sweet the first few times, in my experience. <g>
A few months ago I was kinda whining about not knowing exactly where
Marty was or exactly when he would be back (he had driven to the
farthest highest mountains of northern Colorado ALL BY HIMSELF, and
he's ONLY eighteen). Kirby listened to me for a little while, trying
to gather up some sympathy (I hoped), and said, when I slowed down,
"Wherever he is, I can guarantee he's not thinking about you." I
guess I had said something like "Doesn't he care if I'm worried?"
It's funny now, but that day I was in the mom-angst mode.
Holly's in Rhode Island. Mom-angst strikes. But I don't hope she's
thinking about me. What an anchor THAT would be, if my kids spent
much time thinking about what their mom thought about where they
were. And an evil anchor if I would get mad that they weren't
thinking of me.
Sure I thought of my mom sometimes, and still do, but less and less
as time went by.
The thoughts I think of my mom aren't always nice.
I'd like to do better with my own kids.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
How sweet it that.-=-
Not too sweet the first few times, in my experience. <g>
A few months ago I was kinda whining about not knowing exactly where
Marty was or exactly when he would be back (he had driven to the
farthest highest mountains of northern Colorado ALL BY HIMSELF, and
he's ONLY eighteen). Kirby listened to me for a little while, trying
to gather up some sympathy (I hoped), and said, when I slowed down,
"Wherever he is, I can guarantee he's not thinking about you." I
guess I had said something like "Doesn't he care if I'm worried?"
It's funny now, but that day I was in the mom-angst mode.
Holly's in Rhode Island. Mom-angst strikes. But I don't hope she's
thinking about me. What an anchor THAT would be, if my kids spent
much time thinking about what their mom thought about where they
were. And an evil anchor if I would get mad that they weren't
thinking of me.
Sure I thought of my mom sometimes, and still do, but less and less
as time went by.
The thoughts I think of my mom aren't always nice.
I'd like to do better with my own kids.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sunday Cote
>>Holly's in Rhode Island. Mom-angst strikes. But I don't hope she'sthinking about me. What an anchor THAT would be, if my kids spent
much time thinking about what their mom thought about where they
were. And an evil anchor if I would get mad that they weren't
thinking of me.<<
Yes, I agree. For a moment when DS said that he hadn't missed me at
all, I thought of kidding him by say, "What?!! Don't you love me??"
But thankfully I caught myself and instead said that I was so glad he
had a good time and how much I loved him. No guilt. Much better
message!
Sunday
SHERRY LANGEVIN
Hey, I think those were good ideas Sandra had, and I didn't think they were put out there in a mean way. The lady asked for help & Sandra showed her some different ways of thinking. About 8 years ago, I could have used that kind of thinking. I was overwhelmed, with many many things going on in my life,and was overwhelmed, tired, and not yet used to being a mom that said 'yes'.
Wasn't any 'holier than thou' in it. Just different thinking.
Sherry
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Wasn't any 'holier than thou' in it. Just different thinking.
Sherry
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sunday Cote
>>The support I offer is how they can change their thinking and theirperspective and actions so that their priorities shift to the point
that they don't NEED cooing tea-party noise, but they can take their
confidence from their children's peace and happiness.<<
This is so true! And getting back to the OP's request for ideas about
kids visiting her house, a shift in perspective can be huge.
I was having a similar challenge with a certain friend of my son's. My
son loves this friend and loves spending time with him, but I was having
quite a challenge being with him. He was rude and could be quite mean.
So I did some pretty extensive personal work on changing my perspective
of him and it's amazing how HE has changed. <g> I really want to
appreciate my son's choices in friends and respect those choices as much
as I would respect any other choice or preference. I also want to be a
place where kids feel comfortable and want to hang. Recently my mom was
watching my boys and another unschooling friend. My mom made them pizza
for lunch and this friend said that she didn't like that pizza. Being
of the old school, my mom said that she was sorry but that's what she
had made and J could eat it or not, but she wasn't fixing anything else.
(My mom was telling me this story later.) So J said, "Well, I'm going
to see what else is in the kitchen" and proceeded to look through all
the cabinets and fridge. My mom was taken aback by this bold tactic.
She said to me that she would never have allowed her kids to rummage
through another person's cabinets. I laughed and said that J was
welcome to look through all my cabinets in order to find something to
eat and that I was glad that she felt that comfortable in my house. I
also told my mom that there were many times when I was a kid that I
helped myself at friends' houses. But only in houses where I felt
welcomed and loved.
So maybe if those kids who are being such a challenge had somewhere they
could go where they felt loved and wanted, they'd want to be more
respectful and helpful. Maybe all they need is a safe haven and your
house can be it. It's amazing what can happen when we just look at
kid's with a different perspective, take them seriously and help them
get their needs met. And in being kind to these kids, your kids get to
spend time with friends they enjoy. All the better!
Sunday
diana jenner
If that's the voice you hear Sandra's words, I suggest you fire that voice
*IMMEDIATELY* from your head -- it can't be productive at all!! -- and bring
in a different voice, maybe Jude Law (I loved him in Unfortunate Events) or
Diane Keaton... someone you find sounds happy, calming and helpful. The
message will be clearer with a happier delivery.
*IMMEDIATELY* from your head -- it can't be productive at all!! -- and bring
in a different voice, maybe Jude Law (I loved him in Unfortunate Events) or
Diane Keaton... someone you find sounds happy, calming and helpful. The
message will be clearer with a happier delivery.
On 6/22/07, jen mobley <jenpmobley@...> wrote:
>
> God, does Sandra Dodd even HAVE kids? Why does everything she types
> sound so
> holyier than thou Martha Stewart evil mother in law-ish??
> _,_._,___
>
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Bob Collier
--- In [email protected], "donannedean" <ibex@...> wrote:
http://www.nurturing.us/vision.htm
Bob
>Here's something of possible interest - The Nurturing Project.
> > I wish I could send you a mothers helper. Maybe lots of them. I
> really think us moms don't have enough support in this society.
> Donanne
>
>
http://www.nurturing.us/vision.htm
Bob
jen mobley
ummm...ok. Just to clear some things up. I have been at the Eastern Shore
all weekend and just got back (literally 10 minutes ago). My mother has been
staying at my home to keep an eye on my dog (and plants). I saw her on the
computer (hotmail) and asked her what she was doing. When I asked her to get
up so that I could check my email, I saw that she was on MY email screwing
with my mail. I am fuming right now. She doesn't believe in homescoolong or
unschooling...which is one reason why I don't know why she said "my kids are
unschooled and healthy happy "blah blah blah... I apologize for the harsh
words and I do believe in this listing and I read it when I can. My mother
in law is not so bad either :) Once again, sorry to all. I have just changed
my settings and have taken off the "Remember my email and password" options.
Get a preview of Live Earth, the hottest event this summer - only on MSN
http://liveearth.msn.com?source=msntaglineliveearthhm
all weekend and just got back (literally 10 minutes ago). My mother has been
staying at my home to keep an eye on my dog (and plants). I saw her on the
computer (hotmail) and asked her what she was doing. When I asked her to get
up so that I could check my email, I saw that she was on MY email screwing
with my mail. I am fuming right now. She doesn't believe in homescoolong or
unschooling...which is one reason why I don't know why she said "my kids are
unschooled and healthy happy "blah blah blah... I apologize for the harsh
words and I do believe in this listing and I read it when I can. My mother
in law is not so bad either :) Once again, sorry to all. I have just changed
my settings and have taken off the "Remember my email and password" options.
>From: Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...>_________________________________________________________________
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Neighbourhood kid problem
>Date: Fri, 22 Jun 2007 08:31:23 -0600
>
>-=-God, does Sandra Dodd even HAVE kids? Why does everything she
>types sound so
>holyier than thou Martha Stewart evil mother in law-ish??-=-
>
>Are you asking God, or are you asking the others on the list?
>
>God knows, and at least twenty of the other moms have been to my
>house, and at least 100 of the other moms have met my kids at
>conferences.
>
>I let that post through because it made me laugh. And those who've
>been to my house will laugh at the "Martha Stewart" comment.
>
>I don't know how your mother in law is. Mine's pretty harsh, but she
>backed down and put IN WRITING that our homeschooling was having
>really good results.
>
>You know why she wrote that? Because after years of her being SURE
>that the other grandkids would turn out better, they did not. They
>got surly and awful and their go-to-church parents separated and
>those kids never came to visit them when they weren't forced to, but
>mine go voluntarily and sweetly. Kirby went when he was 18, and he
>had been pretty much excused-for-all-time when he was 15 and she said
>none of her boys ever went on family trips once they turned 15.
>
>She wrote that because she saw the results of what we were doing.
>When she told Marty, who was a little guy maybe five or six, that he
>couldn't have any dessert because he didn't finish his (canned)
>vegetables, I pushed my little raisin compote bowl over and said he
>could have mine, without a glance at my mother in law.
>
>She changed her mind and admitted it, which people do here too, if
>they stick around long enough.
>
>I cared more about Marty than I did about her.
>I care more about the children of those who come to this list than I
>care about the moms.
>
>If a mom's priority is her own feelings and the work it will take for
>her to clean up after a visit, that will be an ongoing problem for
>her children.
>
>I put my kids' happiness and peace and learning above my own. The
>results are stunning. http://sandradodd.com/unexpected
>
>I want to help other people learn the simple, simple truth that if
>they are generous with their children, the whole family's life gets
>better right then and there and stays better for years, maybe for the
>rest of their lives.
>
>The whole world around you will say "take care of yourself first;
>they're just kids; tell them what to do; don't take any lip; you're
>the parent; you're the boss; it's your house; you know what's best;
>they don't ned to be making choices; they're too young; what do they
>know?; you waited all these years, now it's your turn; keep them in
>line; don't let them make a mess; make them clean up."
>
>If those are the messages you like, this isn't the list for you.
>Coming here and complaining about the list only makes a person look
>churlish and immature.
>
>If you want to stick around and READ and think instead of writing
>snarky little complaints, it might do your family a lot of good. If
>you don't want to do your family a lot of good, this isn't the list
>for you.
>
>If you don't want to change, if you don't want to consider ideals and
>aim for them, but you're happy with justifications and excuses, this
>isn't the list for you.
>
>Kirby was five and Marty was nearly three when I had Holly.
>Kirby is nearly 21 and Holly is 15 and a half. They're healthy,
>happy, respected and respectful.
>
>Kirby has worked since he was 14 and was offered a job. He still
>lives at home, though others have asked him to move into apartments
>with them because they LIKE him. He's considering moving to Austin
>in August because his job is moving there. He might or might not,
>but we've assured him he can try it, learn what it's like to live
>somewhere else, and come home whenever he wants to. (Other families
>we know threw their kids out when they were 18, or started charging
>them serious rent, or gave them a choice of military or college,
>period.--THAT sounds evil to me.)
>
>Marty has worked since he was 14 and was offered a job, but this
>summer he's living on his savings (many thousands of dollars he
>didn't spend while he was working) so he can travel a little, take
>his sister to a music festival in another city overnight, do some
>camping, and goof around. Yesterday he went to a movie with
>friends, even though he said he would go with me to do something that
>evening--a presentation on medieval costume. He assured me they
>would be there, in costume, on time. They were there, they were
>early, they helped arrange the tables and cleaned up afterwards. Not
>many fifteen year olds and their 21 and 22 year old friends will do
>that for a mom. They did it for themselves, though. They were
>interested in the topic.
>
>Holly is in Rhode Island visiting another unschooling family. She
>saved her own money from babysitting, bought the ticket and took
>spending money. I was sad to take her to the airport. She was glad
>to go, but was already looking forward to coming back to hang out
>with her friend Sierra, and with London and his brother Romeo and
>their friend Buddy. She has plans for 4th of July, and that music
>festival, and a medieval campout. She and Marty are going to Florida
>and North Carolina in August. She's going with me to a homeschooling
>conference in September.
>
>What was the question? Do I have kids?
>God knows I have kids.
>God knows they've never been to school, nor been "schooled at home,"
>and that they're very HAPPY kids.
>
>God knows this list has helped other people's families be happier too.
>
>
>
>Sandra
>
>
>
>
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Get a preview of Live Earth, the hottest event this summer - only on MSN
http://liveearth.msn.com?source=msntaglineliveearthhm
Sandra Dodd
-=-. I saw her on the
computer (hotmail) and asked her what she was doing. When I asked her
to get
up so that I could check my email, I saw that she was on MY email
screwing
with my mail. I am fuming right now. She doesn't believe in
homescoolong or
unschooling...which is one reason why I don't know why she said "my
kids are
unschooled and healthy happy "blah blah blah...-=-
The post you're quoting won't go through to the list, because the
"blah blah blah" included (among other incredibly rude things) that I
could stick my raisin compote up my ass.
-=-My mother in law is not so bad either :)-=-
She almost got you banned from this list.
Does she drink heavily while she house-sits?
Is she always willing to risk making you look so horrible or was this
an exception?
(You don't need to answer those questions...)
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
computer (hotmail) and asked her what she was doing. When I asked her
to get
up so that I could check my email, I saw that she was on MY email
screwing
with my mail. I am fuming right now. She doesn't believe in
homescoolong or
unschooling...which is one reason why I don't know why she said "my
kids are
unschooled and healthy happy "blah blah blah...-=-
The post you're quoting won't go through to the list, because the
"blah blah blah" included (among other incredibly rude things) that I
could stick my raisin compote up my ass.
-=-My mother in law is not so bad either :)-=-
She almost got you banned from this list.
Does she drink heavily while she house-sits?
Is she always willing to risk making you look so horrible or was this
an exception?
(You don't need to answer those questions...)
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Susan
> The post you're quoting won't go through to the list, because theOh my! It's not pretty, but had to laugh at that one, lol.
> "blah blah blah" included (among other incredibly rude things) that I
> could stick my raisin compote up my ass.
> -=-My mother in law is not so bad either :)-=-Was it her MIL that did this or her mom?
> She almost got you banned from this list.
> Does she drink heavily while she house-sits?
-- Susan
jen mobley
Well, she is a tremendously bi-polar and also a very bitter person. Does she
drink? ( I was a little thrown off by this question) but
yes...sometimes.When she does, however, it's not good and so my husband and
I do not allow her to drink in our home because of it.
Like puzzles? Play free games & earn great prizes. Play Clink now.
http://club.live.com/clink.aspx?icid=clink_hotmailtextlink2
drink? ( I was a little thrown off by this question) but
yes...sometimes.When she does, however, it's not good and so my husband and
I do not allow her to drink in our home because of it.
>From: Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...>_________________________________________________________________
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Neighbourhood kid problem
>Date: Fri, 22 Jun 2007 20:56:16 -0600
>
>-=-. I saw her on the
>computer (hotmail) and asked her what she was doing. When I asked her
>to get
>up so that I could check my email, I saw that she was on MY email
>screwing
>with my mail. I am fuming right now. She doesn't believe in
>homescoolong or
>unschooling...which is one reason why I don't know why she said "my
>kids are
>unschooled and healthy happy "blah blah blah...-=-
>
>The post you're quoting won't go through to the list, because the
>"blah blah blah" included (among other incredibly rude things) that I
>could stick my raisin compote up my ass.
>
>-=-My mother in law is not so bad either :)-=-
>
>She almost got you banned from this list.
>Does she drink heavily while she house-sits?
>Is she always willing to risk making you look so horrible or was this
>an exception?
>(You don't need to answer those questions...)
>
>Sandra
>
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Like puzzles? Play free games & earn great prizes. Play Clink now.
http://club.live.com/clink.aspx?icid=clink_hotmailtextlink2
Sandra Dodd
-=-> She almost got you banned from this list.
Oh, I can't keep it all straight anymore.
Sorry if I'm mixing up mothers and in-laws.
In any case, no matter how many real or imaginary people suggest I
should stick whatever up my own or kiss whoever else's ass, it
doesn't change the fact that my kids are doing well. <g>
Sandra, unflustered, kind of amused, unharmed
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Does she drink heavily while she house-sits?-=-Was it her MIL that did this or her mom?-=-
Oh, I can't keep it all straight anymore.
Sorry if I'm mixing up mothers and in-laws.
In any case, no matter how many real or imaginary people suggest I
should stick whatever up my own or kiss whoever else's ass, it
doesn't change the fact that my kids are doing well. <g>
Sandra, unflustered, kind of amused, unharmed
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ed Wendell
Let me say that not all bi-polar people are mean and nasty nor bitter (nor manipulative) , as I'm married to a very loving, very caring and thoughtful bi-polar man. (he bought me fresh blackberries at the grocery store today just because he wanted to surprise me) Great father too!
So sorry your mom is so disrespectful to you. I know it hurts.
Lisa
So sorry your mom is so disrespectful to you. I know it hurts.
Lisa
----- Original Message -----
From: jen mobley
Well, she is a tremendously bi-polar and also a very bitter person.
.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jen mobley
it was my MOTHER ...my MIL would NEVER do something like this!!
Need a break? Find your escape route with Live Search Maps.
http://maps.live.com/default.aspx?ss=Restaurants~Hotels~Amusement%20Park&cp=33.832922~-117.915659&style=r&lvl=13&tilt=-90&dir=0&alt=-1000&scene=1118863&encType=1&FORM=MGAC01
>From: Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...>_________________________________________________________________
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Neighbourhood kid problem
>Date: Fri, 22 Jun 2007 21:20:48 -0600
>
>-=-> She almost got you banned from this list.
> > Does she drink heavily while she house-sits?
>
>-=-Was it her MIL that did this or her mom?-=-
>
>Oh, I can't keep it all straight anymore.
>
>Sorry if I'm mixing up mothers and in-laws.
>
>In any case, no matter how many real or imaginary people suggest I
>should stick whatever up my own or kiss whoever else's ass, it
>doesn't change the fact that my kids are doing well. <g>
>
>Sandra, unflustered, kind of amused, unharmed
>
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Need a break? Find your escape route with Live Search Maps.
http://maps.live.com/default.aspx?ss=Restaurants~Hotels~Amusement%20Park&cp=33.832922~-117.915659&style=r&lvl=13&tilt=-90&dir=0&alt=-1000&scene=1118863&encType=1&FORM=MGAC01
Sandra Dodd
-=it was my MOTHER ...my MIL would NEVER do something like this!!-=-
I'm so sorry.
My own mother drank when she house sat (and other times).
People can be mean without having defineable mental or emotional
conditions (and vice versa).
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'm so sorry.
My own mother drank when she house sat (and other times).
People can be mean without having defineable mental or emotional
conditions (and vice versa).
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Melissa Baker
Thank you all for your replies. They haven't been over yet since so it's
been nice to have a break.
I'm still considering what to do. I'm personally not convinced that it's
healthy to always put children's needs before the rest of the family, but I
am open to different perspectives.
Wow, now they have just arrived. Wish me strength!
Melissa Baker
www.melissabaker.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
been nice to have a break.
I'm still considering what to do. I'm personally not convinced that it's
healthy to always put children's needs before the rest of the family, but I
am open to different perspectives.
Wow, now they have just arrived. Wish me strength!
Melissa Baker
www.melissabaker.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
cyrusnmayasmama
NPR did a story yesterday on a planned public high school in NYC that
the MacArthur foundation is helping fund.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=11259040 It is
a school for video game design. The folks that they interviewed had
some thoughtful things to say about education and the evolving
definition of literacy in our society. I really appreciated it and
thought others might too. - Alyse
the MacArthur foundation is helping fund.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=11259040 It is
a school for video game design. The folks that they interviewed had
some thoughtful things to say about education and the evolving
definition of literacy in our society. I really appreciated it and
thought others might too. - Alyse
Sandra Dodd
-=-I'm still considering what to do. I'm personally not convinced
that it's
healthy to always put children's needs before the rest of the family,
but I
am open to different perspectives.
-=-
No one said "always," and we're not trying to "personally convince
you." We're trying to show you other ways to think and *try* because
you'll only be "convinced" when you see it work.
-=-Wow, now they have just arrived. Wish me strength!-=-
Clarity is what we tried to wish and give you.
A new view.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
that it's
healthy to always put children's needs before the rest of the family,
but I
am open to different perspectives.
-=-
No one said "always," and we're not trying to "personally convince
you." We're trying to show you other ways to think and *try* because
you'll only be "convinced" when you see it work.
-=-Wow, now they have just arrived. Wish me strength!-=-
Clarity is what we tried to wish and give you.
A new view.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kathleen Whitfield
--- In [email protected], "Melissa Baker"
<m@...> wrote:
to meet children's needs and to have a more flexible idea as to
what *will* meet adult needs. And that that is actually what is
*best* for the overall well-being of a family. Keeping score about
who gets to have their needs met at any given time isn't
particularly good for any kind of relationship.
Kathleen
in SoCal
<m@...> wrote:
>What I was trying to communicate is that it is better for the family
>I'm personally not convinced that it's
> healthy to always put children's needs before the rest of the >
>family,
to meet children's needs and to have a more flexible idea as to
what *will* meet adult needs. And that that is actually what is
*best* for the overall well-being of a family. Keeping score about
who gets to have their needs met at any given time isn't
particularly good for any kind of relationship.
Kathleen
in SoCal