vespertine_nsw

I'm a sole parent (we have absolutely no contact from my son's father,
and no financial support either) and I have been parenting my son
fulltime since his birth (no daycare.) I am in what I feel is a moral
dilemma in regard to unschooling as it would mean I would have to
remain on a government pension until my son is much older. There is
already alot of pressure from my family to return to work now, and he
is only 19 months old, so I can imagine the shock if I told them I
would be staying home all through DS's 'school years' aswell. I was
wondering if there are any parents here who are also single/sole
parents and who are managing an unschooling lifestyle successfully? I
am already struggling sometimes financially, as the payment I receive
is very modest, therefore I am also concerned about providing rich and
varied experiences for DS as he grows. And I do feel badly about
relying on the government to get by, I would prefer to be self
sufficient. I have considered a home business but wonder how I would
juggle that whilst spending adequate time with my son, and also, I
have no skills (such as sewing etc) to create items to sell etc. So I
can't think of anything I could turn into a viable business. But the
alternative for DS (school) just seems so unappealing.

Any experience welcome!

diana jenner

On 6/13/07, vespertine_nsw <kezzdee@...> wrote:
>
> I'm a sole parent (we have absolutely no contact from my son's father,
> and no financial support either) and I have been parenting my son
> fulltime since his birth (no daycare.) I am in what I feel is a moral
> dilemma in regard to unschooling as it would mean I would have to
> remain on a government pension until my son is much older. There is
> already alot of pressure from my family to return to work now, and he
> is only 19 months old, so I can imagine the shock if I told them I
> would be staying home all through DS's 'school years' aswell. I was
> wondering if there are any parents here who are also single/sole
> parents and who are managing an unschooling lifestyle successfully? I
> am already struggling sometimes financially, as the payment I receive
> is very modest, therefore I am also concerned about providing rich and
> varied experiences for DS as he grows. And I do feel badly about
> relying on the government to get by, I would prefer to be self
> sufficient. I have considered a home business but wonder how I would
> juggle that whilst spending adequate time with my son, and also, I
> have no skills (such as sewing etc) to create items to sell etc. So I
> can't think of anything I could turn into a viable business. But the
> alternative for DS (school) just seems so unappealing.
>
>
>


I've been a single mama for 6.5 years. I've no real contact with my kids'
dad either, as he's dead I figure he's got a good excuse for his absence
:::vbg::: (really, you're supposed to chuckle, guilt-free, at that one!!)
I also have been living on a very modest government issued stipend and have
been able to provide a rich, fulfilling unschooling experience for our
family. It's not easy (so rarely anything worthwhile ever is) and it's worth
every bit of effort I put into it. I struggle with my financial dependence
on the government, and I also realize that I'm using this stipend in the way
it was originally intended: for widows to care for their orphaned children
themselves and not be forced into the workplace. I'm also openly grateful to
those who contribute their hard-earned monies to FICA in order for me to
draw upon that fund for our lives (thanks for working so I don't have to!!).
I've made lots of folks feel much better about that specific deduction as
they now hold a picture in their heads of where that money goes. I'm
personally much happier to see my tax dollars go to an unschooler, present
and mindful parents, than to institutionalized child care subsidies &/or
schools. I know it can be hard to reconcile in your heart; you have to make
that shift yourself -- I hope you can, your son needs you present without
guilt nor resentment.
I'm proactive with my family about what we need. What can I do? Well, H
needs new jeans or we'd sure like a zoo membership or there's an art class
we've been thinking about or even, we'd sure like to try that new Indian
Restaurant... My birthday requests are often ones of *family gifts* like
memberships or games. The United Way has a great scholarship program in our
town that we can apply, once a year, to things like art lessons at the local
museum or summer day camp or swim lessons. There is reduced cost for summer
swim passes, classes offered through park and recreation. On super tight
months, I have no qualms calling my mom to let her know we'd like some help
with meals for the rest of the month. Others in my group have offered
end-of-the-month dinners and outings to us on a regular basis. I've scrimped
and juggled to get at least one vacation every year. Originally, we would
drive to California to see my in-laws (free room and board) as our annual
trip. I've even managed to get us to Disneyland on a pretty regular basis.
Then, in 2004, I just *had to* (my own desire, not a life and death have to,
not a real must ::g::) get to Peabody, MA for the Live and Learn
Conference... That's all it took!! I was hooked!! From that moment on, I
realized we'd now figure out how to get TWO vacations out of my finances
every year -- Grammas AND Conference! This September will be the 5th
unschooling conference we've attended. Again, not easy, I've had to swallow
some pride and ask for help -- what I've found is that most folks
(especially in this unschooling universe) are willing to do whatever they
can to make this lifestyle possible for anyone willing to take it on. In the
past 12 months, Hayden and I have been on at least 12 roadtrips, some more
than 1,000 miles one way. Thankfully, we've got amazing
friends-who-should-be-family all over the country who are willing to host us
for a few days in exchange for our entertaining company (and maybe some
karmic investment).
There are people in my dna family who will no longer speak to me because of
my refusal to *go mainstream* and "just get a job and send Hayden to school"
-- this life, this relationship, this JOY cannot/will not be traded for the
approval of any judgmental you-know-what who wouldn't be happy no matter
what I did that wasn't exactly what they did/do. :::shrug::: We live a
rich, full life. If someone has something to contribute to it, they're
already here doing just that (or they're waiting to be met, just around the
next corner ::g::). If someone has nothing to contribute toward our happy
home, they're better off not here-- I don't have the energy to devote to
them, I'm busy with *us*.
Sometimes those qualms sneak up and jump out at me. Then I remember what my
friend's 16.5 year old daughter said to me just after my own daughter's
death, "When I add up all the hours spent in daycare and school, I realize I
have spent the whole of Hannah's (9.5y) life away from my mother, it's a
good thing Hannah had the whole of *her* life with her mom." At the end of
*your* life what will you regret?? I sure hope it's not spending time with
your baby.
HTH :)
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Cally Brown

Thank you Diana, for this. I am not a solo mother. I am happily married
to a man I have been with for 38 years. I have 4 sons, 1 of whom still
lives at home (17yo). The furtherest any of the others lives is 2 1/2
hours away. I see them lots.

Yet I do not always live happily: your posts always awaken me to the
joys and blessings in my life. Thank you.

Cally

diana jenner wrote:
> I've been a single mama for 6.5 years. I've no real contact with my kids'
> dad either, as he's dead I figure he's got a good excuse for his absence
> :::vbg::: (really, you're supposed to chuckle, guilt-free, at that one!!)
> I also have been living on a very modest government issued stipend and have
> been able to provide a rich, fulfilling unschooling experience for our
> family. It's not easy (so rarely anything worthwhile ever is) and it's worth
> every bit of effort I put into it. I struggle with my financial dependence
> on the government, and I also realize that I'm using this stipend in the way
> it was originally intended: for widows to care for their orphaned children
> themselves and not be forced into the workplace. I'm also openly grateful to
> those who contribute their hard-earned monies to FICA in order for me to
> draw upon that fund for our lives (thanks for working so I don't have to!!).
> I've made lots of folks feel much better about that specific deduction as
> they now hold a picture in their heads of where that money goes. I'm
> personally much happier to see my tax dollars go to an unschooler, present
> and mindful parents, than to institutionalized child care subsidies &/or
> schools. I know it can be hard to reconcile in your heart; you have to make
> that shift yourself -- I hope you can, your son needs you present without
> guilt nor resentment.
> I'm proactive with my family about what we need. What can I do? Well, H
> needs new jeans or we'd sure like a zoo membership or there's an art class
> we've been thinking about or even, we'd sure like to try that new Indian
> Restaurant... My birthday requests are often ones of *family gifts* like
> memberships or games. The United Way has a great scholarship program in our
> town that we can apply, once a year, to things like art lessons at the local
> museum or summer day camp or swim lessons. There is reduced cost for summer
> swim passes, classes offered through park and recreation. On super tight
> months, I have no qualms calling my mom to let her know we'd like some help
> with meals for the rest of the month. Others in my group have offered
> end-of-the-month dinners and outings to us on a regular basis. I've scrimped
> and juggled to get at least one vacation every year. Originally, we would
> drive to California to see my in-laws (free room and board) as our annual
> trip. I've even managed to get us to Disneyland on a pretty regular basis.
> Then, in 2004, I just *had to* (my own desire, not a life and death have to,
> not a real must ::g::) get to Peabody, MA for the Live and Learn
> Conference... That's all it took!! I was hooked!! From that moment on, I
> realized we'd now figure out how to get TWO vacations out of my finances
> every year -- Grammas AND Conference! This September will be the 5th
> unschooling conference we've attended. Again, not easy, I've had to swallow
> some pride and ask for help -- what I've found is that most folks
> (especially in this unschooling universe) are willing to do whatever they
> can to make this lifestyle possible for anyone willing to take it on. In the
> past 12 months, Hayden and I have been on at least 12 roadtrips, some more
> than 1,000 miles one way. Thankfully, we've got amazing
> friends-who-should-be-family all over the country who are willing to host us
> for a few days in exchange for our entertaining company (and maybe some
> karmic investment).
> There are people in my dna family who will no longer speak to me because of
> my refusal to *go mainstream* and "just get a job and send Hayden to school"
> -- this life, this relationship, this JOY cannot/will not be traded for the
> approval of any judgmental you-know-what who wouldn't be happy no matter
> what I did that wasn't exactly what they did/do. :::shrug::: We live a
> rich, full life. If someone has something to contribute to it, they're
> already here doing just that (or they're waiting to be met, just around the
> next corner ::g::). If someone has nothing to contribute toward our happy
> home, they're better off not here-- I don't have the energy to devote to
> them, I'm busy with *us*.
> Sometimes those qualms sneak up and jump out at me. Then I remember what my
> friend's 16.5 year old daughter said to me just after my own daughter's
> death, "When I add up all the hours spent in daycare and school, I realize I
> have spent the whole of Hannah's (9.5y) life away from my mother, it's a
> good thing Hannah had the whole of *her* life with her mom." At the end of
> *your* life what will you regret?? I sure hope it's not spending time with
> your baby.
> HTH :)
>

Schuyler

I can't say it better than Diana, but I can say that it is a much more
American approach to the world than it is a British approach or a Japanese
approach.

Lying next to me on the couch is a letter from the HM Revenue and Customs
laying out my Tax Credits for being the primary caregiver to Simon and
Linnaea. I get £545.34 a year. That is mine. David and I get £120 every
month just for having 2 kids, if he made a milllion pounds a year we'd still
get that money, Madonna and Guy will get that money. David, pure
happenstance, who is sitting on the other side of me on the couch is reading
from today's Telegraph that if you are a single mother (not a single
person), working 16 hours a week, including all of your tax credits you get
an additional £487 per week. That is a lot of money. That is almost 4000
U.S. dollars a month.

When we lived in Japan, where we weren't residents, we also got money for
having children. There wasn't any shame involved. It was across the board.

I know friends who have been on the dole in the UK complain about what it is
like going into the unemployment office. David used to get unemployment when
he was a young man. He said the offices look much the same as they did in
The Full Monty. So there is a bit of public humiliation going on. But there
isn't the same kind of sense that it is a personal failing that you are
allowing the tax dollars of the working folk to pick up your tab, if you see
what I mean.

Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com


> I'm a sole parent (we have absolutely no contact from my son's father,
> and no financial support either) and I have been parenting my son
> fulltime since his birth (no daycare.) I am in what I feel is a moral
> dilemma in regard to unschooling as it would mean I would have to
> remain on a government pension until my son is much older.

donannedean

> friend's 16.5 year old daughter said to me just after my own
daughter's
> death, "When I add up all the hours spent in daycare and school, I
realize I
> have spent the whole of Hannah's (9.5y) life away from my mother,
it's a
> good thing Hannah had the whole of *her* life with her mom." At the
end of
> *your* life what will you regret?? I sure hope it's not spending
time with
> your baby.
This is very touching story and one I can use on people who don't
understand our way of life. Thank you
Donanne