Tina

Hey all. Im having a continual problem with my 2 yr old. He is very
aggressive. Not all the time at home, but mostly when he is around
other children. I try to stop him and tell him that hiting hurts and
its wrong, but I dont know what else to do. He is the third child. I
dont know if that has anything to do with it. Is this just a phase. It
has been going on for a while now. Is it something I have to just wait
to pass? Any advice?

Tia Graham

when our boy went through this (right at 2; he's 2.5 now) we started
teaching him sign language. A lot of his aggression turned out to be
frustration that he couldn't articulate (he's a late talker). Also, he
tends to get overwhelmed in crowded situations so the combination of
being able to communicate and having a "buddy" with him when in crowds
helped quite a bit.

hth, Tia
www.sixredheads.com

Tina wrote:
>
> Hey all. Im having a continual problem with my 2 yr old. He is very
> aggressive. Not all the time at home, but mostly when he is around
> other children. I try to stop him and tell him that hiting hurts and
> its wrong, but I dont know what else to do. He is the third child. I
> dont know if that has anything to do with it. Is this just a phase. It
> has been going on for a while now. Is it something I have to just wait
> to pass? Any advice?
>
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> No virus found in this incoming message.
> Checked by AVG Free Edition.
> Version: 7.5.467 / Virus Database: 269.8.0/817 - Release Date: 5/24/2007 4:01 PM
>

Pamela Sorooshian

Poor third kids can get really frustrated - they spend a lot of time
around older siblings and other older kids. They can't articulate it,
but they can feel that everyone else is more able, more capable, than
they are. Imagine spending all your time feeling like you can't quite
keep up, can't quite follow what other people around you are talking
about, can't do what everyone else seems able to do.

Be sure to talk to him about it - help him develop vocabulary by
talking about feelings. "I bet that was frustrating, huh?" "Oh, they
all seem to move so fast, don't they?" And, as he gets a little
older, you can be very direct with giving him ideas for other ways to
respond to frustration - ways more likely to help him get what he wants.

In the meantime, you have to stay close to him and observe him
carefully and step in before his frustration level gets to the
aggressive stage. The most effective strategy is usually distraction,
so try that if possible. You can even enlist older siblings to keep
an eye on his frustration level and they can learn to be sensitive
enough to give him some special attention, just for a minute, before
he gets too frustrated.

You might want to read, "The Explosive Child," by Ross Green to get
lots more ideas about how to sort of arrange his environment to help
him not get to that point of becoming aggressive.

Two year olds don't need a lot of social time with other kids, by the
way, so it might also be that he's getting too much time with other
kids (happens to lots of third kids). Try to cut back social time,
find ways to send the other two off with other families sometimes,
for example.

-pam


On May 25, 2007, at 11:02 AM, Tina wrote:

> Hey all. Im having a continual problem with my 2 yr old. He is very
> aggressive. Not all the time at home, but mostly when he is around
> other children. I try to stop him and tell him that hiting hurts and
> its wrong, but I dont know what else to do. He is the third child. I
> dont know if that has anything to do with it. Is this just a phase. It
> has been going on for a while now. Is it something I have to just wait
> to pass? Any advice?



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Robyn L. Coburn

<<<> Hey all. Im having a continual problem with my 2 yr old. He is very
> aggressive. Not all the time at home, but mostly when he is around
> other children. I try to stop him and tell him that hiting hurts and
> its wrong, but I dont know what else to do.>>>>>

When young Jayn was aggressive towards other children outside of the home,
like at the park, it was generally code for her being "done" and ready to go
home, or wanted my focus but she was unable to say so verbally or have that
realization. She would hit her father when she wanted to play and wrestle
with him, and was still learning to express her desires verbally.

I doubt that your 2 year old is mature enough to respond very well to the
verbal information that hitting hurts etc, and there is a danger that he
will start tuning you out as "talking at" him if it becomes repetitive. It
is probably necessary to be in closer proximity to him when he is playing,
and be ready to intervene and take him away/distract at the first sign of
incipient frustration.2 is too young to share easily, too young to have any
empathy for the other person.

Sometimes Jayn would hit out in a kind of experimental way, just to see what
would happen next. It is always a bit embarrassing to be the mother of the
hitter, but pretty much everyone goes through it. I would generally put my
arm around Jayn, but give my verbal attention and sympathy to the hurt
child - including take them to their mom if needed, and apologise on Jayn's
behalf. Then I would usually take Jayn away, either to the swings or to play
just with me, or to go home if she agreed. That was more effective than any
lecturing of Jayn, who was still too immature to make the connection that
her feeling of frustration and her action lashing out was a poor choice of
expression. I hope that my immediate actions were reassuring enough to the
other mothers, because Jayn has escaped being shouted at by other moms as I
have seen happen at park days.

Also I found that Jayn needed much less interaction with other children (and
more with me) than I would have thought. She was much happier playing with
me than with other children most of the time. Maybe your ds is being placed
in crowds or with other children more than he really wants, especially if he
has siblings to interact with at home.

Finally, I was surprised by how much the environment affected Jayn
particularly large echoey spaces, or crowds who were noisy. She was OK in
places like the supermarket if it was quiet, and she was OK outdoors most of
the time, but would get very anxious in places like auditoriums with
audiences, for quite a long time.

Robyn L. Coburn

Tina

Thanks alot. I do the distraction thing already and it does work.
But I didn't mention that I also have a 8 mo baby too. Along with
that the house to clean, food to prepare-Im sure you all know. So it
is very difficult to b there every moment. I will try to get that
book it sounds like it could help. Im nursing a baby while I type
this so Im keeping it kind of short. Everything is peaceful right
now b/c of Handy Manny. Handy Manny, my savior!
But I never thought a/b him getting too much social time. That might
be alot of the problem. I will really try and work on getting him
some alone time. Man, I would be aggrivated too if I didnt have my
alone time. Sometimes I do! I appreciate the advice. It really helps
see outside my own perspective.


--- In [email protected], "Robyn L. Coburn"
<dezigna@...> wrote:
>
> <<<> Hey all. Im having a continual problem with my 2 yr old. He
is very
> > aggressive. Not all the time at home, but mostly when he is
around
> > other children. I try to stop him and tell him that hiting hurts
and
> > its wrong, but I dont know what else to do.>>>>>
>
> When young Jayn was aggressive towards other children outside of
the home,
> like at the park, it was generally code for her being "done" and
ready to go
> home, or wanted my focus but she was unable to say so verbally or
have that
> realization. She would hit her father when she wanted to play and
wrestle
> with him, and was still learning to express her desires verbally.
>
> I doubt that your 2 year old is mature enough to respond very well
to the
> verbal information that hitting hurts etc, and there is a danger
that he
> will start tuning you out as "talking at" him if it becomes
repetitive. It
> is probably necessary to be in closer proximity to him when he is
playing,
> and be ready to intervene and take him away/distract at the first
sign of
> incipient frustration.2 is too young to share easily, too young to
have any
> empathy for the other person.
>
> Sometimes Jayn would hit out in a kind of experimental way, just
to see what
> would happen next. It is always a bit embarrassing to be the
mother of the
> hitter, but pretty much everyone goes through it. I would
generally put my
> arm around Jayn, but give my verbal attention and sympathy to the
hurt
> child - including take them to their mom if needed, and apologise
on Jayn's
> behalf. Then I would usually take Jayn away, either to the swings
or to play
> just with me, or to go home if she agreed. That was more effective
than any
> lecturing of Jayn, who was still too immature to make the
connection that
> her feeling of frustration and her action lashing out was a poor
choice of
> expression. I hope that my immediate actions were reassuring
enough to the
> other mothers, because Jayn has escaped being shouted at by other
moms as I
> have seen happen at park days.
>
> Also I found that Jayn needed much less interaction with other
children (and
> more with me) than I would have thought. She was much happier
playing with
> me than with other children most of the time. Maybe your ds is
being placed
> in crowds or with other children more than he really wants,
especially if he
> has siblings to interact with at home.
>
> Finally, I was surprised by how much the environment affected Jayn
> particularly large echoey spaces, or crowds who were noisy. She
was OK in
> places like the supermarket if it was quiet, and she was OK
outdoors most of
> the time, but would get very anxious in places like auditoriums
with
> audiences, for quite a long time.
>
> Robyn L. Coburn
>

Gold Standard

>>But I didn't mention that I also have a 8 mo baby too. Along with
>>that the house to clean, food to prepare-Im sure you all know. So it
is very difficult to b there every moment. <snip> Im nursing a baby<<

Oooooo, the memories. I had four children in five years, nursed nonstop for
8 years and 6 of those years tandem. I understand *feeling* like there are
limits. This is often just a feeling though...many limits are self-created,
and just need to be re-thought.

Suggestions:
-Continue to make your children's needs absolutely first. That means house
is ALWAYS lower on the list. If baby needs to nurse, that's what happens. If
2 yo wants loving, she gets loving. If she is hungry, she gets fed, with
love and ease. If both need something at the same time, use your body, voice
and all resources to give it to them both as best you can. This may seem
exhausting (and these were the tiredest years of my life), but the payoff in
the end, it you want to look at it that way, is TREMENDOUS. Children whose
needs are met this way consistently grow a natural independence that has the
fringe benefit of being less demanding on mom, at least that's how it worked
for us.

-"Over the Shoulder Baby Holder" was fabulous for us, they loved being worn
much of the day. This allowed more freedom of movement for the other
children, even when the babe was nursing. You are probably familiar with
this.

-FORGET THE HOUSE. When I look at pictures of our lives back then, the
surrounding house was unbelievably trashed. I see now that my tolerance
level for messiness then was quite admirable :o)

My daughter the other day was talking of how she has great memories of the
doors at our old house. "Doors?" I asked. Yes, she says, she remembers that
one of them wanted to paint their door and soon everyone wanted to paint
doors and so she remembers me taking all the doors off the hinges and
setting them up at the kids' levels like easels. I barely remembered that
(those brain cells have been resting for a while), but lo and behold
pictures and videos indeed show doors off hinges, paint brushes, rollers,
sponges and paints around (along with plates of food, toys, and rolls of
toilet paper, just to get a feel) and then there are pictures with the doors
back on the hinges, all of them kid-created, facing the living room and
kitchen and all the places that guests see, even though the doors were
probably only beautiful to us, no matching color scheme ya know :oP.

The house was indeed a mess. But the KIDS, they are carrying some lifelong
cool memories. THEY don't remember a trashed house when they were little,
they only see that now when looking at pictures (and are surprised :o). They
remember joy and creativity and happiness and support. And my kids never got
hurt from our really really messy house. You know what I noticed back then?
They knew their environment. They carefully stepped over things. What a
great skill!

Our house today goes from mildly messy common space with some pretty messy
closed door rooms, to pretty darn clean, depending on who wants what when.
The house is still not first, even though my kids are now 18, 17, 15 and 13.
Though the kids on their own clean different things at different times, and
I've noticed that in general, no one lets it get too messy anymore. They
like the clean space.

-Know that you will have your time again. Really.

-Do not get trapped into the nagging thought that you *need* more time to
yourself. Make your time with your children "your time". If you find
yourself getting flustered, learn deep breathing exercises you can do in a
moment to relax and get back with the joy of your life right now, with your
kids. They really do grow up, and this time right now is for the relishing.
I think that we have been programmed to believe that we can't make it
without that warm bubble bath or quiet book time regularly. This mindset can
REALLY get in the way of a mom being with her children. I had maybe one
bubble bath by myself in 10 years. I had MANY with my kids...much more
enjoyable :o)

-Back to the question about the aggressive 2yo. Poster said, "I can't
always be there." Even though "always" is a pretty high goal, it should be
the goal. You can get pretty close I'm guessing. Especially if you make that
#1, above all else, for now. Wear the baby, be in the same room together,
watch carefully for precursors to the aggression. Then avoid or eliminate
the irritants. Add the things that she thrives on...physical games,
hugging/holding...see what gives her joy and make them a part of her day
often.

-As far as food goes, we lived on finger foods for YEARS. It really can be
done, and easily. No one suffered from lack of a sit-down, well-prepared,
hot meal...again, a mindset that can get in the way of what is really
necessary. Today we regularly have well-prepared, sit-down meals
together...everyone knows how to use their utensils and have manners and
such. Back then, none of that was necessary, and it didn't fit easily into
our lives so we didn't do it. When we DID attempt it, the stress was just
not worth it.

See what works most flowingly for your children and their joy, and make
decisions from that place.

boythatwasalongone,
Jacki

Tina

Wow! All I can say is thank you. Your advice is VERY reassuring! And
I can see how those "programmable" mindsets interfere. I do often
remind myself to savor this time with my little ones.I know it does
pass so quickly and I know I will miss it when they are grown
When I was letting go of all the "house" stuff I was met with alot
of pressure from my husband to keep up on it. And it was very
stressful b/c I wanted to make sure everyones needs were met. That
led to a tremendous amount of stress and depression on my part b/c I
felt like I wasnt doing my job right. He saw what it all was doing
to me and has been easing up alot lately, but I still have a fear
lingering in the back of my mind that he is going to flip on me
again. I love him so much and want to make sure that his needs are
met too. He does help out alot off and on but sometimes he starts
feeling like he is working and then coming home and working some
more. I know it gets exhausting for him and I think he has a hard
time letting go of the standards too. It is quite an adjustment to
make.
He takes care of all of us financially and we are totally dependant
on him in that. And I know it is a huge stress for him. Do you have
any suggestions for helping him to understand as well? We dont have
any friends that unschool and all his friends are single. So he
doesnt really have anyone to relate to which I think it would help
alot. I have told him how all my friends say how difficult it is for
them who even only have one child to keep their house clean and he
says that it doesnt matter what other people say. That I am not
other people and I shouldnt compare myself to them. And that I could
do it if I really tried.
Im not trying to make him sound like a total a hole if you know what
I mean. He is a wonderful husband. I just think he is having a hard
time adjusting and letting go. I will let him read this and maybe
that will help.
I know he is a grown man, and I am not a doormat. I just wanted to
clarify that. But I am trying to avoid arguments. And you know there
really isnt alot of support out there for poeple who choose this
lifestyle. The majority of people are not about their children and
have those fears of them being "too dependant" and will not let
their house go to meet all their needs. I am not one of those people
but my husband tends to lean a little on that side. What do you all
have to say about that?
I want to add that you guys rock. This is one of my only sources of
support and I am so glad that it exists.



--- In [email protected], "Gold Standard" <jacki@...>
wrote:
>
> >>But I didn't mention that I also have a 8 mo baby too. Along with
> >>that the house to clean, food to prepare-Im sure you all know.
So it
> is very difficult to b there every moment. <snip> Im nursing a
baby<<
>
> Oooooo, the memories. I had four children in five years, nursed
nonstop for
> 8 years and 6 of those years tandem. I understand *feeling* like
there are
> limits. This is often just a feeling though...many limits are self-
created,
> and just need to be re-thought.
>
> Suggestions:
> -Continue to make your children's needs absolutely first.
That means house
> is ALWAYS lower on the list. If baby needs to nurse, that's what
happens. If
> 2 yo wants loving, she gets loving. If she is hungry, she gets
fed, with
> love and ease. If both need something at the same time, use your
body, voice
> and all resources to give it to them both as best you can. This
may seem
> exhausting (and these were the tiredest years of my life), but the
payoff in
> the end, it you want to look at it that way, is TREMENDOUS.
Children whose
> needs are met this way consistently grow a natural independence
that has the
> fringe benefit of being less demanding on mom, at least that's how
it worked
> for us.
>
> -"Over the Shoulder Baby Holder" was fabulous for us, they
loved being worn
> much of the day. This allowed more freedom of movement for the
other
> children, even when the babe was nursing. You are probably
familiar with
> this.
>
> -FORGET THE HOUSE. When I look at pictures of our lives back
then, the
> surrounding house was unbelievably trashed. I see now that my
tolerance
> level for messiness then was quite admirable :o)
>
> My daughter the other day was talking of how she has great
memories of the
> doors at our old house. "Doors?" I asked. Yes, she says, she
remembers that
> one of them wanted to paint their door and soon everyone wanted to
paint
> doors and so she remembers me taking all the doors off the hinges
and
> setting them up at the kids' levels like easels. I barely
remembered that
> (those brain cells have been resting for a while), but lo and
behold
> pictures and videos indeed show doors off hinges, paint brushes,
rollers,
> sponges and paints around (along with plates of food, toys, and
rolls of
> toilet paper, just to get a feel) and then there are pictures with
the doors
> back on the hinges, all of them kid-created, facing the living
room and
> kitchen and all the places that guests see, even though the doors
were
> probably only beautiful to us, no matching color scheme ya
know :oP.
>
> The house was indeed a mess. But the KIDS, they are carrying
some lifelong
> cool memories. THEY don't remember a trashed house when they were
little,
> they only see that now when looking at pictures (and are
surprised :o). They
> remember joy and creativity and happiness and support. And my kids
never got
> hurt from our really really messy house. You know what I noticed
back then?
> They knew their environment. They carefully stepped over things.
What a
> great skill!
>
> Our house today goes from mildly messy common space with
some pretty messy
> closed door rooms, to pretty darn clean, depending on who wants
what when.
> The house is still not first, even though my kids are now 18, 17,
15 and 13.
> Though the kids on their own clean different things at different
times, and
> I've noticed that in general, no one lets it get too messy
anymore. They
> like the clean space.
>
> -Know that you will have your time again. Really.
>
> -Do not get trapped into the nagging thought that you *need*
more time to
> yourself. Make your time with your children "your time". If you
find
> yourself getting flustered, learn deep breathing exercises you can
do in a
> moment to relax and get back with the joy of your life right now,
with your
> kids. They really do grow up, and this time right now is for the
relishing.
> I think that we have been programmed to believe that we can't make
it
> without that warm bubble bath or quiet book time regularly. This
mindset can
> REALLY get in the way of a mom being with her children. I had
maybe one
> bubble bath by myself in 10 years. I had MANY with my kids...much
more
> enjoyable :o)
>
> -Back to the question about the aggressive 2yo. Poster
said, "I can't
> always be there." Even though "always" is a pretty high goal, it
should be
> the goal. You can get pretty close I'm guessing. Especially if you
make that
> #1, above all else, for now. Wear the baby, be in the same room
together,
> watch carefully for precursors to the aggression. Then avoid or
eliminate
> the irritants. Add the things that she thrives on...physical games,
> hugging/holding...see what gives her joy and make them a part of
her day
> often.
>
> -As far as food goes, we lived on finger foods for YEARS. It
really can be
> done, and easily. No one suffered from lack of a sit-down, well-
prepared,
> hot meal...again, a mindset that can get in the way of what is
really
> necessary. Today we regularly have well-prepared, sit-down meals
> together...everyone knows how to use their utensils and have
manners and
> such. Back then, none of that was necessary, and it didn't fit
easily into
> our lives so we didn't do it. When we DID attempt it, the stress
was just
> not worth it.
>
> See what works most flowingly for your children and their joy, and
make
> decisions from that place.
>
> boythatwasalongone,
> Jacki
>

Gold Standard

>> I was met with alot
>>of pressure from my husband to keep up on it.<<

I'm sure you'll be getting great responses from the list more after the
holiday weekend, but I did want to say that the above sentence really is an
important part of the equation, and that even in unschooling families, it is
not uncommon that typically (but not always) the father questions parts of
this philosophy, including the importance of a clean house. And you two do
need to get along, for your children as well as your own relationship. So,
some ideas:

-Tell your husband that there is something important that you would like to
talk to him about. Ask him when would be a good time for him. Prepare
yourself to speak particularly about this issue. Some ideas for the chat:
Let him know that you understand his desire for a clean house, and that
maybe you even have that desire too, but that you know that you are doing
your best, and if that isn't good enough, then you would like his help in
finding a way to get the house cleaner. Let him know that you are pretty
sure this is temporary, maybe a couple of years or so...that at your
children's young and needy ages, they really need most of your time and
energy. Let him know that you have researched and learned that responding to
children totally at their ages produces healthier and more independent
children later, and that you just don't want to take any chances with that.
Tell him you know in your soul that this is how it is supposed to be.

-See if you can find a way to leave the children with your husband for a
day, or at least a few hours. This was always an eye-opener for dh...seems
there is a level of understanding and respect that couldn't happen
otherwise. Make a doctor's appointment or dentist appointment, add in lunch
or a movie (I know the kids come first, and maybe this feels like it
wouldn't be the best scenario for them, but in the larger picture, it is for
them and you and their dad).

-See if you can creatively come up with some help...is there a college
nearby where a student might help with housecleaning or child care
inexpensively? We had a college student live in an extra bedroom (actually
not an extra bedroom, but we made do with 6 of us in two bedrooms so that we
could have the help), and she was a godsend.

It can be a delicate walk unschooling (and in your case, attachment
parenting) and living happily with a spouse who doesn't quite
agree...sometimes it requires some compromising, with the larger vision
being the joy and health of your family. They need you both and preferably
together, and sometimes we have to give up a little to have the best overall
situation.

You'll get more thoughts from the list for sure...
Jacki

Pamela Sorooshian

On May 26, 2007, at 2:22 PM, Tina wrote:

> When I was letting go of all the "house" stuff I was met with alot
> of pressure from my husband to keep up on it.

Practical advice
1 - simplify a LOT. I think unschooling is enhanced when we do have
lots of things, but, still, your kids will be better served by having
fewer things if that means happier parents.

2 - Have lots of bins and baskets around the house - wicker baskets
right in the living room and kitchen and bathrooms where you can just
put things throughout the day and can run around for a couple of
minutes before your husband gets home and get everything off floors
and furniture into the baskets.

3 - Use paper plates and cups and plastic utensils throughout the day
so you don't have dishes to deal with before you even start thinking
about dinner.

4 - Simplify food preparation by using convenience foods - packaged
salad, frozen foods, bags of carrots. Use boil-in-the-bag rice (Uncle
Bens boil in the bag brown rice is great) - easy-to-clean pans. Lunch
can be a bag of carrots, whole wheat crackers, and ranch dressing to
dip them into. Put them out on paper plates - let kids eat when
hungry. Don't "make" breakfast or lunch - provide convenient snack
stuff, instead. Don't make pots and pans or mixing bowls, etc.,
dirty, and you won't have to wash them. Frozen foods are often
nutritious - don't disregard them thinking that they're not. Yes, you
can eat cheaper if you make everything from scratch - but the extra
cost will be worth it if you end up happier. Cereal, fruit, milk are
easy - serve in paper bowls with plastic spoons.

5 - Get a mother's helper to come in a couple of times per week for a
couple of hours. She/he spends time playing with the kids while you
clean in ways you just can't get to with the kids needing you every
other minute. (They'll still need you some, but you can probably get
enough time to clean the whole toilet without interruption <G>).

6 - Even better, get a housekeeper to come in for half day once a
week. This is a HUGE HUGE wonderful thing - in a half-day the
housekeeper can do a lot. Yes, you'll have to clean up the clutter to
some degree before the housekeeper can do a good job. If you do it
every week, it won't be nearly as big a deal as you might think and
SO worth it. Leave the house to go play at the park for half a day
and come home to it being clean. Your husband might not think the
money is going to be well spent - ask him to try it for a month or
two, at least, then you can reconsider. Ask for it as a birthday
present or maybe a belated mother's day present! My mom gave me
housekeeping services occasionally - for my birthday. Very nice gift!!

7. Little habits are all-important. Don't think big or you might be
overwhelmed. Just do one thing and then another - little bits count.
You will be amazed at how much less time cleaning up takes than what
you probably think. Load or unload the top rack of the dishwasher
while you wait for toast to pop up or while something is in the
microwave for 1 minute. Later do the bottom rack. Never go anywhere
empty-handed - when you go from one room to another, take something
with you - at least move things in the right direction <G>.

8 - have lots of trash cans around the house. Make it almost as easy
to put trash into a trash can as it is to leave it around.

9 - spend lots of time outdoors. If you're not in the house, it won't
get as messy. Go places.

10 - ???



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Cathy

Hi Tina

You wrote:

When I was letting go of all the "house" stuff I was met with alot
of pressure from my husband to keep up on it.



With regard to housework, is there any way that you can pay someone to come
in and help for even a few hours a week? When I had small children, this is
what we did, and it helped so much. My husband also didn't want the home to
deteriorate completely, and neither did I - we have always had a lot of
people coming and going and neither of us would have felt comfortable having
people over if the house was out of control. Having help enabled us to have
our cake and eat it!

Regards

Cathy



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Jean McTigue

"gold standard" jacki@... your responce was just beautiful I'm a mom of 5 from 4-12yo I remember those days fondly.
Driving them around and meeting their needs now is hard but when you have all babies it is really difficult. You will alway look back at this time a think how "simple" it all was!
jean


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Tina

I pay my sister to come and clean every 2 weeks and she does things
like sweep and mop, vacuum and clean the bathroom. It is definitely
a load off of my shoulders. But the house still gets pretty trashed
in between. I dont mind the toys being everywhere, what bothers me
is the dirt.
I have been simplifying alot. I used to use cloth daipers on my 2 yr
old and 8 mo old but I recently switched to the seventh generation
brand. I found that the only laundry I was doing was daipers every
day. And I just started using paper plates, actually picked up some
paper bowls earlier. And started planning our menu with more frozen
foods. I was cooking gourmet meals but the kids didnt really like
them. I was trying to get my fix for cooking b/c I love to cook. But
it just ended up being pointless in the end with expensive grocery
bills, a big mess to clean and food that no one really liked but
me. The kids like everything really plain. Pasta, Brown rice, Baked
Chicken, Chicken nuggets so that is what I returned to getting. It
was worth the try. At least I know now. The boil in the bag rice
rocks it only takes 8 min to cook rather than 45 min.
I am really trying to make this work.
I have been more observant and available to my 2yr old and have
really been applying the distraction method. It has been working
very well. And realizing when he is done being social and giving him
some personal space. That advice helped me alot. Sometimes I am at a
loss for ideas on things to distarct him with but I am sure I will
get more creative as time goes by. Sometimes things happen so
quickly but I am doing my best to work with it.
You guys are awesome. Thanks again for all your help.

--- In [email protected], "Cathy" <cathy@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Tina
>
> You wrote:
>
> When I was letting go of all the "house" stuff I was met with alot
> of pressure from my husband to keep up on it.
>
>
>
> With regard to housework, is there any way that you can pay
someone to come
> in and help for even a few hours a week? When I had small
children, this is
> what we did, and it helped so much. My husband also didn't want
the home to
> deteriorate completely, and neither did I - we have always had a
lot of
> people coming and going and neither of us would have felt
comfortable having
> people over if the house was out of control. Having help enabled
us to have
> our cake and eat it!
>
> Regards
>
> Cathy
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Sandra Dodd

-=-I try to stop him and tell him that hiting hurts and
its wrong, but I dont know what else to do.-=-

Carry him.

He's too young for "telling."

If he's down and gets aggressive, pick him up. Defend the other
child. Consider you and your child to be on the same team. If
someone on your team fouls, the disadvantage is shared.

Instead of trying to teach him something ("hitting hurts"), just make
sure he's not hurting anyone.

If you had a dog that bit and you kept letting the dog be around
people he could bite, that would be YOUR fault, not the dog's.


Other things you've probably already considered:
Are the older siblings mean to him?
Is he getting enough attention and time and holding and carrying?

Sandra




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Tina

Yes, he nurses still and I cuddle him as much as he will let me. And
the older siblings are a/b half and half in their attitude towards
him. They dont like to play with him anymore b/c he takes their
toys, knocks things down and hits. But I do try to explain to them
that he is still a baby and doesnt understand. I use my baby sling
as much as I can with my 8 mo old but it will just kill my back if I
wear it too long. Yes, I do put it on right and it's the only one
she will use b/c she can face forward.
But I have decied to make more of an effort to be there wth him as
much as I can and try to stop it before it happens. I got all my
paper plates and bowls, finger foods blah blah blah and I have
simplified alot to apply this.
These kind of things would happen usually when I wasin the kitchen
preparing/cleaning up from a meal, doing luandry and pretty much
whenever I wasnt around.
Im glad you brought up the other kids b/c they are having a hard
time with this. And like I said, I really didnt know what to do a/b
it. Im trying to figure out the best way to do all this. As it is
still all pretty new to me. And I am so grateful for the advice from
people who have experience.
Thanks again!

--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...>
wrote:
>
> -=-I try to stop him and tell him that hiting hurts and
> its wrong, but I dont know what else to do.-=-
>
> Carry him.
>
> He's too young for "telling."
>
> If he's down and gets aggressive, pick him up. Defend the other
> child. Consider you and your child to be on the same team. If
> someone on your team fouls, the disadvantage is shared.
>
> Instead of trying to teach him something ("hitting hurts"), just
make
> sure he's not hurting anyone.
>
> If you had a dog that bit and you kept letting the dog be around
> people he could bite, that would be YOUR fault, not the dog's.
>
>
> Other things you've probably already considered:
> Are the older siblings mean to him?
> Is he getting enough attention and time and holding and carrying?
>
> Sandra
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Meghan Anderson-Coates

******I use my baby sling
as much as I can with my 8 mo old but it will just kill my back if I
wear it too long. Yes, I do put it on right and it's the only one
she will use b/c she can face forward. *********

My dd was the same when she was a babe (always curious about the world <g>). This was far and away the best sling I ever used! I used it until she was just over 2 years old. It saves your back, because it puts the kiddo's weight on your hips.

http://www.wilkinet.co.uk/WhyChoose.asp?gclid=CNTvt8Phs4wCFR1BggodWD2yRw

Meghan



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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-It saves your back, because it puts the kiddo's weight on your
hips.-=-

My husband and I had a hiker's backpack for carrying a baby/toddler
and we used it LOTS, at home and out and about. I walked Marty and
Holly to sleep many, many times, and then just came back and slipped
the pack off onto the couch (it had a stand) and then took them out
gently, or sometimes left them there a while if others were still in
the room to be near them (lean the pack against the back of the
couch, so their heads are still up against something soft, or lay the
pack face down--just can't leave them in the pack all alone in the
room).

They could see, hold things, look around, touch us, hear us, feel us,
and we could still do all kinds of things with our own arms. It kept
them right with other people, but not right down on the ground with
other kids, dogs, cactus, whatever the problem of the moment might
have been.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tina

Thanks for the link. I checked it out. Can the baby move their arms
freely in that? It looked kinda bulky. I sit Nani in the Maya wrap
face forward witj her legs folded indian style. She can move her
upper body freely and will even fall asleep in that position. But Im
not too sure of how she'd react to something that would confine her.
I've tried a few different slings with her-she definitely knows what
she likes. Thanks again for the link.

--- In [email protected], Meghan Anderson-Coates
<meghanandco@...> wrote:
>
> ******I use my baby sling
> as much as I can with my 8 mo old but it will just kill my back if
I
> wear it too long. Yes, I do put it on right and it's the only one
> she will use b/c she can face forward. *********
>
> My dd was the same when she was a babe (always curious about the
world <g>). This was far and away the best sling I ever used! I
used it until she was just over 2 years old. It saves your back,
because it puts the kiddo's weight on your hips.
>
> http://www.wilkinet.co.uk/WhyChoose.asp?
gclid=CNTvt8Phs4wCFR1BggodWD2yRw
>
> Meghan
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Luggage? GPS? Comic books?
> Check out fitting gifts for grads at Yahoo! Search.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Meghan Anderson-Coates

********Thanks for the link. I checked it out. Can the baby move their arms
freely in that? It looked kinda bulky. I sit Nani in the Maya wrap
face forward witj her legs folded indian style. She can move her
upper body freely and will even fall asleep in that position. But Im
not too sure of how she'd react to something that would confine her.
I've tried a few different slings with her-she definitely knows what
she likes. Thanks again for the link. **************

They show a very young babe in it on the first page. If you go to the photographs link (on the right) they show some older babies in it. My dd has always been tall/long so she never had a problem with her head being too low down (I haven't heard of this as being a common problem). It's actually really adjustable and all soft padding, no metal bits or buckles. My dd never had a problem moving around in it <g>. All my friends (in the UK) got this sling, especially if they had tried a snuggli or similar before.

Meghan



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