:: anne | arun ::

Hiya,

Ive posted this to the CrunchyUnschoolers list also but was curious
to see your spin on it too... We have moved to RU since last year and
enjoying the journey :)

our 5yr old dd has generally achieved what i would call a "sense of
balance" in dvds, food and sleep times and almost everything else.
*Except* on the question of buying things...

It seems like every trip out is an opportunity to buy something. We
have been going along with this by:
- buying if it is "affordable" (obviously if we have not got the
money or its v expensive there are real limits)
- getting it from an alternative cheaper option where possible,
mainly ebay (led to our dd walking into a toy shop, picking up a toy
and shouting to me across it "hey dad, can we get this cheaper on the
computer?" LOL)

As we do this we try to strike a balance of discussing issues of
budget, money & value while not judging what she wants to buy.

Some thoughts/ issues related to this:

- we (the parents) feel that a sense of abundance is an important
quality we foster in ourselves and we aim to foster in our children
- we do however also try to avoid accumulating lots of "things" and
spending "excessive" amounts on ourselves
- also realize how complicated our modeling on this issue is since
our decision about whether to buy something we like is based on "how
much do we need it & is it worth the money" which are both extremely
subjective criteria which also often rely on a fair bit of info

I have noticed our dd self regulate in other areas where there is
more feedback for her to work with � so she gets sick of dvds, she
feels the impact of food on her body. However it seems that buying
more things has no real impact because we tend to avoid arbitrary
limits on money and she does not quite get the idea of budgets
(although we are trying to explain it, its partly because we dont
work to a strict budget but just internally limit our spending
maybe?) and new things just get spread throughout the house.

one thing we have started to try is avoiding impulse buying... so
when we go to the shops we discuss what we want. Then if something
else comes up we try to "come back" if we are still interested in the
next few days. We discussed this with her and apply it to ourselves
as well... but it still seems like an external crutch to her self
regulating her decisions on this... and i know the fun & enjoyment of
occasional spontaneous buying too

Dd has her own purse with money in it... we give her money when she
asks for it and so far she has had very little need to spend it
(although she has given us money when we have been caught short a few
times). My gut feeling is against pocket money at this early stage of
shifting to RU, which i feel creates an artificial separation of
money � we dont ration out money between me & my dw for example...
its "our" money. Although when dd feels confident that she can have
money if she needs it maybe we will chat to her about giving her a
regular amount as well rather than her having to ask... But im keen
to hear your spin on this...

Any comments are welcome but im basically wondering how do we
encourage a less consumerist approach without artificially limiting
money? Do i just be more patient and is this just a final RU
transition thing or am i missing something here?

thanks in advance,
arun

_____________________________________________

| anne + arun |
http://www.theparentingpit.com




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

plaidpanties666

--- In [email protected], ":: anne | arun ::"
<life@...> wrote:
>> - also realize how complicated our modeling on this issue is
since
> our decision about whether to buy something we like is based
on "how
> much do we need it & is it worth the money" which are both
extremely
> subjective criteria which also often rely on a fair bit of info

Are you verbalizing this process, or is it all internal? Wrt your
own spending, I mean. That may help her understand your own process
better. The other thing is, though, since this is *such* a
subjective issue, she may well have a different oppinion and view of
the world, or be meeting a different need by shopping than you are.
That's more complicated.

> I have noticed our dd self regulate in other areas where there is
> more feedback for her to work with ? so she gets sick of dvds,
she
> feels the impact of food on her body.

I'd look into the idea of "self regulation" - usually there's an
expectation behind that expression. Her "self regulation" is close
enough to your expectation wrt dvs and food as to be within your
comfort zone. What happens when she wants to "regulate" at a level
that is *outside* your comfort zone? That's something to think about.

> However it seems that buying
> more things has no real impact because we tend to avoid arbitrary
> limits on money and she does not quite get the idea of budgets
> (although we are trying to explain it...

I have a couple thoughts about this - the first being to wonder
*how* you are explaining and if its a way that works in other areas
of helping her to understand something. For example, my dd is really
visual and physical, so explaining with words doesn't work well with
her - but I still do it on occasion! Bad habit on my part.

The other thought goes back to the ideas about expectations and the
subjectivity of "consumerism" - maybe instead of trying to explain
you need to be working on discovering what *her* thoughts and
feelings are.

> and new things just get spread throughout the house.

This sounds like expectations on your part - why shouldn't new
things get spread throughout the house? Hidden under furniture and
in the backs of closets? Maybe the idea of living in a giant
treasure hunt is appealing to your dd on some visceral level - think
about it as a twist on "strewing". Much as I love the idea of my
house as a museum:

http://sandradodd.com/museum

I confess it looks more like a rummage sale most of the time - but
gosh I love a good rummage sale! You can find the most amazing
things sometimes, but you do have to dig a little.

> Dd has her own purse with money in it... we give her money when
she
> asks for it and so far she has had very little need to spend it
> (although she has given us money when we have been caught short a
few
> times). My gut feeling is against pocket money at this early stage
of
> shifting to RU, which i feel creates an artificial separation of
> money ? we dont ration out money between me & my dw for
example...
> its "our" money.

Again, this may have something to do with how she processes
information -and younger kids tend to be a bit more concrete and
physical in general, so having her own, that she can hold, may meet
a need for understanding on a physical level. Mo's like that, but
she also tends to forget and mislay things, so from time to time
I've used play money so that she can see and hold the number
of "dollars" available for spending, but I don't have to worry about
it getting lost.

Mo also sometimes needs to see quantities to understand how things
get divided up - especially now that my stepson is living here and
we have to divide things 4 ways when before it was only 3. Last
night we made piles of cookies, for example, but I've also done it
in the store with fingers or bills in my wallet, or whatever comes
to hand, so she can see how I'm trying to meet everyone's spending
wants at once within our budget. We have a pretty "solid" budget
most of the time, though - I can pull a dollar or two from gas or
groceries, but that's about it.

> Any comments are welcome but im basically wondering how do we
> encourage a less consumerist approach without artificially
limiting
> money?

Consumerism is a pretty "big" idea to work with - I've personally
found it helpful to break these kinds of concepts into smaller, more
basic priciples...and fears. I've also found it helpful to reframe
negative ideals like "less consumerist" into more positive
terminology - "more...." what would that be? There's a core value in
there that you can work on supporting, maybe in different ways than
you are currently seeing with the focus on (less) consumerism.

---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)

[email protected]

It may help to think of it this way:
If you were schooling at home you would put aside a portion of your budget for curriculum, paper, pens, field trips, etc. Do the same for unschooling.
A portion of your budget should be going to support her interests. A five year olds interests tend to include toys <g>.
Another thing I did when my kids were that young, was to try to set up my schedule so that my shopping trips could happen when someone else was with the little ones. At 5, lots of kids don't yet understand the whole idea of budgets. Particularly nowadays, when ATM's make getting money look SO easy. They are the magical money machines!
Elissa Jill
OTN:
Stitch of the Day Swatch
silk/wool blend tie front mini sweater
http://mystikmusings.blogspot.com/

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]