Looking back
queenjane555
I love paper. Have tons of notebooks everywhere. Problem is that i
never just fill up a notebook and then move on to the next. Oh no, i
have several notebooks with a page or two or ten filled, and alot of
blank pages in between. Yesterday, i had grabbed one, and was making
my "to do" lists, when i came across some interesting pages from the
past, before i pulled my son out of school (which was just after he
turned 7, he's now 10.)
I found two notes i wrote to seamus(which we would sometimes do if
we were fighting and not communicating well.) One said:
"To Seamus, I do not have to work for three days. You do not have to
go to school for 3 days. We can sleep late. It will be fun. Love
your mother Katherine."
The other said:
"To Seamus, I am sorry I yell at you so much. I will try to talk
like a friend. Maybe I can write letters instead. Love, Mom." and
next to it in Seamus' six or seven yr old handwriting he wrote "YES"
On a different page, i had made an outline for what i wanted my life
to look like, my sort of life goals. Listed there was 1. Do foster
care/adoption 2. To stay home/homeschool 3. To have a clean,
organized home 4. To make friends/have hobbies/be involved in
community . All stuff i'm either doing or in the process of doing
now.
And then on a different page was a big narrative about how i wanted
my life, what i pictured my perfect life to be...and at the very
bottom i wrote "To be a good mom who doesnt yell." I haven't created
exactly the life i wrote down on the paper, but i've come close. And
that last part, the most important part, i definitely have!
Its amazing how MUCH my life has changed since 2003. I can barely
even remember that life. I had forgotten that i was such a yeller, i
had forgotten a bit how angry my child was, how mad at each other we
were all the time. Last night i "yelled" at Seamus. He had mentioned
earlier in the evening that he spilled his pop on his pants and so
had changed. I didnt think anything of it. When i went to go to bed
that night (we share the queen sized bed at my mom's when we're here)
there was this huge dark wet stain right in the middle. I started
into this whole lecture about why he didnt tell me that earlier,
that i didnt know it was all over the bed, now its too late to
wash/dry it,where the heck are we supposed to sleep?? I wasnt
yelling, but i was talking louder than i normally do. As soon as
those words were out, i realized i was wrong. I felt horrible, just
this big icky feeling. I can't believe that i used to parent that
way all the time! I guess i just lived with the icky feeling! So i
immediately apologized and told him i'd go dig out another sheet in
the closet, and i remade the bed. No big deal. He apologized for not
being clearer, he said he really thought i knew, esp since i had
been in the room several times that evening. (He had a point there.)
The rest of our night was fine. Thats the extent of my yelling now,
and happens rarely.
Usually life is just one big lovefest. My son (who was so angry when
he was younger that he could be physically violent, hurt me, damage
property)is such a peaceful, loving, empathetic,open kid. He must
say "I love you!!!" 20 times a day, at least. And i'm not longer The
Mom that Yells. Indeed, he sometimes thanks me for being a great mom!
Whats that line? "You've come a long way baby!"
Katherine
never just fill up a notebook and then move on to the next. Oh no, i
have several notebooks with a page or two or ten filled, and alot of
blank pages in between. Yesterday, i had grabbed one, and was making
my "to do" lists, when i came across some interesting pages from the
past, before i pulled my son out of school (which was just after he
turned 7, he's now 10.)
I found two notes i wrote to seamus(which we would sometimes do if
we were fighting and not communicating well.) One said:
"To Seamus, I do not have to work for three days. You do not have to
go to school for 3 days. We can sleep late. It will be fun. Love
your mother Katherine."
The other said:
"To Seamus, I am sorry I yell at you so much. I will try to talk
like a friend. Maybe I can write letters instead. Love, Mom." and
next to it in Seamus' six or seven yr old handwriting he wrote "YES"
On a different page, i had made an outline for what i wanted my life
to look like, my sort of life goals. Listed there was 1. Do foster
care/adoption 2. To stay home/homeschool 3. To have a clean,
organized home 4. To make friends/have hobbies/be involved in
community . All stuff i'm either doing or in the process of doing
now.
And then on a different page was a big narrative about how i wanted
my life, what i pictured my perfect life to be...and at the very
bottom i wrote "To be a good mom who doesnt yell." I haven't created
exactly the life i wrote down on the paper, but i've come close. And
that last part, the most important part, i definitely have!
Its amazing how MUCH my life has changed since 2003. I can barely
even remember that life. I had forgotten that i was such a yeller, i
had forgotten a bit how angry my child was, how mad at each other we
were all the time. Last night i "yelled" at Seamus. He had mentioned
earlier in the evening that he spilled his pop on his pants and so
had changed. I didnt think anything of it. When i went to go to bed
that night (we share the queen sized bed at my mom's when we're here)
there was this huge dark wet stain right in the middle. I started
into this whole lecture about why he didnt tell me that earlier,
that i didnt know it was all over the bed, now its too late to
wash/dry it,where the heck are we supposed to sleep?? I wasnt
yelling, but i was talking louder than i normally do. As soon as
those words were out, i realized i was wrong. I felt horrible, just
this big icky feeling. I can't believe that i used to parent that
way all the time! I guess i just lived with the icky feeling! So i
immediately apologized and told him i'd go dig out another sheet in
the closet, and i remade the bed. No big deal. He apologized for not
being clearer, he said he really thought i knew, esp since i had
been in the room several times that evening. (He had a point there.)
The rest of our night was fine. Thats the extent of my yelling now,
and happens rarely.
Usually life is just one big lovefest. My son (who was so angry when
he was younger that he could be physically violent, hurt me, damage
property)is such a peaceful, loving, empathetic,open kid. He must
say "I love you!!!" 20 times a day, at least. And i'm not longer The
Mom that Yells. Indeed, he sometimes thanks me for being a great mom!
Whats that line? "You've come a long way baby!"
Katherine
Deborah Donndelinger
Katherine,
What a wonderful example of how we are masterful creators of our own lives!
When I get stuck, it's because I'm focusing on what I don't want --
rather than what I do want - thanks for reminding me of that.
With much appreciation,
A fellow traveler,
Deborah
What a wonderful example of how we are masterful creators of our own lives!
When I get stuck, it's because I'm focusing on what I don't want --
rather than what I do want - thanks for reminding me of that.
With much appreciation,
A fellow traveler,
Deborah
Erica Chase-Salerno
I found your story SO inspiring (I just came downstairs after
apologizing for yelling at my 3.5 yr. old son for spilling juice
*again* while watching TV. He suggested using the straw-style cup we
use with the baby, and I got so mad he wanted to use a "baby cup." I
just told him in my apology that he had a good idea and we'd do it! I
too want to make progress in my yelling habits and feel that since
unschooling in January, I definitely have, but there's a long, long way
to go for me.
Thanks for sharing, and congratulations on all of the progress you've
made!!
: )
~ Erica
apologizing for yelling at my 3.5 yr. old son for spilling juice
*again* while watching TV. He suggested using the straw-style cup we
use with the baby, and I got so mad he wanted to use a "baby cup." I
just told him in my apology that he had a good idea and we'd do it! I
too want to make progress in my yelling habits and feel that since
unschooling in January, I definitely have, but there's a long, long way
to go for me.
Thanks for sharing, and congratulations on all of the progress you've
made!!
: )
~ Erica
On Mar 7, 2007, at 3:39 PM, queenjane555 wrote:
> The other said:
>
> "To Seamus, I am sorry I yell at you so much. I will try to talk
> like a friend. Maybe I can write letters instead. Love, Mom." and
> next to it in Seamus' six or seven yr old handwriting he wrote "YES"
>
> As soon as
> those words were out, i realized i was wrong. I felt horrible, just
> this big icky feeling. I can't believe that i used to parent that
> way all the time! I guess i just lived with the icky feeling! So i
> immediately apologized and told him i'd go dig out another sheet in
> the closet, and i remade the bed. No big deal.
> Usually life is just one big lovefest. My son (who was so angry when
> he was younger that he could be physically violent, hurt me, damage
> property)is such a peaceful, loving, empathetic,open kid. He must
> say "I love you!!!" 20 times a day, at least. And i'm not longer The
> Mom that Yells. Indeed, he sometimes thanks me for being a great mom!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
queenjane555
> When I get stuck, it's because I'm focusing on what I don't want --I dont know if you have heard of "The Secret"...its kind of a big
> rather than what I do want - thanks for reminding me of that.
fad right now, but alot of whats presented makes sense to me. They
say the exact same thing...to ask/expect what you WANT not what you
DONT want, because the universe will give you what you ask for, and
won't "hear" the "dont" part. It makes so much sense to me, because
its kind of like when we say "Say yes to your kids"...if you can't
read to your child until after you finish your phone call, you could
say "No, not until i'm off the phone" or you could say "Yes, as soon
as i'm off the phone"...one is negative, the other is positive. One
positive moment leads to another until before you know it your life
is so freakin' positive you can hardly believe it.
One of the people featured in "The Secret" was on Oprah, and he said
something like, "Trying is failing with honor." He said something
like "If you ask someone to dinner, and they say "I'll try to make
it" they arent going to be there. Don't try. Do it." What was it
that Yoda said? "Do or do not, there is no try." I think this
relates directly to unschooling. Don't try to be a better (more
patient, more fun, more positive)mother...just do it. Right now.
This moment. I think it really can be that easy, once you make the
shift in mind set. I am no longer a parent who yells. I am no longer
a parent who spanks. That doesnt mean i don't ever slip up or make a
mistake, but yelling is so far down the list of reactions, and
spanking even further (like, not even on the list anymore!), i'm not
sure how i got here other than just choosing to stop. Making a
choice to be a better parent.
Katherine
Carole Aguilar
I think that when I was trying to meet everyone's needs before those of our family I was always yelling, always frustrated, always late, always cranky. Now that we are on OUR schedule, I have the patience to say yes, the patience to always answer a question, the patience always to look something up. Always focus on the positive. I tell my kids we always have a choice. Choose positive. It's easier.
Carole in CT
----- Original Message ----
From: queenjane555 <queenjane555@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, March 7, 2007 7:57:34 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Looking back
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Carole in CT
----- Original Message ----
From: queenjane555 <queenjane555@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, March 7, 2007 7:57:34 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Looking back
Recent Activity
13New Members
Visit Your Group
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Parenting family
Family parenting
Attachment parenting
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Is your kid cute?
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Yahoo! TV
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____________________________________________________________________________________
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Vida
I've always said to my girls, "what you put out you get back". I've
used myself as examples when I yelled or was irritable with them.
We'd all get in a fuddle and I'd say, "see? I put out anger and I
got it right back". The point is choosing sunshine over clouds, of
choosing to feed the white wolves instead of the black ones (for
those familiar with the Cherokee?? story of the grandfather and
boy). I have the audiobook of The Secret and it all made sense to me
as well. I also like What the Bleep do We Know.
Today my little one told me she wants to go to the village to get
balloons. I don't want to go. I am feeling irritable and angry.
But rather than putting that anger on her I knelt down to eye level
and just told her that I want to say yes right now, but my black
wolves are growling inside and making me want to fight and be angry.
I need a bit of time to be alone so I can make my white wolves
stronger. I can't promise to take you down today, but we will get
you balloons.
Now, this is not a "sure honey, let's go!" answer, but there is
progress here in that I didn't just blindly lash out at her, or make
that horrid face as if they were ruining my life. She listened and
said "OK, I'll go up to grandmas for a while so you can drink your
tea" and she left smiling and my other dreamlet came and gave me a
spontaneous hug with a wonderful "i love you mommy".
So I'm not always at that "Do now" space, but I'm very close.
Vida
used myself as examples when I yelled or was irritable with them.
We'd all get in a fuddle and I'd say, "see? I put out anger and I
got it right back". The point is choosing sunshine over clouds, of
choosing to feed the white wolves instead of the black ones (for
those familiar with the Cherokee?? story of the grandfather and
boy). I have the audiobook of The Secret and it all made sense to me
as well. I also like What the Bleep do We Know.
Today my little one told me she wants to go to the village to get
balloons. I don't want to go. I am feeling irritable and angry.
But rather than putting that anger on her I knelt down to eye level
and just told her that I want to say yes right now, but my black
wolves are growling inside and making me want to fight and be angry.
I need a bit of time to be alone so I can make my white wolves
stronger. I can't promise to take you down today, but we will get
you balloons.
Now, this is not a "sure honey, let's go!" answer, but there is
progress here in that I didn't just blindly lash out at her, or make
that horrid face as if they were ruining my life. She listened and
said "OK, I'll go up to grandmas for a while so you can drink your
tea" and she left smiling and my other dreamlet came and gave me a
spontaneous hug with a wonderful "i love you mommy".
So I'm not always at that "Do now" space, but I'm very close.
Vida
Deborah Donndelinger
I thought you might know of the Secret based on your post. I've been
studying the law of attraction for several years now ... I'm just so
jazzed that my children get to grow up knowing that they are powerful
creators and have any life they choose ... it's very interesting
explaining the law of attraction and deliberate creation to children ....
Another fascinating and wonderful feeling perspective is knowing that
our children attract what they are a vibrational match for. So they
have attracted me as their mother who wants to give them freedom and a
spiritual view on life AND they have attracted their father who wants to
give them the practical view on life.
This view completely shifts how I see different perspectives. When my
father comes in concerned about my son not having enough routine in his
life, my son has attracted that energy. He is seeking that .... So
rather than seeing my father as interfering, I see that that energy has
been called forth and I can welcome it with love. After connecting with
my own inner power, then I can decide if and what I want to shift.
It really is a freeing thought and recognizes that our children are
equal beings.
- Deborah in Maryland
Connection before Action
studying the law of attraction for several years now ... I'm just so
jazzed that my children get to grow up knowing that they are powerful
creators and have any life they choose ... it's very interesting
explaining the law of attraction and deliberate creation to children ....
Another fascinating and wonderful feeling perspective is knowing that
our children attract what they are a vibrational match for. So they
have attracted me as their mother who wants to give them freedom and a
spiritual view on life AND they have attracted their father who wants to
give them the practical view on life.
This view completely shifts how I see different perspectives. When my
father comes in concerned about my son not having enough routine in his
life, my son has attracted that energy. He is seeking that .... So
rather than seeing my father as interfering, I see that that energy has
been called forth and I can welcome it with love. After connecting with
my own inner power, then I can decide if and what I want to shift.
It really is a freeing thought and recognizes that our children are
equal beings.
- Deborah in Maryland
Connection before Action
Sandra Dodd
-=-I'm just so
jazzed that my children get to grow up knowing that they are powerful
creators and have any life they choose ... it's very interesting
explaining the law of attraction and deliberate creation to
children ....-=-
Go easy on how you explain things that are feel-good ideas but not so
absolute.
"Any life they choose" isn't a promise anyone can make to anyone.
Honesty and living in the moment are way better than new-age fantasy
future scenarios.
-=-So they
have attracted me as their mother who wants to give them freedom and a
spiritual view on life AND they have attracted their father who wants to
give them the practical view on life.-=-
This leaves the problem of other children allegedly having chosen
abusive and sexual molesting parents.
It's not really a sound principle.
-=. When my
father comes in concerned about my son not having enough routine in his
life, my son has attracted that energy. He is seeking that ....-=-
If someone comes over and beats your child up, will you calmly accept
that with love on the grounds that your son attracted that energy?
-=-After connecting with
my own inner power, then I can decide if and what I want to shift.-=-
Sorry to rain on your rainbow parade, but I'd really prefer for this
list (my list) to stick with what's immediately useful and positive
to anyone, and not venture into juju-magic that blames victims.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jazzed that my children get to grow up knowing that they are powerful
creators and have any life they choose ... it's very interesting
explaining the law of attraction and deliberate creation to
children ....-=-
Go easy on how you explain things that are feel-good ideas but not so
absolute.
"Any life they choose" isn't a promise anyone can make to anyone.
Honesty and living in the moment are way better than new-age fantasy
future scenarios.
-=-So they
have attracted me as their mother who wants to give them freedom and a
spiritual view on life AND they have attracted their father who wants to
give them the practical view on life.-=-
This leaves the problem of other children allegedly having chosen
abusive and sexual molesting parents.
It's not really a sound principle.
-=. When my
father comes in concerned about my son not having enough routine in his
life, my son has attracted that energy. He is seeking that ....-=-
If someone comes over and beats your child up, will you calmly accept
that with love on the grounds that your son attracted that energy?
-=-After connecting with
my own inner power, then I can decide if and what I want to shift.-=-
Sorry to rain on your rainbow parade, but I'd really prefer for this
list (my list) to stick with what's immediately useful and positive
to anyone, and not venture into juju-magic that blames victims.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-But rather than putting that anger on her I knelt down to eye level
and just told her that I want to say yes right now, but my black
wolves are growling inside and making me want to fight and be angry.
I need a bit of time to be alone so I can make my white wolves
stronger. -=-
Very young children might not want to think there are wolves inside
their mom.
Analogies and metaphors are fine for older people trying to
illustrate vague concepts, but consider the peace and clarity of
younger children when you use an example like that, please.
And it's kind of a cop-out to blame something else (imaginary or not)
for a mom's decision to say no.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
and just told her that I want to say yes right now, but my black
wolves are growling inside and making me want to fight and be angry.
I need a bit of time to be alone so I can make my white wolves
stronger. -=-
Very young children might not want to think there are wolves inside
their mom.
Analogies and metaphors are fine for older people trying to
illustrate vague concepts, but consider the peace and clarity of
younger children when you use an example like that, please.
And it's kind of a cop-out to blame something else (imaginary or not)
for a mom's decision to say no.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Vida
On Mar 8, 2007, at 2:56 PM, Sandra Dodd wrote:
it. At a very early age we started this metaphor as sunshine and
clouds. We talked about how we could choose, for the most part, to
have sunshine on our flower or clouds. When the clouds came we could
make the decision to blow them away. They "got it" right away and
until they were 5 or so that's what we used. With this metaphor they
were able, at a very young age, to recognize what was happening and
they would come to me and say "i have clouds" and together, all three
of us would put our hands up to our mouths, take a deep breath, and
blow the clouds away. In doing this, they made the decision to be
happier. When I read the Native American story it really was just
another way of saying the sunshine/cloud thing. They "got it"
immediately again and even try and show others how to use it.
I don't see anything wrong with that.
I also think that analogies and metaphors are fine for people who can
understand them, big or small. Penelope, at 3 once said to me while
cuddling down to sleep, that people's minds were like this room (it
was dark except for the light shining through the open door and we
were talking about people throwing garbage on the earth), that all
they need to do (to learn to stop polluting) was open the door.
Perhaps metaphors and analogies can be handled just fine by little
people BECAUSE of their clarity of mind. Perhaps it is just another
part of the home in which you grow up in. If metaphors work at 3,
like walking may work at 7 months for some and reading at 12 for
others, then why not? Sounds like your saying I should deprive them
of the opportunity to learn about and ponder vague concepts when I
can clearly see that they enjoy it.
Vida
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Very young children might not want to think there are wolves insideThat may be for some families, but we have never had a problem with
> their mom.
it. At a very early age we started this metaphor as sunshine and
clouds. We talked about how we could choose, for the most part, to
have sunshine on our flower or clouds. When the clouds came we could
make the decision to blow them away. They "got it" right away and
until they were 5 or so that's what we used. With this metaphor they
were able, at a very young age, to recognize what was happening and
they would come to me and say "i have clouds" and together, all three
of us would put our hands up to our mouths, take a deep breath, and
blow the clouds away. In doing this, they made the decision to be
happier. When I read the Native American story it really was just
another way of saying the sunshine/cloud thing. They "got it"
immediately again and even try and show others how to use it.
I don't see anything wrong with that.
I also think that analogies and metaphors are fine for people who can
understand them, big or small. Penelope, at 3 once said to me while
cuddling down to sleep, that people's minds were like this room (it
was dark except for the light shining through the open door and we
were talking about people throwing garbage on the earth), that all
they need to do (to learn to stop polluting) was open the door.
Perhaps metaphors and analogies can be handled just fine by little
people BECAUSE of their clarity of mind. Perhaps it is just another
part of the home in which you grow up in. If metaphors work at 3,
like walking may work at 7 months for some and reading at 12 for
others, then why not? Sounds like your saying I should deprive them
of the opportunity to learn about and ponder vague concepts when I
can clearly see that they enjoy it.
Vida
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-Sounds like your saying I should deprive them
of the opportunity to learn about and ponder vague concepts when I
can clearly see that they enjoy it.-=-
I have nothing against vague concepts.
For the benefit of very many readers and their many-more children, I
was suggesting not blaming internal wolves for mom's decisions. What
I said was exactly what I meant.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
of the opportunity to learn about and ponder vague concepts when I
can clearly see that they enjoy it.-=-
I have nothing against vague concepts.
For the benefit of very many readers and their many-more children, I
was suggesting not blaming internal wolves for mom's decisions. What
I said was exactly what I meant.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robyn L. Coburn
<<<< >I found your story SO inspiring (I just came downstairs after
unpredictable occasions. Yesterday she asked me to get out all her baby toys
in search of a particular toy.
It is great that you apologised, and great that you are yelling less. But
your progress might be even faster if you get to the root of what sounds
like an expectation about your ds's development. Older kids often feel the
need to regress when there is a new(ish) baby in the house. If that behavior
angers you, it might be worth getting to the bottom of that and finding the
hidden assumptions or fears feeding it.
Robyn L. Coburn
> apologizing for yelling at my 3.5 yr. old son for spilling juiceMy dd is seven and still asks for the sippy cup for particular and
> *again* while watching TV. He suggested using the straw-style cup we
> use with the baby, and I got so mad he wanted to use a "baby cup." >>>>
unpredictable occasions. Yesterday she asked me to get out all her baby toys
in search of a particular toy.
It is great that you apologised, and great that you are yelling less. But
your progress might be even faster if you get to the root of what sounds
like an expectation about your ds's development. Older kids often feel the
need to regress when there is a new(ish) baby in the house. If that behavior
angers you, it might be worth getting to the bottom of that and finding the
hidden assumptions or fears feeding it.
Robyn L. Coburn
Gold Standard
On Mar 8, 2007, at 2:56 PM, Sandra Dodd wrote:
wolves, white ones and black ones in particular. What is the truth about
wolves? Are the white ones always calm and centered and the black ones
always angry?
When I was little, my Dad really believed that black cats were bad luck. He
would stop the car and turn around in order to avoid crossing one's path. It
was years into my adulthood before I saw that black cats were black cats and
not symbols of something evil. We own one now, as he adopted us, and we have
had wonderful experiences with him...experiences that we wouldn't have if I
still thought he was a bad omen.
I'm sure animal conservationists would have some great things to say about
black wolves.
Jacki
> Very young children might not want to think there are wolves insideIn the case of the wolves, I wonder what idea the metaphor gives about
> their mom.
>>I also think that analogies and metaphors are fine for people who can
>>understand them, big or small.<<
wolves, white ones and black ones in particular. What is the truth about
wolves? Are the white ones always calm and centered and the black ones
always angry?
When I was little, my Dad really believed that black cats were bad luck. He
would stop the car and turn around in order to avoid crossing one's path. It
was years into my adulthood before I saw that black cats were black cats and
not symbols of something evil. We own one now, as he adopted us, and we have
had wonderful experiences with him...experiences that we wouldn't have if I
still thought he was a bad omen.
I'm sure animal conservationists would have some great things to say about
black wolves.
Jacki
Sandra Dodd
I've spilled drinks all my life. Yelling never runs time backward.
I've also put lids on drinks, lots of times.
Kirby has a sippy cup of sorts (the handle is a straw) that he still
uses to drink by his computer, and he's twenty years old.
When my kids are sick they get two tupperware cups with the sipper
seals, but with a straw in the hole--one of water, one of juice.
When theyw ere littler (like five, six) they would get a baby bottle
with the nipple made bigger, and as they got older, they were happy
with a straw and a cup.
If the principle is to get liquid into people in a way that doesn't
make a mess, age shouldn't be a factor.
Sandra
I've also put lids on drinks, lots of times.
Kirby has a sippy cup of sorts (the handle is a straw) that he still
uses to drink by his computer, and he's twenty years old.
When my kids are sick they get two tupperware cups with the sipper
seals, but with a straw in the hole--one of water, one of juice.
When theyw ere littler (like five, six) they would get a baby bottle
with the nipple made bigger, and as they got older, they were happy
with a straw and a cup.
If the principle is to get liquid into people in a way that doesn't
make a mess, age shouldn't be a factor.
Sandra
Sandra Dodd
-=-I'm sure animal conservationists would have some great things to
say about
black wolves.-=-
I'm not even sure there are black wolves. <g>
Sometimes kids, even very analytical kids, will believe things we
didn't know they believed, like that there's a giant in the sky.
Jack and the Beanstalk giant. But all of Christianity is based in
part on the idea of a giant in the sky, so is it a bad belief?
Sandra
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say about
black wolves.-=-
I'm not even sure there are black wolves. <g>
Sometimes kids, even very analytical kids, will believe things we
didn't know they believed, like that there's a giant in the sky.
Jack and the Beanstalk giant. But all of Christianity is based in
part on the idea of a giant in the sky, so is it a bad belief?
Sandra
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Vida
On Mar 8, 2007, at 4:40 PM, Gold Standard wrote:
"white wolf/ black wolf" separately I could agree with this. I can
only speak from within the context of my family, which is what I know
best. We are all animal lovers here, especially of wolves. Wolves
are highly respected as well as the worm here. In Greece the owl is
considered bad luck. My girls are growing up here and have heard
others talk about the owls hooting outside their house (which, to
them means somebody is going to die), but in their immediate
environment, our home, we have no such thoughts and so we all love
owls as much as wolves and worms.
If I saw that they had suspicious thoughts about looking at a black
wolf, or dark grey one, then I'd probably be here asking about it and
we'd be discussing this Native American story in a completely
different context. If in our family I pushed the idea of good and
evil means black and white, then I think we'd be in a lot of trouble,
and if my thinking was so limited then I doubt I would even consider
unschooling, or even homeschooling.
We're talking feelings here. It is pretty clear between my girls and
I that our black, white, purple wolves are just ways to recognize
feelings. They haven't been very receptive yet to low frequency vs
high frequency feelings. I'm sure we'll graduate to that later on.
Vida
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> In the case of the wolves, I wonder what idea the metaphor gives aboutAgain I think much of this has to do with context. Looking at the
> wolves, white ones and black ones in particular. What is the truth
> about
> wolves? Are the white ones always calm and centered and the black ones
> always angry?
"white wolf/ black wolf" separately I could agree with this. I can
only speak from within the context of my family, which is what I know
best. We are all animal lovers here, especially of wolves. Wolves
are highly respected as well as the worm here. In Greece the owl is
considered bad luck. My girls are growing up here and have heard
others talk about the owls hooting outside their house (which, to
them means somebody is going to die), but in their immediate
environment, our home, we have no such thoughts and so we all love
owls as much as wolves and worms.
If I saw that they had suspicious thoughts about looking at a black
wolf, or dark grey one, then I'd probably be here asking about it and
we'd be discussing this Native American story in a completely
different context. If in our family I pushed the idea of good and
evil means black and white, then I think we'd be in a lot of trouble,
and if my thinking was so limited then I doubt I would even consider
unschooling, or even homeschooling.
We're talking feelings here. It is pretty clear between my girls and
I that our black, white, purple wolves are just ways to recognize
feelings. They haven't been very receptive yet to low frequency vs
high frequency feelings. I'm sure we'll graduate to that later on.
Vida
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plaidpanties666
--- In [email protected], Vida <vidamel@...> wrote:
saying with the wolf metaphor pretty easily, but high/low frequency
feelings doesn't....um, resonate ;) with me. The one idea doesn't
really lead to the other - as would be implied by "graduate".
I think its more important to explore ways to communicate with your
dds about feelings than it is to expect them to adopt your personal
nomenclature. The metaphor you use right now is meaningful *because*
its a bridge to understanding - other metaphors may or may not be. The
understanding and communication are the important parts.
---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
>> We're talking feelings here. It is pretty clear between my girlsand
> I that our black, white, purple wolves are just ways to recognizeOr not. From my own, adult, perspective, I can understand what you are
> feelings. They haven't been very receptive yet to low frequency vs
> high frequency feelings. I'm sure we'll graduate to that later on.
saying with the wolf metaphor pretty easily, but high/low frequency
feelings doesn't....um, resonate ;) with me. The one idea doesn't
really lead to the other - as would be implied by "graduate".
I think its more important to explore ways to communicate with your
dds about feelings than it is to expect them to adopt your personal
nomenclature. The metaphor you use right now is meaningful *because*
its a bridge to understanding - other metaphors may or may not be. The
understanding and communication are the important parts.
---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
Sandra Dodd
-=-If I saw that they had suspicious thoughts about looking at a black
wolf, or dark grey one, then I'd probably be here asking about it-=-
There must be better places to discuss it than here.
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wolf, or dark grey one, then I'd probably be here asking about it-=-
There must be better places to discuss it than here.
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