OT - separation anxiety of 7 year old
deannaMulaly
I've been reading this list for some time now and greatly appreciate
all of your posts. It's a comfort to know there are other unschoolers
out there. Sometimes our lifestyle seems so free and easy that I know
most people wouldn't understand. This group is a wonderful support
system for me.
I hoping someone will have some insights/experiences to share with me.
I don't know what to do with my 7-year-old daughter, Lauren.
We're unschoolers (of course) so she is almost always with me. I feel
like this particular challenge I'm facing is very intertwined with
unschooling and attachment parenting, but especially with the freedom
of unschooling.
Once or twice a week I sometimes drop her off at my in-laws for a few
hours and it's almost always an ordeal. She has what seems like a
separation anxiety attack. Usually I stay for a few minutes and she
becomes more comfortable. This past Saturday, I attempted to leave
her with her brother (3 yrs old and could hardly care less that I'm
leaving), and she started crying. I ended up taking her to Jazzercise
with me. Then after Jazzercise I explained that her father & I need
some time together, and that I was taking her back to my in-laws for
awhile. She said no, she didn't want to go. I asked why not. She
just said, "I want to be with you. I want to go home." So, I
explained again that sometimes Mommy and Daddy need time alone
together to talk and that relationships take a bit of work. Anyway, in
the end, she got in the car and I couldn't get her out. (of course my
mil had to offer her two cents and tell me to "punish" her and make
her stay in her room all afternoon...come on, she knows I wouldn't do
that. I often forget how much of the world does things).
I did ask Lauren how I could make it easy for her to stay....and I
even asked her if I could get her her favorite Ben & Jerry's ice
cream! (this isn't a technique I advocate or am proud of attempting).
She wouldn't take me up on it. I was very disappointed that she
seemed indifferent to my request. I told her that if she came home
with me, there would be no TV until the evening (she usually enjoys
watching videos to relax when she gets tired in the afternoon). I've
never made the TV off limits before, but I was really trying to offer
her an incentive to stay at my in-laws (they have videos too...and
games - my mil plays with her for hours, and crafts, and scooters,
etc.) and was feeling very frustrated. My husband & I hadn't had any
time alone in a few weeks and I hadn't had time by myself in a long
time. While feeling really irritated, I huffed that I rarely request
her to do anything! Then she offered to help with chores and said
that she wished I would ask for her help with the dishes and laundry
(she used to help me, but lately she's been more interested in bicycle
riding and being outside). When we got home, she made "love notes"
for me and told me how she just wants to be with me (we do things
together every day!). Now I'm trying to get an understanding of what
she is needing/wanting from me, and I'm wondering what I can do or say
to help her honor my request so that this coming Saturday I will be
successful in leaving her at my in-laws for a few hours (we both have
needs, don't we). What kind of developmental milestone is she working
through? The truth is that we can usually talk things out and I'm
able to get her input on situations to solve problems with win-win
solutions. This particular situation has me stumped!
Any ideas?
Thanks for your help!,
Deanna
all of your posts. It's a comfort to know there are other unschoolers
out there. Sometimes our lifestyle seems so free and easy that I know
most people wouldn't understand. This group is a wonderful support
system for me.
I hoping someone will have some insights/experiences to share with me.
I don't know what to do with my 7-year-old daughter, Lauren.
We're unschoolers (of course) so she is almost always with me. I feel
like this particular challenge I'm facing is very intertwined with
unschooling and attachment parenting, but especially with the freedom
of unschooling.
Once or twice a week I sometimes drop her off at my in-laws for a few
hours and it's almost always an ordeal. She has what seems like a
separation anxiety attack. Usually I stay for a few minutes and she
becomes more comfortable. This past Saturday, I attempted to leave
her with her brother (3 yrs old and could hardly care less that I'm
leaving), and she started crying. I ended up taking her to Jazzercise
with me. Then after Jazzercise I explained that her father & I need
some time together, and that I was taking her back to my in-laws for
awhile. She said no, she didn't want to go. I asked why not. She
just said, "I want to be with you. I want to go home." So, I
explained again that sometimes Mommy and Daddy need time alone
together to talk and that relationships take a bit of work. Anyway, in
the end, she got in the car and I couldn't get her out. (of course my
mil had to offer her two cents and tell me to "punish" her and make
her stay in her room all afternoon...come on, she knows I wouldn't do
that. I often forget how much of the world does things).
I did ask Lauren how I could make it easy for her to stay....and I
even asked her if I could get her her favorite Ben & Jerry's ice
cream! (this isn't a technique I advocate or am proud of attempting).
She wouldn't take me up on it. I was very disappointed that she
seemed indifferent to my request. I told her that if she came home
with me, there would be no TV until the evening (she usually enjoys
watching videos to relax when she gets tired in the afternoon). I've
never made the TV off limits before, but I was really trying to offer
her an incentive to stay at my in-laws (they have videos too...and
games - my mil plays with her for hours, and crafts, and scooters,
etc.) and was feeling very frustrated. My husband & I hadn't had any
time alone in a few weeks and I hadn't had time by myself in a long
time. While feeling really irritated, I huffed that I rarely request
her to do anything! Then she offered to help with chores and said
that she wished I would ask for her help with the dishes and laundry
(she used to help me, but lately she's been more interested in bicycle
riding and being outside). When we got home, she made "love notes"
for me and told me how she just wants to be with me (we do things
together every day!). Now I'm trying to get an understanding of what
she is needing/wanting from me, and I'm wondering what I can do or say
to help her honor my request so that this coming Saturday I will be
successful in leaving her at my in-laws for a few hours (we both have
needs, don't we). What kind of developmental milestone is she working
through? The truth is that we can usually talk things out and I'm
able to get her input on situations to solve problems with win-win
solutions. This particular situation has me stumped!
Any ideas?
Thanks for your help!,
Deanna
Gold Standard
>>Once or twice a week I sometimes drop her off at my in-laws for a fewCould these two things be connected? Maybe she doesn't like being at
>>hours and it's almost always an ordeal. She has what seems like a
>>separation anxiety attack. Usually I stay for a few minutes and she
>>becomes more comfortable.<< <snip>
>>(of course my
>>mil had to offer her two cents and tell me to "punish" her and make
>>her stay in her room all afternoon...<<
MIL...maybe, for whatever reason, it is a bad experience for her. I
certainly wouldn't want to spend much time with someone who suggests that I
should be punished in my room all afternoon for being honest.
Your time alone, and with your husband alone, will come. She will never be 7
again, and she is making her needs known to you quite clearly. I suggest you
not make her go anywhere she doesn't want to go, and to pleasantly and
lovingly support her in this time, not make her feel bad about it, or like
there is something wrong with her. This is not some kind of psychological
disorder...she is young and wants to be home and near you. That is what she
needs right now. You may never figure out why, but really, that isn't
important. What is important is that you respond positively to her.
Alone time will come more easily for you later. For right now, fit it in
where it fits into your children's needs. Don't make them suffer for it.
Is there a place your daughter likes to go? Maybe you could ask her...but if
she wants to stay with you for now, relish in that. It doesn't last long.
Jacki, with four teenagers who still like to be with their mom, but aren't
around nearly as much as they used to be.
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/2/2007 12:34:54 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
deannamulaly@... writes:
I'm wondering what I can do or say
to help her honor my request so that this coming Saturday I will be
successful in leaving her at my in-laws for a few hours (we both have
needs, don't we). What kind of developmental milestone is she working
through? The truth is that we can usually talk things out and I'm
able to get her input on situations to solve problems with win-win
solutions. This particular situation has me stumped!
Any ideas?
____
Can you just put off leaving her for now? She is letting you know that she
needs to be with you and I'd just be supportive of that. I would suggest
just giving her some time so that she will know that you will honor and respect
those needs.
At 7, she is so young and you will have years to meet your wanting time
alone and time with your husband.
Gail ( who now has lots of time and sometimes misses that 7 year old (now
17) needing to be with me)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
deannamulaly@... writes:
I'm wondering what I can do or say
to help her honor my request so that this coming Saturday I will be
successful in leaving her at my in-laws for a few hours (we both have
needs, don't we). What kind of developmental milestone is she working
through? The truth is that we can usually talk things out and I'm
able to get her input on situations to solve problems with win-win
solutions. This particular situation has me stumped!
Any ideas?
____
Can you just put off leaving her for now? She is letting you know that she
needs to be with you and I'd just be supportive of that. I would suggest
just giving her some time so that she will know that you will honor and respect
those needs.
At 7, she is so young and you will have years to meet your wanting time
alone and time with your husband.
Gail ( who now has lots of time and sometimes misses that 7 year old (now
17) needing to be with me)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-You may never figure out why, but really, that isn't
important. What is important is that you respond positively to her.-=-
I agree with Jacki.
The clingiest little girl I ever knew went to South America by
herself before she was 18. Maybe if her mom had pushed her away when
she was little she would have stayed afraid and needy for life,
instead of getting all the mom and all the security she needed early on.
The child DOES sleep. Be with your husband then.
She likes to ride bikes? Can you find a neighbor or friend to take
her on a longish bike ride to a lunch place, and then a ride back?
Be with your husband during that.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
important. What is important is that you respond positively to her.-=-
I agree with Jacki.
The clingiest little girl I ever knew went to South America by
herself before she was 18. Maybe if her mom had pushed her away when
she was little she would have stayed afraid and needy for life,
instead of getting all the mom and all the security she needed early on.
The child DOES sleep. Be with your husband then.
She likes to ride bikes? Can you find a neighbor or friend to take
her on a longish bike ride to a lunch place, and then a ride back?
Be with your husband during that.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
plaidpanties666
--- In [email protected], "deannaMulaly"
<deannamulaly@...> wrote:
child. It can be stressful when a kid's needs change, but that's the
thing about kids, they change. Sometimes it seems like the moment
I'm comfortable with Mo's new sleep cycle or just figuring out her
latest interest it shifts and I have to readjust all over again.
It sounds like she is in a stage where she wants to spend time with
her mom and/or at home. That's not uncommon. It may mean some re-
scheduling of *your* activities, though. Can you get a mini
trampoline or a stair-stepper and exercise at home? Reschedule your
partner-dates to coincide with favorite shows or new movies? Mo's
just starting to figure out channels and programming (we just got a
satellite) and yesterday announced "Its Dora! and next is Diego!"
George happened to be in the house having lunch and I gave him a
nudge - "that's a whole hour, y'know". He didn't grumble about
paying the satellite bill today.
to have a specific "chunk" of time to myself I was more likely to be
resentful of my kids if I didn't get as much time as I wanted. But
there are lots of times during the day when I have a little bit of
personal time - in the shower, washing dishes, during certain tv
shows, even when we're playing a kids' game or doing a project there
are "moments" when I can take a breath and connect with myself. All
those moments and minutes add up. They don't happen at all, though,
if I'm looking for an hour by myself and grumping and resenting my
kids when I don't get it.
---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
<deannamulaly@...> wrote:
>>Then she offered to help with chores and saidlaundry
> that she wished I would ask for her help with the dishes and
> (she used to help me, but lately she's been more interested inbicycle
> riding and being outside). When we got home, she made "love notes"Many parents would give a Lot to have that kind of sweetness from a
> for me and told me how she just wants to be with me (we do things
> together every day!).
child. It can be stressful when a kid's needs change, but that's the
thing about kids, they change. Sometimes it seems like the moment
I'm comfortable with Mo's new sleep cycle or just figuring out her
latest interest it shifts and I have to readjust all over again.
It sounds like she is in a stage where she wants to spend time with
her mom and/or at home. That's not uncommon. It may mean some re-
scheduling of *your* activities, though. Can you get a mini
trampoline or a stair-stepper and exercise at home? Reschedule your
partner-dates to coincide with favorite shows or new movies? Mo's
just starting to figure out channels and programming (we just got a
satellite) and yesterday announced "Its Dora! and next is Diego!"
George happened to be in the house having lunch and I gave him a
nudge - "that's a whole hour, y'know". He didn't grumble about
paying the satellite bill today.
> I hadn't had time by myself in a longThis can be a real challenge. I found that as long as I was wanting
> time.
to have a specific "chunk" of time to myself I was more likely to be
resentful of my kids if I didn't get as much time as I wanted. But
there are lots of times during the day when I have a little bit of
personal time - in the shower, washing dishes, during certain tv
shows, even when we're playing a kids' game or doing a project there
are "moments" when I can take a breath and connect with myself. All
those moments and minutes add up. They don't happen at all, though,
if I'm looking for an hour by myself and grumping and resenting my
kids when I don't get it.
---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
deannaMulaly
Thanks so much for all your suggestions.
You're right -- I this will all pass more quickly than I'd like.
I think I'll just relax and go with it.
I appreciate your responses,
Deanna
--- In [email protected], "plaidpanties666"
<plaidpanties666@...> wrote:
You're right -- I this will all pass more quickly than I'd like.
I think I'll just relax and go with it.
I appreciate your responses,
Deanna
--- In [email protected], "plaidpanties666"
<plaidpanties666@...> wrote:
>
> --- In [email protected], "deannaMulaly"
> <deannamulaly@> wrote:
> >>Then she offered to help with chores and said
> > that she wished I would ask for her help with the dishes and
> laundry
> > (she used to help me, but lately she's been more interested in
> bicycle
> > riding and being outside). When we got home, she made "love notes"
> > for me and told me how she just wants to be with me (we do things
> > together every day!).
>
> Many parents would give a Lot to have that kind of sweetness from a
> child. It can be stressful when a kid's needs change, but that's the
> thing about kids, they change. Sometimes it seems like the moment
> I'm comfortable with Mo's new sleep cycle or just figuring out her
> latest interest it shifts and I have to readjust all over again.
>
> It sounds like she is in a stage where she wants to spend time with
> her mom and/or at home. That's not uncommon. It may mean some re-
> scheduling of *your* activities, though. Can you get a mini
> trampoline or a stair-stepper and exercise at home? Reschedule your
> partner-dates to coincide with favorite shows or new movies? Mo's
> just starting to figure out channels and programming (we just got a
> satellite) and yesterday announced "Its Dora! and next is Diego!"
> George happened to be in the house having lunch and I gave him a
> nudge - "that's a whole hour, y'know". He didn't grumble about
> paying the satellite bill today.
>
> > I hadn't had time by myself in a long
> > time.
>
> This can be a real challenge. I found that as long as I was wanting
> to have a specific "chunk" of time to myself I was more likely to be
> resentful of my kids if I didn't get as much time as I wanted. But
> there are lots of times during the day when I have a little bit of
> personal time - in the shower, washing dishes, during certain tv
> shows, even when we're playing a kids' game or doing a project there
> are "moments" when I can take a breath and connect with myself. All
> those moments and minutes add up. They don't happen at all, though,
> if I'm looking for an hour by myself and grumping and resenting my
> kids when I don't get it.
>
> ---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
>
Terry Yoesting
I'm a new member of this group. My first post. Have enjoyed reading the messages. Every post seems to possess something that sticks with me. But this post was a very timely. We recently started along the path of uncoiling. We have been married 7 years. I became a step mom to a 7 year old at that time. Ian was already in the public school system. Never thought of pulling him out. His father and I both worked full time. We share jointed custody with Ian's mom. We had a daughter two years later. I continued to work. Cora was able to stay with friends and family while I worked. In the fall of 2005, we decided to find a school for Cora. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. Homeschooling and unschooled never crossed our minds. Never knew anyone who had done it. Wasn't part of our daily lives. The more we looked for schools the more anxious I became. How many kids/teacher????? 10-15??? For some reason I began asking potential schools , "What if my 3 year
old says the world is really flat?" Most of the "teachers" responded they would keep correcting her until she agreed. Really argue with a 3 year was always my response. Then I quickly got out. We did finally find a school. A Montessori school. Which fit us the best. But was still lacking in so many ways!
In May when my contract was ready to be renewed, we decided we couldn't send her back to school. We decided then I would be a stay at home mom. Still hadn't decided about homeschool/unschool.
As the months have gone by, we have began learning so much at home. My husband and I began talking about homeschooling (still didn't know about unschooling). It made so much sense to us. But we instantly became a freak show in our family. SO many opinions! But we knew it fit our family.
Then I went on the search for curriculum. I read books about what every kindergarten should know. Joined groups. Had play dates. But many of the parents couldn't come to play dates because they had a test today. The more I read about homeschooling the more I began to feel foreign again. I don't want us to "miss" things because I have to give Cora a test. Now I am with homeschoolers and still feel as if I don't belong. I would be asked. What curriculum are you planning to use? Well she is only in K. I think I can teach her K material without a curriculum. Then I would receive to look! You know the one, the one that says this woman is in over her head and doesn't know it.
Then I met wonderful person who overheard this conversation and suggested unschooling.
Unschooling?? I looked into this topic. Read about it. IT FITS! Wow I'm so excited. This is what I was doing already. I'm not a freak. Well I really am. I usually liked being different. But when it could possibly affect my children I began to panic.
I read this post about separation anxiety and then read everyone responses and felt as if everything was written with me in mind. I go though stages where it is so hard to have my daughter with me all the time. I feel as if I am so tired all the time. I would love to have time with my husband. But when our daughter is playing in her room or watching Blues Clue, I just want to catch a quick nap. Read a little. I don't have the energy to have a quickie with my husband. I got married at 38, had a baby at 40, became a stay at home mom at 44. My life has changed so much in 7 years. I love staying home and learning with my daughter. We have so much fun together. But about twice a week I feel as if I'm about to lose my patience with her. And I know it is not her, its me. I begin feeling jealous about not having any alone time. my time.
your post have helped me return to reality. there is plenty of time for me. thanks.
terry
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old says the world is really flat?" Most of the "teachers" responded they would keep correcting her until she agreed. Really argue with a 3 year was always my response. Then I quickly got out. We did finally find a school. A Montessori school. Which fit us the best. But was still lacking in so many ways!
In May when my contract was ready to be renewed, we decided we couldn't send her back to school. We decided then I would be a stay at home mom. Still hadn't decided about homeschool/unschool.
As the months have gone by, we have began learning so much at home. My husband and I began talking about homeschooling (still didn't know about unschooling). It made so much sense to us. But we instantly became a freak show in our family. SO many opinions! But we knew it fit our family.
Then I went on the search for curriculum. I read books about what every kindergarten should know. Joined groups. Had play dates. But many of the parents couldn't come to play dates because they had a test today. The more I read about homeschooling the more I began to feel foreign again. I don't want us to "miss" things because I have to give Cora a test. Now I am with homeschoolers and still feel as if I don't belong. I would be asked. What curriculum are you planning to use? Well she is only in K. I think I can teach her K material without a curriculum. Then I would receive to look! You know the one, the one that says this woman is in over her head and doesn't know it.
Then I met wonderful person who overheard this conversation and suggested unschooling.
Unschooling?? I looked into this topic. Read about it. IT FITS! Wow I'm so excited. This is what I was doing already. I'm not a freak. Well I really am. I usually liked being different. But when it could possibly affect my children I began to panic.
I read this post about separation anxiety and then read everyone responses and felt as if everything was written with me in mind. I go though stages where it is so hard to have my daughter with me all the time. I feel as if I am so tired all the time. I would love to have time with my husband. But when our daughter is playing in her room or watching Blues Clue, I just want to catch a quick nap. Read a little. I don't have the energy to have a quickie with my husband. I got married at 38, had a baby at 40, became a stay at home mom at 44. My life has changed so much in 7 years. I love staying home and learning with my daughter. We have so much fun together. But about twice a week I feel as if I'm about to lose my patience with her. And I know it is not her, its me. I begin feeling jealous about not having any alone time. my time.
your post have helped me return to reality. there is plenty of time for me. thanks.
terry
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Carmen Roa
Dear Group,
I'd like to add my .02 to this thread and ask for comments/suggestions from other Attachment Parenting practitioners. I agree with the advice for Deanna to still seek special time alone or with her husband, while being sure to mindfully attend to her daughters' needs.
I have a 10 y/o son who goes in and out of the same behaviors as Deanna's daughter. My son had every psych label in the book, and he definitely does have emotional issues around my divorce and his Dad's behaviors prior to the divorce. Dad has no contact now other than to send a package at birthday and Christmas--no child support, phone calls, etc. My son is doing well, though, in that he can own and talk about his feelings and is very kind and empathetic towards others.
My son still sleeps in or around (on a pallet) my bed, as does his 9 y/o brother.
Well-meaning (?) relatives have insinuated that I am 'ruining' my kids by allowing this. However much my kids need and want to be with me, they travel (one is in Austin with his brother for 10 days, and one went to Mexico City for 10 days recently), talk to new acquaintances with poise and clarity, an are in general just awesome people who happen to live in small bodies for the moment.And they cry on the phone when we talk while they are away, saying that they miss me so, but then they continue having a great time. .
My question/request for comments is "How long does attachment parenting go on?"
Despite knowing that my adult kids didn't go to college sleeping in Mom's bed, it is still uncomfortable to be criticized for parenting practices.
I appreciate this board and the good discussions that come out of here!
Carmen
You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection
than you are yourself,
and you will not find that person anywhere.
Carmen
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'd like to add my .02 to this thread and ask for comments/suggestions from other Attachment Parenting practitioners. I agree with the advice for Deanna to still seek special time alone or with her husband, while being sure to mindfully attend to her daughters' needs.
I have a 10 y/o son who goes in and out of the same behaviors as Deanna's daughter. My son had every psych label in the book, and he definitely does have emotional issues around my divorce and his Dad's behaviors prior to the divorce. Dad has no contact now other than to send a package at birthday and Christmas--no child support, phone calls, etc. My son is doing well, though, in that he can own and talk about his feelings and is very kind and empathetic towards others.
My son still sleeps in or around (on a pallet) my bed, as does his 9 y/o brother.
Well-meaning (?) relatives have insinuated that I am 'ruining' my kids by allowing this. However much my kids need and want to be with me, they travel (one is in Austin with his brother for 10 days, and one went to Mexico City for 10 days recently), talk to new acquaintances with poise and clarity, an are in general just awesome people who happen to live in small bodies for the moment.And they cry on the phone when we talk while they are away, saying that they miss me so, but then they continue having a great time. .
My question/request for comments is "How long does attachment parenting go on?"
Despite knowing that my adult kids didn't go to college sleeping in Mom's bed, it is still uncomfortable to be criticized for parenting practices.
I appreciate this board and the good discussions that come out of here!
Carmen
You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection
than you are yourself,
and you will not find that person anywhere.
Carmen
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m&kpaquette
Ditto to everything already said. Also, as I recall with my own girls as well as having read it in my developmental books, that at around age 7 girls tend to prefer mom and are identifiying more with her and practising being a "mom" or female. The opposite for boys around that age, identifying with their dad's instead. My dh had a job that took him away from home a lot, so ds still spent most of his time with me. All of my kids have gone through varying degrees of seperation anxiety, and all at different ages & stages. Even a change from one month to the next. Sometimes something has happened at a visit with friends or neighbours that made them feel uncomfortable, but they cannot express it in words and simply don't want to go. My in-laws do not live close & I never left my kids with them till they were older. Then it was for 2 hours while DH & I went to a movie. They told us to never leave them alone again as they were mean and said bad things about me. They tried to convince them they needed to go to school or they would be stupid. Told them that we were feeding them bad food (mostly organic whole foods). They were being deprived because chocolate bars & pop were not an everyday part of our diet. I went on & on. So they never stayed alone with them again. Then several years later MIL "HAD" to go to the store to buy cigarettes & asked Amanda to go, she agreed. When they got back only a few minutes later Amanda came tearing into the house bawling her eyes out. MIL had pulled it again about the homeschooling. That was the very last time alone with them. They would also tell me in front of the kids that I needed to spank them to smarten them up & my SIL would get in on it as well. Even to the point of asking her girls in front of mine what would happen to them in the same situation & they would say, "mommy would hit us and spank us". At which time I would take my kids into a bedroom and we would all try to calm down. And they wondered why we chose to live so far away. My parents weren't much better. They are more passive-aggressive and weren't as obvious in their remarks. My older kids did go to stay with them for 5 days when we were building the house. They wanted to go. It was fine and they said it was okay. But that was in 1998 and they haven't been back since. My parents aren't kid people for more than a few hours.
Part of unschooling is respecting our kids needs. So I would meet your dds needs. Whenever you go to do something, offer her to help you. Then it is her choice or not. Before she goes out to ride her bike, let her know you are going to be doing something she might like to do with you & give her the choice on what to do &/or offer to call her in when you go to do it. As they get older they tend to be less needy only because they are busier doing their own stuff. But they really do still need the contact & by the time they realize it, they are almost suddenly realizing it & then painfully missing you. My kids will have a great time doing something else with someone else, but I find they then need extra attention from me to refill their "need for mommy time" tanks. I find once they get that extra attention that they ease themselves back into needing less again. These stages will continue to cycle back & forth though, so this is probably not the first or last time she will hit this type of a stage.
Kerri, mom to Amanda(16), Emma(14), Maddison(12), T(11, foster dd), A(10, foster ds), Jonah(10), Saige & Claire(6, monozygotic twin dds), M(6, foster dd), S(4, foster ds) & little boy Teagan(3). Plus 2 horses, 3 dogs, 2 cats, 2 rats, 1 teddy bear hamster & 2 dwarf hamsers & 4 angora guinea pigs.
1a.
OT - separation anxiety of 7 year old
Posted by: "deannaMulaly" deannamulaly@... deannaMulaly
Tue Jan 2, 2007 9:33 am (PST)
I've been reading this list for some time now and greatly appreciate
all of your posts. It's a comfort to know there are other unschoolers
out there. Sometimes our lifestyle seems so free and easy that I know
most people wouldn't understand. This group is a wonderful support
system for me.
I hoping someone will have some insights/experiences to share with me.
I don't know what to do with my 7-year-old daughter, Lauren.
We're unschoolers (of course) so she is almost always with me. I feel
like this particular challenge I'm facing is very intertwined with
unschooling and attachment parenting, but especially with the freedom
of unschooling.
Once or twice a week I sometimes drop her off at my in-laws for a few
hours and it's almost always an ordeal. She has what seems like a
separation anxiety attack. Usually I stay for a few minutes and she
becomes more comfortable. This past Saturday, I attempted to leave
her with her brother (3 yrs old and could hardly care less that I'm
leaving), and she started crying. I ended up taking her to Jazzercise
with me. Then after Jazzercise I explained that her father & I need
some time together, and that I was taking her back to my in-laws for
awhile. She said no, she didn't want to go. I asked why not. She
just said, "I want to be with you. I want to go home." So, I
explained again that sometimes Mommy and Daddy need time alone
together to talk and that relationships take a bit of work. Anyway, in
the end, she got in the car and I couldn't get her out. (of course my
mil had to offer her two cents and tell me to "punish" her and make
her stay in her room all afternoon...come on, she knows I wouldn't do
that. I often forget how much of the world does things).
I did ask Lauren how I could make it easy for her to stay....and I
even asked her if I could get her her favorite Ben & Jerry's ice
cream! (this isn't a technique I advocate or am proud of attempting).
She wouldn't take me up on it. I was very disappointed that she
seemed indifferent to my request. I told her that if she came home
with me, there would be no TV until the evening (she usually enjoys
watching videos to relax when she gets tired in the afternoon). I've
never made the TV off limits before, but I was really trying to offer
her an incentive to stay at my in-laws (they have videos too...and
games - my mil plays with her for hours, and crafts, and scooters,
etc.) and was feeling very frustrated. My husband & I hadn't had any
time alone in a few weeks and I hadn't had time by myself in a long
time. While feeling really irritated, I huffed that I rarely request
her to do anything! Then she offered to help with chores and said
that she wished I would ask for her help with the dishes and laundry
(she used to help me, but lately she's been more interested in bicycle
riding and being outside). When we got home, she made "love notes"
for me and told me how she just wants to be with me (we do things
together every day!). Now I'm trying to get an understanding of what
she is needing/wanting from me, and I'm wondering what I can do or say
to help her honor my request so that this coming Saturday I will be
successful in leaving her at my in-laws for a few hours (we both have
needs, don't we). What kind of developmental milestone is she working
through? The truth is that we can usually talk things out and I'm
able to get her input on situations to solve problems with win-win
solutions. This particular situation has me stumped!
Any ideas?
Thanks for your help!,
Deanna
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Part of unschooling is respecting our kids needs. So I would meet your dds needs. Whenever you go to do something, offer her to help you. Then it is her choice or not. Before she goes out to ride her bike, let her know you are going to be doing something she might like to do with you & give her the choice on what to do &/or offer to call her in when you go to do it. As they get older they tend to be less needy only because they are busier doing their own stuff. But they really do still need the contact & by the time they realize it, they are almost suddenly realizing it & then painfully missing you. My kids will have a great time doing something else with someone else, but I find they then need extra attention from me to refill their "need for mommy time" tanks. I find once they get that extra attention that they ease themselves back into needing less again. These stages will continue to cycle back & forth though, so this is probably not the first or last time she will hit this type of a stage.
Kerri, mom to Amanda(16), Emma(14), Maddison(12), T(11, foster dd), A(10, foster ds), Jonah(10), Saige & Claire(6, monozygotic twin dds), M(6, foster dd), S(4, foster ds) & little boy Teagan(3). Plus 2 horses, 3 dogs, 2 cats, 2 rats, 1 teddy bear hamster & 2 dwarf hamsers & 4 angora guinea pigs.
1a.
OT - separation anxiety of 7 year old
Posted by: "deannaMulaly" deannamulaly@... deannaMulaly
Tue Jan 2, 2007 9:33 am (PST)
I've been reading this list for some time now and greatly appreciate
all of your posts. It's a comfort to know there are other unschoolers
out there. Sometimes our lifestyle seems so free and easy that I know
most people wouldn't understand. This group is a wonderful support
system for me.
I hoping someone will have some insights/experiences to share with me.
I don't know what to do with my 7-year-old daughter, Lauren.
We're unschoolers (of course) so she is almost always with me. I feel
like this particular challenge I'm facing is very intertwined with
unschooling and attachment parenting, but especially with the freedom
of unschooling.
Once or twice a week I sometimes drop her off at my in-laws for a few
hours and it's almost always an ordeal. She has what seems like a
separation anxiety attack. Usually I stay for a few minutes and she
becomes more comfortable. This past Saturday, I attempted to leave
her with her brother (3 yrs old and could hardly care less that I'm
leaving), and she started crying. I ended up taking her to Jazzercise
with me. Then after Jazzercise I explained that her father & I need
some time together, and that I was taking her back to my in-laws for
awhile. She said no, she didn't want to go. I asked why not. She
just said, "I want to be with you. I want to go home." So, I
explained again that sometimes Mommy and Daddy need time alone
together to talk and that relationships take a bit of work. Anyway, in
the end, she got in the car and I couldn't get her out. (of course my
mil had to offer her two cents and tell me to "punish" her and make
her stay in her room all afternoon...come on, she knows I wouldn't do
that. I often forget how much of the world does things).
I did ask Lauren how I could make it easy for her to stay....and I
even asked her if I could get her her favorite Ben & Jerry's ice
cream! (this isn't a technique I advocate or am proud of attempting).
She wouldn't take me up on it. I was very disappointed that she
seemed indifferent to my request. I told her that if she came home
with me, there would be no TV until the evening (she usually enjoys
watching videos to relax when she gets tired in the afternoon). I've
never made the TV off limits before, but I was really trying to offer
her an incentive to stay at my in-laws (they have videos too...and
games - my mil plays with her for hours, and crafts, and scooters,
etc.) and was feeling very frustrated. My husband & I hadn't had any
time alone in a few weeks and I hadn't had time by myself in a long
time. While feeling really irritated, I huffed that I rarely request
her to do anything! Then she offered to help with chores and said
that she wished I would ask for her help with the dishes and laundry
(she used to help me, but lately she's been more interested in bicycle
riding and being outside). When we got home, she made "love notes"
for me and told me how she just wants to be with me (we do things
together every day!). Now I'm trying to get an understanding of what
she is needing/wanting from me, and I'm wondering what I can do or say
to help her honor my request so that this coming Saturday I will be
successful in leaving her at my in-laws for a few hours (we both have
needs, don't we). What kind of developmental milestone is she working
through? The truth is that we can usually talk things out and I'm
able to get her input on situations to solve problems with win-win
solutions. This particular situation has me stumped!
Any ideas?
Thanks for your help!,
Deanna
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Krisula Moyer
We have a similar situation here. But the reluctant one is my third child.
6yo Anika. My parents always made a big deal with my kids about how much
fun they were going to have at grandma and grandpa's house. They reminded
the kids that there would be a video and popcorn and coke and bed-rides
(riding on the cushions while grandpa opens and closes the convertible
sofa:) etc. etc.
The two older kids love to go and always have but the youngest doesn't like
to be left without me. I looked at the situation carefully trying to see it
through her eyes and what I came up with was that the rents were already so
busy with their routines they had (for years) established with the other
kids (and their cousins) that Anika was kind of left out or a tagalong. And
here's the important part. My folks treated her as though she just didn't
get how fun this was all supposed to be. Instead of meeting her where she
was, they expected her to do what they had planned (hmmmm). They didn't
mean to be cruel but the more Anika resisted the flow, the more "disapproval
" of her came out in their voices and words ... then the more she'd pout or
cry or not participate leading to more disapproving words or attempts to
trick her into having a good time. No wonder she didn't like to go, I
wouldn't want to be treated like that. I immediately stopped making her
stay without me and I started putting myself into the fun sessions so she
could be comfortable. If I had insisted (on leaving her) I believe her
relationship with them would have continued going downhill.
My folks still are not inclined to understand her issue. They figure she's
just hard to please ... What kid wouldn't want candy and a movie and popcorn
and coke? But unlike the cousins, and to some extent the older sibs who
were born earlier in our unschooling learning curve, Anika has never had
restrictions from TV or candy or soda. Those things are not powerful enough
to mask a subtle (or not so subtle ) disapproval of her.
My point is not that your situation is just like ours, but really taking
your daughter seriously, and meeting her need out of empathy and
understanding is truly the way to go. Then you may find you have to be
creative about your needs since your plan A didn't work to get them met.
Your needs and your husband's *are* important but they aren't more important
than her needs and yours can be met in another way that doesn't force her to
stop listening to her feelings in order to please you.
If you show respect and ingenuity now, when she is more comfortable later
you can always go back to leaving them at your mom's. Forcing her or making
her feel bad about not complying won't help her get over this any faster.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
6yo Anika. My parents always made a big deal with my kids about how much
fun they were going to have at grandma and grandpa's house. They reminded
the kids that there would be a video and popcorn and coke and bed-rides
(riding on the cushions while grandpa opens and closes the convertible
sofa:) etc. etc.
The two older kids love to go and always have but the youngest doesn't like
to be left without me. I looked at the situation carefully trying to see it
through her eyes and what I came up with was that the rents were already so
busy with their routines they had (for years) established with the other
kids (and their cousins) that Anika was kind of left out or a tagalong. And
here's the important part. My folks treated her as though she just didn't
get how fun this was all supposed to be. Instead of meeting her where she
was, they expected her to do what they had planned (hmmmm). They didn't
mean to be cruel but the more Anika resisted the flow, the more "disapproval
" of her came out in their voices and words ... then the more she'd pout or
cry or not participate leading to more disapproving words or attempts to
trick her into having a good time. No wonder she didn't like to go, I
wouldn't want to be treated like that. I immediately stopped making her
stay without me and I started putting myself into the fun sessions so she
could be comfortable. If I had insisted (on leaving her) I believe her
relationship with them would have continued going downhill.
My folks still are not inclined to understand her issue. They figure she's
just hard to please ... What kid wouldn't want candy and a movie and popcorn
and coke? But unlike the cousins, and to some extent the older sibs who
were born earlier in our unschooling learning curve, Anika has never had
restrictions from TV or candy or soda. Those things are not powerful enough
to mask a subtle (or not so subtle ) disapproval of her.
My point is not that your situation is just like ours, but really taking
your daughter seriously, and meeting her need out of empathy and
understanding is truly the way to go. Then you may find you have to be
creative about your needs since your plan A didn't work to get them met.
Your needs and your husband's *are* important but they aren't more important
than her needs and yours can be met in another way that doesn't force her to
stop listening to her feelings in order to please you.
If you show respect and ingenuity now, when she is more comfortable later
you can always go back to leaving them at your mom's. Forcing her or making
her feel bad about not complying won't help her get over this any faster.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-For some reason I began asking potential schools , "What if my 3 year
old says the world is really flat?" Most of the "teachers" responded
they would keep correcting her until she agreed.-=-
This is one reason hypothetical questions are discouraged in
unschooling discussions. The teachers WERE teachers, so why put
quotation marks on it? That's what teaching is.
What did you WANT the answer to your very hypothetical question to
be? That they would say "Good idea, you might be right"?
So for this list, it's best if people talk about their actual
experiences and actual immediate concerns, not imagined, distant
speculations.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
old says the world is really flat?" Most of the "teachers" responded
they would keep correcting her until she agreed.-=-
This is one reason hypothetical questions are discouraged in
unschooling discussions. The teachers WERE teachers, so why put
quotation marks on it? That's what teaching is.
What did you WANT the answer to your very hypothetical question to
be? That they would say "Good idea, you might be right"?
So for this list, it's best if people talk about their actual
experiences and actual immediate concerns, not imagined, distant
speculations.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-My question/request for comments is "How long does attachment
parenting go on?" -=-
Until the children detach on their own instead of being detached
against their will.
How long does parenting go on?
-=-My question/request for comments is "How long does attachment
parenting go on?"
Despite knowing that my adult kids didn't go to college sleeping in
Mom's bed, it is still uncomfortable to be criticized for parenting
practices.-=-
Is your question really how long will you be uncomfortable with other
people's criticism?
Until your confidence in your experience is bigger than their ability
to unnerve you with ignorant questions, I think.
There's a world of people who want to put kids down and treat them
badly. Once you decide to do otherwise, you start to see the
difference it makes.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
parenting go on?" -=-
Until the children detach on their own instead of being detached
against their will.
How long does parenting go on?
-=-My question/request for comments is "How long does attachment
parenting go on?"
Despite knowing that my adult kids didn't go to college sleeping in
Mom's bed, it is still uncomfortable to be criticized for parenting
practices.-=-
Is your question really how long will you be uncomfortable with other
people's criticism?
Until your confidence in your experience is bigger than their ability
to unnerve you with ignorant questions, I think.
There's a world of people who want to put kids down and treat them
badly. Once you decide to do otherwise, you start to see the
difference it makes.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-I think I can teach her K material without a curriculum. Then I
would receive to look! You know the one, the one that says this woman
is in over her head and doesn't know it.-=-
I don't understand "Then I would receive to look!"
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
would receive to look! You know the one, the one that says this woman
is in over her head and doesn't know it.-=-
I don't understand "Then I would receive to look!"
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Gold Standard
>>My son still sleeps in or around (on a pallet) my bed, as does his 9 y/obrother.<<
Last night, my almost 18 yo son, 14 yo daughter and I slept in a king size
bed. We were talking and laughing late last night and just curled up and
fell asleep. My daughter still likes to sleep with me at times, but it isn't
an "Oh my gosh, what's wrong" situation...it's an "Isn't life wonderful"
kind of thing.
Fwiw, dd is very independent...babysits till late at night at different
houses, sleeps over friends' houses fairly regularly, has sleepovers here,
has been planning parties almost monthly lately. My complete availability to
her (and her brothers) hasn't made them retract from the world. Quite the
opposite actually.
I think it's more about natural human preferences. Many humans like human
contact, even at night.
Jacki
[email protected]
Quoting Carmen Roa <tredjam1@...>:
involved (nope, not aunt sue, uncle bob, nor mother in law!!)
I can't speak to how a husband handles it, I don't got one, but a quickie in
the bathroom while the kids are distracted (by sleep or otherwise) sounds good
to me!!! ;)
whether you say it to yourself or actually get it out, it's a great slogan for
those moments :) And one of my favorites!
~diana :)
> My question/request for comments is "How long does attachment parentingI hope for LIFE!! :) Or at least as long as it is working for the people
> go on?"
involved (nope, not aunt sue, uncle bob, nor mother in law!!)
I can't speak to how a husband handles it, I don't got one, but a quickie in
the bathroom while the kids are distracted (by sleep or otherwise) sounds good
to me!!! ;)
> Despite knowing that my adult kids didn't go to college sleeping in Mom's"your concern is appreciated, your approval is unnecessary"
> bed, it is still uncomfortable to be criticized for parenting practices.
whether you say it to yourself or actually get it out, it's a great slogan for
those moments :) And one of my favorites!
~diana :)
[email protected]
> Last night, my almost 18 yo son, 14 yo daughter and I slept in a kingWhen I was first-time-pregnant at the age of 18, I also spent some nights in my mom's bed (and some in my own, and some in my boy-friend's). ;)
> size bed. We were talking and laughing late last night and just curled up
> and fell asleep.
It was really beautiful, and gave us the opportunity to share thoughts, dreams, ideas, and for her to feel the baby move without rushing anywhere. I'm one of four siblings, so alone-time with mum was (and is) a special thing.
As to my daughters (6 and 4 years old), well, there always was an extra bed for them around, but we hardly ever used it. There was a time when the three of us were sleeping in a single bed together, and I still love seeing those pictures (my sibs couldn't resist taking some).
I also tried to make them sleep in their room in their own beds, but always ended up taking them back to my bed sooner (same night) or later (after a few days). Then I only occasionally felt like sleeping alone, and would tell them so. They were not happy about it, but didn't have a choice that time.
Nowadays, we are sleeping together in a larger bed, though we might fall asleep anywhere and then I transfer us to the bed later on. Hubby is currently in a different country, so he's not in the sleeping-picture right now (and never was daily), but we were co-sleeping when with him.
If I happen to feel like sleeping alone, I'd rather put a matress on the floor, or sleep on the sofa in the living room. I'm not always there when they fall asleep or wake up anyway, so that's no big deal. And, in the morning, I sometimes like to have a few minutes alone in my bed, so I ask them to get up and give me a few minutes. They're fine with it, as long as they're together and not tired anymore. On other occasions, we start into the day by goofing around in bed till somebody has to go to the toilet. ;)
When at my mother's place, they might sleep in almost any bed that is available there, with whoever is around at the moment (granny, granpa, uncle, his girl-friend, aunt, baby-cousin, sister, me). With the person's approval, of course. Well, in most cases. ;)
Quite recently, we were relaxing at the dining/living room at my mom's place, where we have some bigger cushions that together are kind of a sofa. In the end, my mum was snuggled up on them, sleeping, with me sitting beside her and reading a newspaper. :)
Anastasia,
2 dd's
P.S. I've not read the initail post yet cause my mail was bouncing, so I hope my answer is not all that unrelated.
--
Der GMX SmartSurfer hilft bis zu 70% Ihrer Onlinekosten zu sparen!
Ideal für Modem und ISDN: http://www.gmx.net/de/go/smartsurfer
mamavegg
--- In [email protected], Terry Yoesting
<terryyoesting@...> wrote:
I feel as if I am so tired all the time. I would love to have time
with my husband. I got married at 38, had a baby at 40, became a
stay at home mom at 44. My life has changed so much in 7 years. And
I know it is not her, its me. I begin feeling jealous about not
having any alone time. my time.
Your post and its responses really hit home. The sequence of my life
was similar, and the choices of having a child late in life,
attachment parenting, and being a stay at home mom changed my life
tremendously.
But I look at the face of my son when he is telling me an animated
story, and snuggle with him at night, and I wouldn't change a thing.
And you know what? I don't know that I personally would have had the
emotional maturity to have become this kind of parent if I had had a
child in my 20's. The ability to stand back and see the entirety of
a situation (instead of attempting to control it to my convenience or
fit in to some other norm) for me certainly came with time.
I still struggle with the "fitting in" aspect. Sandra's response
really struck a chord in
me:
"Is your question really how long will you be uncomfortable with
other
people's criticism?
Until your confidence in your experience is bigger than their ability
to unnerve you with ignorant questions, I think."
This one is being posted to my refrigerator (and my bathroom mirror,
the front door.....) as we speak.
Soaking in the wisdom from this list, and from Sandra's and Joyce's
sites have been a tremendous help.
deanna
<terryyoesting@...> wrote:
I feel as if I am so tired all the time. I would love to have time
with my husband. I got married at 38, had a baby at 40, became a
stay at home mom at 44. My life has changed so much in 7 years. And
I know it is not her, its me. I begin feeling jealous about not
having any alone time. my time.
> terry********************************************
Your post and its responses really hit home. The sequence of my life
was similar, and the choices of having a child late in life,
attachment parenting, and being a stay at home mom changed my life
tremendously.
But I look at the face of my son when he is telling me an animated
story, and snuggle with him at night, and I wouldn't change a thing.
And you know what? I don't know that I personally would have had the
emotional maturity to have become this kind of parent if I had had a
child in my 20's. The ability to stand back and see the entirety of
a situation (instead of attempting to control it to my convenience or
fit in to some other norm) for me certainly came with time.
I still struggle with the "fitting in" aspect. Sandra's response
really struck a chord in
me:
"Is your question really how long will you be uncomfortable with
other
people's criticism?
Until your confidence in your experience is bigger than their ability
to unnerve you with ignorant questions, I think."
This one is being posted to my refrigerator (and my bathroom mirror,
the front door.....) as we speak.
Soaking in the wisdom from this list, and from Sandra's and Joyce's
sites have been a tremendous help.
deanna
terryyoesting
Your right not sure why I put teachers in quotes.
I wanted them to say that kids question everything. I wanted to see
that they would not be surprised by the question. I wanted them to
say that they keep introducting the facts as they know it.
I wanted them to say that kids question everything. I wanted to see
that they would not be surprised by the question. I wanted them to
say that they keep introducting the facts as they know it.
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> -=-For some reason I began asking potential schools , "What if my 3
year
> old says the world is really flat?" Most of the "teachers"
responded
> they would keep correcting her until she agreed.-=-
>
> This is one reason hypothetical questions are discouraged in
> unschooling discussions. The teachers WERE teachers, so why put
> quotation marks on it? That's what teaching is.
>
> What did you WANT the answer to your very hypothetical question to
> be? That they would say "Good idea, you might be right"?
>
>
> So for this list, it's best if people talk about their actual
> experiences and actual immediate concerns, not imagined, distant
> speculations.
>
> Sandra
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
terryyoesting
I meant to write that they would give me an odd look.
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> -=-I think I can teach her K material without a curriculum. Then I
> would receive to look! You know the one, the one that says this
woman
> is in over her head and doesn't know it.-=-
>
> I don't understand "Then I would receive to look!"
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
terryyoesting
Thanks. I think I will put that up every where also.
Everything I have read on this list as been very cleansing. I went
from a self confidence business woman to an insecure mother and
wife.
My family is the reason we are doing this. When I look at how much
happier my family is since we made this change it amazes me.
As I am writing this I am listening to my daughter sing and dance in
her room.
Thanks again for everyone's response.
Terry
Everything I have read on this list as been very cleansing. I went
from a self confidence business woman to an insecure mother and
wife.
My family is the reason we are doing this. When I look at how much
happier my family is since we made this change it amazes me.
As I am writing this I am listening to my daughter sing and dance in
her room.
Thanks again for everyone's response.
Terry
--- In [email protected], "mamavegg" <pstujo@...> wrote:
>
> --- In [email protected], Terry Yoesting
> <terryyoesting@> wrote:
>
> I feel as if I am so tired all the time. I would love to have
time
> with my husband. I got married at 38, had a baby at 40, became a
> stay at home mom at 44. My life has changed so much in 7 years.
And
> I know it is not her, its me. I begin feeling jealous about not
> having any alone time. my time.
>
> > terry
>
> ********************************************
>
> Your post and its responses really hit home. The sequence of my
life
> was similar, and the choices of having a child late in life,
> attachment parenting, and being a stay at home mom changed my life
> tremendously.
>
> But I look at the face of my son when he is telling me an animated
> story, and snuggle with him at night, and I wouldn't change a
thing.
> And you know what? I don't know that I personally would have had
the
> emotional maturity to have become this kind of parent if I had had
a
> child in my 20's. The ability to stand back and see the entirety
of
> a situation (instead of attempting to control it to my convenience
or
> fit in to some other norm) for me certainly came with time.
>
> I still struggle with the "fitting in" aspect. Sandra's response
> really struck a chord in
>
me:
> "Is your question really how long will you be uncomfortable with
> other
> people's criticism?
> Until your confidence in your experience is bigger than their
ability
> to unnerve you with ignorant questions, I think."
>
> This one is being posted to my refrigerator (and my bathroom
mirror,
> the front door.....) as we speak.
>
>
> Soaking in the wisdom from this list, and from Sandra's and Joyce's
> sites have been a tremendous help.
>
> deanna
>
plaidpanties666
--- In [email protected], "terryyoesting"
<terryyoesting@...> wrote:
own head, but also when people ask) as a "Full Time Professional Mom".
It lets me sidestep my own baggage around "Stay at home mom"
or "homemaker".
---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
<terryyoesting@...> wrote:
> I wentSomething that I find helpful is to describe myself (at least in my
> from a self confidence business woman to an insecure mother and
> wife.
>
own head, but also when people ask) as a "Full Time Professional Mom".
It lets me sidestep my own baggage around "Stay at home mom"
or "homemaker".
---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
Sandra Dodd
-=-I wanted them to say that kids question everything. I wanted to see
that they would not be surprised by the question. I wanted them to
say that they keep introducting the facts as they know it. -=-
Some kids don't question. Some teachers don't have clever
responses. Putting kids in school is taking your chances.
But I've known some moms who didn't have clever responses. I was
there once with a mom (not a homeschooler) looked and blinked when
her five year old asked her where clouds come from, and she said "Ask
your dad" (who wasn't home). I talked to the boy for a little bit.
He was truly interested. This was years ago, before I had kids.
When I did have kids I was THRILLED when they asked a cool question
(still am).
Mary asked once "If you count to infinity, is that illegal?"
He was four. The rest of the story's here: http://sandradodd.com/r/
persephonics
-=-> I don't understand "Then I would receive to look!"-=-
I meant to write that they would give me an odd look.
OH!!! "The" look. Yeah, I know the look. <g>
-=-My family is the reason we are doing this. When I look at how much
happier my family is since we made this change it amazes me. -=-
Sometimes I imagine how my life would've been if we had sent our kids
to school, or if we had done school at home.
My children have hardly ever cried. I cried more any year of my life
than any of my kids have cried in their 15, 17 or 20 years, up to
about the time I was 25.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
that they would not be surprised by the question. I wanted them to
say that they keep introducting the facts as they know it. -=-
Some kids don't question. Some teachers don't have clever
responses. Putting kids in school is taking your chances.
But I've known some moms who didn't have clever responses. I was
there once with a mom (not a homeschooler) looked and blinked when
her five year old asked her where clouds come from, and she said "Ask
your dad" (who wasn't home). I talked to the boy for a little bit.
He was truly interested. This was years ago, before I had kids.
When I did have kids I was THRILLED when they asked a cool question
(still am).
Mary asked once "If you count to infinity, is that illegal?"
He was four. The rest of the story's here: http://sandradodd.com/r/
persephonics
-=-> I don't understand "Then I would receive to look!"-=-
I meant to write that they would give me an odd look.
OH!!! "The" look. Yeah, I know the look. <g>
-=-My family is the reason we are doing this. When I look at how much
happier my family is since we made this change it amazes me. -=-
Sometimes I imagine how my life would've been if we had sent our kids
to school, or if we had done school at home.
My children have hardly ever cried. I cried more any year of my life
than any of my kids have cried in their 15, 17 or 20 years, up to
about the time I was 25.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]