ethelwynnesquest

Here it is again Sandra. Don't know why you can't see it???
~Crystal
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Found this in an article under "24/7" -- I think it has some good
ideas.

What is a Strong-Willed Child? Kendra Smiley defines strong-willed
children as
those who know how they want the world to be run and have no
tolerance for
anyone who disagrees with their viewpoint. The strong-willed child is
very
persistent and is willing to take punishment in order to win on any
given issue.
Because they are gifted in manipulation, strong-willed children are
not always
overtly defiant. They can be quite subtle, and even charming, in
their attempts
to control. They are willing to and capable of causing emotional
upset in order
to gain the upper hand. Strong-willed children don't necessarily want
to control
everyone around them. They just don't want to be controlled by anyone
else.
Discipline: Calm is Better! Discipline is a key issue when it comes
to molding a
strong-willed child. Smiley advises setting clear expectations and
consequences.
When expectations are violated, be sure to be consistent in
discipline.
According to Smiley, parents who cancel punishments midstream are
"short-sighted." Further, when disciplining strong-willed kids,
control your
emotions. Don't discipline in anger. Kendra says, "An out-of-control
adult is
not effective and is usually counterproductive. When we (as parents)
go out of
control, the strong-willed child wins the battle." In fact, Kendra's
son, Aaron,
a strong-willed child when growing up, claims that discipline worked
best when
it was unemotional. Anger in discipline was a sure sign to him that
he needed to
dig in his own heels. Our goal is to raise our kids to become
responsible
adults. It's hard. Parents need to take time to focus, to remind
themselves that
they are, in fact, the parents. It's not your calling to be your
child's
"friend." It's your high calling and privilege to be your child's
parent. With a
strong-willed child, choosing battles wisely is important - but so is
the
corollary: Be sure to win battles you've chosen to fight. Smiley
believes that
moms and dads need to provide a unified front when it comes to
parenting
strong-willed kids. Some conflict and disagreement when it comes to
parenting is
normal between parents, but Smiley advises that moms and dads not
disagree on
parenting issues in front of the strong-willed child. The strong-
willed child is
very attentive to differences in how Mom and Dad handle parenting
issues. As a
result, parents who don't "sing from the same sheet of music" can open
themselves up to instances where their child will play one parent off
the other
in his or her efforts to gain control.