frustrations
Crystal Miller
<<I have tried speaking with the kids about my frustrations,
explaining that I'd like to meet more homeschoolers, find friends they like
who can play during the
day, that I'd like to try more classes or outings>>
Hi, it's Crystal. I'd like to note that sometimes just because I want
something (here's me again...just like Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka..."But
Daddy I WANT) doesn't mean that Sorscha wants it. I have learned how to
'shut-up' (that is one of my favorite self talks the last few months) about
my frustrations. Frustrations that range the whole spectrum of life. If I
look at my past I can see Sorscha singing that song in her head, "You talk
to much...you never shut up". I can't remember the name of it.
I used to drag Sorscha everywhere to meet friends, do classes, do
fieldtrips, etc. I truly believed that it was in her best interest. I was
exposing her to all those wonderful opportunities. I think I thought that
if I missed an opportunity that Sorscha would have one less peg in her life
board and that I would be doing her a disservice as her parent. In the last
year Sorscha has chosen to mostly be at home hangin out with me or the
homeschooled girl across the street. As a family we often choose to cocoon
together. Our activities have dwindled so much. The importance of this is
that Sorscha is happy.
I really enjoy being with people, Sorscha is so so about it. I really enjoy
going on trips, Sorscha is so so about it. I really enjoy all sorts of
parties and events, Sorscha is so so. What I have realized is that
ultimately I am at home and unschooling for her...not for me (okay, but WOW
have I learned so much on the journey). If Sorscha were never born I would
not be doing what we do. So, if I am being and doing all this for her then
shouldn't it be her choices, opportunities, and wants? I say yes.
Expectations of a magical unschooling life are just that...expectations.
Expectations are set-ups with little trap doors waiting to snatch Sorscha
up. Day by day it does not matter that we meet more home schoolers, find
friends, or take classes. Day by day we choose to live the magical
unschooling life and that brings amazing adventures. I realized that it is
not my responsibility to choose which holes Sorscha wants to fill with pegs.
It is my responsibility to respect her choices and gently help her when she
ask questions. It's not my responsibility to 'fill' her life with stuff she
does not choose
Rambling like my typical, thought pondering, unschooling brain does.
~Crystal~
http://daikinicrossroads.blogspot.com
PS: This non-grammar and not great spelling gal just spelled checked and it
said everything was correct. I've got this huge smile on my face. You know
this could get me starting a whole new paragraph regarding children and
learning to spell. I'll just make it short and sweet. I went to school for
13 years and was an honors student but can't spell. Just by typing away
daily and using spell-check...I'm getting it (but then again...what is
'getting it' anyway). heehee
explaining that I'd like to meet more homeschoolers, find friends they like
who can play during the
day, that I'd like to try more classes or outings>>
Hi, it's Crystal. I'd like to note that sometimes just because I want
something (here's me again...just like Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka..."But
Daddy I WANT) doesn't mean that Sorscha wants it. I have learned how to
'shut-up' (that is one of my favorite self talks the last few months) about
my frustrations. Frustrations that range the whole spectrum of life. If I
look at my past I can see Sorscha singing that song in her head, "You talk
to much...you never shut up". I can't remember the name of it.
I used to drag Sorscha everywhere to meet friends, do classes, do
fieldtrips, etc. I truly believed that it was in her best interest. I was
exposing her to all those wonderful opportunities. I think I thought that
if I missed an opportunity that Sorscha would have one less peg in her life
board and that I would be doing her a disservice as her parent. In the last
year Sorscha has chosen to mostly be at home hangin out with me or the
homeschooled girl across the street. As a family we often choose to cocoon
together. Our activities have dwindled so much. The importance of this is
that Sorscha is happy.
I really enjoy being with people, Sorscha is so so about it. I really enjoy
going on trips, Sorscha is so so about it. I really enjoy all sorts of
parties and events, Sorscha is so so. What I have realized is that
ultimately I am at home and unschooling for her...not for me (okay, but WOW
have I learned so much on the journey). If Sorscha were never born I would
not be doing what we do. So, if I am being and doing all this for her then
shouldn't it be her choices, opportunities, and wants? I say yes.
Expectations of a magical unschooling life are just that...expectations.
Expectations are set-ups with little trap doors waiting to snatch Sorscha
up. Day by day it does not matter that we meet more home schoolers, find
friends, or take classes. Day by day we choose to live the magical
unschooling life and that brings amazing adventures. I realized that it is
not my responsibility to choose which holes Sorscha wants to fill with pegs.
It is my responsibility to respect her choices and gently help her when she
ask questions. It's not my responsibility to 'fill' her life with stuff she
does not choose
Rambling like my typical, thought pondering, unschooling brain does.
~Crystal~
http://daikinicrossroads.blogspot.com
PS: This non-grammar and not great spelling gal just spelled checked and it
said everything was correct. I've got this huge smile on my face. You know
this could get me starting a whole new paragraph regarding children and
learning to spell. I'll just make it short and sweet. I went to school for
13 years and was an honors student but can't spell. Just by typing away
daily and using spell-check...I'm getting it (but then again...what is
'getting it' anyway). heehee
Sandra Dodd
-=-So, if I am being and doing all this for her then
shouldn't it be her choices, opportunities, and wants? I say yes.
Expectations of a magical unschooling life are just that...expectations.
Expectations are set-ups with little trap doors waiting to snatch
Sorscha
up. -=-
Or to snatch you away from her, or to snatch your joy and peace away
so that you're more separate.
Parents who are sure they need to avoid "compromise" or who are
themselves needy of attention and freedom and choices probably had
children too early, before they themselves were ready to be parents.
So what happens at that point? They need to buck up and stop
whining and GET GROWN. Kids can't wait forever for their moms to
grow out of their angst. If for whatever reason a mom has a child
and the mom wants to do what's good for that child (even to the
extent of unschooling), she's going to *have* to make some
sacrifices. She can sacrifice some of her whims and desires and
fantasies, or she can just go straight to sacrificing any hope of a
longterm close relationship with that child.
Really, honestly, there are lots, and tons, of unschooling moms who
started off angsty and whiney and blaming their kids for their own
mom-lives not being like magazine articles, and then when they TRULY,
really, simply started living with their children, playing with their
children, talking with their children, eating what and where their
kids wanted to eat instead of trying to mold their kids into
miniature-yet-better versions of themselves, THEN they started
finding happiness, and found they had things to rejoice about instead
of whining, etc.
The chance for happiness is right between you and your child, it's
right in you, only you need to get yourself right next to your child,
so the "between" is not so big. You become one with your child and
there will be enough happiness to envelope you both.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
shouldn't it be her choices, opportunities, and wants? I say yes.
Expectations of a magical unschooling life are just that...expectations.
Expectations are set-ups with little trap doors waiting to snatch
Sorscha
up. -=-
Or to snatch you away from her, or to snatch your joy and peace away
so that you're more separate.
Parents who are sure they need to avoid "compromise" or who are
themselves needy of attention and freedom and choices probably had
children too early, before they themselves were ready to be parents.
So what happens at that point? They need to buck up and stop
whining and GET GROWN. Kids can't wait forever for their moms to
grow out of their angst. If for whatever reason a mom has a child
and the mom wants to do what's good for that child (even to the
extent of unschooling), she's going to *have* to make some
sacrifices. She can sacrifice some of her whims and desires and
fantasies, or she can just go straight to sacrificing any hope of a
longterm close relationship with that child.
Really, honestly, there are lots, and tons, of unschooling moms who
started off angsty and whiney and blaming their kids for their own
mom-lives not being like magazine articles, and then when they TRULY,
really, simply started living with their children, playing with their
children, talking with their children, eating what and where their
kids wanted to eat instead of trying to mold their kids into
miniature-yet-better versions of themselves, THEN they started
finding happiness, and found they had things to rejoice about instead
of whining, etc.
The chance for happiness is right between you and your child, it's
right in you, only you need to get yourself right next to your child,
so the "between" is not so big. You become one with your child and
there will be enough happiness to envelope you both.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]