"If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
Sandra Dodd
http://unschooling.info/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=1030
Diana/hahamommy wants to discuss this somewhere. We could discuss it
on this list, if anyone wants to. But it could also be discussed on
the forum linked above.
Basically, an idea I had presented is that the traditional
(traditional? I don't know where it came from, and I kinda tried to
look... it might be a quote from a movie or old TV show or a book or
something...) assertion
"If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
is a selfish cop-out, and lots of people will tell moms "You have to
take care of yourself first, " and "you have to be happy first" or
whatever all, but *I* think it can be supremely therapeutic to just
be a good mom. Being gentle and generous with a child of your own
(your own production or your own choice) can be like being gentle and
kind with the ghostly child within you, and that is nurturing.
Diana has even stronger views than I do. <g>
Sandra
Diana/hahamommy wants to discuss this somewhere. We could discuss it
on this list, if anyone wants to. But it could also be discussed on
the forum linked above.
Basically, an idea I had presented is that the traditional
(traditional? I don't know where it came from, and I kinda tried to
look... it might be a quote from a movie or old TV show or a book or
something...) assertion
"If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
is a selfish cop-out, and lots of people will tell moms "You have to
take care of yourself first, " and "you have to be happy first" or
whatever all, but *I* think it can be supremely therapeutic to just
be a good mom. Being gentle and generous with a child of your own
(your own production or your own choice) can be like being gentle and
kind with the ghostly child within you, and that is nurturing.
Diana has even stronger views than I do. <g>
Sandra
[email protected]
I don't like those attitudes either. I think it's healthy and good to
recognize if we are slipping into that type of attitude. It's so prevelant in
society, it's almost ingrained in mothers now-days. But sadly, it can be the
truth! If I'm in a horrible mood, and not watching myself or my attitude, if
I'm having a pity party, the rest of the house CAN be miserable. I think it's
the "reason" for mama not being happy that you have to examine.
Is it because we're listening to those voices saying, "You have to be happy
first" or "You deserve more than this" or "I'm the only one that cares about
this house! Grrrr!!!" If we can recognize that we're listening to those
voices instead of looking at why we're really feeling down we can nip it early.
That helps me a lot. If I'm really tired, if my body is saying "Sleep!!" I
listen. I will get the kids busy doing something, and sleep. I don't care
if it's 7:00 in the evening, I'll go take an hour nap then just stay up late.
If I don't feel good, I'll take some vitamins, or sit down with a cup of
coffee or tea and internet a little while. Eat a bananna. If the house is a
humongous wreck I'll ask for a little help, or sometimes just get the kids busy
with something and do a quick clean-up.
That whole "If Mama ain't happy" thing reminds me of the big movement in the
70's for people to "find themselves." Looking back on that, I believe that
attitude was responsible for many people walking out on their families and
kids. People just never feeling contented in themselves and their roles.
People listening to the world telling them they needed, they DESERVED much more.
Nancy B.
In a message dated 9/20/2006 5:48:46 PM Eastern Standard Time,
Sandra@... writes:
"If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
is a selfish cop-out, and lots of people will tell moms "You have to
take care of yourself first, " and "you have to be happy first" or
whatever all, but *I* think it can be supremely therapeutic to just
be a good mom. Being gentle and generous with a child of your own
(your own production or your own choice) can be like being gentle and
kind with the ghostly child within you, and that is nurturing.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
recognize if we are slipping into that type of attitude. It's so prevelant in
society, it's almost ingrained in mothers now-days. But sadly, it can be the
truth! If I'm in a horrible mood, and not watching myself or my attitude, if
I'm having a pity party, the rest of the house CAN be miserable. I think it's
the "reason" for mama not being happy that you have to examine.
Is it because we're listening to those voices saying, "You have to be happy
first" or "You deserve more than this" or "I'm the only one that cares about
this house! Grrrr!!!" If we can recognize that we're listening to those
voices instead of looking at why we're really feeling down we can nip it early.
That helps me a lot. If I'm really tired, if my body is saying "Sleep!!" I
listen. I will get the kids busy doing something, and sleep. I don't care
if it's 7:00 in the evening, I'll go take an hour nap then just stay up late.
If I don't feel good, I'll take some vitamins, or sit down with a cup of
coffee or tea and internet a little while. Eat a bananna. If the house is a
humongous wreck I'll ask for a little help, or sometimes just get the kids busy
with something and do a quick clean-up.
That whole "If Mama ain't happy" thing reminds me of the big movement in the
70's for people to "find themselves." Looking back on that, I believe that
attitude was responsible for many people walking out on their families and
kids. People just never feeling contented in themselves and their roles.
People listening to the world telling them they needed, they DESERVED much more.
Nancy B.
In a message dated 9/20/2006 5:48:46 PM Eastern Standard Time,
Sandra@... writes:
"If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
is a selfish cop-out, and lots of people will tell moms "You have to
take care of yourself first, " and "you have to be happy first" or
whatever all, but *I* think it can be supremely therapeutic to just
be a good mom. Being gentle and generous with a child of your own
(your own production or your own choice) can be like being gentle and
kind with the ghostly child within you, and that is nurturing.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: Sandra@...
Basically, an idea I had presented is that the traditional
(traditional? I don't know where it came from, and I kinda tried to
look... it might be a quote from a movie or old TV show or a book or
something...) assertion
"If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
is a selfish cop-out, and lots of people will tell moms "You have to
take care of yourself first, " and "you have to be happy first" or
whatever all, but *I* think it can be supremely therapeutic to just
be a good mom. Being gentle and generous with a child of your own
(your own production or your own choice) can be like being gentle and
kind with the ghostly child within you, and that is nurturing.
=-=-=-=
Here's what I wote at unschooling.info:
I never toook it as "mama needs her needs met first" but as "when I'm
happy and in a peaceful place, it makes everyone's life better" kind of
quote.
So I work hard to keep myself at peace and joyful. My joy is hugely
contagious and often keeps the family in a good place. At those times
when I'm overly *cooked*, it comes through my pores and affects others.
Maybe because I'm SOOO connected to each member of the family--maybe
because I'm so present---I don't know. But it "pays" for me to do my
best to stay calm and peaceful and full of joy. It makes a HUGE
difference here.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org
"It's a small world...but a BIG life!" ~Aaron McGlohn. aged 6
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
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From: Sandra@...
Basically, an idea I had presented is that the traditional
(traditional? I don't know where it came from, and I kinda tried to
look... it might be a quote from a movie or old TV show or a book or
something...) assertion
"If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
is a selfish cop-out, and lots of people will tell moms "You have to
take care of yourself first, " and "you have to be happy first" or
whatever all, but *I* think it can be supremely therapeutic to just
be a good mom. Being gentle and generous with a child of your own
(your own production or your own choice) can be like being gentle and
kind with the ghostly child within you, and that is nurturing.
=-=-=-=
Here's what I wote at unschooling.info:
I never toook it as "mama needs her needs met first" but as "when I'm
happy and in a peaceful place, it makes everyone's life better" kind of
quote.
So I work hard to keep myself at peace and joyful. My joy is hugely
contagious and often keeps the family in a good place. At those times
when I'm overly *cooked*, it comes through my pores and affects others.
Maybe because I'm SOOO connected to each member of the family--maybe
because I'm so present---I don't know. But it "pays" for me to do my
best to stay calm and peaceful and full of joy. It makes a HUGE
difference here.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org
"It's a small world...but a BIG life!" ~Aaron McGlohn. aged 6
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
[email protected]
And responding to my own post... <g>
I say "if mama ain't happy, ..." a lot.
I don't expect *others* though (particularly my family) to make me
happy. I *do* make sure that I give myself---or rather make room for---
what I *need* on a regular basis. Incense/candles in the den and
kitchen. Some time outside in the garden every day. A weekly massage.
My animals nearby to touch and snuggle with. A little time all alone
each day/week.
These things were harder to accomplish when the boys were little. MUCH
easier now. Plus, I can *ask* for help when I know what I need. And I
think *knowing* what I *need* is extremely important. As is knowing I
can ask for help.
Maybe the original quote was *meant* to be "make me happy!"---but that
wasn't how I saw it---nor is it how I interpret it now.
If *this* mama ain't happy, she needs to get off her butt and change
the situation asap.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org
"It's a small world...but a BIG life!" ~Aaron McGlohn. aged 6
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
I say "if mama ain't happy, ..." a lot.
I don't expect *others* though (particularly my family) to make me
happy. I *do* make sure that I give myself---or rather make room for---
what I *need* on a regular basis. Incense/candles in the den and
kitchen. Some time outside in the garden every day. A weekly massage.
My animals nearby to touch and snuggle with. A little time all alone
each day/week.
These things were harder to accomplish when the boys were little. MUCH
easier now. Plus, I can *ask* for help when I know what I need. And I
think *knowing* what I *need* is extremely important. As is knowing I
can ask for help.
Maybe the original quote was *meant* to be "make me happy!"---but that
wasn't how I saw it---nor is it how I interpret it now.
If *this* mama ain't happy, she needs to get off her butt and change
the situation asap.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org
"It's a small world...but a BIG life!" ~Aaron McGlohn. aged 6
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
Sandra Dodd
-=-That whole "If Mama ain't happy" thing reminds me of the big
movement in the
70's for people to "find themselves." Looking back on that, I believe
that
attitude was responsible for many people walking out on their
families and
kids.-=-
Yeah.
The pendulum swung WAY, way past the middle there.
Women were being treated horribly before that, but there seems to
have been a bit TOO much of "You deserve to be happy," voice by
people who were very VERY vague on what that "happiness" might need
to entail. Many kids were left without families in those days. And
many of the women suffered tons of regret and guilt, but there was no
market for discussing that.
I saw a lot of families succumb to the odd pressures of the 1970's,
though, and I had a three year marriage and divorce, and that divorce
came WAY, way too casually, with lots of people saying "sure, LEAVE!"
happily, like there was a fad for everyone to leave everything. It
wasn't healthy.
And so when, on message boards and discussion lists, women start
saying "Oh, well, then LEAVE!" I bristle up quickly because of
memories of many people's regrets, and how simple and effortless it
is for a woman to say "I would leave if I were you," or "We'll
support you if you leave." But a woman who leaves instead of fixing
the situation leaves and still has herself, and finds she also still
has her kids (half time) and still has her husband (with an ex- added
on, and no direct access anymore, and very little influence). Plus
she has a ton of bills and owes a lawyer. Welcome to "happier."
Probably not.
"No matter where you go, there you are." (some philosophical Buddhist
thing)
"You cannot run from your own bung hole." (Cornholio)
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
movement in the
70's for people to "find themselves." Looking back on that, I believe
that
attitude was responsible for many people walking out on their
families and
kids.-=-
Yeah.
The pendulum swung WAY, way past the middle there.
Women were being treated horribly before that, but there seems to
have been a bit TOO much of "You deserve to be happy," voice by
people who were very VERY vague on what that "happiness" might need
to entail. Many kids were left without families in those days. And
many of the women suffered tons of regret and guilt, but there was no
market for discussing that.
I saw a lot of families succumb to the odd pressures of the 1970's,
though, and I had a three year marriage and divorce, and that divorce
came WAY, way too casually, with lots of people saying "sure, LEAVE!"
happily, like there was a fad for everyone to leave everything. It
wasn't healthy.
And so when, on message boards and discussion lists, women start
saying "Oh, well, then LEAVE!" I bristle up quickly because of
memories of many people's regrets, and how simple and effortless it
is for a woman to say "I would leave if I were you," or "We'll
support you if you leave." But a woman who leaves instead of fixing
the situation leaves and still has herself, and finds she also still
has her kids (half time) and still has her husband (with an ex- added
on, and no direct access anymore, and very little influence). Plus
she has a ton of bills and owes a lawyer. Welcome to "happier."
Probably not.
"No matter where you go, there you are." (some philosophical Buddhist
thing)
"You cannot run from your own bung hole." (Cornholio)
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-Maybe the original quote was *meant* to be "make me happy!"---but
that
wasn't how I saw it---nor is it how I interpret it now.-=-
I don't know how the original was intended, but I've seen it used in
ways that aren't respectful of children's needs, and though candles
and pampering can help a little, I think when moms put the kids off
with the intent of her getting happier, it rarely works out well.
Some people get jobs so they'll be happy, or go on vacations without
their kids so they'll be happy (they think), but whatever ends up
distancing them from their kids ends up with more unhappiness than
happiness in the long run.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
that
wasn't how I saw it---nor is it how I interpret it now.-=-
I don't know how the original was intended, but I've seen it used in
ways that aren't respectful of children's needs, and though candles
and pampering can help a little, I think when moms put the kids off
with the intent of her getting happier, it rarely works out well.
Some people get jobs so they'll be happy, or go on vacations without
their kids so they'll be happy (they think), but whatever ends up
distancing them from their kids ends up with more unhappiness than
happiness in the long run.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Diane Bentzen
> Basically, an idea I had presented is that theI guess I'd have a different take on this if I'd heard
> traditional...assertion
> "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
> is a selfish cop-out,
it growing up. I never heard it until recently, so I
took it to mean, "Don't blame the kids for your bad
mood--they're not going to feel better until you get
yourself under control."
For me it's a reminder that I really am the emotional
leader of the family, and that wherever I'm leading
the family is really pretty likely to follow.
It's about taking care of yourself, yes, but it's also
about taking responsibility for you emotions.
As a nurse, I'm frequently reminding family members
that they have to take care of themselves (showers,
time to eat, etc.--not taking off for Hawaii) even
while taking care of their loved one.
:-) Diane
__________________________________________________
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sandalmom
This quote used to be over the desk of someone I worked with as a
social worker about 12 years ago. She was in charge of the parent
aide program. They paired volunteer parent mentors with mothers who
were struggling with many different issues.
I remember asking her about it once, because I was thinking about
the connotation that the mom was to blame for all the problems. She
said, however, that she kept it there as a reminder. When she felt
lost while assessing a myriad of issues in a family, she would start
with the mom. Stabilizing her first, if possible, was often the
quickest way to affect positive change in the family.
So, that was a fair use of that phrase. But I often feel it is used
improperly and unfairly, as an excuse to shift the responsibility
for mom's happiness from herself to those around her.
As a social worker, I often found that the mother was blamed first
when things went wrong. By everyone.
~Christa
social worker about 12 years ago. She was in charge of the parent
aide program. They paired volunteer parent mentors with mothers who
were struggling with many different issues.
I remember asking her about it once, because I was thinking about
the connotation that the mom was to blame for all the problems. She
said, however, that she kept it there as a reminder. When she felt
lost while assessing a myriad of issues in a family, she would start
with the mom. Stabilizing her first, if possible, was often the
quickest way to affect positive change in the family.
So, that was a fair use of that phrase. But I often feel it is used
improperly and unfairly, as an excuse to shift the responsibility
for mom's happiness from herself to those around her.
As a social worker, I often found that the mother was blamed first
when things went wrong. By everyone.
~Christa
Schuyler
Well, here's a song, clearly not the source of the quote, however given that it was written in 1999. http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/byrd-tracy/when-mama-aint-happy-5111.html
In looking for that, it sounds so like a Fats Waller lyric, I found the end section of the quote "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. If papa ain't happy, ain't nobody cares."
Schuyler
In looking for that, it sounds so like a Fats Waller lyric, I found the end section of the quote "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. If papa ain't happy, ain't nobody cares."
Schuyler
----- Original Message -----
From: Sandra Dodd
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, September 20, 2006 10:42 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
http://unschooling.info/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=1030
Diana/hahamommy wants to discuss this somewhere. We could discuss it
on this list, if anyone wants to. But it could also be discussed on
the forum linked above.
Basically, an idea I had presented is that the traditional
(traditional? I don't know where it came from, and I kinda tried to
look... it might be a quote from a movie or old TV show or a book or
something...) assertion
"If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
is a selfish cop-out, and lots of people will tell moms "You have to
take care of yourself first, " and "you have to be happy first" or
whatever all, but *I* think it can be supremely therapeutic to just
be a good mom. Being gentle and generous with a child of your own
(your own production or your own choice) can be like being gentle and
kind with the ghostly child within you, and that is nurturing.
Diana has even stronger views than I do. <g>
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Angela S.
I always looked at that phrase as an excuse for mom�s to be selfish.
Like�It�s o.k. to leave the kids crying at home because they wish you were
there because your week-end shopping trip with your girlfriends is MUCH more
important.
I do think that the parent who is home all day sets the tone of the
household. When I succumb to frustration, the kids fall apart immediately.
They are my barometer of what is working and what isn�t. They often reflect
my moods right back at me.
I�m an easily satisfied person though. Going off in my head while writing
email, or knitting, exercising, or being with the horses is enough to revive
me mentally.
Angela S.
HYPERLINK "mailto:game-enthusiast@..."game-enthusiast@...
Life Is Good!
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Like�It�s o.k. to leave the kids crying at home because they wish you were
there because your week-end shopping trip with your girlfriends is MUCH more
important.
I do think that the parent who is home all day sets the tone of the
household. When I succumb to frustration, the kids fall apart immediately.
They are my barometer of what is working and what isn�t. They often reflect
my moods right back at me.
I�m an easily satisfied person though. Going off in my head while writing
email, or knitting, exercising, or being with the horses is enough to revive
me mentally.
Angela S.
HYPERLINK "mailto:game-enthusiast@..."game-enthusiast@...
Life Is Good!
--
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Version: 7.1.405 / Virus Database: 268.12.4/449 - Release Date: 9/15/2006
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Version: 7.1.405 / Virus Database: 268.12.4/449 - Release Date: 9/15/2006
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Melissa
My mom used that phrase often enough, and for her it meant that if
she was not happy, then no one else had the right to be happy. We
learned early to suppress any natural emotions or feelings, because
even if we were upset when she was upset, we were trying to get
attention or demanding too much from her while we knew she was upset.
God forbid we were happy when she was upset, because then we were
unfeeling little brats who didn't appreciate all that she did for us.
I agree with the statements of everyone who said that moms feelings
can very much affect others, and that they are a indicator of how the
house is running. But that phrase has been used too much in the
manner my mother did for it to ever be okay in my mind. It may be an
easier way to say that mom's feelings affect others, and cutesie
because everyone recognizes it, but it is insidious in that phrases
like that tend to affect one's rational thinking, or even just
subconscious attitude. My 2¢
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (9), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (5), Dan
(3), and Avari Rose
share our lives at
http://360.yahoo.com/multimomma
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
she was not happy, then no one else had the right to be happy. We
learned early to suppress any natural emotions or feelings, because
even if we were upset when she was upset, we were trying to get
attention or demanding too much from her while we knew she was upset.
God forbid we were happy when she was upset, because then we were
unfeeling little brats who didn't appreciate all that she did for us.
I agree with the statements of everyone who said that moms feelings
can very much affect others, and that they are a indicator of how the
house is running. But that phrase has been used too much in the
manner my mother did for it to ever be okay in my mind. It may be an
easier way to say that mom's feelings affect others, and cutesie
because everyone recognizes it, but it is insidious in that phrases
like that tend to affect one's rational thinking, or even just
subconscious attitude. My 2¢
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (9), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (5), Dan
(3), and Avari Rose
share our lives at
http://360.yahoo.com/multimomma
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-My mom used that phrase often enough, and for her it meant that if
she was not happy, then no one else had the right to be happy. We
learned early to suppress any natural emotions or feelings, because
even if we were upset when she was upset, we were trying to get
attention or demanding too much from her while we knew she was upset.
God forbid we were happy when she was upset, because then we were
unfeeling little brats who didn't appreciate all that she did for us.-=-
My mom didn't use the phrase, but I know the feeling that if I'm
hurting when she's hurting, I'm trying to upstage her, and if I'm
happy when she's upset I'm heartless.
Exactly as you said.
I think I'll add the phrase and some of your commentary to the
phrases page
http://sandradodd.com/phrases
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
she was not happy, then no one else had the right to be happy. We
learned early to suppress any natural emotions or feelings, because
even if we were upset when she was upset, we were trying to get
attention or demanding too much from her while we knew she was upset.
God forbid we were happy when she was upset, because then we were
unfeeling little brats who didn't appreciate all that she did for us.-=-
My mom didn't use the phrase, but I know the feeling that if I'm
hurting when she's hurting, I'm trying to upstage her, and if I'm
happy when she's upset I'm heartless.
Exactly as you said.
I think I'll add the phrase and some of your commentary to the
phrases page
http://sandradodd.com/phrases
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-I always looked at that phrase as an excuse for mom’s to be selfish.
Like…It’s o.k. to leave the kids crying at home because they wish you
were
there because your week-end shopping trip with your girlfriends is
MUCH more
important.-=-
While I was reading e-mail just now, Holly was in there talking to me
about some in-person thing that happened (not at all conference
related, other people).
She was with several kids and a mom, and they asked if another
outside-the-family could spend the night the mom said "No, I have
things to do." One kid muttered "No, she doesn't" and the mom heard
or saw. She said, "To question your mother is to question life
itself."
Holly told me, "She likes the power of being a mom, but she doesn't
handle it very responsibly."
In discussing the tone and intent of the statement (Holly has known
the whole family for a long time), she said she felt like the mom's
attitude was "If I say it, it's true, and if I say it nice, then
it's nice."
Pretty profound.
I think maybe that's the way a lot of families are. A soul-crushing
statement made with a smile is assumed to have been a "polite"
utterance.
Holly said also that once there was a discussion about something not
even family related, some sort of news article or social situation
thing, and one of the kids said "I disagree" about a statement the
mom said--not a directive, not an opinion about anyone in the family,
and that the dad came back really fast and hard with "Don't
contradict your mother."
SHeeeesh...
Oh! The report is that from the back of the car, after "To question
your mother is to question life itself," Holly said "I know lots of
people who question life itself."
Sandra
Like…It’s o.k. to leave the kids crying at home because they wish you
were
there because your week-end shopping trip with your girlfriends is
MUCH more
important.-=-
While I was reading e-mail just now, Holly was in there talking to me
about some in-person thing that happened (not at all conference
related, other people).
She was with several kids and a mom, and they asked if another
outside-the-family could spend the night the mom said "No, I have
things to do." One kid muttered "No, she doesn't" and the mom heard
or saw. She said, "To question your mother is to question life
itself."
Holly told me, "She likes the power of being a mom, but she doesn't
handle it very responsibly."
In discussing the tone and intent of the statement (Holly has known
the whole family for a long time), she said she felt like the mom's
attitude was "If I say it, it's true, and if I say it nice, then
it's nice."
Pretty profound.
I think maybe that's the way a lot of families are. A soul-crushing
statement made with a smile is assumed to have been a "polite"
utterance.
Holly said also that once there was a discussion about something not
even family related, some sort of news article or social situation
thing, and one of the kids said "I disagree" about a statement the
mom said--not a directive, not an opinion about anyone in the family,
and that the dad came back really fast and hard with "Don't
contradict your mother."
SHeeeesh...
Oh! The report is that from the back of the car, after "To question
your mother is to question life itself," Holly said "I know lots of
people who question life itself."
Sandra
Lesa
Good going Holly... for the great comeback!
Lesa
http://lifeacademy.homeschooljournal.net
-------Original Message-------
From: Sandra Dodd
Date: 09/21/06 12:10:47
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
-=-I always looked at that phrase as an excuse for moms to be selfish.
Like Its o.k. to leave the kids crying at home because they wish you
were
there because your week-end shopping trip with your girlfriends is
MUCH more
important.-=-
While I was reading e-mail just now, Holly was in there talking to me
about some in-person thing that happened (not at all conference
related, other people).
She was with several kids and a mom, and they asked if another
outside-the-family could spend the night the mom said "No, I have
things to do." One kid muttered "No, she doesn't" and the mom heard
or saw. She said, "To question your mother is to question life
itself."
Holly told me, "She likes the power of being a mom, but she doesn't
handle it very responsibly."
In discussing the tone and intent of the statement (Holly has known
the whole family for a long time), she said she felt like the mom's
attitude was "If I say it, it's true, and if I say it nice, then
it's nice."
Pretty profound.
I think maybe that's the way a lot of families are. A soul-crushing
statement made with a smile is assumed to have been a "polite"
utterance.
Holly said also that once there was a discussion about something not
even family related, some sort of news article or social situation
thing, and one of the kids said "I disagree" about a statement the
mom said--not a directive, not an opinion about anyone in the family,
and that the dad came back really fast and hard with "Don't
contradict your mother."
SHeeeesh...
Oh! The report is that from the back of the car, after "To question
your mother is to question life itself," Holly said "I know lots of
people who question life itself."
Sandra
Yahoo! Groups Links
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lesa
http://lifeacademy.homeschooljournal.net
-------Original Message-------
From: Sandra Dodd
Date: 09/21/06 12:10:47
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
-=-I always looked at that phrase as an excuse for moms to be selfish.
Like Its o.k. to leave the kids crying at home because they wish you
were
there because your week-end shopping trip with your girlfriends is
MUCH more
important.-=-
While I was reading e-mail just now, Holly was in there talking to me
about some in-person thing that happened (not at all conference
related, other people).
She was with several kids and a mom, and they asked if another
outside-the-family could spend the night the mom said "No, I have
things to do." One kid muttered "No, she doesn't" and the mom heard
or saw. She said, "To question your mother is to question life
itself."
Holly told me, "She likes the power of being a mom, but she doesn't
handle it very responsibly."
In discussing the tone and intent of the statement (Holly has known
the whole family for a long time), she said she felt like the mom's
attitude was "If I say it, it's true, and if I say it nice, then
it's nice."
Pretty profound.
I think maybe that's the way a lot of families are. A soul-crushing
statement made with a smile is assumed to have been a "polite"
utterance.
Holly said also that once there was a discussion about something not
even family related, some sort of news article or social situation
thing, and one of the kids said "I disagree" about a statement the
mom said--not a directive, not an opinion about anyone in the family,
and that the dad came back really fast and hard with "Don't
contradict your mother."
SHeeeesh...
Oh! The report is that from the back of the car, after "To question
your mother is to question life itself," Holly said "I know lots of
people who question life itself."
Sandra
Yahoo! Groups Links
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]