Fear and Conditioning
Judy Chamberlain
Kathleen wrote:
"It is amazing to me how strong my reaction was. Fear and conditioning
is a powerful force in our actions"
This is so true.....just recently I have begun to look at every reaction
as coming from Love or Fear and it is amazing how all my negative
reactions/no's are fear based..... My new method to control these
immediate reactions is to try to stop the "no" or negative response
before it escapes my lips and ask myself, "why are you afraid/shutting
down/being closed minded, etc."
By doing this I can usually laugh away the fear or figure out why I feel
the way I do and discuss it rather than just say "no"It really is
amazing how much is just conditioning and can be laughed away!
For instance, my 11 year old wants to have 6 of his buddies sleep
over....I'm tired, I have plans to get up early and go cycling the next
day, my husband is out of town, blah, blah, blah...so I want to say no
because I'm afraid of them needing more than I can give, etc. and in
the past, I would have given the "no" answer.....
Now, instead I ask...."why the no?" I discuss the above with my son and
we figure out ways to work through the above....he gets permission from
his friends parents for them to be here under my older son's
supervision while I go on my ride( I was amazed that no parents cared
that I wouldn't be here for 2-3 hours:-) ), they'll let me get my sleep
and wake me only for problems, they all agree to behave....you get the
picture.....
I can't believe how many times I have just said "no" to things without
really thinking and examining the reason for my "no" I think it was
just a bad habit that I learned from my parents and a response to
irrational fears of losing control!
I can't remember where I read it, but awhile ago I read that all
actions, reactions, etc. are either results of feelings of love or
fear....
It really simplifies things when you begin to examine yourself and
others from this angle and it's kind of fun!
judy chamberlain
judycha@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"It is amazing to me how strong my reaction was. Fear and conditioning
is a powerful force in our actions"
This is so true.....just recently I have begun to look at every reaction
as coming from Love or Fear and it is amazing how all my negative
reactions/no's are fear based..... My new method to control these
immediate reactions is to try to stop the "no" or negative response
before it escapes my lips and ask myself, "why are you afraid/shutting
down/being closed minded, etc."
By doing this I can usually laugh away the fear or figure out why I feel
the way I do and discuss it rather than just say "no"It really is
amazing how much is just conditioning and can be laughed away!
For instance, my 11 year old wants to have 6 of his buddies sleep
over....I'm tired, I have plans to get up early and go cycling the next
day, my husband is out of town, blah, blah, blah...so I want to say no
because I'm afraid of them needing more than I can give, etc. and in
the past, I would have given the "no" answer.....
Now, instead I ask...."why the no?" I discuss the above with my son and
we figure out ways to work through the above....he gets permission from
his friends parents for them to be here under my older son's
supervision while I go on my ride( I was amazed that no parents cared
that I wouldn't be here for 2-3 hours:-) ), they'll let me get my sleep
and wake me only for problems, they all agree to behave....you get the
picture.....
I can't believe how many times I have just said "no" to things without
really thinking and examining the reason for my "no" I think it was
just a bad habit that I learned from my parents and a response to
irrational fears of losing control!
I can't remember where I read it, but awhile ago I read that all
actions, reactions, etc. are either results of feelings of love or
fear....
It really simplifies things when you begin to examine yourself and
others from this angle and it's kind of fun!
judy chamberlain
judycha@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-he gets permission from
his friends parents for them to be here under my older son's
supervision while I go on my ride( I was amazed that no parents cared
that I wouldn't be here for 2-3 hours:-) -=-
Depending how old the older son is, and how far away the next nearest
parent is, I might object. But if the boy is in late teens and the
house isn't too far from civilization (other parents, ambulance) it
could be okay.
My first thought, though, was that if the bike ride can't be
cancelled, maybe it's not a good night for a sleepover (again,
depending how old that older son is).
-=-I can't remember where I read it, but awhile ago I read that all
actions, reactions, etc. are either results of feelings of love or
fear....-=-
Needing a drink of water?
Going to the bathroom?
Scratching?
Planting flowers?
Watching movies or reading e-mail?
I do lots of things that don't have to do with love or fear.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
his friends parents for them to be here under my older son's
supervision while I go on my ride( I was amazed that no parents cared
that I wouldn't be here for 2-3 hours:-) -=-
Depending how old the older son is, and how far away the next nearest
parent is, I might object. But if the boy is in late teens and the
house isn't too far from civilization (other parents, ambulance) it
could be okay.
My first thought, though, was that if the bike ride can't be
cancelled, maybe it's not a good night for a sleepover (again,
depending how old that older son is).
-=-I can't remember where I read it, but awhile ago I read that all
actions, reactions, etc. are either results of feelings of love or
fear....-=-
Needing a drink of water?
Going to the bathroom?
Scratching?
Planting flowers?
Watching movies or reading e-mail?
I do lots of things that don't have to do with love or fear.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]