Meeting childrens' needs simultaneously.
freepsgal
I'd love some insight on how to handle this. My dd8 wants to get
out and do as much as possible because she is so bored at home. My
ds9 prefers staying home. We do not have anyone nearby that can
hang out with my son. My closest relative is 1 hour away and our
homeschool friends are too busy homeschooling and doing their own
things.
I help my son bring things to do, meaning I remind him that we
should grab some things to take with us like his gameboy and some
books. He complains about wanting to be at home though. If we stay
home too much, my daughter cries because she is bored. Yes, I've
tried to help them find things they find interesting but my daughter
mostly complains about not having anyone to play with. My DH and I
are thinking about joining the YMCA to find some classes for my
daughter, but the facility is just too far to drop her off. She
also wants to start a co-op with other girls for American Girl
stuff. My son just hangs his head down and groans because when he
hears her planning these things, he feels he'll have no choice but
to tag along.
How can I meet their needs without making the other one feel
miserable?
Beth M.
out and do as much as possible because she is so bored at home. My
ds9 prefers staying home. We do not have anyone nearby that can
hang out with my son. My closest relative is 1 hour away and our
homeschool friends are too busy homeschooling and doing their own
things.
I help my son bring things to do, meaning I remind him that we
should grab some things to take with us like his gameboy and some
books. He complains about wanting to be at home though. If we stay
home too much, my daughter cries because she is bored. Yes, I've
tried to help them find things they find interesting but my daughter
mostly complains about not having anyone to play with. My DH and I
are thinking about joining the YMCA to find some classes for my
daughter, but the facility is just too far to drop her off. She
also wants to start a co-op with other girls for American Girl
stuff. My son just hangs his head down and groans because when he
hears her planning these things, he feels he'll have no choice but
to tag along.
How can I meet their needs without making the other one feel
miserable?
Beth M.
Pamela Sorooshian
On Jun 2, 2006, at 10:09 AM, freepsgal wrote:
Remember, things will change - this might not be forever. Your son
might make a special friend at some of your daughter's activities,
and want to go, for example. So - hold out hope that their desires
might line up better, in the future.
But, in the meantime, you'll have to be as creative as you can be and
they'll grow up knowing that conflict is handled by trying really
hard to find a way to meet each person's needs and by compromising
when you can't figure out how to do that. This is one of the
benefits, to the children, of having siblings, by the way, so even
when it is so hard for you, remember that the skills they are
learning (through your modeling and their own attempts to deal with
conflict) are going to be useful to them throughout their lives.
Some ideas - be MORE creative about what you take along for your son:
Have a special decorated box - maybe a large Rubbermaid container -
for "take out" stuff. He can put things in there - even buy special
things that he might see in a store - for his "take out" box. YOU can
put surprises in there, too. Keep it in the car, so it isn't always
just sitting around available, to keep it more special. One of those
rolling carts would be perfect.
Invite his friend to go along to play while your daughter is involved
in activities.
Take them to parks a lot. Have a blanket - same blanket every time,
so it feels like home - for him to have has his own space at the
park. He puts his "take-out box" on the blanket and he "owns" that
space. Your daughter can play with other kids - take her friends
along - while YOU spend time with him.
I'm sure you can come up with a lot of other options.
Last - is it possible that when you're out of the house, he doesn't
get your full attention? Is it possible that when you go to
activities, for example, that you're preoccupied with talking to the
other adults and not focusing on him? He might be wanting to stay
home because he doesn't feel comfortable with the level of separation
he feels from you when you are involved with other people. Making a
lot more concerted effort to remain "connected" with him, while
you're out, might be very helpful. Looking him in the eyes a lot,
patting or touching him, checking in with him more frequently, and
spending time while you are out playing with him, not half-playing
while talking to other moms <g>, might help him be more comfortable
out of the house.
And then there are all the ways to help your daughter feel more
comfortable staying home....make home more exciting, invite people
over more, do more stuff with her at home, etc.
You'll probably need to do a combination of lots of things.
-pam
Unschooling shirts, cups, bumper stickers, bags...
Live Love Learn
UNSCHOOL!
<http://www.cafepress.com/livelovelearn>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> How can I meet their needs without making the other one feelYou're doing pretty well - trying to balance their needs.
> miserable?
Remember, things will change - this might not be forever. Your son
might make a special friend at some of your daughter's activities,
and want to go, for example. So - hold out hope that their desires
might line up better, in the future.
But, in the meantime, you'll have to be as creative as you can be and
they'll grow up knowing that conflict is handled by trying really
hard to find a way to meet each person's needs and by compromising
when you can't figure out how to do that. This is one of the
benefits, to the children, of having siblings, by the way, so even
when it is so hard for you, remember that the skills they are
learning (through your modeling and their own attempts to deal with
conflict) are going to be useful to them throughout their lives.
Some ideas - be MORE creative about what you take along for your son:
Have a special decorated box - maybe a large Rubbermaid container -
for "take out" stuff. He can put things in there - even buy special
things that he might see in a store - for his "take out" box. YOU can
put surprises in there, too. Keep it in the car, so it isn't always
just sitting around available, to keep it more special. One of those
rolling carts would be perfect.
Invite his friend to go along to play while your daughter is involved
in activities.
Take them to parks a lot. Have a blanket - same blanket every time,
so it feels like home - for him to have has his own space at the
park. He puts his "take-out box" on the blanket and he "owns" that
space. Your daughter can play with other kids - take her friends
along - while YOU spend time with him.
I'm sure you can come up with a lot of other options.
Last - is it possible that when you're out of the house, he doesn't
get your full attention? Is it possible that when you go to
activities, for example, that you're preoccupied with talking to the
other adults and not focusing on him? He might be wanting to stay
home because he doesn't feel comfortable with the level of separation
he feels from you when you are involved with other people. Making a
lot more concerted effort to remain "connected" with him, while
you're out, might be very helpful. Looking him in the eyes a lot,
patting or touching him, checking in with him more frequently, and
spending time while you are out playing with him, not half-playing
while talking to other moms <g>, might help him be more comfortable
out of the house.
And then there are all the ways to help your daughter feel more
comfortable staying home....make home more exciting, invite people
over more, do more stuff with her at home, etc.
You'll probably need to do a combination of lots of things.
-pam
Unschooling shirts, cups, bumper stickers, bags...
Live Love Learn
UNSCHOOL!
<http://www.cafepress.com/livelovelearn>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
freepsgal
> Have a special decorated box - maybe a large Rubbermaid containerHe thinks this is a good idea. We'll work on putting something
> - for "take out" stuff.
together this weekend.
> Invite his friend to go along to play while your daughter isThe only friends he has are all extremely busy. I even have trouble
> involved in activities.
getting in touch with the parents because of their homeschooling and
extracurricular activity schedules. :(
> Last - is it possible that when you're out of the house, heThis is very possible. I'll check myself more often. I don't leave
> doesn't get your full attention?
him totally alone but I do have a focus problem when I have to focus
on him for a long period of time. He loves to talk my head off
about his passions and after a while my attention wanders. I try, I
really do! :)
> And then there are all the ways to help your daughter feel moreOh, I'd love to do this but anytime she makes a friend, they have
> comfortable staying home....make home more exciting, invite
> people over more, do more stuff with her at home, etc.
> -pam
always been allergic to cats, of which we have 4! So going out is
usually easier, but I haven't given up hope!
Beth M.
Pam Tellew
Host events at your house.
I was reading your post with interest because we tend to have this issue
too, but the answer just jumped out at me when you said that about planning
an American Girls club. It doesn't take much to have an event. Three or
four families feels like a full house and yet can fit into any small house.
When we've done this sort of thing, it fills up us extroverts for a
while. We don't need to do it as often as you'd think.
Pam
I was reading your post with interest because we tend to have this issue
too, but the answer just jumped out at me when you said that about planning
an American Girls club. It doesn't take much to have an event. Three or
four families feels like a full house and yet can fit into any small house.
When we've done this sort of thing, it fills up us extroverts for a
while. We don't need to do it as often as you'd think.
Pam
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: Pam Tellew <pamtellew@...>
Host events at your house.
I was reading your post with interest because we tend to have this
issue
too, but the answer just jumped out at me when you said that about
planning
an American Girls club. It doesn't take much to have an event. Three
or
four families feels like a full house and yet can fit into any small
house.
When we've done this sort of thing, it fills up us extroverts for a
while. We don't need to do it as often as you'd think.
-=-=-=-
I thought the same thing too.
I think it's harder on the "homebody" because he can't be *home* when
he's gone.
On the other hand, the "social butterfly" *could* be just as social at
home. Post several different places about an American Girls Evening or
Tea or Brunch. Monthly would be good. It would keep her busy planning
the theme, making invites, decorating, pulling together a themed menu,
etc. There may not be as many the first time or two, but I bet it could
get *really* big after word-of-mouth! Post notices at toy/doll stores.
libraries, etc.
If your house becomes the party house, everyone's satisfied---and your
house gets cleaned to boot! <g> (Well, mine would! <G>)
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org
"The hardest problem for the brain is not learning, but forgetting. No
matter how hard we try, we can't deliberately forget something we have
learned, and that is catastrophic if we learn that we can't learn."
~Frank Smith
From: Pam Tellew <pamtellew@...>
Host events at your house.
I was reading your post with interest because we tend to have this
issue
too, but the answer just jumped out at me when you said that about
planning
an American Girls club. It doesn't take much to have an event. Three
or
four families feels like a full house and yet can fit into any small
house.
When we've done this sort of thing, it fills up us extroverts for a
while. We don't need to do it as often as you'd think.
-=-=-=-
I thought the same thing too.
I think it's harder on the "homebody" because he can't be *home* when
he's gone.
On the other hand, the "social butterfly" *could* be just as social at
home. Post several different places about an American Girls Evening or
Tea or Brunch. Monthly would be good. It would keep her busy planning
the theme, making invites, decorating, pulling together a themed menu,
etc. There may not be as many the first time or two, but I bet it could
get *really* big after word-of-mouth! Post notices at toy/doll stores.
libraries, etc.
If your house becomes the party house, everyone's satisfied---and your
house gets cleaned to boot! <g> (Well, mine would! <G>)
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org
"The hardest problem for the brain is not learning, but forgetting. No
matter how hard we try, we can't deliberately forget something we have
learned, and that is catastrophic if we learn that we can't learn."
~Frank Smith
Pamela Sorooshian
On Jun 2, 2006, at 11:39 AM, freepsgal wrote:
obvious, right?
These sound like, "Yeah, but," kinds of excuses. I'm not saying that
to complain about your responses, but to point that out to you so
that you can consider whether or not you're really willing to make
the effort it takes to find friends for them.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> The only friends he has are all extremely busy. I even have trouble<snip>
> getting in touch with the parents because of their homeschooling and
> extracurricular activity schedules. :(
>
> Oh, I'd love to do this but anytime she makes a friend, they haveClearly you need to put some effort into finding new friends - that's
> always been allergic to cats, of which we have 4! So going out is
> usually easier, but I haven't given up hope!
obvious, right?
These sound like, "Yeah, but," kinds of excuses. I'm not saying that
to complain about your responses, but to point that out to you so
that you can consider whether or not you're really willing to make
the effort it takes to find friends for them.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Danielle Conger
kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
Unfortunately, it wasn't the panacea I was hoping it would be. Is
anything? ;)
Sam had serious issues with other people being in *his* space--pretty
much worse than going out. He couldn't even be "home" at home because of
the other people there.
Plus, I found out pretty quickly that other people doing the same thing
my kids did wasn't nearly so cool, and those who weren't used to
unschooling became downright wild and disrespectful of property at times.
Even on a small scale having people in didn't work out for us, though
I'm not sorry I gave it a shot! Playdates don't tend to be much more
successful, for my introvert, though they're getting a little bit
better. I think it's helped that we gave it a good long rest.
We've had to keep trying different things and retrying them as the kids
get a bit older. No matter how we slice it, though, it's hard to
accommodate really divergent personalities sometimes. I like what Pam
said about it being more about the process and the trying in the long
run than the actual successes. At least, that's what I hold onto. ;)
I've found that focusing on the process and letting go of more
outcome-based thinking in myself helps tremendously, as does seeing the
situation as more long-term than short term, both in how each child's
needs really are being met over time and in how the process of
problem-solving becomes an important life skill.
--
~~Danielle
Emily (8), Julia (7), Sam (6)
http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Welcomehome.html
>This was exactly the solution I tried by becoming a 4-H leader.
> If your house becomes the party house, everyone's satisfied---and your
> house gets cleaned to boot! <g> (Well, mine would! <G>)
Unfortunately, it wasn't the panacea I was hoping it would be. Is
anything? ;)
Sam had serious issues with other people being in *his* space--pretty
much worse than going out. He couldn't even be "home" at home because of
the other people there.
Plus, I found out pretty quickly that other people doing the same thing
my kids did wasn't nearly so cool, and those who weren't used to
unschooling became downright wild and disrespectful of property at times.
Even on a small scale having people in didn't work out for us, though
I'm not sorry I gave it a shot! Playdates don't tend to be much more
successful, for my introvert, though they're getting a little bit
better. I think it's helped that we gave it a good long rest.
We've had to keep trying different things and retrying them as the kids
get a bit older. No matter how we slice it, though, it's hard to
accommodate really divergent personalities sometimes. I like what Pam
said about it being more about the process and the trying in the long
run than the actual successes. At least, that's what I hold onto. ;)
I've found that focusing on the process and letting go of more
outcome-based thinking in myself helps tremendously, as does seeing the
situation as more long-term than short term, both in how each child's
needs really are being met over time and in how the process of
problem-solving becomes an important life skill.
--
~~Danielle
Emily (8), Julia (7), Sam (6)
http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Welcomehome.html
[email protected]
Beth,
I have four children ages 14 down to 2, I've been there.
I would ask your son what he wants to do. Go to places (if he wants to)that
there are kids his age or similar interests. If he meets someone bonus if not
there is always a new place or a different day.
It's easy to have a go go child and have one who's needs/wants don't seem to
be getting met.
If he wants to stay home right now I would honor that as much as possible.
My oldest went through that for a bit so i offered personal time for him in
the evening when my DH could take the other three.
Laura
Unschoolingmaine.com
<<I'd love some insight on how to handle this. My dd8 wants to get
out and do as much as possible because she is so bored at home. My
ds9 prefers staying home. We do not have anyone nearby that can
hang out with my son. My closest relative is 1 hour away and our
homeschool friends are too busy homeschooling and doing their own
things.
I help my son bring things to do, meaning I remind him that we
should grab some things to take with us like his gameboy and some
books. He complains about wanting to be at home though. If we stay
home too much, my daughter cries because she is bored. Yes, I've
tried to help them find things they find interesting but my daughter
mostly complains about not having anyone to play with. My DH and I
are thinking about joining the YMCA to find some classes for my
daughter, but the facility is just too far to drop her off. She
also wants to start a co-op with other girls for American Girl
stuff. My son just hangs his head down and groans because when he
hears her planning these things, he feels he'll have no choice but
to tag along.
How can I meet their needs without making the other one feel
miserable?
Beth M.>>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I have four children ages 14 down to 2, I've been there.
I would ask your son what he wants to do. Go to places (if he wants to)that
there are kids his age or similar interests. If he meets someone bonus if not
there is always a new place or a different day.
It's easy to have a go go child and have one who's needs/wants don't seem to
be getting met.
If he wants to stay home right now I would honor that as much as possible.
My oldest went through that for a bit so i offered personal time for him in
the evening when my DH could take the other three.
Laura
Unschoolingmaine.com
<<I'd love some insight on how to handle this. My dd8 wants to get
out and do as much as possible because she is so bored at home. My
ds9 prefers staying home. We do not have anyone nearby that can
hang out with my son. My closest relative is 1 hour away and our
homeschool friends are too busy homeschooling and doing their own
things.
I help my son bring things to do, meaning I remind him that we
should grab some things to take with us like his gameboy and some
books. He complains about wanting to be at home though. If we stay
home too much, my daughter cries because she is bored. Yes, I've
tried to help them find things they find interesting but my daughter
mostly complains about not having anyone to play with. My DH and I
are thinking about joining the YMCA to find some classes for my
daughter, but the facility is just too far to drop her off. She
also wants to start a co-op with other girls for American Girl
stuff. My son just hangs his head down and groans because when he
hears her planning these things, he feels he'll have no choice but
to tag along.
How can I meet their needs without making the other one feel
miserable?
Beth M.>>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
freepsgal
> These sound like, "Yeah, but," kinds of excuses. I'm not sayingYes, they do sound like excuses. I thought the same thing when I
> that to complain about your responses, but to point that out to
> you so that you can consider whether or not you're really willing
> to make the effort it takes to find friends for them.
> -pam
posted. We've been homeschooling over 4 years now. Of all the
acquaintances we've come across, we've only become 'friends' with
two families. They have been our regular play-dates. Between our
three families, we have 4 boys and 2 girls. Both families
homeschool in a traditional manner, one schools in the mornings and
the other schools mostly in the afternoons. It makes getting
together challenging, but we've been doing pretty good so far.
They've now formed a First Lego League team that meets 3 days per
week, Tuesday through Thursday. Jeffrey went to the first few
meetings but decided against joining the team. We were basically
told they'd be so busy with the Lego stuff that they couldn't
schedule any park days or play-dates until the end of October.
I can't invite 'strangers' to our home because it makes my son
uncomfortable. If he doesn't know the person, he feels anxious
about them being in his room and touching his things. Also, Jeffrey
doesn't like to play outside much (which makes park days kind of
weird since we can never stay longer than about 90 minutes).
A biggie around here is homeschool classes. We tried many because
we liked the idea of being with other homeschoolers but we don't
like the formal structure of the classes. Even the fun enrichment
classes didn't excite my children. Besides, we've never met
a 'friend' in any class. The kids rush in, do their class, then
rush out again either to another class or leaving the building. I
don't see how other homeschoolers call it socialization. :)
Co-ops don't seem to be popular because they involve work. Every
time I've tried getting something together, I get many interested
families who want to drop their children off so they either have
some alone time or time with younger children. I don't want to run
a babysitting service. People would rather pay for classes because
they don't have to be involved. The excuse I've heard most often is
that they are homeschoolers who are with their children all the time
and they use homeschool classes and extracurricular activities as a
break. That just doesn't fit our lifestyle. :)
One helpful thing is that my DH works from home on Mondays now. I
want to try doing either Girl Scouts or an American girl thing on
Mondays since Jeffrey can stay home with Dad.
So, no, I'm really not using excuses. I just keep running into
obstacles. It's hard to get out and meet people when my son has
such a hard time with new things. Even going to a new store or
restaurant brings on a huge amount of anxiety for him. I wish I
lived closer to my mom. Then he could stay with her while Allison
and I run around town. :)
Beth M.
Betsy Hill
**Co-ops don't seem to be popular because they involve work. Every
time I've tried getting something together, I get many interested
families who want to drop their children off so they either have
some alone time or time with younger children. I don't want to run
a babysitting service. **
Maybe you could reframe this in your head. Having one or two girls
come to your house and do some activity with your daughter (an
activity that lets your son be peaceful in some other part of the
house) is as much them doing a favor for your family as it is you
doing a favor for their family.
(Although I have been known to be irked myself about people who show
up to retrieve their kid much later than planned.)
Betsy
time I've tried getting something together, I get many interested
families who want to drop their children off so they either have
some alone time or time with younger children. I don't want to run
a babysitting service. **
Maybe you could reframe this in your head. Having one or two girls
come to your house and do some activity with your daughter (an
activity that lets your son be peaceful in some other part of the
house) is as much them doing a favor for your family as it is you
doing a favor for their family.
(Although I have been known to be irked myself about people who show
up to retrieve their kid much later than planned.)
Betsy
Sandra Dodd
-=-
**Co-ops don't seem to be popular because they involve work. Every
time I've tried getting something together, I get many interested
families who want to drop their children off so they either have
some alone time or time with younger children. I don't want to run
a babysitting service. **
Maybe you could reframe this in your head. Having one or two girls
come to your house and do some activity with your daughter (an
activity that lets your son be peaceful in some other part of the
house) is as much them doing a favor for your family as it is you
doing a favor for their family.-=-
Yes.
And instead of thinking of it as a long-term thing (whether six
weeks, all summer, a year or forever), invite them once with an
option for a second.
Holly wanted girls to come over a few years back so we had a few My
Little Pony play sessions. There were eventually three or four, but
without saying "We will do this every Wednesday," we scheduled one,
and then another...
When my kids were little I found that inviting just one other kid
over could change the dynamics in some wonderful ways. And the
parents of onlies appreciated having a place where their kids could
play. I couldn't just leave them alone for a long time, though—I had
to be available to entertain or comfort those who weren't playing
with the guest at one point or another, when that happened.
Sometimes it did, and sometimes it didn't. One repeating pattern
with various single boys was that the visitor would play with Kirby
inside for a while and then with Marty outside for a while. Kirby
was better for action figures and games, and Marty was good for
roller blades and bikes. Even now, if one of Kirby's friends wants
to go ice skating or swimming, Marty will go with them, but Kirby won't.
Sandra
**Co-ops don't seem to be popular because they involve work. Every
time I've tried getting something together, I get many interested
families who want to drop their children off so they either have
some alone time or time with younger children. I don't want to run
a babysitting service. **
Maybe you could reframe this in your head. Having one or two girls
come to your house and do some activity with your daughter (an
activity that lets your son be peaceful in some other part of the
house) is as much them doing a favor for your family as it is you
doing a favor for their family.-=-
Yes.
And instead of thinking of it as a long-term thing (whether six
weeks, all summer, a year or forever), invite them once with an
option for a second.
Holly wanted girls to come over a few years back so we had a few My
Little Pony play sessions. There were eventually three or four, but
without saying "We will do this every Wednesday," we scheduled one,
and then another...
When my kids were little I found that inviting just one other kid
over could change the dynamics in some wonderful ways. And the
parents of onlies appreciated having a place where their kids could
play. I couldn't just leave them alone for a long time, though—I had
to be available to entertain or comfort those who weren't playing
with the guest at one point or another, when that happened.
Sometimes it did, and sometimes it didn't. One repeating pattern
with various single boys was that the visitor would play with Kirby
inside for a while and then with Marty outside for a while. Kirby
was better for action figures and games, and Marty was good for
roller blades and bikes. Even now, if one of Kirby's friends wants
to go ice skating or swimming, Marty will go with them, but Kirby won't.
Sandra
[email protected]
I read through all the posts, though I might have missed this suggestion.
If you're going someplace for just, say, and hour or so, couldn't your son
just stay home? 9 years old, I think, depending on the maturity of the kid,
is old enough to be home for an hour or so. I wouldn't do it all the time,
because then he'd be missing out on your attention, but maybe once a week?
With cell phones, and if you're not going far, this is much safer than it
used to be. If you're really feeling uncomfortable about it, maybe set it up
with an elderly neighbor that if he had a problem or needed help, he could go
to their house.
I was babysitting at age 10, for other kids in my neighborhood. Sure, my
mom was right down the street, but you would just be a phone call away. I hate
to always bring this up, but I used to work for a PD in CA, in the juvenile
section, and there was no mandated law as to how old a child had to be to
stay home. The officers/detectives said it completely depends on how
responsible the child was. (Obviously they're not talking about a 6 year old staying
home and babysitting a 2 and a 4 year old...) They said there's 8 year olds
that might even do better at home than some 15 year olds...it just depends on
the child.
We have 2 boys that often will stay home when we have to go to town (we live
in the country.) They love it! They get to watch what THEY want on TV, or
play video games uninterrupted by siblings, etc. I usually put out some
munchies for them too. They are a LITTLE older (12 and 14) but they came to us
through foster care, and their maturity level is probably that of a 10 and 12
year old. They do great, clean up their messes when I'm gone, they take
great phone messages, and they just like the feeling of being "older."
Nancy B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
If you're going someplace for just, say, and hour or so, couldn't your son
just stay home? 9 years old, I think, depending on the maturity of the kid,
is old enough to be home for an hour or so. I wouldn't do it all the time,
because then he'd be missing out on your attention, but maybe once a week?
With cell phones, and if you're not going far, this is much safer than it
used to be. If you're really feeling uncomfortable about it, maybe set it up
with an elderly neighbor that if he had a problem or needed help, he could go
to their house.
I was babysitting at age 10, for other kids in my neighborhood. Sure, my
mom was right down the street, but you would just be a phone call away. I hate
to always bring this up, but I used to work for a PD in CA, in the juvenile
section, and there was no mandated law as to how old a child had to be to
stay home. The officers/detectives said it completely depends on how
responsible the child was. (Obviously they're not talking about a 6 year old staying
home and babysitting a 2 and a 4 year old...) They said there's 8 year olds
that might even do better at home than some 15 year olds...it just depends on
the child.
We have 2 boys that often will stay home when we have to go to town (we live
in the country.) They love it! They get to watch what THEY want on TV, or
play video games uninterrupted by siblings, etc. I usually put out some
munchies for them too. They are a LITTLE older (12 and 14) but they came to us
through foster care, and their maturity level is probably that of a 10 and 12
year old. They do great, clean up their messes when I'm gone, they take
great phone messages, and they just like the feeling of being "older."
Nancy B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jessi koons
Sorry, I'm really behind on e-mails after The Great Electrified Modem Catastrophe of 2006, but I just read this and thought, Hmmm...would he enjoy bringing a small child's dome tent along? They're quick to set up, inexpensive, and could provide some enclosed space of his own in the park. Kindof contingent on the climate (probably not a great idea for daytime use if it's super hot where you live), but maybe something to work with, eh?
Jessi
freepsgal <freepsgal@...> wrote:
" Also, Jeffrey
doesn't like to play outside much (which makes park days kind of
weird since we can never stay longer than about 90 minutes). "
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jessi
freepsgal <freepsgal@...> wrote:
" Also, Jeffrey
doesn't like to play outside much (which makes park days kind of
weird since we can never stay longer than about 90 minutes). "
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-, Hmmm...would he enjoy bringing a small child's dome tent along?
They're quick to set up, inexpensive, and could provide some enclosed
space of his own in the park-=-
But other kids will want to play in it.
Our criteria for taking things to a park were "will it be something
to fight over?"
That's a criteria for most things in my life. <g>
And there's an argument for saying things worth fighting over are
good things, but if the goal is to create peace in a certain
situation, it's a good consideration.
Maybe taking two little tents, one for privacy and one for sharing,
is a possibility. They're cheap on sale sometimes; $15 or $25 off
season.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
They're quick to set up, inexpensive, and could provide some enclosed
space of his own in the park-=-
But other kids will want to play in it.
Our criteria for taking things to a park were "will it be something
to fight over?"
That's a criteria for most things in my life. <g>
And there's an argument for saying things worth fighting over are
good things, but if the goal is to create peace in a certain
situation, it's a good consideration.
Maybe taking two little tents, one for privacy and one for sharing,
is a possibility. They're cheap on sale sometimes; $15 or $25 off
season.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-a small child's dome tent-=-
Oh! I was thinking a real dome tent, like two people can sleep in.
Those are probably less expensive than tents designed specifically
for kids.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Oh! I was thinking a real dome tent, like two people can sleep in.
Those are probably less expensive than tents designed specifically
for kids.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jessi koons
Well, yeah, it's like an adult one but smaller. Actually, I think it's called a junior dome tent. I have one, as I'm a short adult, and it was only $12 or so. It's about 5'3" diameter. But your point stands: other kids would want to play in it. So maybe that'd be more fun for the super-social than the avoiding-social. :)
Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote: .
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote: .
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Gold Standard
The kid's age that is.
This week I realized that my role as "parent who unschools" is very
different from a few years ago.
This light bulb happened as my 14 yo daughter was planning to make deviled
eggs for 4th of July. I've never made them before. She asked me to go to the
store to get some olives. I said sure, and was there anything else in the
recipe that we might not have. She said she was doing it from her head, had
no recipe, and she was pretty sure. I asked if she would like me to print
out a recipe from the internet to make sure, and she said no, she was really
sure. So I trusted and got just the olives and a few things others wanted.
But I hate to say that it was really HARD not to look up a recipe to make
sure. I didn't want to go to the store a 2nd time, and I wanted her to have
success with her eggs.
In the not-too-distant past, if my child had an interest in cooking
something I would jump on the internet, pull out the cookbooks, etc. show
them things that I thought would help/interest them. I would be a superior
resource for them.
I realized that my older three children (ages 17, 16 and 14) have needed
something different than that over the last few years. They certainly still
need and want me to be there and listen and support them, but more often
THEY want to be the resource...the one who checks out what is going on
locally, cruises the internet, gains the information. Sometimes they prefer
that I don't even know too much about it...they want to be the resource.
Watching them step into roles of more responsibility and maturity is such a
joy and privilege. They are becoming more adult than child. Maybe it seems
like an obvious thing, but as it has and is happening here, it just hit home
the difference in my role as a parent with them.
It takes great cognizance sometimes to follow the shifting role that our
kids need us to be. But SO worth it!
I have yet to see the required "rebelliousness" of teenhood, btw. :oP
(that's me sticking my tongue out at society).
And the deviled eggs were DELICIOUS!!!
Jacki
This week I realized that my role as "parent who unschools" is very
different from a few years ago.
This light bulb happened as my 14 yo daughter was planning to make deviled
eggs for 4th of July. I've never made them before. She asked me to go to the
store to get some olives. I said sure, and was there anything else in the
recipe that we might not have. She said she was doing it from her head, had
no recipe, and she was pretty sure. I asked if she would like me to print
out a recipe from the internet to make sure, and she said no, she was really
sure. So I trusted and got just the olives and a few things others wanted.
But I hate to say that it was really HARD not to look up a recipe to make
sure. I didn't want to go to the store a 2nd time, and I wanted her to have
success with her eggs.
In the not-too-distant past, if my child had an interest in cooking
something I would jump on the internet, pull out the cookbooks, etc. show
them things that I thought would help/interest them. I would be a superior
resource for them.
I realized that my older three children (ages 17, 16 and 14) have needed
something different than that over the last few years. They certainly still
need and want me to be there and listen and support them, but more often
THEY want to be the resource...the one who checks out what is going on
locally, cruises the internet, gains the information. Sometimes they prefer
that I don't even know too much about it...they want to be the resource.
Watching them step into roles of more responsibility and maturity is such a
joy and privilege. They are becoming more adult than child. Maybe it seems
like an obvious thing, but as it has and is happening here, it just hit home
the difference in my role as a parent with them.
It takes great cognizance sometimes to follow the shifting role that our
kids need us to be. But SO worth it!
I have yet to see the required "rebelliousness" of teenhood, btw. :oP
(that's me sticking my tongue out at society).
And the deviled eggs were DELICIOUS!!!
Jacki
Sandra Dodd
-=-This light bulb happened as my 14 yo daughter was planning to make
deviled
eggs for 4th of July. I've never made them before. She asked me to go
to the
store to get some olives. I said sure, and was there anything else in
the
recipe that we might not have. She said she was doing it from her
head, had
no recipe, and she was pretty sure.-=-
Kirby's first deviled eggs were similarly scary for me, and had a
result that made me really feel anxious and wrong. Way too much
emotion for deviled eggs, THAT's for sure!
Everything was fine, but when he got them arranged on the platter, he
knew he had seen them with red stuff sprinkled on, but didn't ask (I
think we had left the house for a while, the adults) WHAT. Didn't
look it up. Used cayenne pepper.
Now I know that's wrong. It's not right. It's not paprika. Paprika
is the red stuff on deviled eggs. That's the way it's supposed to be.
Honestly, it was good. It was weird (for me), but it tasted fine!
-=-shifting with age... The kid's age that is.-=-
I think even if kids could stay the same age, our view of the
situation would shift with our own age. Interestingly (and
confusingly), we both get older at the very same rate of speed�not
the same growth curve, because my kids' ages have doubled over and
over and mine hasn't (not in their lifetimes, not yet).
All in all, this made me want deviled eggs. And I'm visiting a
friend who broke her ankle dancing (Ramona King, in a storytelling
and African drumming/dance show at the zoo, for those who know her or
that show), and I think she probably NEEDS deviled eggs. How could
she not?
Thanks for the idea (and for the good story, too).
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
deviled
eggs for 4th of July. I've never made them before. She asked me to go
to the
store to get some olives. I said sure, and was there anything else in
the
recipe that we might not have. She said she was doing it from her
head, had
no recipe, and she was pretty sure.-=-
Kirby's first deviled eggs were similarly scary for me, and had a
result that made me really feel anxious and wrong. Way too much
emotion for deviled eggs, THAT's for sure!
Everything was fine, but when he got them arranged on the platter, he
knew he had seen them with red stuff sprinkled on, but didn't ask (I
think we had left the house for a while, the adults) WHAT. Didn't
look it up. Used cayenne pepper.
Now I know that's wrong. It's not right. It's not paprika. Paprika
is the red stuff on deviled eggs. That's the way it's supposed to be.
Honestly, it was good. It was weird (for me), but it tasted fine!
-=-shifting with age... The kid's age that is.-=-
I think even if kids could stay the same age, our view of the
situation would shift with our own age. Interestingly (and
confusingly), we both get older at the very same rate of speed�not
the same growth curve, because my kids' ages have doubled over and
over and mine hasn't (not in their lifetimes, not yet).
All in all, this made me want deviled eggs. And I'm visiting a
friend who broke her ankle dancing (Ramona King, in a storytelling
and African drumming/dance show at the zoo, for those who know her or
that show), and I think she probably NEEDS deviled eggs. How could
she not?
Thanks for the idea (and for the good story, too).
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
We were there to enjoy Kirby's deviled-egg-making! The cayenne pepper
was really GOOD on them - much better than colored dust (paprika -
which tastes a little like dirt, to me, anyway). He got rave reviews
and came back for an encore - made them again!
Sandra was bothered by the use of cayenne pepper and not paprika -
that was clear. But it was very interesting to me to see how Kirby
was calm and happy anyway - lots of kids would have felt like they'd
totally blown the whole thing if mom came in late and told them the
red stuff was supposed to have been paprika. Not Kirby. Not anybody
else.
And, yes, I'm about to go put a pot of eggs on to boil AND we will
probably put cayenne pepper on at least half of them - Kirby-style!
-pam
was really GOOD on them - much better than colored dust (paprika -
which tastes a little like dirt, to me, anyway). He got rave reviews
and came back for an encore - made them again!
Sandra was bothered by the use of cayenne pepper and not paprika -
that was clear. But it was very interesting to me to see how Kirby
was calm and happy anyway - lots of kids would have felt like they'd
totally blown the whole thing if mom came in late and told them the
red stuff was supposed to have been paprika. Not Kirby. Not anybody
else.
And, yes, I'm about to go put a pot of eggs on to boil AND we will
probably put cayenne pepper on at least half of them - Kirby-style!
-pam
On Jul 7, 2006, at 11:04 AM, Sandra Dodd wrote:
> All in all, this made me want deviled eggs. And I'm visiting a
> friend who broke her ankle dancing (Ramona King, in a storytelling
> and African drumming/dance show at the zoo, for those who know her or
> that show), and I think she probably NEEDS deviled eggs. How could
> she not?
>
> Thanks for the idea (and for the good story, too).
Unschooling shirts, cups, bumper stickers, bags...
Live Love Learn
UNSCHOOL!
<http://www.cafepress.com/livelovelearn>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Gold Standard
-=-shifting with age... The kid's age that is.-=-
Thanks,
Jacki
>>I think even if kids could stay the same age, our view of theGreat point!
>>situation would shift with our own age. Interestingly (and
>>confusingly), we both get older at the very same rate of speednot
>>the same growth curve, because my kids' ages have doubled over and
>>over and mine hasn't (not in their lifetimes, not yet).<<
Thanks,
Jacki
Cally Brown
Sandra Dodd wrote:
ruptured hamstring as a result of an African drumming / dancing workshop
at a homeschool summer camp years ago!
Cally
> And I'm visiting aah - give her my love and sympathy - I ended up in plaster with a
>friend who broke her ankle dancing (Ramona King, in a storytelling
>and African drumming/dance show at the zoo, for those who know her or
>that show), and I think she probably NEEDS deviled eggs. How could
>she not?
>
ruptured hamstring as a result of an African drumming / dancing workshop
at a homeschool summer camp years ago!
Cally
Ren Allen
~Maybe it seems like an obvious thing, but as it has and is happening
here, it just hit home the difference in my role as a parent with them.~
About the 100th time one of my kids said "watch this Mom" while we
were visiting the Lovejoys, I joked about my role as an unschooling
parent.
I decided that from birth to around 5years, my job was to carry and
follow.
From about 5-12 y.o. I am supposed to watch everything new they do.
And as they get older, I am relegated to idea bouncer-offer and driver.
That's my life stages as a parent, in a nutshell.;)
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
here, it just hit home the difference in my role as a parent with them.~
About the 100th time one of my kids said "watch this Mom" while we
were visiting the Lovejoys, I joked about my role as an unschooling
parent.
I decided that from birth to around 5years, my job was to carry and
follow.
From about 5-12 y.o. I am supposed to watch everything new they do.
And as they get older, I am relegated to idea bouncer-offer and driver.
That's my life stages as a parent, in a nutshell.;)
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Sandra Dodd
-=-From about 5-12 y.o. I am supposed to watch everything new they do.
And as they get older, I am relegated to idea bouncer-offer and
driver.-=-
Mine are all past twelve now.
Some of my jobs with teens:
--help make sure the automobiles are operational (Keith does almost
all of that, but I let him know when something seems to need
attention, and the boys often put gasoline in cars, but sometimes one
is low on gas when the driver is low on money, so one of us will fill
it up or I lend a credit card to the next driver out.)
--see that they own the right clothes for their jobs, and usually I
do the laundry put them back in their rooms. From the viewpoint of
education, I see that they're in situations where they're learning
all kinds of things they couldn't learn at home, AND getting paid,and
so I support that by putting the things they are required to wear
where they can get to them. I *could* "make them" do their own
laundry, but there will be years and years of doing their own
laundry. This is an investment in my grandchildren not being made to
do their own laundry when they're little (or teens) and could better
spend that time doing things that only kids (and teens) can do with
such joy and newness. Laundry can be for older folks.
--get them whatever physical and medical and safety info/appointments
they need before they're grown and either it's too late (braces,
knowledge of birth control) or they're no longer on our insurance.
--hear their stories of the words, actions and attitudes of other
teens and young adults, and help them understand why people would act
in ways they don't understand.
I like consciously being appreciative of their being here. I know
the scripts and justifications for pushing kids out, and I want to
NOT do that. When they leave I hope it will be a hard decision, made
after much thought and for excellent reasons. Too many kids are out
just because the calendar said "birth year + 18." They're out and
unprepared and unwilling, or maybe relieved to be in a precarious
position because home was either even more precarious, or flat out
unsafe and unwelcoming.
I don't know if this is the endgame, or if there are many more phases
to come. It's the endgame of unschooling, though, if not of
parenting. Kirby's past the age of compulsory attendance. Marty is
nearly 18. Holly might take driver's ed before the end of the year.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
And as they get older, I am relegated to idea bouncer-offer and
driver.-=-
Mine are all past twelve now.
Some of my jobs with teens:
--help make sure the automobiles are operational (Keith does almost
all of that, but I let him know when something seems to need
attention, and the boys often put gasoline in cars, but sometimes one
is low on gas when the driver is low on money, so one of us will fill
it up or I lend a credit card to the next driver out.)
--see that they own the right clothes for their jobs, and usually I
do the laundry put them back in their rooms. From the viewpoint of
education, I see that they're in situations where they're learning
all kinds of things they couldn't learn at home, AND getting paid,and
so I support that by putting the things they are required to wear
where they can get to them. I *could* "make them" do their own
laundry, but there will be years and years of doing their own
laundry. This is an investment in my grandchildren not being made to
do their own laundry when they're little (or teens) and could better
spend that time doing things that only kids (and teens) can do with
such joy and newness. Laundry can be for older folks.
--get them whatever physical and medical and safety info/appointments
they need before they're grown and either it's too late (braces,
knowledge of birth control) or they're no longer on our insurance.
--hear their stories of the words, actions and attitudes of other
teens and young adults, and help them understand why people would act
in ways they don't understand.
I like consciously being appreciative of their being here. I know
the scripts and justifications for pushing kids out, and I want to
NOT do that. When they leave I hope it will be a hard decision, made
after much thought and for excellent reasons. Too many kids are out
just because the calendar said "birth year + 18." They're out and
unprepared and unwilling, or maybe relieved to be in a precarious
position because home was either even more precarious, or flat out
unsafe and unwelcoming.
I don't know if this is the endgame, or if there are many more phases
to come. It's the endgame of unschooling, though, if not of
parenting. Kirby's past the age of compulsory attendance. Marty is
nearly 18. Holly might take driver's ed before the end of the year.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
patricia tidmore
This is an email from Sandra who taught school and now is an advocate for unschooling about teens.
Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote: -=-From about 5-12 y.o. I am supposed to watch everything new they do.
And as they get older, I am relegated to idea bouncer-offer and
driver.-=-
Mine are all past twelve now.
Some of my jobs with teens:
--help make sure the automobiles are operational (Keith does almost
all of that, but I let him know when something seems to need
attention, and the boys often put gasoline in cars, but sometimes one
is low on gas when the driver is low on money, so one of us will fill
it up or I lend a credit card to the next driver out.)
--see that they own the right clothes for their jobs, and usually I
do the laundry put them back in their rooms. From the viewpoint of
education, I see that they're in situations where they're learning
all kinds of things they couldn't learn at home, AND getting paid,and
so I support that by putting the things they are required to wear
where they can get to them. I *could* "make them" do their own
laundry, but there will be years and years of doing their own
laundry. This is an investment in my grandchildren not being made to
do their own laundry when they're little (or teens) and could better
spend that time doing things that only kids (and teens) can do with
such joy and newness. Laundry can be for older folks.
--get them whatever physical and medical and safety info/appointments
they need before they're grown and either it's too late (braces,
knowledge of birth control) or they're no longer on our insurance.
--hear their stories of the words, actions and attitudes of other
teens and young adults, and help them understand why people would act
in ways they don't understand.
I like consciously being appreciative of their being here. I know
the scripts and justifications for pushing kids out, and I want to
NOT do that. When they leave I hope it will be a hard decision, made
after much thought and for excellent reasons. Too many kids are out
just because the calendar said "birth year + 18." They're out and
unprepared and unwilling, or maybe relieved to be in a precarious
position because home was either even more precarious, or flat out
unsafe and unwelcoming.
I don't know if this is the endgame, or if there are many more phases
to come. It's the endgame of unschooling, though, if not of
parenting. Kirby's past the age of compulsory attendance. Marty is
nearly 18. Holly might take driver's ed before the end of the year.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
---------------------------------
Sneak preview the all-new Yahoo.com. It's not radically different. Just radically better.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote: -=-From about 5-12 y.o. I am supposed to watch everything new they do.
And as they get older, I am relegated to idea bouncer-offer and
driver.-=-
Mine are all past twelve now.
Some of my jobs with teens:
--help make sure the automobiles are operational (Keith does almost
all of that, but I let him know when something seems to need
attention, and the boys often put gasoline in cars, but sometimes one
is low on gas when the driver is low on money, so one of us will fill
it up or I lend a credit card to the next driver out.)
--see that they own the right clothes for their jobs, and usually I
do the laundry put them back in their rooms. From the viewpoint of
education, I see that they're in situations where they're learning
all kinds of things they couldn't learn at home, AND getting paid,and
so I support that by putting the things they are required to wear
where they can get to them. I *could* "make them" do their own
laundry, but there will be years and years of doing their own
laundry. This is an investment in my grandchildren not being made to
do their own laundry when they're little (or teens) and could better
spend that time doing things that only kids (and teens) can do with
such joy and newness. Laundry can be for older folks.
--get them whatever physical and medical and safety info/appointments
they need before they're grown and either it's too late (braces,
knowledge of birth control) or they're no longer on our insurance.
--hear their stories of the words, actions and attitudes of other
teens and young adults, and help them understand why people would act
in ways they don't understand.
I like consciously being appreciative of their being here. I know
the scripts and justifications for pushing kids out, and I want to
NOT do that. When they leave I hope it will be a hard decision, made
after much thought and for excellent reasons. Too many kids are out
just because the calendar said "birth year + 18." They're out and
unprepared and unwilling, or maybe relieved to be in a precarious
position because home was either even more precarious, or flat out
unsafe and unwelcoming.
I don't know if this is the endgame, or if there are many more phases
to come. It's the endgame of unschooling, though, if not of
parenting. Kirby's past the age of compulsory attendance. Marty is
nearly 18. Holly might take driver's ed before the end of the year.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
---------------------------------
Sneak preview the all-new Yahoo.com. It's not radically different. Just radically better.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
patricia tidmore
OOOooooops! So sorry I was trying to forward this to my DIL who is trying to "get"unschooling!
patricia tidmore <ptidmore1117@...> wrote:
This is an email from Sandra who taught school and now is an advocate for unschooling about teens.
Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote: -=-From about 5-12 y.o. I am supposed to watch everything new they do.
And as they get older, I am relegated to idea bouncer-offer and
driver.-=-
Mine are all past twelve now.
Some of my jobs with teens:
--help make sure the automobiles are operational (Keith does almost
all of that, but I let him know when something seems to need
attention, and the boys often put gasoline in cars, but sometimes one
is low on gas when the driver is low on money, so one of us will fill
it up or I lend a credit card to the next driver out.)
--see that they own the right clothes for their jobs, and usually I
do the laundry put them back in their rooms. From the viewpoint of
education, I see that they're in situations where they're learning
all kinds of things they couldn't learn at home, AND getting paid,and
so I support that by putting the things they are required to wear
where they can get to them. I *could* "make them" do their own
laundry, but there will be years and years of doing their own
laundry. This is an investment in my grandchildren not being made to
do their own laundry when they're little (or teens) and could better
spend that time doing things that only kids (and teens) can do with
such joy and newness. Laundry can be for older folks.
--get them whatever physical and medical and safety info/appointments
they need before they're grown and either it's too late (braces,
knowledge of birth control) or they're no longer on our insurance.
--hear their stories of the words, actions and attitudes of other
teens and young adults, and help them understand why people would act
in ways they don't understand.
I like consciously being appreciative of their being here. I know
the scripts and justifications for pushing kids out, and I want to
NOT do that. When they leave I hope it will be a hard decision, made
after much thought and for excellent reasons. Too many kids are out
just because the calendar said "birth year + 18." They're out and
unprepared and unwilling, or maybe relieved to be in a precarious
position because home was either even more precarious, or flat out
unsafe and unwelcoming.
I don't know if this is the endgame, or if there are many more phases
to come. It's the endgame of unschooling, though, if not of
parenting. Kirby's past the age of compulsory attendance. Marty is
nearly 18. Holly might take driver's ed before the end of the year.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
---------------------------------
Sneak preview the all-new Yahoo.com. It's not radically different. Just radically better.
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Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. Make PC-to-Phone Calls to the US (and 30+ countries) for 2¢/min or less.
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patricia tidmore <ptidmore1117@...> wrote:
This is an email from Sandra who taught school and now is an advocate for unschooling about teens.
Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote: -=-From about 5-12 y.o. I am supposed to watch everything new they do.
And as they get older, I am relegated to idea bouncer-offer and
driver.-=-
Mine are all past twelve now.
Some of my jobs with teens:
--help make sure the automobiles are operational (Keith does almost
all of that, but I let him know when something seems to need
attention, and the boys often put gasoline in cars, but sometimes one
is low on gas when the driver is low on money, so one of us will fill
it up or I lend a credit card to the next driver out.)
--see that they own the right clothes for their jobs, and usually I
do the laundry put them back in their rooms. From the viewpoint of
education, I see that they're in situations where they're learning
all kinds of things they couldn't learn at home, AND getting paid,and
so I support that by putting the things they are required to wear
where they can get to them. I *could* "make them" do their own
laundry, but there will be years and years of doing their own
laundry. This is an investment in my grandchildren not being made to
do their own laundry when they're little (or teens) and could better
spend that time doing things that only kids (and teens) can do with
such joy and newness. Laundry can be for older folks.
--get them whatever physical and medical and safety info/appointments
they need before they're grown and either it's too late (braces,
knowledge of birth control) or they're no longer on our insurance.
--hear their stories of the words, actions and attitudes of other
teens and young adults, and help them understand why people would act
in ways they don't understand.
I like consciously being appreciative of their being here. I know
the scripts and justifications for pushing kids out, and I want to
NOT do that. When they leave I hope it will be a hard decision, made
after much thought and for excellent reasons. Too many kids are out
just because the calendar said "birth year + 18." They're out and
unprepared and unwilling, or maybe relieved to be in a precarious
position because home was either even more precarious, or flat out
unsafe and unwelcoming.
I don't know if this is the endgame, or if there are many more phases
to come. It's the endgame of unschooling, though, if not of
parenting. Kirby's past the age of compulsory attendance. Marty is
nearly 18. Holly might take driver's ed before the end of the year.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
---------------------------------
Sneak preview the all-new Yahoo.com. It's not radically different. Just radically better.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
---------------------------------
Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. Make PC-to-Phone Calls to the US (and 30+ countries) for 2¢/min or less.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-OOOooooops! So sorry I was trying to forward this to my DIL who is
trying to "get"unschooling!
-=-
That's okay.
I thought of another one. Or rather another one happened yesterday.
Kirby was leaving for a job interview and I walked him out. He's
more charismatic than I am and does really well in first-impression
situations so I didn't say a word about the regular interview
coaching stuff. What I did tell him is that even if he doesn't get
this position, that the interview still serves a good purpose.
Sometimes they know who they're going to hire and are interviewing as
a formality or technicality, but they still get to know him better
and he'll be a step ahead the next time.
I might not have thought to say that but I used to work where we were
required to interview three people to promote. Even if it was an
inside promotion, we had to interview two other applicants, because
it was a state job (at the records office at the university, where I
worked for a year and a half after I stopped teaching). Sometimes
we filled the lower spot with one of those interviewed. That's kind
of a bummer, to apply for one job and be offered a lower one, and
sometimes they were interested and sometimes they weren't.
That kind of comes under conversation, though, so I guess it's not a
separate kind of mom-duty. <g>
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
trying to "get"unschooling!
-=-
That's okay.
I thought of another one. Or rather another one happened yesterday.
Kirby was leaving for a job interview and I walked him out. He's
more charismatic than I am and does really well in first-impression
situations so I didn't say a word about the regular interview
coaching stuff. What I did tell him is that even if he doesn't get
this position, that the interview still serves a good purpose.
Sometimes they know who they're going to hire and are interviewing as
a formality or technicality, but they still get to know him better
and he'll be a step ahead the next time.
I might not have thought to say that but I used to work where we were
required to interview three people to promote. Even if it was an
inside promotion, we had to interview two other applicants, because
it was a state job (at the records office at the university, where I
worked for a year and a half after I stopped teaching). Sometimes
we filled the lower spot with one of those interviewed. That's kind
of a bummer, to apply for one job and be offered a lower one, and
sometimes they were interested and sometimes they weren't.
That kind of comes under conversation, though, so I guess it's not a
separate kind of mom-duty. <g>
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]