Re: twins
Jessica
Hi Janice:
Mine are 11! When they were young toddlers, we had problems with them fighting over toys...we couldn't convince them to share, etc... after a while, I came to the conclusion that matching their favorites was the way to go... boy was that like magic! When the 2nd wooden lawnmower/vaccum toy (don't know what it's called, you roll it around on the floor, it has balls in a sort of cage)... arrived, I pulled the 2nd one out of hiding & gave the boys both toys... after that the fighting dropped tremendously... to the point where one boy would pick up both toys & give the other to his brother... that was SOOO sweet.
They're older now & we can negotiate, etc... and they're very different: look in their crayon box to see: one boy has his gold & silver down to stubs & the other has his gold & silver unused! (First time I saw this, I laughed! :) ) Ask them a question, 2 different answers... different interests, goals, etc... fiercely loyal & occasionally they have fights, which we have to help out with, something I'm still learning about since we didn't start out this way... we did AP with the twins (the first 3 months or so they were more or less always latched on), family bed until they were ready to sleep in their own beds & they share a full...
Cheers,
Jessica
http://weavingrainbow.com/HSblog (yes I know I need to update!)
Mine are 11! When they were young toddlers, we had problems with them fighting over toys...we couldn't convince them to share, etc... after a while, I came to the conclusion that matching their favorites was the way to go... boy was that like magic! When the 2nd wooden lawnmower/vaccum toy (don't know what it's called, you roll it around on the floor, it has balls in a sort of cage)... arrived, I pulled the 2nd one out of hiding & gave the boys both toys... after that the fighting dropped tremendously... to the point where one boy would pick up both toys & give the other to his brother... that was SOOO sweet.
They're older now & we can negotiate, etc... and they're very different: look in their crayon box to see: one boy has his gold & silver down to stubs & the other has his gold & silver unused! (First time I saw this, I laughed! :) ) Ask them a question, 2 different answers... different interests, goals, etc... fiercely loyal & occasionally they have fights, which we have to help out with, something I'm still learning about since we didn't start out this way... we did AP with the twins (the first 3 months or so they were more or less always latched on), family bed until they were ready to sleep in their own beds & they share a full...
> Anyone elseWe have 2 younger ones (8 and almost 5) and as babies/toddlers they were just different... everyone is pretty close, but the younger 2 were almost like "vacation babies" because there was just one...was easier to move around, could easily wear in a sling, etc... I was able to take my oldest 3 out when the twins were 3, though I PREFERRED having another adult around, but it wasn't critical...
> experiencing twins???
Cheers,
Jessica
http://weavingrainbow.com/HSblog (yes I know I need to update!)
Janet
<<Mine are 11! When they were young toddlers, we had problems with them
fighting over toys...we couldn't convince them to share, etc... after a
while, I came to the conclusion that matching their favorites was the way to
go... boy was that like magic! When the 2nd wooden lawnmower/vaccum toy
(don't know what it's called, you roll it around on the floor, it has balls
in a sort of cage)... arrived, I pulled the 2nd one out of hiding & gave the
boys both toys... after that the fighting dropped tremendously... to the
point where one boy would pick up both toys & give the other to his
brother... that was SOOO sweet.>>
So you would have a certain toy put away, they didn't know about it, and
when you got an identical one, you would pull the other out? I didn't quite
understand that. Yes, they always want the same thing. But when they're
shopping they always want to pick out something different. When they're
home seeing what the other has, then they want it. I will say that BG
picked this out, do you want the same thing. Usually they have their eye on
something else. But after playing for a while they want the other thing. I
guess what I see is they are at the same level. I can't say to one, you're
a little older (8 minutes doesn't make much difference) and could you do
this for your little sister. Frankly, I think I need a clone.
<<They're older now & we can negotiate, etc... and they're very different:
look in their crayon box to see: one boy has his gold & silver down to stubs
& the other has his gold & silver unused! (First time I saw this, I laughed!
:) ) Ask them a question, 2 different answers... different interests, goals,
etc... fiercely loyal & occasionally they have fights, which we have to help
out with, something I'm still learning about since we didn't start out this
way... we did AP with the twins (the first 3 months or so they were more or
less always latched on), family bed until they were ready to sleep in their
own beds & they share a full...>>
I like the occasionally they have fights. As Sandra said being 5 has an
expiration date. We figured out AP on our own after our first was born and
none of my mil's advice worked very well - let them cry - from the first
didn't feel right. It was harder with the twins. Also, the younger, BG,
had a stricture in her esophagaus that wasn't detected until she was 15 mos.
She would nurse every hour to hour and a half. She cried what seemed like
constantly. My husband was at work so there was only me. My older helped a
lot. She loves her little sisters. But it was hard. Abby, the older one,
didn't get the holding and cuddling that her sister did. BG had 4 surgeries
to correct the problem. After that she could actually eat - what a
difference. Abby sleeps with Abra (8) usually and BG sleeps with Hannah
(16). By morning BG's usually in my bed. They did that around the time
they turned 4.
They are so intense. When Hannah and Rachael would fight (2 yrs apart) it
was never with this intensity. Different personalities too besides the twin
factor. My sil with a masters in special education tells me they hold each
other back. Being cognitively at the same level the pull each other down
instead of one pulling the other up. She was trying to prove they needed to
be in pre-school. Seems to me she shot her own theory. Lol. But I have to
admit the dynamics are completely different.
Janet
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fighting over toys...we couldn't convince them to share, etc... after a
while, I came to the conclusion that matching their favorites was the way to
go... boy was that like magic! When the 2nd wooden lawnmower/vaccum toy
(don't know what it's called, you roll it around on the floor, it has balls
in a sort of cage)... arrived, I pulled the 2nd one out of hiding & gave the
boys both toys... after that the fighting dropped tremendously... to the
point where one boy would pick up both toys & give the other to his
brother... that was SOOO sweet.>>
So you would have a certain toy put away, they didn't know about it, and
when you got an identical one, you would pull the other out? I didn't quite
understand that. Yes, they always want the same thing. But when they're
shopping they always want to pick out something different. When they're
home seeing what the other has, then they want it. I will say that BG
picked this out, do you want the same thing. Usually they have their eye on
something else. But after playing for a while they want the other thing. I
guess what I see is they are at the same level. I can't say to one, you're
a little older (8 minutes doesn't make much difference) and could you do
this for your little sister. Frankly, I think I need a clone.
<<They're older now & we can negotiate, etc... and they're very different:
look in their crayon box to see: one boy has his gold & silver down to stubs
& the other has his gold & silver unused! (First time I saw this, I laughed!
:) ) Ask them a question, 2 different answers... different interests, goals,
etc... fiercely loyal & occasionally they have fights, which we have to help
out with, something I'm still learning about since we didn't start out this
way... we did AP with the twins (the first 3 months or so they were more or
less always latched on), family bed until they were ready to sleep in their
own beds & they share a full...>>
I like the occasionally they have fights. As Sandra said being 5 has an
expiration date. We figured out AP on our own after our first was born and
none of my mil's advice worked very well - let them cry - from the first
didn't feel right. It was harder with the twins. Also, the younger, BG,
had a stricture in her esophagaus that wasn't detected until she was 15 mos.
She would nurse every hour to hour and a half. She cried what seemed like
constantly. My husband was at work so there was only me. My older helped a
lot. She loves her little sisters. But it was hard. Abby, the older one,
didn't get the holding and cuddling that her sister did. BG had 4 surgeries
to correct the problem. After that she could actually eat - what a
difference. Abby sleeps with Abra (8) usually and BG sleeps with Hannah
(16). By morning BG's usually in my bed. They did that around the time
they turned 4.
They are so intense. When Hannah and Rachael would fight (2 yrs apart) it
was never with this intensity. Different personalities too besides the twin
factor. My sil with a masters in special education tells me they hold each
other back. Being cognitively at the same level the pull each other down
instead of one pulling the other up. She was trying to prove they needed to
be in pre-school. Seems to me she shot her own theory. Lol. But I have to
admit the dynamics are completely different.
Janet
_____
YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
* Visit your group "AlwaysLearning
<http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysLearning> " on the web.
* To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
<mailto:[email protected]?subject=Unsubscribe>
* Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo!
<http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/> Terms of Service.
_____
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
On Apr 28, 2006, at 7:56 AM, Janet wrote:
justifying your current attitudes, maybe really try out some of the
ideas people are suggesting.
The first year I was ever in on unschooling discussions online, when
unschooling didn't have its own places, a mom with twins was
bemoaning the "fact" that her children needed to be kept together and
neither could have privileges the others didn't have. Hers were a
boy and a girl, and they were about 8 at the time she wrote. Her big
problem was that the girl liked the English workbooks and wanted to
work ahead, but her brother didn't like them and would rather do math.
She argued against suggestions that she could just let the girl do
all the English-workbook she wanted to, and not worry about keeping
them "even."
Her response was that we had no idea what we were talking about
because we didn't have twins.
I've known lots of twins, and had twin cousins. Another cousin grew
up with me, and we were within a year of age and in the same grade,
and my mom very often bought us matching clothes in different colors
(and another smaller matched set for my sister and her sister, who
were also in the same grade.
At Christmas, my mom would get all four of us the same gifts. It
wasn't much fun, because if I saw someone else open an Etch-a-Sketch
or a stuffed monkey, I knew I was going to get one too. That was
her solution to the problem of how to figure out how to help us
share. She just didn't.
I've seen how twin situations can be made worse; I've seen lots of that.
Sandra
> I will say that BGMaybe you could just stop treating them like clones. Instead of
> picked this out, do you want the same thing. Usually they have
> their eye on
> something else. But after playing for a while they want the other
> thing. I
> guess what I see is they are at the same level. I can't say to
> one, you're
> a little older (8 minutes doesn't make much difference) and could
> you do
> this for your little sister. Frankly, I think I need a clone.
justifying your current attitudes, maybe really try out some of the
ideas people are suggesting.
The first year I was ever in on unschooling discussions online, when
unschooling didn't have its own places, a mom with twins was
bemoaning the "fact" that her children needed to be kept together and
neither could have privileges the others didn't have. Hers were a
boy and a girl, and they were about 8 at the time she wrote. Her big
problem was that the girl liked the English workbooks and wanted to
work ahead, but her brother didn't like them and would rather do math.
She argued against suggestions that she could just let the girl do
all the English-workbook she wanted to, and not worry about keeping
them "even."
Her response was that we had no idea what we were talking about
because we didn't have twins.
I've known lots of twins, and had twin cousins. Another cousin grew
up with me, and we were within a year of age and in the same grade,
and my mom very often bought us matching clothes in different colors
(and another smaller matched set for my sister and her sister, who
were also in the same grade.
At Christmas, my mom would get all four of us the same gifts. It
wasn't much fun, because if I saw someone else open an Etch-a-Sketch
or a stuffed monkey, I knew I was going to get one too. That was
her solution to the problem of how to figure out how to help us
share. She just didn't.
I've seen how twin situations can be made worse; I've seen lots of that.
Sandra
Pamela Sorooshian
It occurred to me that parents might have expectations about twins
that they wouldn't have about other siblings - especially in
expecting them to share toys and sharing parents' time.
So - maybe too much sharing is being expected and it would be good to
try thinking whether you'd expect that kind of sharing if one was 4
and the other 6, instead of both being 5.
-pam
that they wouldn't have about other siblings - especially in
expecting them to share toys and sharing parents' time.
So - maybe too much sharing is being expected and it would be good to
try thinking whether you'd expect that kind of sharing if one was 4
and the other 6, instead of both being 5.
-pam