Hello,
Bridget
Hello,My name is Bridget,I am new to this group.I decided to unschool
my two youngest,Moe who is almost three,and Mimi who will be two this
fall. I also have a grown son Nick who will be 22yrs old soon,(wow how
time flies).The decision to unschool was an easy one and I certainly
have the support of my friends and family.I have gone to the many
links suggested,I have read many articles and am in the process of
reading through a mountain of books.I realise though it is the process
itself that will teach me the most.I am astounded by how much sage
advice you can gleen from this site. I have two questions.My son often
pulls his sister's hair.I do not condone spanking.I have tried time-
outs(one minute for each year),and my sons cries and cries so much
that I feel they are perhaps not the ideal method either,any
suggestions?Second question,how do you respond to people who question
your decision to unschool.I can recite stats,I can choose to ignore
the question, I suggests sites they can visit,books they can read but
I sometimes feel ambushed by others who feel their need to tell me
what I am doing is wrong.I do not want come off flip either since
these are my fellow collegues and I do not want to risk alienating
them needlessly,I am a nurse and team work is essential.Thank-you
my two youngest,Moe who is almost three,and Mimi who will be two this
fall. I also have a grown son Nick who will be 22yrs old soon,(wow how
time flies).The decision to unschool was an easy one and I certainly
have the support of my friends and family.I have gone to the many
links suggested,I have read many articles and am in the process of
reading through a mountain of books.I realise though it is the process
itself that will teach me the most.I am astounded by how much sage
advice you can gleen from this site. I have two questions.My son often
pulls his sister's hair.I do not condone spanking.I have tried time-
outs(one minute for each year),and my sons cries and cries so much
that I feel they are perhaps not the ideal method either,any
suggestions?Second question,how do you respond to people who question
your decision to unschool.I can recite stats,I can choose to ignore
the question, I suggests sites they can visit,books they can read but
I sometimes feel ambushed by others who feel their need to tell me
what I am doing is wrong.I do not want come off flip either since
these are my fellow collegues and I do not want to risk alienating
them needlessly,I am a nurse and team work is essential.Thank-you
Sandra Dodd
On Apr 18, 2006, at 6:50 AM, Bridget wrote:
Is he just curious? Jealous of her? Can you offer to let him pull
your hair instead, and then just talk to him about how it can be
scary or hurt for someone to pull your hair?
Some of the ideas here might help:
http://sandradodd.com/peace/fighting
Picking her up and comforting her physically while you talk to him
calmly about not doing that would be my recommendation, but look at
what's happening before he pulls her hair. Is he expecting her to
communicate better? Maybe talk about how he can get her attention in
nicer ways. (I'm thinking of how I talked to kids about how to be
nicer to cats.)
Talking to him like a person and giving him real information, while
letting him know you care about him and care about his sister seems
like a good idea. And generalize the advice. It's not just about
her hair. It's about people's right to have their personal space and
the need for her to be safe in her own home just as he is.
(But then you need to make it true, and not put him in time-out in
his own home.)
Sandra
> My son oftenI wouldn't do timeouts. Crying is no good.
> pulls his sister's hair.I do not condone spanking.I have tried time-
> outs(one minute for each year),and my sons cries and cries so much
> that I feel they are perhaps not the ideal method either,any
> suggestions?
Is he just curious? Jealous of her? Can you offer to let him pull
your hair instead, and then just talk to him about how it can be
scary or hurt for someone to pull your hair?
Some of the ideas here might help:
http://sandradodd.com/peace/fighting
Picking her up and comforting her physically while you talk to him
calmly about not doing that would be my recommendation, but look at
what's happening before he pulls her hair. Is he expecting her to
communicate better? Maybe talk about how he can get her attention in
nicer ways. (I'm thinking of how I talked to kids about how to be
nicer to cats.)
Talking to him like a person and giving him real information, while
letting him know you care about him and care about his sister seems
like a good idea. And generalize the advice. It's not just about
her hair. It's about people's right to have their personal space and
the need for her to be safe in her own home just as he is.
(But then you need to make it true, and not put him in time-out in
his own home.)
Sandra
Sandra Dodd
On Apr 18, 2006, at 6:50 AM, Bridget wrote:
off sure she knew everything about babies and I knew nothing.
Concerning circumcision, I gave her a small stack of books with
sticky notes on the appropriate chapters and said "Here's what we
read when we were deciding." She took the books saying "Well I'll
read it, but it won't change my mind."
The next day she brought them down, set them down gently on the table
(significant, because she usually just drops things kinda for the
effect of the sound or something) and said "Well things have changed
a lot since I went to nursing school."
When unschooling came and she inquired, I offered to lend her books I
had read before I decided, and she declined. <g>
If you set it up in such a way (politely) that you let them know that
you understand their position AND your new one, while they only
understand theirs (i.e. your old one), but that IF (*if*) they want
to read some of what you've read then you'd be willing to discuss
it. It can be said nicely, with a big smile. And IF they don't want
to read, THEN you are under no obligation to discuss it with
unqualified and uninformed nosy folk.
Sandra
> Second question,how do you respond to people who questionMy mother in law was a nurse (still living; retired). She started
> your decision to unschool.I can recite stats,I can choose to ignore
> the question, I suggests sites they can visit,books they can read but
> I sometimes feel ambushed by others who feel their need to tell me
> what I am doing is wrong.I do not want come off flip either since
> these are my fellow collegues and I do not want to risk alienating
> them needlessly,I am a nurse and team work is essential.Thank-you
off sure she knew everything about babies and I knew nothing.
Concerning circumcision, I gave her a small stack of books with
sticky notes on the appropriate chapters and said "Here's what we
read when we were deciding." She took the books saying "Well I'll
read it, but it won't change my mind."
The next day she brought them down, set them down gently on the table
(significant, because she usually just drops things kinda for the
effect of the sound or something) and said "Well things have changed
a lot since I went to nursing school."
When unschooling came and she inquired, I offered to lend her books I
had read before I decided, and she declined. <g>
If you set it up in such a way (politely) that you let them know that
you understand their position AND your new one, while they only
understand theirs (i.e. your old one), but that IF (*if*) they want
to read some of what you've read then you'd be willing to discuss
it. It can be said nicely, with a big smile. And IF they don't want
to read, THEN you are under no obligation to discuss it with
unqualified and uninformed nosy folk.
Sandra
lilith_pouia
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
give my Mom, to see if that helped her understand better how learning
comes naturally, and there is no certain age a kid needs to know
things by. Any suggestions of certain articles i might have her read
that might sum up the idea more briefly than just directing her to the
whole site?
Lilith
>I had actually intended to print out articles from your website to
>
>
> If you set it up in such a way (politely) that you let them know that
> you understand their position AND your new one, while they only
> understand theirs (i.e. your old one), but that IF (*if*) they want
> to read some of what you've read then you'd be willing to discuss
> it. It can be said nicely, with a big smile. And IF they don't want
> to read, THEN you are under no obligation to discuss it with
> unqualified and uninformed nosy folk.
>
> Sandra
>
give my Mom, to see if that helped her understand better how learning
comes naturally, and there is no certain age a kid needs to know
things by. Any suggestions of certain articles i might have her read
that might sum up the idea more briefly than just directing her to the
whole site?
Lilith
Sandra Dodd
On Apr 18, 2006, at 7:33 AM, lilith_pouia wrote:
families is a fun read. Maybe you could print out the first page,
and then a few of the ones you like best.
http://sandradodd.com/typical
If people think it's just some weirdo Sandra Dodd who does this and
it's not widespread, that makes it easy to dismiss.
Maybe look at the John Holt stuff for something to print too:
http://sandradodd.com/johnholt
http://sandradodd.com/interview
maybe if you want something that's mine.
Or
http://sandradodd.com/thoughts
http://sandradodd.com/latenightlearning
Sandra
> I had actually intended to print out articles from your website toIt's not designed to print out, but the typical days of so many
> give my Mom, to see if that helped her understand better how learning
> comes naturally, and there is no certain age a kid needs to know
> things by. Any suggestions of certain articles i might have her read
> that might sum up the idea more briefly than just directing her to the
> whole site?
families is a fun read. Maybe you could print out the first page,
and then a few of the ones you like best.
http://sandradodd.com/typical
If people think it's just some weirdo Sandra Dodd who does this and
it's not widespread, that makes it easy to dismiss.
Maybe look at the John Holt stuff for something to print too:
http://sandradodd.com/johnholt
http://sandradodd.com/interview
maybe if you want something that's mine.
Or
http://sandradodd.com/thoughts
http://sandradodd.com/latenightlearning
Sandra
katherand2003
This article by Sandra is on one of her website pages with a bunch of
other stuff above, a collection of posts from unschooling lists:
Why Rush People to GET IT?
By Sandra Dodd (Sandradodd) on Saturday, January 3, 2004 - 09:19 am:
-=- Kinder and gentler would've slowed down my learning to the point I
don't think we'd have ever gotten here. -=-
Priss wrote that.
When people say "You're patient with your own children but pushy with
unschooling parents," it's because of the possibility that they will
run out of time.
My kids have their whole lives to memorize 7x8 if they want to.
The mother of a twelve year old has VERY little time if she wants to
help him recover from school and spend a few unschooling years with
him before he's grown and gone. She doesn't have time to ease into it
gradually. If she does, he'll be fifteen or sixteen and it just won't
happen.
If the mother of a five year old is trying to decide how much reading
instruction and math drill to continue with before she switches to
unschooling, I want to press her to decide it's "NONE," because "some"
is damaging to the child's potential to learn it joyfully and discover
it on his own. And "lots" will just hurt that much more. But "none"
can still be turned to "some" if the parent can't get unschooling. But
if she doesn't even try unschooling, she misses forever the
opportunity to see that child learn to read gradually and naturally.
It will be gone forever. Forever.
So I don't say "Gosh, I'm sure whatever you're doing is fine, and if
you want to unschool you can come to it gradually at your own rate."
People say jokingly (though it's true) "I'm sure he'll be reading by
the time he goes on a date" but that can't be said of unschooling, if
the parent is attached to thinking she needs to teach things.
Until a person stops doing the things that keep unschooling from
working, unschooling can't begin to work.
It seems simple to me. If you're trying to listen for a sound, you
have to stop talking and be still.
Some people want to see unschooling while they're still teaching and
putzing and assigning and requiring.
They have to stop that FIRST. And then they have to be still. And then
they have to look at their child with new eyes.
If they don't, it won't happen.
Sandra
Also go to article by Danielle Conger, which is a link I saw on
Sandra's site:
http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Unschooling_101.html
Kathe
--- In [email protected], "lilith_pouia"
<lilith_pouia@...> wrote:
other stuff above, a collection of posts from unschooling lists:
Why Rush People to GET IT?
By Sandra Dodd (Sandradodd) on Saturday, January 3, 2004 - 09:19 am:
-=- Kinder and gentler would've slowed down my learning to the point I
don't think we'd have ever gotten here. -=-
Priss wrote that.
When people say "You're patient with your own children but pushy with
unschooling parents," it's because of the possibility that they will
run out of time.
My kids have their whole lives to memorize 7x8 if they want to.
The mother of a twelve year old has VERY little time if she wants to
help him recover from school and spend a few unschooling years with
him before he's grown and gone. She doesn't have time to ease into it
gradually. If she does, he'll be fifteen or sixteen and it just won't
happen.
If the mother of a five year old is trying to decide how much reading
instruction and math drill to continue with before she switches to
unschooling, I want to press her to decide it's "NONE," because "some"
is damaging to the child's potential to learn it joyfully and discover
it on his own. And "lots" will just hurt that much more. But "none"
can still be turned to "some" if the parent can't get unschooling. But
if she doesn't even try unschooling, she misses forever the
opportunity to see that child learn to read gradually and naturally.
It will be gone forever. Forever.
So I don't say "Gosh, I'm sure whatever you're doing is fine, and if
you want to unschool you can come to it gradually at your own rate."
People say jokingly (though it's true) "I'm sure he'll be reading by
the time he goes on a date" but that can't be said of unschooling, if
the parent is attached to thinking she needs to teach things.
Until a person stops doing the things that keep unschooling from
working, unschooling can't begin to work.
It seems simple to me. If you're trying to listen for a sound, you
have to stop talking and be still.
Some people want to see unschooling while they're still teaching and
putzing and assigning and requiring.
They have to stop that FIRST. And then they have to be still. And then
they have to look at their child with new eyes.
If they don't, it won't happen.
Sandra
Also go to article by Danielle Conger, which is a link I saw on
Sandra's site:
http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Unschooling_101.html
Kathe
--- In [email protected], "lilith_pouia"
<lilith_pouia@...> wrote:
>that
> --- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@> wrote:
> >
> >
> >
> > If you set it up in such a way (politely) that you let them know
> > you understand their position AND your new one, while they onlywant
> > understand theirs (i.e. your old one), but that IF (*if*) they want
> > to read some of what you've read then you'd be willing to discuss
> > it. It can be said nicely, with a big smile. And IF they don't
> > to read, THEN you are under no obligation to discuss it with
> > unqualified and uninformed nosy folk.
> >
> > Sandra
> >
> I had actually intended to print out articles from your website to
> give my Mom, to see if that helped her understand better how learning
> comes naturally, and there is no certain age a kid needs to know
> things by. Any suggestions of certain articles i might have her read
> that might sum up the idea more briefly than just directing her to the
> whole site?
>
> Lilith
>
katherand2003
Sandra I didn't see your post before mine went through. :/ Maybe the
article I put from you might be too "radical" for someone who has no
idea what unschooling is. But I like it of course because to me it's
very much the point.
Kathe
article I put from you might be too "radical" for someone who has no
idea what unschooling is. But I like it of course because to me it's
very much the point.
Kathe
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
>
> On Apr 18, 2006, at 7:33 AM, lilith_pouia wrote:
>
> > I had actually intended to print out articles from your website to
> > give my Mom, to see if that helped her understand better how learning
> > comes naturally, and there is no certain age a kid needs to know
> > things by. Any suggestions of certain articles i might have her read
> > that might sum up the idea more briefly than just directing her to the
> > whole site?
>
>
> It's not designed to print out, but the typical days of so many
> families is a fun read. Maybe you could print out the first page,
> and then a few of the ones you like best.
>
> http://sandradodd.com/typical
>
> If people think it's just some weirdo Sandra Dodd who does this and
> it's not widespread, that makes it easy to dismiss.
>
> Maybe look at the John Holt stuff for something to print too:
> http://sandradodd.com/johnholt
>
> http://sandradodd.com/interview
> maybe if you want something that's mine.
>
> Or
> http://sandradodd.com/thoughts
> http://sandradodd.com/latenightlearning
>
>
>
>
> Sandra
>
lilith_pouia
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
started? It seems like it must have taken more courage on your part to
try things so widely unexcepted back then. I have a hard time dealing
with people's reactions to it now. I tell dh you and others who have
been doing this so long must be very brave people. That comment above
just made me chuckle to myself. I find myself looking up to weirdos
now, what has the world come to?
Lilith
>Isn't that kind of how you felt in the eighties when you first
>
>
>
> If people think it's just some weirdo Sandra Dodd who does this and
> it's not widespread, that makes it easy to dismiss.
>
>
> Sandra
>
started? It seems like it must have taken more courage on your part to
try things so widely unexcepted back then. I have a hard time dealing
with people's reactions to it now. I tell dh you and others who have
been doing this so long must be very brave people. That comment above
just made me chuckle to myself. I find myself looking up to weirdos
now, what has the world come to?
Lilith
freepsgal
Hi Bridget,
Welcome to the group. I'm a new member myself. I have 3 children.
My oldest is almost 14 and attends public school and my two
homeschooled children are 8 and 9 years old.
When "strangers" ask me about school, I just mention we homeschool.
The usual questions are about socialization, free time for me, and
how much patience I must have. I don't go into details about
homeschool methodology with these types of people. They're usually
just curious that we are doing something different than regular
school and that's all they need to know.
When I encounter other homeschoolers, they always want to know what
curriculum I'm using. Up until this point, I always had names to
spout off of various things we use, explaining we pull a little of
this and a little of that. Now, I just plan to say we don't use any
formal curriculum but use things around us, i.e. lots of books,
computer, etc. If they specifically ask me about methodology, I'll
say we are life learners, picking up things we need as we go. I
think the word 'unschool' often brings up negative thoughts because
it's so misunderstood. If anyone persists, maybe even using that
term, I'll acknowledge we are unschoolers and that we're learning
more now than we ever did with formal curriculum. I never get into
arguments about homeschool methodology. I believe that everyone has
their idea of homeschooling and it's not my place to have to
convince anyone of anything. If they disapprove of our choices,
then so be it. I have a couple of friends and they know I'm
unschooling now and while they think I'm a little nuts, they are
supportive just as I'm supportive of their choices. We are friends
because we like one another, not because of how we homeschool our
children.
Beth M.
Welcome to the group. I'm a new member myself. I have 3 children.
My oldest is almost 14 and attends public school and my two
homeschooled children are 8 and 9 years old.
When "strangers" ask me about school, I just mention we homeschool.
The usual questions are about socialization, free time for me, and
how much patience I must have. I don't go into details about
homeschool methodology with these types of people. They're usually
just curious that we are doing something different than regular
school and that's all they need to know.
When I encounter other homeschoolers, they always want to know what
curriculum I'm using. Up until this point, I always had names to
spout off of various things we use, explaining we pull a little of
this and a little of that. Now, I just plan to say we don't use any
formal curriculum but use things around us, i.e. lots of books,
computer, etc. If they specifically ask me about methodology, I'll
say we are life learners, picking up things we need as we go. I
think the word 'unschool' often brings up negative thoughts because
it's so misunderstood. If anyone persists, maybe even using that
term, I'll acknowledge we are unschoolers and that we're learning
more now than we ever did with formal curriculum. I never get into
arguments about homeschool methodology. I believe that everyone has
their idea of homeschooling and it's not my place to have to
convince anyone of anything. If they disapprove of our choices,
then so be it. I have a couple of friends and they know I'm
unschooling now and while they think I'm a little nuts, they are
supportive just as I'm supportive of their choices. We are friends
because we like one another, not because of how we homeschool our
children.
Beth M.
Sandra Dodd
On Apr 18, 2006, at 2:13 PM, katherand2003 wrote:
headed. Someone who wants to get it can read just about anything.
Someone who's trying NOT to get it, trying to belittle it, needs the
sweetie stuff with birds singing and little kids frolicking in nature.
Sandra
> Maybe theIt just depends on the person and the direction their thoughts are
> article I put from you might be too "radical" for someone who has no
> idea what unschooling is. But I like it of course because to me it's
> very much the point.
headed. Someone who wants to get it can read just about anything.
Someone who's trying NOT to get it, trying to belittle it, needs the
sweetie stuff with birds singing and little kids frolicking in nature.
Sandra
Sandra Dodd
On Apr 18, 2006, at 2:41 PM, lilith_pouia wrote:
Two of the local leaders were unschoolers and they had four kids each
(then five, and eventually nine, in one case). So my kids and I just
slipped in there as part of a crowd, at first. And it was just
Kirby, initially. I figured Marty and Holly might go to school.
And I used to get Growing without Schooling magazine, so I knew there
were others scattered out across the continent, so it wasn't too lonely.
It was really the 90's already when I started anyway. Kirby was born
in 1986 and wasn't school-age until 1990s. But if anyone's counting
the whole attachment parenting thing, then yeah, longer. But in the
safe environs of La Leche League meetings and playgroup.
Sandra
> Isn't that kind of how you felt in the eighties when you firstI was in La Leche League, where it wasn't so weird. <g>
> started?
Two of the local leaders were unschoolers and they had four kids each
(then five, and eventually nine, in one case). So my kids and I just
slipped in there as part of a crowd, at first. And it was just
Kirby, initially. I figured Marty and Holly might go to school.
And I used to get Growing without Schooling magazine, so I knew there
were others scattered out across the continent, so it wasn't too lonely.
It was really the 90's already when I started anyway. Kirby was born
in 1986 and wasn't school-age until 1990s. But if anyone's counting
the whole attachment parenting thing, then yeah, longer. But in the
safe environs of La Leche League meetings and playgroup.
Sandra
Tami
Buy the book! You can get "Moving a Puddle" from Sandra through her
website. Then you can hand the book to your mom (after you read it
yourself...) AND, you get cool photos of Dodd kids!
Tami, who bought 2 copies...one to keep and one to lend!
website. Then you can hand the book to your mom (after you read it
yourself...) AND, you get cool photos of Dodd kids!
Tami, who bought 2 copies...one to keep and one to lend!
>>> On Apr 18, 2006, at 7:33 AM, lilith_pouia wrote:[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I had actually intended to print out articles from your website to
> give my Mom, to see if that helped her understand better how learning
> comes naturally, and there is no certain age a kid needs to know
> things by. Any suggestions of certain articles i might have her read
> that might sum up the idea more briefly than just directing her to the
> whole site? <<<
Pamela Sorooshian
On Apr 18, 2006, at 5:50 AM, Bridget wrote:
pulled than a handful of hair does), have her wear a hat around him
(get her some really cute, fun hats).
Keep a closer eye on him and catch him before he does it, whenever
possible, of course.
When he does it, gently pick him up and remove him from the room and
just say, firmly but not angrily, "Whoops, can't be in here with
sister if you pull hair." Then distract him with something else to
do. Don't make a bigger deal out of it than that.
Easter morning my whole family was together and my 21 year old
daughter was showing my 24 yo nephew how to knit. His head was bent
over, close to her. My sister said, "Hey, remember how Alex always
had to keep his head away from Roya's hands? We all laughed - Roya
used to love to pull Alex's hair - no idea why, she didn't pull other
peoples' hair, but it was a "thing" she did to him alone. She was
little and she got over it pretty quickly and now we remember those
days and we laugh. She loves her cousin - he loves her - it didn't
permanently come between them, either.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> My son oftenCut her hair, put it up, put it in ponytails (they hurt less when
> pulls his sister's hair.I do not condone spanking.I have tried time-
> outs(one minute for each year),and my sons cries and cries so much
> that I feel they are perhaps not the ideal method either,any
> suggestions?
pulled than a handful of hair does), have her wear a hat around him
(get her some really cute, fun hats).
Keep a closer eye on him and catch him before he does it, whenever
possible, of course.
When he does it, gently pick him up and remove him from the room and
just say, firmly but not angrily, "Whoops, can't be in here with
sister if you pull hair." Then distract him with something else to
do. Don't make a bigger deal out of it than that.
Easter morning my whole family was together and my 21 year old
daughter was showing my 24 yo nephew how to knit. His head was bent
over, close to her. My sister said, "Hey, remember how Alex always
had to keep his head away from Roya's hands? We all laughed - Roya
used to love to pull Alex's hair - no idea why, she didn't pull other
peoples' hair, but it was a "thing" she did to him alone. She was
little and she got over it pretty quickly and now we remember those
days and we laugh. She loves her cousin - he loves her - it didn't
permanently come between them, either.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
On Apr 18, 2006, at 6:11 AM, Sandra Dodd wrote:
Stop there.
Later - "Did you think about what I told you?"
"Yes, thanks."
Stop there.
If they say, "Well?"
"I'll keep thinking about it."
Do not engage further. Repeatedly thank them for their "input" - but
don't use that word because it'll sound sarcastic.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>> Second question,how do you respond to people who questionI say things like, "Yeah, good stuff to consider. Thanks."
>> your decision to unschool.
Stop there.
Later - "Did you think about what I told you?"
"Yes, thanks."
Stop there.
If they say, "Well?"
"I'll keep thinking about it."
Do not engage further. Repeatedly thank them for their "input" - but
don't use that word because it'll sound sarcastic.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
On Apr 18, 2006, at 8:08 PM, Pamela Sorooshian wrote:
Oh! This reminds me of something I said to people who asked about
Kirby the first few years.
I would say "It's working well so far. If it quits working, we can
put him in school."
I would say it very neutrally, and happily, as though I had no
preference which it would be, and really I didn't have as much as I
came to have later, when Marty and Holly also opted to stay home.
But it would seem to give my detractors and questioners a soothing
hope. And they would feel that school was really an option for us,
waiting for that moment when (they seemed sure) it would no longer go
well.
Sandra
> Later - "Did you think about what I told you?"--------------------
>
> "Yes, thanks."
>
> Stop there.
>
> If they say, "Well?"
>
> "I'll keep thinking about it."
Oh! This reminds me of something I said to people who asked about
Kirby the first few years.
I would say "It's working well so far. If it quits working, we can
put him in school."
I would say it very neutrally, and happily, as though I had no
preference which it would be, and really I didn't have as much as I
came to have later, when Marty and Holly also opted to stay home.
But it would seem to give my detractors and questioners a soothing
hope. And they would feel that school was really an option for us,
waiting for that moment when (they seemed sure) it would no longer go
well.
Sandra
Nancy Wooton
On Apr 18, 2006, at 7:08 PM, Pamela Sorooshian wrote:
Say No, I Feel Guilty," that talks about this same technique -- the
author calls it "fogging," if I remember right. Anyone who has trouble
dealing with parents, in-laws, and others who can guilt you into
changing to please them, would find the book helpful.
Nancy
>There's an old but good book on assertiveness training called "When I
> On Apr 18, 2006, at 6:11 AM, Sandra Dodd wrote:
>
>>> Second question,how do you respond to people who question
>>> your decision to unschool.
>
> I say things like, "Yeah, good stuff to consider. Thanks."
>
> Stop there.
>
> Later - "Did you think about what I told you?"
>
> "Yes, thanks."
>
> Stop there.
>
> If they say, "Well?"
>
> "I'll keep thinking about it."
>
> Do not engage further. Repeatedly thank them for their "input" - but
> don't use that word because it'll sound sarcastic.
>
> -pam
>
Say No, I Feel Guilty," that talks about this same technique -- the
author calls it "fogging," if I remember right. Anyone who has trouble
dealing with parents, in-laws, and others who can guilt you into
changing to please them, would find the book helpful.
Nancy
katherand2003
singing & frolicking in nature... thanks I needed a good laugh. that
was a belly laugh. :)
nak, kathe
was a belly laugh. :)
nak, kathe
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
>
> On Apr 18, 2006, at 2:13 PM, katherand2003 wrote:
>
> > Maybe the
> > article I put from you might be too "radical" for someone who has no
> > idea what unschooling is. But I like it of course because to me it's
> > very much the point.
>
> It just depends on the person and the direction their thoughts are
> headed. Someone who wants to get it can read just about anything.
> Someone who's trying NOT to get it, trying to belittle it, needs the
> sweetie stuff with birds singing and little kids frolicking in nature.
>
> Sandra
>
Sandra Dodd
On Apr 30, 2006, at 12:16 AM, katherand2003 wrote:
sweet and have animals and nature frolicks, seriously.
http://sandradodd.com/typical
It doesn't keep it from being funny, though, but it's useful. <g>
Sandra
> Someone who wants to get it can read just about anything.If you go and read the typical days, I think several of them are
> > Someone who's trying NOT to get it, trying to belittle it, needs the
> > sweetie stuff with birds singing and little kids frolicking in
> nature.
> >
sweet and have animals and nature frolicks, seriously.
http://sandradodd.com/typical
It doesn't keep it from being funny, though, but it's useful. <g>
Sandra