Past age?
Faith Weikert
> I think seven and four is not too late, but that there is a point-=-When?-=-
> when it is too late.
===When the child has over a dozen years of pent-up resentment and is
closer to being out of the family than in.===
Maybe you all can shed more light on this one. I am perceiving this to mean that it may be too late to begin to correct and apologize for parenting mistakes and forge a better relationship with an older child. I am perceiving this to mean too much damage has been done.
Maybe this means an older child is (like the rest of us) at the point of having to accept and forgive his/her parents mistakes - as most of us have had to do in our adult life.
It just saddens me (the way I am perceiving it) because I would fall in the category of "too late" with my 15 year old son. It makes me feel like HE has to pay the price for MY ignorance all these years of not knowing there was/is a better way. I only knew how to parent as my parents parented me. I would hate to think that just because he is closer to being out of the family than in, that he and I can't heal old wounds.
I only began unschooling 8 weeks ago. He will be 16 May 11th.
However, I have already seen a shift in the way we respect each other. A shift in the way we trust each other. Communication has improved.
Maybe...it really never is too late....???
Faith
'Learn to love, respect and enjoy other people.'
-- Dale Carnegie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
averyschmidt
> Maybe you all can shed more light on this one. I am perceivingthis to mean that it may be too late to begin to correct and
apologize for parenting mistakes and forge a better relationship
with an older child.
I think it's never too late to apologize and forge a better
relationship, personally. If it was, then why bother apologizing to
teens and committing to change, just carry on the way you always did-
after all it's "too late." What a depressing thought.
My mother and I have gone through this process of forging a better
relationship in my adulthood, mostly through her observing and
supporting my parenting choices and feeling regret that she didn't
do some things differently. As far as I'm concerned she's more than
made up for it by being my biggest advocate and cheerleader now.
Most people I know IRL who make unconventional parenting choices
don't have anywhere near the support that I get from my mom.
It could only have been better had she discovered unschooling and
respectful parenting when I was 15 and still had years left under
her roof. So, to me, 15 or 16 isn't necessarily too late. Yes, the
years lost will never be back again to live and relate differently,
but you and your son can feel sadness for that and at the same time
be grateful for new beginnings, right?
> I only began unschooling 8 weeks ago. He will be 16 May 11th.other. A shift in the way we trust each other. Communication has
> However, I have already seen a shift in the way we respect each
improved.
That's GREAT!! :-)
Patti
Christy Putnam
> I think it's never too late to apologize and forge a betterI completely agree...it is never too late. Though I would love the
> relationship, personally. If it was, then why bother apologizing to
> teens and committing to change, just carry on the way you always did-
> after all it's "too late." What a depressing thought.
>
> My mother and I have gone through this process of forging a better
> relationship in my adulthood, mostly through her observing and
> supporting my parenting choices and feeling regret that she didn't
> do some things differently.
opportunity to have an adult relationship with my mom (she died in 1991), I
firmly believe that 1) the things that happened in my childhood made me
stronger and 2) happened for a reason...whatever reasons those may be. I
learned patience and unconditional love from her, I learned how to respect
others and command respect through respect...I did not learn this through
her parenting per se (she was old school and we got spanked a lot), I
learned it through watching her with other adults. I just happened to be
perceptive enough as a child to learn those lessons second hand. The
downfall is since I did not learn that kids deserve respect as well (are not
less than adults), I parented very much like my parents (without the
consistent spanking...though I did spank "for safety" and "last resort"). I
was very authoritative...until I started learning about unschooling and the
entire lifestyle this year. I am slowly educating my dh in the methods and
we are slowly mending the relationship with my 11 year old ds and hope to
have it mended for the most part before our now 15 mo old gets the "product
of our old parenting style" modeled for him too long.
Keep doing what you are doing, parent from the heart unconditionally, live
the unschooling life and just know in your heart that your kids....newborn
to 100 will benefit from it, heck the people around you will benefit from it
as well. You may not only change your immediate families life, you may
change many many other lives in the process...what we do/model touches more
people than you can ever know. So don't stop with just your kids, extend
out to your parents/grandparents/everyone you know...make it a way of life
ALL THE TIME with EVERYONE. Who knows, if we touch enough people...we might
succeed in world peace...eventually! It all starts with you and you are the
only person you can change...others will see you living happier and through
your modeling, will choose to change (or not). Just know you are doing the
best you can for you...and know that you have always done the best you could
with the knowledge you had at the time...learning (even about parenting) is
a life long process. Be kind to yourself!
I may have got a little off topic on this one but to me its all
related...just keep on keepin on and things will work out....its never too
late!
In Gratitude,
Christy Putnam
Unschooling Mom to Aden (1) and Seth (11)
Loving wife of Chet (ann. 7/4/04)
<http://blog.myspace.com/personal_balance>
http://blog.myspace.com/personal_balance
"Go confidently in the direction of your
dreams. Live the life you have always
imagined." - Henry David Thoreau
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
On Apr 10, 2006, at 9:02 AM, Faith Weikert wrote:
It's never too late to apologize and work on a relationship.
It can be too late for unschooling to take hold instead of school At
sixteen, he's probably old enough to drop out of school. Your
obligation as a parent under compulsory attendance laws may be at an
end.
Sandra
> Maybe...it really never is too late....???It's never too late to do better.
It's never too late to apologize and work on a relationship.
It can be too late for unschooling to take hold instead of school At
sixteen, he's probably old enough to drop out of school. Your
obligation as a parent under compulsory attendance laws may be at an
end.
Sandra
Sandra Dodd
This isn't to any one individual. It's about the danger of platitudes.
It's too late.
In the past few weeks two children of moms I met through unschooling
have died. One was nine. One was 20. Anything those moms saved to
do later... it's too late.
I don't like platitudes like "You know your children better than
anyone" and "You're the expert when it comes to your children,"
because frankly sometimes mothers are NOT talented in any knowledge-
of-other-people way. Sometimes they are willfully ignorant of human
development and will swat a baby for not "minding" (or for crying, or
not making it to the toilet). They don't "know their children"
better than anybody.
If someone is thinking today, April 10, of changing the way they are,
today's the day to do it. Tomorrow might be too late. This
afternoon might be too late.
A friend of mine knew she should have unschooled. She KNEW her kids
hated school. They told her so. Teachers told her so. She didn't
want her routine to be disturbed, though, and she didn't want the
responsibility, and she didn't think she could spend time with her
kids. So she said she would send them to elementary and when they
got to midschool age (11, 12) she would homeschool them. By the time
they were that old, the relationship was shot and they liked school
and schoolkids better than they liked their mom, and the bad
relationships at their house had caused such friction and stress that
the mother had told the dad to leave, at which point he did (only he
went just as far as the storage shed and shot himself). There was a
point when it wasn't too late. There were MANY points. But there
was a point when it was too late.
If "it's never too late" is true, then NOBODY needs to change, ever,
because it's never too late. Tomorrow is fine. Maybe in a few years
is fine.
If someone is deciding whether to stop spanking and she doesn't do
it, IT'S TOO LATE to stop today. If she spanks again Saturday and
again on Easter because they didn't carry the eggs right, or keep
their clothes clean, it is TOO LATE to have that week back, to have
that peaceful laughter back. Once a child is crying because a mother
has been mean, it's too late for her to undo that.
Can she do better in the very next moment? YES, if she wants to. If
she has ideas about what "better" would be.
When someone coos about another mother she doesn't even know and says
"Oooh, you're such a good mother; your children are lucky to have
you," that can be just the bandaid that praised mom needs to go
another week or two being neglectful and cruel.
It can be too late to decide to nurse a baby.
It can be too late to decide to feed on demand.
It can be too late to practice the family bed, and pick up a baby
every time he cries.
It can be too late to stay home with babies instead of putting them
in daycare.
It can be too late to keep kids home instead of putting them in
preschool.
Something intended to simply encourage the mother of a teen that
changing now is better than not changing at all (which is good
encouragement, but doesn't need platitudes) runs the danger of
encouraging the mother of a three or four year old from making moves
NOW to avoid any more harm to the child or the relationship.
Sandra
> I completely agree...it is never too late. Though I would love theThen what does "it's never too late" MEAN when someone is dead?
> opportunity to have an adult relationship with my mom (she died in
> 1991)
It's too late.
In the past few weeks two children of moms I met through unschooling
have died. One was nine. One was 20. Anything those moms saved to
do later... it's too late.
I don't like platitudes like "You know your children better than
anyone" and "You're the expert when it comes to your children,"
because frankly sometimes mothers are NOT talented in any knowledge-
of-other-people way. Sometimes they are willfully ignorant of human
development and will swat a baby for not "minding" (or for crying, or
not making it to the toilet). They don't "know their children"
better than anybody.
If someone is thinking today, April 10, of changing the way they are,
today's the day to do it. Tomorrow might be too late. This
afternoon might be too late.
A friend of mine knew she should have unschooled. She KNEW her kids
hated school. They told her so. Teachers told her so. She didn't
want her routine to be disturbed, though, and she didn't want the
responsibility, and she didn't think she could spend time with her
kids. So she said she would send them to elementary and when they
got to midschool age (11, 12) she would homeschool them. By the time
they were that old, the relationship was shot and they liked school
and schoolkids better than they liked their mom, and the bad
relationships at their house had caused such friction and stress that
the mother had told the dad to leave, at which point he did (only he
went just as far as the storage shed and shot himself). There was a
point when it wasn't too late. There were MANY points. But there
was a point when it was too late.
If "it's never too late" is true, then NOBODY needs to change, ever,
because it's never too late. Tomorrow is fine. Maybe in a few years
is fine.
If someone is deciding whether to stop spanking and she doesn't do
it, IT'S TOO LATE to stop today. If she spanks again Saturday and
again on Easter because they didn't carry the eggs right, or keep
their clothes clean, it is TOO LATE to have that week back, to have
that peaceful laughter back. Once a child is crying because a mother
has been mean, it's too late for her to undo that.
Can she do better in the very next moment? YES, if she wants to. If
she has ideas about what "better" would be.
When someone coos about another mother she doesn't even know and says
"Oooh, you're such a good mother; your children are lucky to have
you," that can be just the bandaid that praised mom needs to go
another week or two being neglectful and cruel.
It can be too late to decide to nurse a baby.
It can be too late to decide to feed on demand.
It can be too late to practice the family bed, and pick up a baby
every time he cries.
It can be too late to stay home with babies instead of putting them
in daycare.
It can be too late to keep kids home instead of putting them in
preschool.
Something intended to simply encourage the mother of a teen that
changing now is better than not changing at all (which is good
encouragement, but doesn't need platitudes) runs the danger of
encouraging the mother of a three or four year old from making moves
NOW to avoid any more harm to the child or the relationship.
Sandra
Cally Brown
Thank you Sandra. This is so good - I don't save things often but this I
will. I couldn't work out in my head why I had such conflicting emotions
about that statement 'it's never too late', but now I know!
It is too late for me to take back all the mistakes and meaness I dumped
on my eldest son (now 25).
But it still isn't too late to do better. And I have been doing better
the last few years and our relationship is so much better than it was -
and getting better all the time.
Sandra is so very right - don't put off doing better - start now.
Cally
will. I couldn't work out in my head why I had such conflicting emotions
about that statement 'it's never too late', but now I know!
It is too late for me to take back all the mistakes and meaness I dumped
on my eldest son (now 25).
But it still isn't too late to do better. And I have been doing better
the last few years and our relationship is so much better than it was -
and getting better all the time.
Sandra is so very right - don't put off doing better - start now.
Cally
Melissa
I'm 32 and the best I ever got from my mom was "Well, I had a crummy
life too". Not at all helpful to our relationship. If she could ever
just say that she was sorry for all of what happened, I'd feel like
we have a chance. Now my stepmom (the one I usually am referring to
when I say 'mom') is the kind of unassuming mom that everyone should
have. She never had problems cooking, cleaning or apologizing if she
felt she did something wrong. She was great about listening and
helping us all at our level.
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (8), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (4), Dan
(2), and Avari Rose
share our lives at
http://360.yahoo.com/multimomma
life too". Not at all helpful to our relationship. If she could ever
just say that she was sorry for all of what happened, I'd feel like
we have a chance. Now my stepmom (the one I usually am referring to
when I say 'mom') is the kind of unassuming mom that everyone should
have. She never had problems cooking, cleaning or apologizing if she
felt she did something wrong. She was great about listening and
helping us all at our level.
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (8), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (4), Dan
(2), and Avari Rose
share our lives at
http://360.yahoo.com/multimomma
On Apr 10, 2006, at 3:28 PM, Cally Brown wrote:
> Thank you Sandra. This is so good - I don't save things often but
> this I
> will. I couldn't work out in my head why I had such conflicting
> emotions
> about that statement 'it's never too late', but now I know!
>
> It is too late for me to take back all the mistakes and meaness I
> dumped
> on my eldest son (now 25).
>
> But it still isn't too late to do better. And I have been doing better
> the last few years and our relationship is so much better than it
> was -
> and getting better all the time.
>
> Sandra is so very right - don't put off doing better - start now.
Faith Weikert
Sandra,
Thank you....that was the clarification I was requesting to the original statement you said. I understand what you mean a bit better.
That was why it made/makes me sad. I know I am "late" learning about unschooling philosophy with my soon-to-be 16 year old. But at the same time, I will live in the moment with him and look to this group for guidance on how to talk with him about finding his way out of the damage school and my old parenting ways may have caused him.
Hoping we can continue towards a better relationship, find fun things to do together (because I still enjoy activates with my parents) and accept each other with our faults.
Not to mention I have a 2 year old and trust I will do better *with* her! :-)
Health and laughter,
Faith
'Learn to love, respect and enjoy other people.'
-- Dale Carnegie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Thank you....that was the clarification I was requesting to the original statement you said. I understand what you mean a bit better.
That was why it made/makes me sad. I know I am "late" learning about unschooling philosophy with my soon-to-be 16 year old. But at the same time, I will live in the moment with him and look to this group for guidance on how to talk with him about finding his way out of the damage school and my old parenting ways may have caused him.
Hoping we can continue towards a better relationship, find fun things to do together (because I still enjoy activates with my parents) and accept each other with our faults.
Not to mention I have a 2 year old and trust I will do better *with* her! :-)
Health and laughter,
Faith
'Learn to love, respect and enjoy other people.'
-- Dale Carnegie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kim H
Wow - Sandra your response to 'is it ever too late' was absolutely humbling, solemn and totally, totally from your heart. I just wanted to say thanks so much for sharing that. If you don't mind, I'd love to print it out and put it on my fridge and then also share it at our parenting group. Would that be OK by you? (I won't put it into a book and sell - I promise! But you should.).
That has changed my day for the absolute better.
Kim
That has changed my day for the absolute better.
Kim
----- Original Message -----
From: Sandra Dodd
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 5:34 AM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Can "too late" ever come?
This isn't to any one individual. It's about the danger of platitudes.
> I completely agree...it is never too late. Though I would love the
> opportunity to have an adult relationship with my mom (she died in
> 1991)
Then what does "it's never too late" MEAN when someone is dead?
It's too late.
In the past few weeks two children of moms I met through unschooling
have died. One was nine. One was 20. Anything those moms saved to
do later... it's too late.
I don't like platitudes like "You know your children better than
anyone" and "You're the expert when it comes to your children,"
because frankly sometimes mothers are NOT talented in any knowledge-
of-other-people way. Sometimes they are willfully ignorant of human
development and will swat a baby for not "minding" (or for crying, or
not making it to the toilet). They don't "know their children"
better than anybody.
If someone is thinking today, April 10, of changing the way they are,
today's the day to do it. Tomorrow might be too late. This
afternoon might be too late.
A friend of mine knew she should have unschooled. She KNEW her kids
hated school. They told her so. Teachers told her so. She didn't
want her routine to be disturbed, though, and she didn't want the
responsibility, and she didn't think she could spend time with her
kids. So she said she would send them to elementary and when they
got to midschool age (11, 12) she would homeschool them. By the time
they were that old, the relationship was shot and they liked school
and schoolkids better than they liked their mom, and the bad
relationships at their house had caused such friction and stress that
the mother had told the dad to leave, at which point he did (only he
went just as far as the storage shed and shot himself). There was a
point when it wasn't too late. There were MANY points. But there
was a point when it was too late.
If "it's never too late" is true, then NOBODY needs to change, ever,
because it's never too late. Tomorrow is fine. Maybe in a few years
is fine.
If someone is deciding whether to stop spanking and she doesn't do
it, IT'S TOO LATE to stop today. If she spanks again Saturday and
again on Easter because they didn't carry the eggs right, or keep
their clothes clean, it is TOO LATE to have that week back, to have
that peaceful laughter back. Once a child is crying because a mother
has been mean, it's too late for her to undo that.
Can she do better in the very next moment? YES, if she wants to. If
she has ideas about what "better" would be.
When someone coos about another mother she doesn't even know and says
"Oooh, you're such a good mother; your children are lucky to have
you," that can be just the bandaid that praised mom needs to go
another week or two being neglectful and cruel.
It can be too late to decide to nurse a baby.
It can be too late to decide to feed on demand.
It can be too late to practice the family bed, and pick up a baby
every time he cries.
It can be too late to stay home with babies instead of putting them
in daycare.
It can be too late to keep kids home instead of putting them in
preschool.
Something intended to simply encourage the mother of a teen that
changing now is better than not changing at all (which is good
encouragement, but doesn't need platitudes) runs the danger of
encouraging the mother of a three or four year old from making moves
NOW to avoid any more harm to the child or the relationship.
Sandra
SPONSORED LINKS Unschooling Attachment parenting John holt
Parenting magazine Single parenting
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
On Apr 10, 2006, at 10:16 PM, Kim H wrote:
sharing. Sure!
Sandra
> I'd love to print it out and put it on my fridge and then alsoAnything that's put out in public is fine for refrigerators and
> share it at our parenting group. Would that be OK by you?
sharing. Sure!
Sandra
[email protected]
Sandra - can I PLEASE have permission to post your reply to our local/state
homeschool's list? I will give you complete credit and refer them to the
unschool list...this time of year, we have so many parents wringing their hands
wondering if they SHOULD homeschool, thinking they can't, thinking all those
things you listed in your post. Unfortunately, I'm sure we have a lot of
spankers too.
Nancy B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
homeschool's list? I will give you complete credit and refer them to the
unschool list...this time of year, we have so many parents wringing their hands
wondering if they SHOULD homeschool, thinking they can't, thinking all those
things you listed in your post. Unfortunately, I'm sure we have a lot of
spankers too.
Nancy B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
On Apr 11, 2006, at 7:00 AM, CelticFrau@... wrote:
context.
Sandra
> Sandra - can I PLEASE have permission to post your reply to ourSure, but you might need to write it an intro so it won't be out of
> local/state
> homeschool's list?
context.
Sandra
lilith_pouia
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
quitting smoking last week. She really offended me by making a remark
about me leaving my children without a mother. I can see her point
better now after reading this, though i feel she could have stated
things differently and less harassingly. I have tried to quit smoking
several times throughout the past year, and i felt she was being
harassing as though i don't realize how important it is to quit. But i
just wanted to share that i noticed this philosophy can be applied to
anything we need to do to better ourselves, not just our parenting. It
could become "too late" for me to quit smoking, and i think maybe
that's all my mother was trying to explain to me. I'll probably be the
bigger person and call her now that i've realized that. Sandra, thank
you for sharing this.
>This reminds me of a hurtful argument my mother and i had about me
> This isn't to any one individual. It's about the danger of platitudes.
>
>
> > I completely agree...it is never too late. Though I would love the
> > opportunity to have an adult relationship with my mom (she died in
> > 1991)
>
>
> Then what does "it's never too late" MEAN when someone is dead?
> It's too late.
>
> In the past few weeks two children of moms I met through unschooling
> have died. One was nine. One was 20. Anything those moms saved to
> do later... it's too late.
>
> I don't like platitudes like "You know your children better than
> anyone" and "You're the expert when it comes to your children,"
> because frankly sometimes mothers are NOT talented in any knowledge-
> of-other-people way. Sometimes they are willfully ignorant of human
> development and will swat a baby for not "minding" (or for crying, or
> not making it to the toilet). They don't "know their children"
> better than anybody.
>
> If someone is thinking today, April 10, of changing the way they are,
> today's the day to do it. Tomorrow might be too late. This
> afternoon might be too late.
>
> A friend of mine knew she should have unschooled. She KNEW her kids
> hated school. They told her so. Teachers told her so. She didn't
> want her routine to be disturbed, though, and she didn't want the
> responsibility, and she didn't think she could spend time with her
> kids. So she said she would send them to elementary and when they
> got to midschool age (11, 12) she would homeschool them. By the time
> they were that old, the relationship was shot and they liked school
> and schoolkids better than they liked their mom, and the bad
> relationships at their house had caused such friction and stress that
> the mother had told the dad to leave, at which point he did (only he
> went just as far as the storage shed and shot himself). There was a
> point when it wasn't too late. There were MANY points. But there
> was a point when it was too late.
>
>
> If "it's never too late" is true, then NOBODY needs to change, ever,
> because it's never too late. Tomorrow is fine. Maybe in a few years
> is fine.
>
> If someone is deciding whether to stop spanking and she doesn't do
> it, IT'S TOO LATE to stop today. If she spanks again Saturday and
> again on Easter because they didn't carry the eggs right, or keep
> their clothes clean, it is TOO LATE to have that week back, to have
> that peaceful laughter back. Once a child is crying because a mother
> has been mean, it's too late for her to undo that.
>
> Can she do better in the very next moment? YES, if she wants to. If
> she has ideas about what "better" would be.
>
> When someone coos about another mother she doesn't even know and says
> "Oooh, you're such a good mother; your children are lucky to have
> you," that can be just the bandaid that praised mom needs to go
> another week or two being neglectful and cruel.
>
> It can be too late to decide to nurse a baby.
> It can be too late to decide to feed on demand.
> It can be too late to practice the family bed, and pick up a baby
> every time he cries.
> It can be too late to stay home with babies instead of putting them
> in daycare.
> It can be too late to keep kids home instead of putting them in
> preschool.
>
> Something intended to simply encourage the mother of a teen that
> changing now is better than not changing at all (which is good
> encouragement, but doesn't need platitudes) runs the danger of
> encouraging the mother of a three or four year old from making moves
> NOW to avoid any more harm to the child or the relationship.
>
> Sandra
>
quitting smoking last week. She really offended me by making a remark
about me leaving my children without a mother. I can see her point
better now after reading this, though i feel she could have stated
things differently and less harassingly. I have tried to quit smoking
several times throughout the past year, and i felt she was being
harassing as though i don't realize how important it is to quit. But i
just wanted to share that i noticed this philosophy can be applied to
anything we need to do to better ourselves, not just our parenting. It
could become "too late" for me to quit smoking, and i think maybe
that's all my mother was trying to explain to me. I'll probably be the
bigger person and call her now that i've realized that. Sandra, thank
you for sharing this.
Cally Brown
Sandra, I too would like to post this to a list in New Zealand - under
the same conditions if I may - I will write a short intro and credit you
appropriately. Is that ok?
Cally
the same conditions if I may - I will write a short intro and credit you
appropriately. Is that ok?
Cally
Sandra Dodd
On Apr 11, 2006, at 8:46 AM, lilith_pouia wrote:
what she meant but you kept doing the thing anyway? <bwg>
Maybe your boys are genetically like you are. Maybe your mom rags on
you and you ignore her and feel harrassed, but you miss seeing the
same dynamic with your boys.
Cool that you've quit smoking, though. You'll have more money to get
things for the kids now, and more juice boxes!
Sandra
> I can see her pointHad she said it before? She was repeating herself? You realized
> better now after reading this, though i feel she could have stated
> things differently and less harassingly. I have tried to quit smoking
> several times throughout the past year, and i felt she was being
> harassing as though i don't realize how important it is to quit.
what she meant but you kept doing the thing anyway? <bwg>
Maybe your boys are genetically like you are. Maybe your mom rags on
you and you ignore her and feel harrassed, but you miss seeing the
same dynamic with your boys.
Cool that you've quit smoking, though. You'll have more money to get
things for the kids now, and more juice boxes!
Sandra
katherand2003
Yup. Don't wait. At some point, even aside from death, it might be
too late. It's not uncommon for some parents to wonder if their
children are alive or not-- some from time to time when they drop in
and out of sight asking for money or just there to catch a glimpse of
their old remorses in the mirror before leaving again, others gone for
many years, still others runaways forever.
Don't put off the way you intend to live and continually slide it onto
tomorrow. Tomorrow 'may *not* be' another day.
It's so difficult to lay down the old "lessons larned" for real life
and such a struggle for those like me who've been influenced by
authoritarian ideas and behavior. But so worth doing.
Kathe
too late. It's not uncommon for some parents to wonder if their
children are alive or not-- some from time to time when they drop in
and out of sight asking for money or just there to catch a glimpse of
their old remorses in the mirror before leaving again, others gone for
many years, still others runaways forever.
Don't put off the way you intend to live and continually slide it onto
tomorrow. Tomorrow 'may *not* be' another day.
It's so difficult to lay down the old "lessons larned" for real life
and such a struggle for those like me who've been influenced by
authoritarian ideas and behavior. But so worth doing.
Kathe
--- In [email protected], Cally Brown <mjcmbrwn@...> wrote:
>
> Thank you Sandra. This is so good - I don't save things often but
this I
> will. I couldn't work out in my head why I had such conflicting
emotions
> about that statement 'it's never too late', but now I know!
>
> It is too late for me to take back all the mistakes and meaness I
dumped
> on my eldest son (now 25).
>
> But it still isn't too late to do better. And I have been doing better
> the last few years and our relationship is so much better than it was -
> and getting better all the time.
>
> Sandra is so very right - don't put off doing better - start now.
>
> Cally
>
Bling Williams
Well said. despite Celyn's tantrums when I truly despair, I try and remember that she could be taken from me any second and I try and enjoy her each second. It was really brought home when a friends quad CP 4 yo died a few weeks ago. In his sleep. Unfortunately its very common in quad CP.
And remembering this, it makes things the others do that I used to think were difficult or 'bad' seem just ripples. Not important against who they are and the fact that they are with me.
I had to have this perspective brought home to me with a severely disabled child, hopefully, no-one else ever will.
Shyrley
katherand2003 <katherand2003@...> wrote:
Yup. Don't wait. At some point, even aside from death, it might be
too late. It's not uncommon for some parents to wonder if their
children are alive or not-- some from time to time when they drop in
and out of sight asking for money or just there to catch a glimpse of
their old remorses in the mirror before leaving again, others gone for
many years, still others runaways forever.
Don't put off the way you intend to live and continually slide it onto
tomorrow. Tomorrow 'may *not* be' another day.
It's so difficult to lay down the old "lessons larned" for real life
and such a struggle for those like me who've been influenced by
authoritarian ideas and behavior. But so worth doing.
Kathe
And remembering this, it makes things the others do that I used to think were difficult or 'bad' seem just ripples. Not important against who they are and the fact that they are with me.
I had to have this perspective brought home to me with a severely disabled child, hopefully, no-one else ever will.
Shyrley
katherand2003 <katherand2003@...> wrote:
Yup. Don't wait. At some point, even aside from death, it might be
too late. It's not uncommon for some parents to wonder if their
children are alive or not-- some from time to time when they drop in
and out of sight asking for money or just there to catch a glimpse of
their old remorses in the mirror before leaving again, others gone for
many years, still others runaways forever.
Don't put off the way you intend to live and continually slide it onto
tomorrow. Tomorrow 'may *not* be' another day.
It's so difficult to lay down the old "lessons larned" for real life
and such a struggle for those like me who've been influenced by
authoritarian ideas and behavior. But so worth doing.
Kathe
--- In [email protected], Cally Brown <mjcmbrwn@...> wrote:
>
> Thank you Sandra. This is so good - I don't save things often but
this I
> will. I couldn't work out in my head why I had such conflicting
emotions
> about that statement 'it's never too late', but now I know!
>
> It is too late for me to take back all the mistakes and meaness I
dumped
> on my eldest son (now 25).
>
> But it still isn't too late to do better. And I have been doing better
> the last few years and our relationship is so much better than it was -
> and getting better all the time.
>
> Sandra is so very right - don't put off doing better - start now.
>
> Cally
>
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Joanna Wilkinson
--- In [email protected], Bling Williams <bobalinga@...>
wrote:
enjoy her each second. It was really brought home when a friends quad
CP 4 yo died a few weeks ago. In his sleep. Unfortunately its very
common in quad CP.
who they are and the fact that they are with me.
oldest was 6. It took me quite a while to really even *get* in my
mind, where I was heading. I just knew I wanted to be better.
It felt like I threw my life into chaos some days. Giving up the
control can be very scary. But there were always these "ah ha"
moments that kept me going. Seeing how amazing my kids were and how
they responded to real respect and honesty, got me through. It took a
while for them to trust me. To think I didn't have some hidden agenda.
It took a while for me to really get rid of my hidden agendas!
My son Sam was my longest hold out. He called me on everything.
He had always been the hardest to control, pushed all my buttons...
and just when I realized how lucky I was to have such a wonderful
teacher, to truely *get* that he was brilliant just as he was, he was
gone.
He was 8 years old and I will never get to live the life I really
should have had with him.
Don't wait.
Joanna
wrote:
>remember that she could be taken from me any second and I try and
> Well said. despite Celyn's tantrums when I truly despair, I try and
enjoy her each second. It was really brought home when a friends quad
CP 4 yo died a few weeks ago. In his sleep. Unfortunately its very
common in quad CP.
> And remembering this, it makes things the others do that I used tothink were difficult or 'bad' seem just ripples. Not important against
who they are and the fact that they are with me.
> I had to have this perspective brought home to me with a severelydisabled child, hopefully, no-one else ever will.
>I started down the unschooling and peaceful parenting path when my
> Shyrley
>
oldest was 6. It took me quite a while to really even *get* in my
mind, where I was heading. I just knew I wanted to be better.
It felt like I threw my life into chaos some days. Giving up the
control can be very scary. But there were always these "ah ha"
moments that kept me going. Seeing how amazing my kids were and how
they responded to real respect and honesty, got me through. It took a
while for them to trust me. To think I didn't have some hidden agenda.
It took a while for me to really get rid of my hidden agendas!
My son Sam was my longest hold out. He called me on everything.
He had always been the hardest to control, pushed all my buttons...
and just when I realized how lucky I was to have such a wonderful
teacher, to truely *get* that he was brilliant just as he was, he was
gone.
He was 8 years old and I will never get to live the life I really
should have had with him.
Don't wait.
Joanna
Sandra Dodd
On Apr 12, 2006, at 7:02 AM, Joanna Wilkinson wrote:
I'm still and always sorry about Sam's death and your grief. Thanks
for sharing him with us still, sometimes.
Sandra
> Seeing how amazing my kids were and howJoanna, thanks.
> they responded to real respect and honesty, got me through.
I'm still and always sorry about Sam's death and your grief. Thanks
for sharing him with us still, sometimes.
Sandra