Julia Swancy

> However, now, years later, I am crumbling under
> the
> responsibilities of being a single, working,
> unschooling mom. I am exhausted, my
> health is tenuous, my finances nonexistent, and the
> sparkle/hope is fading from my kids eyes.

Speaking from much more experience in stress and
strain than I ever wanted to have: GET YOUR NEEDS MET!
do whatever it takes to take care of yourself. if you
find it difficult to motivate yourself to take care of
you, think of it this way: your children will take
care of themselves as they have seen you do. are you
modeling your best hopes for their adulthood? don't
use that to berate yourself further, though! use it to
guide you in seeking the help you need. it may be time
for school for a while, as a pp suggested, if that's
what you have to do. it may turn out to be the best
thing for your kids! parenting teaches us a lot about
humility, doesn't it? your children need you-- they
need you *healthy, relaxed, and sane.* they don't need
you 24/7 if it compromises your health and happiness.
I myself fell victim to the litany of shoulds, as in:
I should want to be with my son 24/7. I should be able
to put my needs on the shelf until he's older. I
should be able to make this work financially. I should
be able to handle these sacrifices. I denied myself
until I developed severe panic attacks. it turns out,
I have to go back to work, for financial reasons
(egads) but even more so to meet my own needs so that
I can bring my best self to my mothering. this may
result in my son having to attend a preschool or
daycare for a while. I thought I would never do that
but my son needs me at my best, and if that's what it
takes then I have to be flexible, and realistic about
my own limits. he was getting too much of me at my
worst before I admitted this. we're all human; as moms
it is easy to insist we are not! we want perfection
for our children, and we get ideas about what that
means, then we make ourselves sick trying to do the
impossible. be gentle with yourself, get support,
figure out what you can do differently.

very best wishes for positive change,
Julia