Intro, and question
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Hi all,
I wanted to formally introduce myself as I have been lurking around for a
bit :) I have 5 children ranging from almost 13 to 4 in ages. I recognize
several posters on this list from a previous list I was on, and am thrilled that
I have found my way back to the people who have contributed much to my
parental style and our overall lifestyle changes! We are in Georgia, and have
found our way to unschooling after much reading, soul searching, deschooling and
rethinking. We have a ways to go on our journey, but we are enjoying the
trip now!
I have a comment and a question. The comment is about the mopping posts
I've been seeing - they made me laugh out loud! I do very little mopping,
because I hate it. Lucky for me, after my 5 year old daughter and her friend next
door watched Little Orphan Annie, the activity of choice has been getting
these huge sponges wet and singing "It's a Hard Knock Life" or whatever that
song is, and zooming across the floor. They have been doing it for a couple of
months now whenever her friend is over and I have to say my floors haven't
been this clean in ages :)
My question is this: my two youngest are a 4yo boy and a 5yo girl. Next up
the line is my 7yo son. These three seem to fight with each other almost
nonstop, and go to great lengths to annoy the heck out of each other. They
argue over everything, it seems - and my daughter especially gets very upset and
loud when they argue. My 7yo is more of the quietly annoy and look innocent
type :) My 4yo seems to have some violent tendencies - he doesn't hit or
kick people or anything, but he constantly says things like "and then, I cut
your head off," or "you're dead now," or "I chop off your arms and legs,"
sometimes calling people stupid, grabbing items out of other's hands and things of
that nature. Some of his behavior is rude, and some of it just makes other
kids that don't know him well uncomfortable. He has been crazy for Lord of
the Rings ever since it came out, so most of his life. He adores anything
that deals with swords, guns, martial arts, etc. I worry because he seems so
young and he is a real sweetie, very loving and adores his older siblings, but
he plays rough and acts mean sometimes. He constantly repeats lines he hears
in movies and acts out scenes he found particularly interesting (I wish I
had a dollar for every time he yelled "You..shall not...pass!" like Gandalf!).
So far we do a lot of talking about respecting other people's personal space
and property, and reminding that we should ask before using someone else's
toy/scooter/whatever. Most of the items in our house are community property,
but there are a few things that my 7yo has bought that he doesn't want the
"little kids" to mess with. I have asked them to tell each other what they
want, etc. It just doesn't seem to be working. I'm kind of at a loss as my
oldest (twins) are pretty laid back and there are 5 years between them and my
7yo, so there wasn't any sort of "sibling rivalry" or anything like that when
my oldest were little. I keep thinking that maybe Daniel (the 4yo) feels
powerless somehow, or is just trying to be older, or something, but frankly I
don't know what else to do. Any suggestions/thoughts would be appreciated!
Thanks in advance,
Stephanie S. in Georgia
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I wanted to formally introduce myself as I have been lurking around for a
bit :) I have 5 children ranging from almost 13 to 4 in ages. I recognize
several posters on this list from a previous list I was on, and am thrilled that
I have found my way back to the people who have contributed much to my
parental style and our overall lifestyle changes! We are in Georgia, and have
found our way to unschooling after much reading, soul searching, deschooling and
rethinking. We have a ways to go on our journey, but we are enjoying the
trip now!
I have a comment and a question. The comment is about the mopping posts
I've been seeing - they made me laugh out loud! I do very little mopping,
because I hate it. Lucky for me, after my 5 year old daughter and her friend next
door watched Little Orphan Annie, the activity of choice has been getting
these huge sponges wet and singing "It's a Hard Knock Life" or whatever that
song is, and zooming across the floor. They have been doing it for a couple of
months now whenever her friend is over and I have to say my floors haven't
been this clean in ages :)
My question is this: my two youngest are a 4yo boy and a 5yo girl. Next up
the line is my 7yo son. These three seem to fight with each other almost
nonstop, and go to great lengths to annoy the heck out of each other. They
argue over everything, it seems - and my daughter especially gets very upset and
loud when they argue. My 7yo is more of the quietly annoy and look innocent
type :) My 4yo seems to have some violent tendencies - he doesn't hit or
kick people or anything, but he constantly says things like "and then, I cut
your head off," or "you're dead now," or "I chop off your arms and legs,"
sometimes calling people stupid, grabbing items out of other's hands and things of
that nature. Some of his behavior is rude, and some of it just makes other
kids that don't know him well uncomfortable. He has been crazy for Lord of
the Rings ever since it came out, so most of his life. He adores anything
that deals with swords, guns, martial arts, etc. I worry because he seems so
young and he is a real sweetie, very loving and adores his older siblings, but
he plays rough and acts mean sometimes. He constantly repeats lines he hears
in movies and acts out scenes he found particularly interesting (I wish I
had a dollar for every time he yelled "You..shall not...pass!" like Gandalf!).
So far we do a lot of talking about respecting other people's personal space
and property, and reminding that we should ask before using someone else's
toy/scooter/whatever. Most of the items in our house are community property,
but there are a few things that my 7yo has bought that he doesn't want the
"little kids" to mess with. I have asked them to tell each other what they
want, etc. It just doesn't seem to be working. I'm kind of at a loss as my
oldest (twins) are pretty laid back and there are 5 years between them and my
7yo, so there wasn't any sort of "sibling rivalry" or anything like that when
my oldest were little. I keep thinking that maybe Daniel (the 4yo) feels
powerless somehow, or is just trying to be older, or something, but frankly I
don't know what else to do. Any suggestions/thoughts would be appreciated!
Thanks in advance,
Stephanie S. in Georgia
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
On Feb 23, 2006, at 7:07 PM, bofroggy@... wrote:
before the fights start. My #1 was 5 and a half when #3 was born, so
I came through the crowded years too, and in a very small house.
Second thing, I wrote this out once and someone saved it and gave it
back when others asked. <g>
http://sandradodd.com/peace/fighting
This has worked well for us, and some others have reported that it
helped them too.
-=-My 4yo seems to have some violent tendencies - he doesn't hit or
kick people or anything, but he constantly says things like "and
then, I cut
your head off," or "you're dead now," or "I chop off your arms and
legs,"
sometimes calling people stupid, grabbing items out of other's hands
and things of
that nature. -=-
Was it here that there was a discussion of safety just the other
day? (If not, where, please?)
Kids need to feel safe in their homes. Guests do. Moms do. NO
one, not maniacs or burglars or four year old residents, has the
right to disturb the peace or terrorize people in your home.
I recommend karate classes, and maybe more violent movies (kid-style,
maybe). If he's having fantasies of violence, go with it instead of
against it. It might play out. He might be more specific about what
he's thinking about, considering, examining in his mind.
Sandra
> Next upI would say first, be nearer to them so that there's peace being made
> the line is my 7yo son. These three seem to fight with each other
> almost
> nonstop, and go to great lengths to annoy the heck out of each
> other. They
> argue over everything, it seems - and my daughter especially gets
> very upset and
> loud when they argue.
before the fights start. My #1 was 5 and a half when #3 was born, so
I came through the crowded years too, and in a very small house.
Second thing, I wrote this out once and someone saved it and gave it
back when others asked. <g>
http://sandradodd.com/peace/fighting
This has worked well for us, and some others have reported that it
helped them too.
-=-My 4yo seems to have some violent tendencies - he doesn't hit or
kick people or anything, but he constantly says things like "and
then, I cut
your head off," or "you're dead now," or "I chop off your arms and
legs,"
sometimes calling people stupid, grabbing items out of other's hands
and things of
that nature. -=-
Was it here that there was a discussion of safety just the other
day? (If not, where, please?)
Kids need to feel safe in their homes. Guests do. Moms do. NO
one, not maniacs or burglars or four year old residents, has the
right to disturb the peace or terrorize people in your home.
I recommend karate classes, and maybe more violent movies (kid-style,
maybe). If he's having fantasies of violence, go with it instead of
against it. It might play out. He might be more specific about what
he's thinking about, considering, examining in his mind.
Sandra