Ren Allen

'Ren and some of the others here might remember their first time too.
<g> Any other stories?"

I don't know that I remember the first time, my journey was slow...
but every time I respond calmly when I feel angry inside, is a victory
for me.

The best feeling is when Jalen is screaming and acting out in a very
angry way towards me, cussing, yelling so loud I feel like running out
the door and I can calmly pick him up and hug him. I feel like "I WON!"
Not won any battle with him, but the battle with myself...

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

queenjane555

> I don't know that I remember the first time, my journey was slow...
> but every time I respond calmly when I feel angry inside, is a
>victory for me.

We recently rented the mind-blowing DVD "What the Bleep Do We Know?!"
and there is a part of that movie that talks about connections in your
brain. Its kind of complicated, but what i got out of it was this:
every time i choose NOT to be angry or annoyed, it changes the way my
brain responds to the situation, and the NEXT time a similar situation
occurs those "get angry right now!!" receptors are weaker. So i am
less likely to be angry. To the point that one can completely change
forever the way they choose to respond to situations. Hard to explain,
maybe someone can do it better. But its well worth the effort to try
really hard the first couple of times, because it gets easier and
easier until its second nature. Like developing a really good habit!


Katherine

Ren Allen

"Its kind of complicated, but what i got out of it was this:
every time i choose NOT to be angry or annoyed, it changes the way my
brain responds to the situation, and the NEXT time a similar situation
occurs those "get angry right now!!" receptors are weaker. "

That makes sense to me....I can actually feel that happening.
There are times the kids want to help me in the kitchen and I just
want to get something DONE quickly and without "help".
I feel this thing rising up in me that is shouting for control of the
situation.
I actually have to say in my head "shut up Ren, shut up Ren, shut up
Ren" a few times. But then suddenly I'm ok.
And each time it happens, it gets easier and easier to just let them
stir the broth and splash some out, or knead the dough and get it
stuck on the counter.

It's all stupid stuff, that does NOT matter if they get it messy or do
it "wrong". But my mothers programming kicks in at the damndest times....

I KNOW it's old tapes, because when they're happily working with art
stuff, or playdough and it's getting everywhere, it doesn't bug me a
bit. Something about that whole kitchen thing, a place my mother
wasn't very patient. I remind myself that I am NOT my mother, thank
you...except when the nice parts of her show up.:)

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Robyn Coburn

<<<<< We recently rented the mind-blowing DVD "What the Bleep Do We Know?!"
and there is a part of that movie that talks about connections in your
brain. Its kind of complicated, but what i got out of it was this:
every time i choose NOT to be angry or annoyed, it changes the way my
brain responds to the situation, and the NEXT time a similar situation
occurs those "get angry right now!!" receptors are weaker. So i am
less likely to be angry. To the point that one can completely change
forever the way they choose to respond to situations. >>>>>

So the phrase "It gets easier with time" has a basis in physiology. Cool.

<<<< Hard to explain,
maybe someone can do it better. >>>>

Not at all! Perfectly clear.

Robyn L. Coburn

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Sandra Dodd

On Jan 15, 2006, at 12:50 AM, queenjane555 wrote:

> We recently rented the mind-blowing DVD "What the Bleep Do We Know?!"
> and there is a part of that movie that talks about connections in your
> brain. Its kind of complicated, but what i got out of it was this:
> every time i choose NOT to be angry or annoyed, it changes the way my
> brain responds to the situation, and the NEXT time a similar situation
> occurs those "get angry right now!!" receptors are weaker. So i am
> less likely to be angry. To the point that one can completely change
> forever the way they choose to respond to situations. Hard to explain,
> maybe someone can do it better. But its well worth the effort to try
> really hard the first couple of times, because it gets easier and
> easier until its second nature. Like developing a really good habit!


I have a deep aversion to that movie, but the tool of making a
better choice is the mainstay of the Peaceful Parenting tape so many
people have gotten.

The first time you start to do this, give yourself two choices,
because if you don't consciously choose, you're not making a choice
at all. So you think... I could hit him or I could just yell. And
when you just yell, you're a step closer to where you want to be.
So the next time, improve your two choices. I could yell, or I could
just take a deep breath and say what I'm angry about.

Hitting wasn't even one of the choices anymore, so you're moving
incrementally toward REALLY good choices.

Next time... I could say what I'm angry about, or I could try to find
out why HE is doing what he's doing.

Soon your two choices aren't even about you, they're about making
other people more comfortable and making peace. And once you
experience how productive, warm, and relationship-strengthening that
is, yelling or complaining about YOUR feelings wouldn't be anywhere
near your two choices.

So whereas at one time "just" saying "that makes me angry because..."
seems like progress, you might get to the point that the melt-down
situations haven't even happened, because in making choices in OTHER
areas (and all the time) your kids aren't as hungry and tired as they
used to be, their needs were attended to before there was something
to hit or yell about, etc.

Sandra