pop quizes
jeans5kids
what do you all do about the "aunt" in my case (or anyone really) that
gives pop quizes to you kids when ever she sees them. My kidds aunt
is a homeschooler (not anunschooler though and insiste on this all the
time I told my kids to tell her that we don't really do spelling (her
fav type of test) or what ever and I have explained unschooling many
times to her but she still continues and the problem is my kids walk
away either feeling dumb or like *I* am not doing "the right like "
KWIM
anyway I doesn't bother me (I have more than enough stuff to disagree
with her about) But my kids I don't like it and yes I told her to
stop
Thanks for the help
jean
gives pop quizes to you kids when ever she sees them. My kidds aunt
is a homeschooler (not anunschooler though and insiste on this all the
time I told my kids to tell her that we don't really do spelling (her
fav type of test) or what ever and I have explained unschooling many
times to her but she still continues and the problem is my kids walk
away either feeling dumb or like *I* am not doing "the right like "
KWIM
anyway I doesn't bother me (I have more than enough stuff to disagree
with her about) But my kids I don't like it and yes I told her to
stop
Thanks for the help
jean
Angela
Have them memorize a really difficult word to spell and have them quiz her.
:)
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
:)
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/8/05 3:31:52 PM, jeans5kids@... writes:
remind her not to do it.
If my kids didn't like something another adult was doing, that would be
enough to bother me.
Another approach might be to help them prepare some questions for her. Same
kind of questions, or more personal maybe <g> and just exchange questions
that way.
Holly had something she had figured out and memorized when she was little,
something like 11 times 17 or whatever it was, and when people asked her what
4x8 was she'd either answer and then ask hers, or say "I don't know, what is
it?" and then (if they knew or if they didn't, which also sometimes happened <g>
) asked her question. And she knew her one answer. That's fine;
memorizing 4x8 isn't much more useful than memorizing 11x17, nowadays.
If I had a relative who wouldn't stop after I'd asked more than once for her
to stop, I would say VERY PLAINLY next time I heard it "WHY are you still
doing this even though I asked you not to?"
That's a more sensible question than anything she's probably asking.
If that's too direct for you, maybe you could say "This isn't test day."
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> =anyway I doesn't bother me (I have more than enough stuff to disagreeTell her to stop again. Write to her before she comes over next time and
> with her about) But my kids I don't like it and yes I told her to
> stop-=-
>
remind her not to do it.
If my kids didn't like something another adult was doing, that would be
enough to bother me.
Another approach might be to help them prepare some questions for her. Same
kind of questions, or more personal maybe <g> and just exchange questions
that way.
Holly had something she had figured out and memorized when she was little,
something like 11 times 17 or whatever it was, and when people asked her what
4x8 was she'd either answer and then ask hers, or say "I don't know, what is
it?" and then (if they knew or if they didn't, which also sometimes happened <g>
) asked her question. And she knew her one answer. That's fine;
memorizing 4x8 isn't much more useful than memorizing 11x17, nowadays.
If I had a relative who wouldn't stop after I'd asked more than once for her
to stop, I would say VERY PLAINLY next time I heard it "WHY are you still
doing this even though I asked you not to?"
That's a more sensible question than anything she's probably asking.
If that's too direct for you, maybe you could say "This isn't test day."
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/8/05 3:55:31 PM, game-enthusiast@... writes:
to offer her a dictionary or a calculator, and walk off.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Have them memorize a really difficult word to spell and have them quiz her.Or coach them to say "Why do you want to know?" about whatever she asks, or
> :)
>
to offer her a dictionary or a calculator, and walk off.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
On Nov 8, 2005, at 2:29 PM, jeans5kids wrote:
to love you. But they won't if you keep quizzing them. Please don't
do it anymore - their relationship with you is too important to
jeopardize it that way."
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> what do you all do about the "aunt" in my case (or anyone really) that"Auntie, dear - the kids really love you and I hope they'll continue
> gives pop quizes to you kids when ever she sees them.
to love you. But they won't if you keep quizzing them. Please don't
do it anymore - their relationship with you is too important to
jeopardize it that way."
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: jeans5kids jeans5kids@...
what do you all do about the "aunt" in my case (or anyone really) that
gives pop quizes to you kids when ever she sees them.
-=-=-
"Knock it off NOW! They're are NOT trained monkeys.
"Maybe you feel you need to quiz *your* kids becasue they're not actually LEARNING.
But I have two autodidacts, whose learning belongs to *them* and not to every Tom,
Dick, and teacher that comes along. DON'T do it again."
But then, most of my in-laws are afraid of me---and Thanksgiving is approaching, isn't it? <g>
~KellyKelly LovejoyConference CoordinatorLive and Learn Unschooling Conferencehttp://liveandlearnconference.org
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
From: jeans5kids jeans5kids@...
what do you all do about the "aunt" in my case (or anyone really) that
gives pop quizes to you kids when ever she sees them.
-=-=-
"Knock it off NOW! They're are NOT trained monkeys.
"Maybe you feel you need to quiz *your* kids becasue they're not actually LEARNING.
But I have two autodidacts, whose learning belongs to *them* and not to every Tom,
Dick, and teacher that comes along. DON'T do it again."
But then, most of my in-laws are afraid of me---and Thanksgiving is approaching, isn't it? <g>
~KellyKelly LovejoyConference CoordinatorLive and Learn Unschooling Conferencehttp://liveandlearnconference.org
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
NANCY OWENS
jeans5kids <jeans5kids@...> wrote:
***what do you all do about the "aunt" in my case (or anyone really) that
gives pop quizes to you kids when ever she sees them. My kidds aunt
is a homeschooler (not anunschooler though
<snip> anyway I doesn't bother me (I have more than enough stuff to disagree
with her about) But my kids I don't like it and yes I told her to
stop***
First of all, I have to say that it would and does bother me.
In our family the person in question is Darin's mother. I could spend hours typing my fingers bloody, listing all the horrible things she did to Darin as a child and how she has continued to visit her nastiness on her grandchildren. Many here will have great advice on helping your kids prepare for visits with her. Such things as giving them *test* questions to fire back at her (helps if your kids are confident enough to stand up to their aunt), helping them memorize one or two really out there facts to recite to her, and many other great ideas.
We tried all of those things with grandma.
Okay, so what did we eventually do? Last Easter the kids spent a week with her. (Over the years visits with just her and the kids have become extremely rare, only when we could be there to help steer conversations did a visit occur.) Darin and I prepped the kids with all the usual advice. *Avoid such and such topics with grandma* *If she asks x say y* etc. We prepped grandma. We explained this was a visit with grandkids and we expected them to be doing grandma/grandkid kind of stuff. That the kids were on a break, no school, no lessons, no quizzes. We thought we covered all the bases. It was the proverbial in one ear and out the other with her.
She did lots of the usual things during their visit. She restricted their TV and games, she hid their Easter candy, all typical of her and all pre-prepared with Moly and Jack. They expected it and knew it was coming. The things that sent us all over the top were:
1) She took a paper plate, cut it into 24 pie shaped pieces and sat the kids down at the table with it and gave them verbal fraction problems to work out in their heads. Every day after lunch for two hours. Then berated them for not knowing. (I can't do fractions to 1/24 with out paper and pen, why would I expect my kids to do the same?)
2) She informed them that Santa and all others are really just Mom and Dad. (regardless on anyone else's beliefs on Santa and the rest, in our family those childhood things are sacred. At my folks house, everyone, regardless of age, gets a Santa gift every year because we all still *believe* it is just tradition.)
3) She informed them that they wouldn't be so behind (in her eyes) all the other kids if their Mom and Dad didn't spend so much money on (her list was long, but the main things were)computer and video games, movies, and running around the country.
And sadly that was the last visit with her ever. It is hard. Hard for my husband, regardless of her treatment of him growing up, she is still his mom. Hard for him because, for example, he hasn't shared with her the news that we are expecting again. Which also means he hasn't shared that news with his siblings. Less hard for the kids, but she is still their grandma. Not so hard for me (hate is a strong word, but it is my feeling for her), but I do feel for Darin and the kids. Darin makes comments sometimes, things like *maybe my mom will see what she is missing someday soon* I don't hold out that same hope. But for his sake, maybe.
Obviously this is harsh advice, and I recommend following others advice before you take this drastic of a step. BUT... If it comes down to it, in the end when reasoning, explaining, talking, graphs, and pie charts fail, you could cut her off.
~Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
***what do you all do about the "aunt" in my case (or anyone really) that
gives pop quizes to you kids when ever she sees them. My kidds aunt
is a homeschooler (not anunschooler though
<snip> anyway I doesn't bother me (I have more than enough stuff to disagree
with her about) But my kids I don't like it and yes I told her to
stop***
First of all, I have to say that it would and does bother me.
In our family the person in question is Darin's mother. I could spend hours typing my fingers bloody, listing all the horrible things she did to Darin as a child and how she has continued to visit her nastiness on her grandchildren. Many here will have great advice on helping your kids prepare for visits with her. Such things as giving them *test* questions to fire back at her (helps if your kids are confident enough to stand up to their aunt), helping them memorize one or two really out there facts to recite to her, and many other great ideas.
We tried all of those things with grandma.
Okay, so what did we eventually do? Last Easter the kids spent a week with her. (Over the years visits with just her and the kids have become extremely rare, only when we could be there to help steer conversations did a visit occur.) Darin and I prepped the kids with all the usual advice. *Avoid such and such topics with grandma* *If she asks x say y* etc. We prepped grandma. We explained this was a visit with grandkids and we expected them to be doing grandma/grandkid kind of stuff. That the kids were on a break, no school, no lessons, no quizzes. We thought we covered all the bases. It was the proverbial in one ear and out the other with her.
She did lots of the usual things during their visit. She restricted their TV and games, she hid their Easter candy, all typical of her and all pre-prepared with Moly and Jack. They expected it and knew it was coming. The things that sent us all over the top were:
1) She took a paper plate, cut it into 24 pie shaped pieces and sat the kids down at the table with it and gave them verbal fraction problems to work out in their heads. Every day after lunch for two hours. Then berated them for not knowing. (I can't do fractions to 1/24 with out paper and pen, why would I expect my kids to do the same?)
2) She informed them that Santa and all others are really just Mom and Dad. (regardless on anyone else's beliefs on Santa and the rest, in our family those childhood things are sacred. At my folks house, everyone, regardless of age, gets a Santa gift every year because we all still *believe* it is just tradition.)
3) She informed them that they wouldn't be so behind (in her eyes) all the other kids if their Mom and Dad didn't spend so much money on (her list was long, but the main things were)computer and video games, movies, and running around the country.
And sadly that was the last visit with her ever. It is hard. Hard for my husband, regardless of her treatment of him growing up, she is still his mom. Hard for him because, for example, he hasn't shared with her the news that we are expecting again. Which also means he hasn't shared that news with his siblings. Less hard for the kids, but she is still their grandma. Not so hard for me (hate is a strong word, but it is my feeling for her), but I do feel for Darin and the kids. Darin makes comments sometimes, things like *maybe my mom will see what she is missing someday soon* I don't hold out that same hope. But for his sake, maybe.
Obviously this is harsh advice, and I recommend following others advice before you take this drastic of a step. BUT... If it comes down to it, in the end when reasoning, explaining, talking, graphs, and pie charts fail, you could cut her off.
~Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
katherand2003
You could do more than tell her to stop. She doesn't have to obey
you. Possible solution-- leave. Or immediately invite your children
with you into another room if it's a family gathering where you have
others to hang with. No need to tell the aunt anything. Sometimes
action is the most useful answer.
You may feel uncomfortable with these choices but you could acclimate
yourself over time. It has been very liberating to me to know that I
have choices and don't have to be a victim to other's intentions, no
matter how good they seem to those who hold them. Otherwise you
inadvertently tell your children they don't have choices but must be
victimized by people who talk a lot and don't understand.... may not
want to understand.
When my 2 year old and I were visiting my mother, she remarked that
big boys don't need to nurse. I lightly but very seriously told her
not to talk to him about his nursing. None of us are in the habit of
telling Mama what to do. She hasn't mentioned nursing since and
neither have the rest of the family. They share everything. I get
looks but am dealing by finding the crappy humor in it. ;)
If she wants to talk to me about it that's different but I'll protect
ds from unwanted attention or harassment.
Kathe
--- In [email protected], "jeans5kids" <jeans5kids@y...>
wrote:
you. Possible solution-- leave. Or immediately invite your children
with you into another room if it's a family gathering where you have
others to hang with. No need to tell the aunt anything. Sometimes
action is the most useful answer.
You may feel uncomfortable with these choices but you could acclimate
yourself over time. It has been very liberating to me to know that I
have choices and don't have to be a victim to other's intentions, no
matter how good they seem to those who hold them. Otherwise you
inadvertently tell your children they don't have choices but must be
victimized by people who talk a lot and don't understand.... may not
want to understand.
When my 2 year old and I were visiting my mother, she remarked that
big boys don't need to nurse. I lightly but very seriously told her
not to talk to him about his nursing. None of us are in the habit of
telling Mama what to do. She hasn't mentioned nursing since and
neither have the rest of the family. They share everything. I get
looks but am dealing by finding the crappy humor in it. ;)
If she wants to talk to me about it that's different but I'll protect
ds from unwanted attention or harassment.
Kathe
--- In [email protected], "jeans5kids" <jeans5kids@y...>
wrote:
>the problem is my kids walk
> what do you all do about the "aunt" in my case (or anyone really) that
> gives pop quizes to you kids when ever she sees them. <<snip>>
> away either feeling dumb or like *I* am not doing "the right like "
> KWIM
> anyway I doesn't bother me (I have more than enough stuff to disagree
> with her about) But my kids I don't like it and yes I told her to
> stop
> Thanks for the help
>
> jean
>