Ren Allen

"But still at most every house he kept doing it but now
my husband (thinking he's helping the situation) is now repeating
all the suggestions I had made earlier, we just went around one
block and my son was exhausted and so we headed for the van. The
people were nice enough but I feel like my 7yo was really rude and
that he can't understand or follow simple polite directions."


Sounds stressful.
Breathe deep and relinquish control...let go of the thought that you
need to make him act a certain way and just accept where he is right now.
I really doubt he upset anyone, Halloween is a bit crazy and people
understand. I think there were a LOT of directives given to a very
young person that can't remember all that coaching, and a LOT of
expectations on a night that should just be FUN.

Also, if my child is incapable of acting appropriately, I am there
WITH him. If I deemed it really important to ring the doorbell just
once, or act a certain way, and I knew this child had difficulty with
it, I would hold the child, or hold his hand and do all the door
ringing FOR him. It's like expecting a baby to walk when they aren't
ready.
He just isn't ready to remember all that social etiquette.
And really, it wasn't important etiquette anyway.:)

The fact that your dh was repeating things more and more often, is a
big clue that he couldn't handle the instructions...it was just a
bunch of stress for everyone.

BE with your child. BE totally, fully present, doing for them the
things they can't/won't do until they're ready (though ringing the
doorbell a few times would be fun in my world.)

I really think releasing your expectations and letting him be who he
is today will take a load off of you and your dh. It sounds to me like
everyone was a bit too focused on how this child "should" act, do you
think he felt a bit of pressure? Next time talk about cues he can give
you when he needs help, or the fun parts or something other than his
behavior. He's seven.
Seven years isn't a very long time to figure out all the ins and outs
of etiquette and social behavior. Let him be seven.

Ren

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In a message dated 11/4/05 7:30:55 AM, starsuncloud@... writes:


> -=-Seven years isn't a very long time to figure out all the ins and outs
> of etiquette and social behavior. Let him be seven.-=-
>
Right. And find how to consider him a success at seven, not an
etiquette-lacking, rule-forgetting failure. Negativity like that spoils Halloween and
home both. Find the happy positive stuff and let him be a happy seven.

Sandra




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