spilling
Patricia
I have posted only once on this list (I think)I lurk here every day.I
found unschooling by accident while trying to help my now 10 yr
old.That was 2 yrs ago.I am a grandmother that has been on a mission
to save my grandkids from the same baggage that me and my kids and so
many others have from being raised under the strict authoritative
parents that I once was untill I stumbled on unschooling and Valorie
Fitzenreiter and the live and Learn conference all in the same month.
I am now a radical unschooler and the boys (10 and 5) have truley
blossomed.
Now here is my problem.Their Mom (my daughter) has always lived with
us even though we have had to take care of her in ways more than the
boys.She had a breakdown shortly before the 5 yr old was borne and has
been in and out of hospitals untill a yr ago,she has steadily been
making progress over the last yr.She has now moved in with her
boyfriend who is a nice guy with 2 kids of his own.Very school
oriented with lots of rules and an over bearing Mother that is the
kind that likes to say "you are speaking to an adult" alot.
They want to be with their Mother and I have adopted but they also
know that I am Nanny and Mom is Mom.
I really don't know what to do.Anyone?
Thanks in advance,
Tricia
found unschooling by accident while trying to help my now 10 yr
old.That was 2 yrs ago.I am a grandmother that has been on a mission
to save my grandkids from the same baggage that me and my kids and so
many others have from being raised under the strict authoritative
parents that I once was untill I stumbled on unschooling and Valorie
Fitzenreiter and the live and Learn conference all in the same month.
I am now a radical unschooler and the boys (10 and 5) have truley
blossomed.
Now here is my problem.Their Mom (my daughter) has always lived with
us even though we have had to take care of her in ways more than the
boys.She had a breakdown shortly before the 5 yr old was borne and has
been in and out of hospitals untill a yr ago,she has steadily been
making progress over the last yr.She has now moved in with her
boyfriend who is a nice guy with 2 kids of his own.Very school
oriented with lots of rules and an over bearing Mother that is the
kind that likes to say "you are speaking to an adult" alot.
They want to be with their Mother and I have adopted but they also
know that I am Nanny and Mom is Mom.
I really don't know what to do.Anyone?
Thanks in advance,
Tricia
D-H Family
Dear Tricia,
You have done such a wonderful thing by being there for your grandkids and unschooling them for the last two years. The love and acceptance and unschooling beliefs you have given to your daughter and your grandkids will be with them forever, even if they never saw you again. And no matter where they live, it sounds like you will always be very involved in their lives. As long as they know they can turn to you if they need to, try to trust that they will choose the best place for them to live. Even if they leave your house, they may be back sooner than you think. And no matter where they live, your love and acceptance will always be with them. What a great grandmother you are! How awesome! I wish all kids had a grandmother like you!
Molly
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You have done such a wonderful thing by being there for your grandkids and unschooling them for the last two years. The love and acceptance and unschooling beliefs you have given to your daughter and your grandkids will be with them forever, even if they never saw you again. And no matter where they live, it sounds like you will always be very involved in their lives. As long as they know they can turn to you if they need to, try to trust that they will choose the best place for them to live. Even if they leave your house, they may be back sooner than you think. And no matter where they live, your love and acceptance will always be with them. What a great grandmother you are! How awesome! I wish all kids had a grandmother like you!
Molly
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In a message dated 10/2/2005 12:16:36 AM Central Standard Time,
ptidmore1117@... writes:
They want to be with their Mother and I have adopted but they also
know that I am Nanny and Mom is Mom.
~~~
You've adopted them already?
I don't know what I'd do...except maybe let them see her as much as
possible, but keep your lives so busy and interesting that SHE has to catch up with
YOU. (figuratively, if not literally.) Then you could keep them out of that
possibly-toxic environment as much as possible.
And help the kids find their answers. I assume your daughter's problems are
severe enough that they could come back. Severe enough that you were able
to adopt her kids. I don't think I'd be rushing to give them back. Lots of
time together, sure, but holding out that one last thing.
Tough situation.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
ptidmore1117@... writes:
They want to be with their Mother and I have adopted but they also
know that I am Nanny and Mom is Mom.
~~~
You've adopted them already?
I don't know what I'd do...except maybe let them see her as much as
possible, but keep your lives so busy and interesting that SHE has to catch up with
YOU. (figuratively, if not literally.) Then you could keep them out of that
possibly-toxic environment as much as possible.
And help the kids find their answers. I assume your daughter's problems are
severe enough that they could come back. Severe enough that you were able
to adopt her kids. I don't think I'd be rushing to give them back. Lots of
time together, sure, but holding out that one last thing.
Tough situation.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
patricia tidmore
D-H Family <dh.family@...> wrote:
Dear Tricia,
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Dear Tricia,
> The love and acceptance and unschooling beliefs you have >given to your daughter and your grandkids will be with them >forever, even if they never saw you again. I know that this is true,but I am not sure that the unschooling will continue once they leave me. And no matter where they live, it sounds like you will always be very involved in their lives. As long as they know they can turn to you if they need to, try to trust that they will choose the best place for them to live. I do trust that the kids will will choose the best for themselves,but the bf is so controling is my what I am having a problem with. Even if they leave your house, they may be back sooner than you think. And no matter where they live, your love and acceptance will always be with them. What a great grandmother you are! How awesome! I wish all kids had a grandmother like you!I really do appreciate all the kind words I needed them.<g>Tricia
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patricia tidmore
Karen wrote:
You've adopted them already? Yes,we adopted because her mental problems (at the time) were stedily getting worse.It has been less than a yr that they have improved.
She has bipolar disorder and the depression that goes with it is sometimes almost worse on the kids than her.
She loves her kids of that i am sure. BUT..........she is also very easily led.Very easily manipulated.I love my daughter w/all my heart
and don't won't to take her kids.I didn't adopt them to take them.
When i did adopt them it was because at the time the drs were saying that she would never improve.
Tough situation. yeah,the toughest descission I have ever had to
make.
Thanks Karen,
Tricia
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You've adopted them already? Yes,we adopted because her mental problems (at the time) were stedily getting worse.It has been less than a yr that they have improved.
She has bipolar disorder and the depression that goes with it is sometimes almost worse on the kids than her.
She loves her kids of that i am sure. BUT..........she is also very easily led.Very easily manipulated.I love my daughter w/all my heart
and don't won't to take her kids.I didn't adopt them to take them.
When i did adopt them it was because at the time the drs were saying that she would never improve.
Tough situation. yeah,the toughest descission I have ever had to
make.
Thanks Karen,
Tricia
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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D-H Family
Tricia,
I wasn't thinking about all the other details you have since mentioned. My daughter is "bipolar" too and is adopted. I am sure that meeting her birthparents before she is an adult would be a big mistake for all of us. If I adopted my (future) grandkids for your reasons, I would be very unwilling to let them go to a place I thought might be bad for them. I think stability and a healthy home are the most important things to consider for your grandkids. Maybe after several years, things might feel different, but for now, I probably would keep the kids with me and let my daughter decide where to spend her time. But only you can decide what feels right to you. Good luck!
Molly
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I wasn't thinking about all the other details you have since mentioned. My daughter is "bipolar" too and is adopted. I am sure that meeting her birthparents before she is an adult would be a big mistake for all of us. If I adopted my (future) grandkids for your reasons, I would be very unwilling to let them go to a place I thought might be bad for them. I think stability and a healthy home are the most important things to consider for your grandkids. Maybe after several years, things might feel different, but for now, I probably would keep the kids with me and let my daughter decide where to spend her time. But only you can decide what feels right to you. Good luck!
Molly
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