momtotyandlog1

I started out sending my son to real school where he was made to feel
like a failure. I was raised in a family where school/grades were
ridiculously important and was so traumatized i dropped out and ran
away at 15.

Up until now i have been raising my children just like my parents
raised me (without any physical punishment) but with all the
restrictions and unhappiness. I want a better way. We NEED a better
way. i am the only advocate for them. But I didnt' always KNOW there
was a better way, KWIM ?

I just wanted some assistance. Just like all of you i love my kids to
death, I only want what is best for them. But I am just beginning
this journey and am learning. Was there never a first day for you
?
And maybe, Sandra, you are just very blunt, and that is fine. I
appreciate that to a degree in that I myself am (obviously) blunt :)
and it isn't even PMS week. It just felt bad to hear that maybe my
child would be better in school so I could have a break when that is
not what I want...

BUT...I will tell you something. It truly kicked my butt into gear.
And after stewing for a bit, sought out my son and asked to play a
game with him.

Thanks again...sorry I had to stir the pot...maybe I need a kick in
the a$$ now and again :)

Sorry Sandra.

Candy

[email protected]

> -=-It just felt bad to hear that maybe my
> child would be better in school so I could have a break when that is
> not what I want... -=-
>
Sometimes when we don't know what we do want, it helps a lot to discover what
we DON'T want.

The discussions over the years of what people "have to do" have helped me a
lot. Sometimes it's easy to fall into "I have no choice." But there's
always an if...then. I "have" to do this if...

I'm finishing a book. I'd like to have some ready to sell at the
conference in early October. I forced myself to work on it when I really didn't want
to, because of the deadline I had imposed on my own self. I could still
decide to blow it off.

I "have to" pack and organize and get some handouts together for the
conference. I "have to" get the rounds we're going to sing on paper. But I don't
have to. I have choices. I could go without handouts. I could go less
prepared than I'd like to be. And ultimately, I could blow off the whole thing
and just decide not to go. But I would be embarrassed and ashamed of having
not kept a commitment, and would spend WAY more of my reputation than I'd be
willing to, and so because I've made decisions and priorities, that's how I
decide what to do next.

So if a mom's priority is housework, then children will come second. If the
children are the priority, housework comes second. Most people haven't
thought of it that way. Without thinking of that it might seem that BOTH are
equally important, but they're not.

Every decision is a choice. If we know what we hope to do, then we can
make decisions based on that plan or priority.

-=-Sorry Sandra.-=-

It's fine. I'm glad you stuck around and looked at some of the links. I
don't think you'll be sorry.

Sandra






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Gold Standard

Thanks for sharing your full-circle process of thinking Candy. It was really
nice to see how the words shared on this list made an impact on you.

We all start unschooling in different places. This happens to be a group of
mostly experienced unschoolers who often get right to the nitty gritty...for
me this has been a huge gift, even when it was painful. If someone shares
ideas that are far from unschooling, the unschooling way of being with,
listening to, admiring, respecting, and completely giving to our children,
the ideas will be attacked. That is a good thing. It has little or nothing
to do with the poster...the poster is an adult who hopefully will hear the
message that will help the child.

Thanks again for sharing your continued thinking. I bet your son is SO happy
to be playin' with his momma!

Jacki

-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]]On Behalf Of momtotyandlog1
Sent: Monday, September 19, 2005 5:13 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] What I have learned here...(please read
Sandra)


I started out sending my son to real school where he was made to feel
like a failure. I was raised in a family where school/grades were
ridiculously important and was so traumatized i dropped out and ran
away at 15.

Up until now i have been raising my children just like my parents
raised me (without any physical punishment) but with all the
restrictions and unhappiness. I want a better way. We NEED a better
way. i am the only advocate for them. But I didnt' always KNOW there
was a better way, KWIM ?

I just wanted some assistance. Just like all of you i love my kids to
death, I only want what is best for them. But I am just beginning
this journey and am learning. Was there never a first day for you
?
And maybe, Sandra, you are just very blunt, and that is fine. I
appreciate that to a degree in that I myself am (obviously) blunt :)
and it isn't even PMS week. It just felt bad to hear that maybe my
child would be better in school so I could have a break when that is
not what I want...

BUT...I will tell you something. It truly kicked my butt into gear.
And after stewing for a bit, sought out my son and asked to play a
game with him.

Thanks again...sorry I had to stir the pot...maybe I need a kick in
the a$$ now and again :)

Sorry Sandra.

Candy









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