getting your kids to clean
jeans5kids
I understand the always saying someform of "yes" and such but how do
you get your kids to clean. I usually ask and most of the time they
just do it (odd I know) but what if they didn't ????
and I like a clean house so I am always asking but dissided that I
should pick my battles and let the basement be their "all play all the
time" room. (I told them I didn't care if it was clean or not because
it is their room) But I am starting to feel like they should keep it
somewhat clean (you know, there is no food allowed but still)
so how do I approch this with out taking back their full ownership
(which I think is a good thing)??
or should I just let it slide like I originally said?? (heck noone but
kids ever see it!)
you get your kids to clean. I usually ask and most of the time they
just do it (odd I know) but what if they didn't ????
and I like a clean house so I am always asking but dissided that I
should pick my battles and let the basement be their "all play all the
time" room. (I told them I didn't care if it was clean or not because
it is their room) But I am starting to feel like they should keep it
somewhat clean (you know, there is no food allowed but still)
so how do I approch this with out taking back their full ownership
(which I think is a good thing)??
or should I just let it slide like I originally said?? (heck noone but
kids ever see it!)
arcarpenter2003
--- In [email protected], "jeans5kids" <jeans5kids@y...>
wrote:
==I
whether a neighbor might ever see the basement? Deciding that will
probably help you decide what to do.
That said, my kids tend to want to play more after I've cleaned up
their playroom with them or for them. Suddenly they can find their
toys again, and that open space on the floor seems to just call to them.
Maybe if you wanted to give your children a gift, you could, with
their permission, clean the basement for them or with them (in a fun
way), so that they would have a clean, enjoyable place to play.
Peace,
Amy
wrote:
==I
> should pick my battles and let the basement be their "all play all theWhich is more important to you -- your relationship with your kids, or
> time" room. (I told them I didn't care if it was clean or not because
> it is their room) But I am starting to feel like they should keep it
> somewhat clean (you know, there is no food allowed but still)
> so how do I approch this with out taking back their full ownership
> (which I think is a good thing)??
> or should I just let it slide like I originally said?? (heck noone but
> kids ever see it!)==
whether a neighbor might ever see the basement? Deciding that will
probably help you decide what to do.
That said, my kids tend to want to play more after I've cleaned up
their playroom with them or for them. Suddenly they can find their
toys again, and that open space on the floor seems to just call to them.
Maybe if you wanted to give your children a gift, you could, with
their permission, clean the basement for them or with them (in a fun
way), so that they would have a clean, enjoyable place to play.
Peace,
Amy
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/30/05 1:15:18 PM, arcarpenter@... writes:
And don't think you have to clean the whole thing at once. Sort on type of
toy into a bin or basket and call it a day. Another time, sort another type,
or pick up all lost pieces and put them in a little box, but don't bother to
try to put them all where they go. Play music while you work, maybe.
It's very true kids can play better in a newly cleaned place, and don't
forget that playing is an important part of their learning, so think of providing
them clean places as part of what it takes to unschool. All that time and
energy you save NOT "doing lessons" can be put into playing, and straightening
up, and playing some more with your kids.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> That said, my kids tend to want to play more after I've cleaned upGood ideas!
> their playroom with them or for them. Suddenly they can find their
> toys again, and that open space on the floor seems to just call to them.
>
> Maybe if you wanted to give your children a gift, you could, with
> their permission, clean the basement for them or with them (in a fun
> way), so that they would have a clean, enjoyable place to play.
>
>
And don't think you have to clean the whole thing at once. Sort on type of
toy into a bin or basket and call it a day. Another time, sort another type,
or pick up all lost pieces and put them in a little box, but don't bother to
try to put them all where they go. Play music while you work, maybe.
It's very true kids can play better in a newly cleaned place, and don't
forget that playing is an important part of their learning, so think of providing
them clean places as part of what it takes to unschool. All that time and
energy you save NOT "doing lessons" can be put into playing, and straightening
up, and playing some more with your kids.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Jun 30, 2005, at 1:19 PM, jeans5kids wrote:
He could yell or threaten or bribe or beg. But what kind of
relationship would that create between you?
What if your child had a tower of collectible soda cans that was
always falling over. What if he decided that since you're part of the
family that restacking them once a week was part of your job. How could
he get you to do that? And how could he get you to stack them in the
"proper" (e.g. his) order? And what if you didn't do it to his
standards and didn't do as good a job as he knew you were capable of?
Now what if he said once a week "Mom, would you mind keeping me company
while I stack these cans? Maybe we could listen to a book on tape
together. Or you could tell me about the project your working on."
Sometimes you might not be able to join him because you were in the
middle of something. Sometimes you might help him stack just because
it feels good to help him out. And if he was truly thankful in a way
that let you know that he knew there were more interesting things you
could be doing, you'd be more likely to help him. On the other hand if
he criticized your stacking, or came to expect you to help him you'd be
less likely to help and might even be less likely to spend time with
him.
So, how can you get your kids to clean?
You could make them. And take withdrawals from your relationship
account with them to pay for it. They might be angry with you but you'd
have a clean house.
Or, if your relationship with them is important, you can shift your
thinking and see the house and all the tasks as belonging to you. And
then invite them to help. And acknowledge that you appreciate their
help -- no matter how small -- knowing that they could be playing a
video game or watching a favorite show instead and they've chosen to be
with you.
chaos or total clean.
Someone expressed cleaning up her kids toys as like providing a fresh
canvas for them :-)
Sometimes when the house gets out of control I look at it and am
overwhelmed. There's just too much stuff and I don't know where to
begin. I think cleaning is like that always for kids, even when it's a
small task. I could see a huge difference in my daughter's attitude
towards a mess as she got closer to puberty. Now, though she'd rather
do other things! ;-), tidying up doesn't seem like an insurmountable
mountain to her. Not because i trained her how to put things away! ;-)
But just because she's older.
I think you could keep their playroom from becoming a disaster area and
invite them along to help. But accept no as an answer.
Joyce
> how do you get your kids to clean.How could your husband get you to scrub the garage floor?
He could yell or threaten or bribe or beg. But what kind of
relationship would that create between you?
What if your child had a tower of collectible soda cans that was
always falling over. What if he decided that since you're part of the
family that restacking them once a week was part of your job. How could
he get you to do that? And how could he get you to stack them in the
"proper" (e.g. his) order? And what if you didn't do it to his
standards and didn't do as good a job as he knew you were capable of?
Now what if he said once a week "Mom, would you mind keeping me company
while I stack these cans? Maybe we could listen to a book on tape
together. Or you could tell me about the project your working on."
Sometimes you might not be able to join him because you were in the
middle of something. Sometimes you might help him stack just because
it feels good to help him out. And if he was truly thankful in a way
that let you know that he knew there were more interesting things you
could be doing, you'd be more likely to help him. On the other hand if
he criticized your stacking, or came to expect you to help him you'd be
less likely to help and might even be less likely to spend time with
him.
So, how can you get your kids to clean?
You could make them. And take withdrawals from your relationship
account with them to pay for it. They might be angry with you but you'd
have a clean house.
Or, if your relationship with them is important, you can shift your
thinking and see the house and all the tasks as belonging to you. And
then invite them to help. And acknowledge that you appreciate their
help -- no matter how small -- knowing that they could be playing a
video game or watching a favorite show instead and they've chosen to be
with you.
> or should I just let it slide like I originally said??I think creativity flourishes in controlled chaos better than in total
chaos or total clean.
Someone expressed cleaning up her kids toys as like providing a fresh
canvas for them :-)
Sometimes when the house gets out of control I look at it and am
overwhelmed. There's just too much stuff and I don't know where to
begin. I think cleaning is like that always for kids, even when it's a
small task. I could see a huge difference in my daughter's attitude
towards a mess as she got closer to puberty. Now, though she'd rather
do other things! ;-), tidying up doesn't seem like an insurmountable
mountain to her. Not because i trained her how to put things away! ;-)
But just because she's older.
I think you could keep their playroom from becoming a disaster area and
invite them along to help. But accept no as an answer.
Joyce
Nancy Wooton
On Jun 30, 2005, at 1:47 PM, SandraDodd@... wrote:
challenge him to see which of us could do it loudest, too <ggg>
Nancy
> Another time, sort another type,I used to race my son in putting Duplos in the buckets; I would
> or pick up all lost pieces and put them in a little box, but don't
> bother to
> try to put them all where they go.
challenge him to see which of us could do it loudest, too <ggg>
Nancy
J. Stauffer
<< Another time, sort another type,
absolute whirlwinds about 15 hours out of each day. They are loud,
boisterous, fun-loving and they leave the best kind of disasters in their
wake. I love them dearly but they don't pick up after themselves at all
without reminders.
I used to pick up for them or with them when they were little but as they
got older and involved in more and more things (and since they can't drive
it means I am shuttling somebody at least twice a day) I found I was simply
running out of time. I couldn't clean for them, and care for them and run
them around and still get 6 to 8 hours sleep at night.
So I did what I would do with my husband in that situation.....I talked to
them. We brainstormed, we tried various ideas, I really listened to
feedback, we tweaked things.
What we do now is first have a sitdown meeting on Sundays to talk about the
week, who will be gone, who needs to get a specific thing from the store (we
live out of town), who has a specific concern, etc..
Then each day everyone in the family has a list of what they need to do that
day. It includes fun stuff you were wanting to do, reminders to feed pets
and brush your teeth, and to pick up one community room once per day, etc..
This is very fluid, not rigid and varies with what is going on, etc.. And
it isn't just for the kids....dh and I also have lists.
What makes this work for us is truly listening to each other and being
willing to work as a team.
Julie S.
>> or pick up all lost pieces and put them in a little box, but don'tWell, I'm going to weigh in on a bit of a different tack. My kids are
>> bother to
>> try to put them all where they go.>>>
absolute whirlwinds about 15 hours out of each day. They are loud,
boisterous, fun-loving and they leave the best kind of disasters in their
wake. I love them dearly but they don't pick up after themselves at all
without reminders.
I used to pick up for them or with them when they were little but as they
got older and involved in more and more things (and since they can't drive
it means I am shuttling somebody at least twice a day) I found I was simply
running out of time. I couldn't clean for them, and care for them and run
them around and still get 6 to 8 hours sleep at night.
So I did what I would do with my husband in that situation.....I talked to
them. We brainstormed, we tried various ideas, I really listened to
feedback, we tweaked things.
What we do now is first have a sitdown meeting on Sundays to talk about the
week, who will be gone, who needs to get a specific thing from the store (we
live out of town), who has a specific concern, etc..
Then each day everyone in the family has a list of what they need to do that
day. It includes fun stuff you were wanting to do, reminders to feed pets
and brush your teeth, and to pick up one community room once per day, etc..
This is very fluid, not rigid and varies with what is going on, etc.. And
it isn't just for the kids....dh and I also have lists.
What makes this work for us is truly listening to each other and being
willing to work as a team.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Nancy Wooton" <nancywooton@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Thursday, June 30, 2005 8:52 PM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: getting your kids to clean
>
> On Jun 30, 2005, at 1:47 PM, SandraDodd@... wrote:
>
>> Another time, sort another type,
>> or pick up all lost pieces and put them in a little box, but don't
>> bother to
>> try to put them all where they go.
>
> I used to race my son in putting Duplos in the buckets; I would
> challenge him to see which of us could do it loudest, too <ggg>
>
> Nancy
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/1/05 7:43:09 AM, jnjstau@... writes:
I don't see it as the same as traditional "CHORES" where a parent assigns a
duty to a child and there's punishment if it's not done.
When people say "my child has a responsibility to..." (clean his room, feed
the dog, whatever) I think they haven't really looked at or thought about the
word "responsibility" very closely. It means "he is answerable to his boss
or superior officer for that." The boss and superior officer in such cases
is the parent. And sometimes parents will say "responsibility" as though
it's something completely out of their hands, while it is actually completely
WITHIN their power and creation.
Things that prevent choice and clarity seem to work against unschooling.
Things born of choice and clarity work with it.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Then each day everyone in the family has a list of what they need to doThat's what people would do in any groups with a shared project coming up.
> that
> day. It includes fun stuff you were wanting to do, reminders to feed pets
> and brush your teeth, and to pick up one community room once per day, etc..
> This is very fluid, not rigid and varies with what is going on, etc.. And
> it isn't just for the kids....dh and I also have lists.
>
> What makes this work for us is truly listening to each other and being
> willing to work as a team.
>
I don't see it as the same as traditional "CHORES" where a parent assigns a
duty to a child and there's punishment if it's not done.
When people say "my child has a responsibility to..." (clean his room, feed
the dog, whatever) I think they haven't really looked at or thought about the
word "responsibility" very closely. It means "he is answerable to his boss
or superior officer for that." The boss and superior officer in such cases
is the parent. And sometimes parents will say "responsibility" as though
it's something completely out of their hands, while it is actually completely
WITHIN their power and creation.
Things that prevent choice and clarity seem to work against unschooling.
Things born of choice and clarity work with it.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/30/2005 2:03:48 PM Central Standard Time,
jeans5kids@... writes:
. I usually ask and most of the time they
just do it (odd I know) but what if they didn't ????
and I like a clean house so I am always asking but dissided that I
should pick my battles and let the basement be their "all play all the
time" room. (I told them I didn't care if it was clean or not because
it is their room) But I am starting to feel like they should keep it
somewhat clean (you know, there is no food allowed but still)
so how do I approch this with out taking back their full ownership
(which I think is a good thing)??
~~~
It sounds like things are working out okay for you and your kids. They help
when asked. They will probably be much older before they start taking the
kind of initiative YOU do. Since it doesn't seem to be an issue in your home,
you'll probably see little bits and pieces of initiative here and there and
more of it, as time goes on. They'll do what you've been modelling, but it
probably won't look exactly like what you do until they're grown and in their
own homes. At least, that's how it was for my grown kids.
As for the playroom, I think I'd happily tell them a day or two in advance
that you thought it would be nice if it was better organized and that you're
going to dig into it. They might object, or they might get excited and want
to help, and they might even say "Can we do it today?"
I don't make Will clean his room, although I suggest it strongly if he has
friends coming over. He cleans it when he feels closed in (it's very small).
When I decide to tackle it and get it really clean, sort the Legos, move the
boxes of toys out that have migrated in, vacuum, dust, rearrange, etc., he
is SO grateful. He could never do all that by himself. At 11, he's much more
helpful than he was at 6. He can't do it all in a couple of hours like I
can, but he will know *how* to do it, just by watching and particpating as he
can.
So clean up the playroom, as a gift to your kids.
Karen
www.badchair.net
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jeans5kids@... writes:
. I usually ask and most of the time they
just do it (odd I know) but what if they didn't ????
and I like a clean house so I am always asking but dissided that I
should pick my battles and let the basement be their "all play all the
time" room. (I told them I didn't care if it was clean or not because
it is their room) But I am starting to feel like they should keep it
somewhat clean (you know, there is no food allowed but still)
so how do I approch this with out taking back their full ownership
(which I think is a good thing)??
~~~
It sounds like things are working out okay for you and your kids. They help
when asked. They will probably be much older before they start taking the
kind of initiative YOU do. Since it doesn't seem to be an issue in your home,
you'll probably see little bits and pieces of initiative here and there and
more of it, as time goes on. They'll do what you've been modelling, but it
probably won't look exactly like what you do until they're grown and in their
own homes. At least, that's how it was for my grown kids.
As for the playroom, I think I'd happily tell them a day or two in advance
that you thought it would be nice if it was better organized and that you're
going to dig into it. They might object, or they might get excited and want
to help, and they might even say "Can we do it today?"
I don't make Will clean his room, although I suggest it strongly if he has
friends coming over. He cleans it when he feels closed in (it's very small).
When I decide to tackle it and get it really clean, sort the Legos, move the
boxes of toys out that have migrated in, vacuum, dust, rearrange, etc., he
is SO grateful. He could never do all that by himself. At 11, he's much more
helpful than he was at 6. He can't do it all in a couple of hours like I
can, but he will know *how* to do it, just by watching and particpating as he
can.
So clean up the playroom, as a gift to your kids.
Karen
www.badchair.net
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/30/2005 2:15:36 PM Central Standard Time,
arcarpenter@... writes:
Maybe if you wanted to give your children a gift, you could, with
their permission, clean the basement for them or with them (in a fun
way), so that they would have a clean, enjoyable place to play.
~~~~
You said it so much better than I did!
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
arcarpenter@... writes:
Maybe if you wanted to give your children a gift, you could, with
their permission, clean the basement for them or with them (in a fun
way), so that they would have a clean, enjoyable place to play.
~~~~
You said it so much better than I did!
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sylvie Martin
Hello everybody,
If you receive a mail with my name and "gils" on the topic, don't open it ! It's not me ! It's a virus, I think !
Sylvie (Eliott le magicien 97, Tom le héros 99 et Lilou la fée 2002)
www.yourtes-tipis.com
If you receive a mail with my name and "gils" on the topic, don't open it ! It's not me ! It's a virus, I think !
Sylvie (Eliott le magicien 97, Tom le héros 99 et Lilou la fée 2002)
www.yourtes-tipis.com
----- Original Message -----
From: tuckervill2@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, July 01, 2005 4:04 PM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Re: getting your kids to clean
In a message dated 6/30/2005 2:15:36 PM Central Standard Time,
arcarpenter@... writes:
Maybe if you wanted to give your children a gift, you could, with
their permission, clean the basement for them or with them (in a fun
way), so that they would have a clean, enjoyable place to play.
~~~~
You said it so much better than I did!
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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