Nanci Kuykendall

>It seems to me that you had to talk him into it a
>little. Could you have just dropped it altogether
>at some point in the conversation and would he have
>been okay with that? Is this something he could
>easily forget before you go to the library?

LOL, I must not have done a good job at explaining
this. I don't actually want him to do it. I was
hesitant to mention it to him actually. After
discussing it here and with my husband I decided to go
the route of honesty and let him make his own choice
about whether he wanted to do it, regardless of my own
judgements about such schoolastically manipulative
rewards programs.

So I told him about it, as briefly and concisely as I
could. Something like this: "The library is doing
this reading program where you keep track of how much
time you read/are read to/look at books and then you
get to pick prizes from their box after each 4 hours
of reading. You can do it if you want, or not." I
keep reminding him that he doesn't have to keep doing
it, that he can stop whenever he wants, etc.

I would have left it at that, but he kept hounding me
for several days "Tell me again how it works." "I
don't understand, explain it again." "What are the
prizes like?" "I still don't understand, what do you
mean keep track of your reading? What do mean, mark
it in a booklet?" So that's why I had to repeatedly
explain it to him.

I finally showed him using the booklet at the library
as a visual aid and he seemed to be satisfied after
that. He carefully collected his booklet and the
bookmark they gave him, carries it around with him,
constantly asks if we can mark out time and asks if
it's been enough time to mark another 1/2 hour square.
He even marks his brother Alex's book for him, since
Alex doesn't care much himself.

He woke up this morning literally saying "I feel like
singing! La La La!" and was hopping around and giving
spontaneous kisses and hugs to everyone, which is a
big deal for him. He packed everything and everyone
eagerly in the car to go to the library this morning
to collect on his prize, as he had enough reading
since yesterday afternoon.

The prizes this week were stamps from various
countries and I could tell he was disappointed, but
thankfully he didn't say anything. I was very
relieved. He did ask the children's librarian to tell
him what the prizes were going to be for the next few
weeks. When she listed that near the end of summer
they were going to do little toys his interest was
immediately caught. I mentioned that he could just
save up his prize collection to come in when they had
the toys. I'm not sure he understood what I meant, he
looked confused but he nodded when I mentioned coming
in when they had the toys.

Library visits, like trips to the store, museums, and
other events, are difficult. We were in the library
all told for about 15 minutes and here's a recap of
it, part vent, part to help others understand what
it's like to live with a high funcitoning autistic
child. Thomas has Asperger's syndrome, Oppositional
Defiance, Sensory Integration Dysfunction, Dyslexia,
and has various serious allergies. We don't like
labels and are glad that keeping him home has helped
us avoid a lot of damage to his self esteem and myriad
other problems trying to fit into a world where he is
a square peg. Knowing where to draw the line bewteen
my unschooling principles guiding me to back off and
not interfere where my son's needs often conflict with
this and require me to step in a manage him is a
constant struggle.

I was not going to sit and read to them in the library
today, which can usually keep him focused and quiet
while we were there, because I was only going to be
there a few minutes and then we had to get the car
home for his dad to get to work. I needed to use the
library computer for 10 minutes to look something up,
request a book in library loan and put a hold on
another book (some of the book suggestions given to me
here this week.) I would have done it from home, but
the website was acting weird. I do as much as I can
from home.

I repeatedly had to explain to Thomas what I was going
to do, where and for how long, telling him his library
acceptable options for while I was doing that, which
were to stay with me quietly, or to look at books or
do games and puzles or play quietly a few feet away
from me in the children's library area where he could
easily see me or come to me if he needed me. He could
not focus enough to acknowledge my comments. He ran
to get books he wanted while I was talking to him.

After that he was running in circles between several
rooms with adjoining doors (children's library room,
empty conference room, main library area) and not
responding to or able to acknowledge my communication
with him about stopping or slowing down, even when I
physically stopped him or slowed him down as he ran
past the stand up computer work station where I was.
His younger brother Alex (7yrs), who often gets roped
into his games, I was able to corral and get to stay
by me willingly. That didn't stop Thomas though and
soon he was getting several preschool kids in the
children's area riled up and rowdy as well.

Thomas was not able to make eye contact even when I
held his face with my hands blindering him on either
side. His eyes were shooting everywhere but at me.
When I repeatedly asked him to acknowledge that he
must quiet down in the library and stop the running he
shouted in my face "OK! OK!" and immediately began
manically giggling and running again when I let him
go. When I finally wrapped my arms around him,
recognizing his inability to calm himself, he let
himself lean so far and heavily that he fell over and
began to cry. When I scooped him into my lap on the
floor, he was still pushing me away absently and began
giggling again and his eyes were rolling everywhere.
When I stood him up again he was immediately pulling
and leaning so far he was going to fall if I let him
go.

This took place all within the span of a few minutes
and I decided we needed to leave. I closed out the
computer I was working on and went across to check out
Thomas' books. He climbed onto the step at the
counter for kids to use and started fingering the
inkpad and trying to lift the laser scanner wand off
the counter and asking if he could check out the books
with it himself and just talking and moving a million
miles a minute, as well as shoving his brother and
trying to occupy whatever space he was in each time he
moved out of Thomas' way.

The librarian kindly offered Thomas a stamp and pad
and suggested he stamp his hand. He was horrified at
this idea, but I turned over his reading program
booklet and suggested he stamp and blank back side of
it. In the time it took her to check out his three
books while I filled out a very short book request
form (name, phone #, book title and author, check a
couple other boxes) he had stamped his booklet 30
some times.

Then of course he had a little ink on his hands and
was loudly complaining about that and shuddering. I
took him to the restroom where he frantically scrubbed
his hand and 4 changes of liquid soap before being
satisfied that it was clean. Alex meanwhile casually
browsed books near the restroom and commented to me on
the cover art.

I hustled them into the car and collapsed frazzledly
into the driver's seat to breath for a minute before
heading home. I was just thankful that all this was
happy manic behavior and there had been no explosions.
This was not at all an unusual outing. Thomas has
improved and progressed amazingly in the last 2 years
in many ways, and we used to avoid the library and
similar enclosed quiet places completely. Now he can
stay there quietly for as long as I am reading to him,
but if I try to do anything for myself (like today)
it's another story.

Another interesting recent telltale exchange of
Thomas' developmental and neurological differences was
that I began reading The Explosive Child by Ross W.
Greene (which by the way so far seems pricelessly
accurate of Thomas) yesterday. Here is a link to the
cover art, which plays a part in this anecdote.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0060931027/ref=sib_dp_pt/002-6223567-7142404#readerpage

Alex walked into the kitchen, glanced at the book on
the table and said "Awww, poor little bomb kid." This
seemed a cute but not noteworthy statement at first.
Later I realized the implications of it. It meant
that Alex recognized that the art was representative
of both an abstract drawing of a child, AND an
abstract drawing of a bomb. He also immediately
recognized that the child-bomb had a facial expression
and that that expression was a sad/unhappy one.

Thomas, hearing Alex' comment, came in and looked at
the book as well. After a moment and with a blank
expression he said "Why did Alex say that?"

Me: "Why did Alex say what?"
T: "Why did he say that was a kid?"
Me: "His large head and smaller body indicate that he
is a child, as well as his playing with blocks."
T: "Why did he say 'poor bomb kid' like that? Is it
because he has that fire thing in his head like a
bomb."
Me: "Well the round red head and the fuse are what
made Alex say he was a bomb kid, yes. I think Alex
displayed sympathy for him because of his facial
features, which show sadness. The way his eyebrows
and mouth are drawn, the way his head is tilted and
the way his eyes are so small and seem almost teary
show his sadness."

Thomas looked again carefully for a minute, then went
about his business.

Unschooling these two so radically different children
is often a challenge, always an adventure and
definitely a learning experience for me every day.

Is anyone else here unschooling a special needs child?

Nanci K.

arcarpenter2003

--- In [email protected], Nanci Kuykendall <aisliin@y...>
wrote:
==
> Is anyone else here unschooling a special needs child?==


You may know of this already, but there's a Yahoo group devoted to
radically unschooling atypical and special needs child. Explosive,
out -of-sync, sensory integration dysfunction, autism and autistic
spectrum disorders, highly sensitive, and more -- all of these are
terms that are regularly discussed on the Shine With Unschooling list.
There are definitely moms who would be able to relate to your library
experience.

The focus is on letting each child shine for who they are. Anne Ohman
is the listowner, and she is wonderfully positive and, well,
wonderful. <G>

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/shinewithunschooling/

Peace,
Amy