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>>>>>>>I think I'm going to have a major
case of empty nest syndrome some day! (on the one hand, it's so great
that i will be able so spend so much of their lives with them, as
opposed to them living in school most of the time, but then at the
same time, it will be that much harder to see them go, having been so
close!!>>>>>>>

I wonder if it might be easier to someday see our children 'leave the nest'
because of the relationship that results from unschooling. Maybe it is
easier when we've had 10 to 20 years of lots of good quality time together, rather
than the more typical parent-child relationships that are full of the
interuptions of daycare, school, and what not.


****Hi,

I now have an empty nest. It is like any other stage and age in life - it
comes on gradually, and you get to adjust. My five kids are spaced over 17
years . That has meant that they've left gradually (which I think is easier to
adjust to than if they all left quickly). The key for me is that they were
ready to go, and in many ways I was ready to have them leave.

It happens in steps. First they started with jobs/and/or college. That
means they are gone for periods of time. Of course before this they were
involved in their own lives so that we weren't spending as much time together - and
doing things like going on field trips or park days was no longer a part of
our relationship.

As I watch them function in their young adult lives I feel very grateful for
two things - one, that we did have SO much time together in their early
years, and two, that they have such a secure sense of themselves that they can
manage so well out in the "real" world.

My situation is somewhat different because there has been a divorce in the
mix too, but I am enjoying (usually!! :-) ) the new "challenges" in my life
now that I am focussing on developing more income and my new partner
relationship.

It is like looking back on the days of nursing. By the time they weaned,
both the child and I were ready for that to happen. Not to mean that I didn't
love nursing them, but we were both ready to move on. It is like that -- you
still get to have a relationship with them, it just shifts somewhat as they
become more independent and self-sufficient.

Do I look back and remember how wonderful the earlier times were?
Certainly!! But I also watch the intense parenting that young children need, and it
makes me tired just to be an observer!! LOL.

Connie
_www.homeschoolingreflections.com_ (http://www.homeschoolingreflections.com)


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Gold Standard

>>I now have an empty nest.<<


I'm wondering if anyone here has had the experience of their child staying
home way into adulthood. I foresee that with my autistic guy. Connie, I
loved your beautiful description of the evolution of the relationships with
your children until they went off on their own. I see that happening with my
other three, who are 15, 13, and 11. With Andrew, who is 16, I want to
continue completely LOVING his adult stay with us, if that indeed happens. I
wonder about the families that may have a child who does not follow the
"typical" pattern, and what that was like for them. Any experiences with
this?

Thanks,
Jacki

Pam Sorooshian

Me too, Connie. I am starting to LOVE my own time a lot more, too. I
never thought the time I spent with my children was a sacrifice - I
loved it, did it willingly (and still do). But I like my own time a lot
more now than I ever did. I have more books I want to read, want to
watch movies I choose, want to eat when and what I feel like eating,
and so on. I know that some people have a tough time when their kids
are growing up and moving out and so on - but I remember that when my
kids were younger I sometimes felt almost a sense of panic when I
thought about them ever not living with us. But, really it IS like
weaning - it is okay when the time is right and both parent and child
are ready. Great analogy, Connie!

-pam

On Apr 11, 2005, at 6:34 AM, conniecolten@... wrote:

> But I also watch the intense parenting that young children need, and
> it
> makes me tired just to be an observer!! LOL.

fireflysummers

Ah...thank you so much for sharing your thoughts...this sentiment
comparing leaving home to weaning made a lot of sense to me...I know
since my kids are so young I shouldnt even be thinking about empty
nest syndrome, but sometimes I do worry about how much I will miss
them someday. This comparison you made has given me a little Aha
moment! :) Thank you!

> It is like looking back on the days of nursing. By the time they
weaned,
> both the child and I were ready for that to happen. Not to mean
that I didn't
> love nursing them, but we were both ready to move on. It is like
that -- you
> still get to have a relationship with them, it just shifts somewhat
as they
> become more independent and self-sufficient.
>