I need inspiration
mascire2
I need some inspiration. I have almost 8 year old twin boys. I feel
like they are bored, and quite frankly, so am I. I wholeheartedly
agree and understand unschooling, but it just doesn't seem to be
working here. My kids are reluctant to try new things that I
suggest, and usually if I plan something(that I really think they
would enjoy) it turns into a fight as to whether we will go. So, I
usually give up. I just don't feel like they are finding all of
these exciting new things to learn about, asking me to help them
find information,etc.
I know that they are learning, but it just seems like they are
bored, and I am not sure what to do. I don't want to push them into
doing things, but at the same time, how do they learn about things
that they might enjoy if we are not exposing them to new things?
This is where I get confused. It seems I should be constantly
exposing them to new things, but how do I do this if they complain
about going places. It seems they have an attitude about
homeschoolers too. They say I don't want to go if we are going with
the HS group. We rarely even do anything with them. And there are a
couple of boys that they do enjoy playing with when we do go. So, I
don't get it. I know I don't want them to go to school, but at the
same time, I am not enjoying this "journey" so far. I don't like
admitting that, but it is the truth. I know people that are
unschooling IRL, but they struggle too. It just seems like everyone
else has more exciting things going on.
Any inspiration you can offer me? Please?!
Thank you!
Amie
like they are bored, and quite frankly, so am I. I wholeheartedly
agree and understand unschooling, but it just doesn't seem to be
working here. My kids are reluctant to try new things that I
suggest, and usually if I plan something(that I really think they
would enjoy) it turns into a fight as to whether we will go. So, I
usually give up. I just don't feel like they are finding all of
these exciting new things to learn about, asking me to help them
find information,etc.
I know that they are learning, but it just seems like they are
bored, and I am not sure what to do. I don't want to push them into
doing things, but at the same time, how do they learn about things
that they might enjoy if we are not exposing them to new things?
This is where I get confused. It seems I should be constantly
exposing them to new things, but how do I do this if they complain
about going places. It seems they have an attitude about
homeschoolers too. They say I don't want to go if we are going with
the HS group. We rarely even do anything with them. And there are a
couple of boys that they do enjoy playing with when we do go. So, I
don't get it. I know I don't want them to go to school, but at the
same time, I am not enjoying this "journey" so far. I don't like
admitting that, but it is the truth. I know people that are
unschooling IRL, but they struggle too. It just seems like everyone
else has more exciting things going on.
Any inspiration you can offer me? Please?!
Thank you!
Amie
Nancy Wooton
On Mar 29, 2005, at 9:21 PM, mascire2 wrote:
exciting new things to learn about, please?
catalyst to learning. In the meantime, you find something interesting
to do. Model self-starting.
whatever they were doing in order to do something else, including
eating meals. Usually, they enjoyed an outing once they got there. I
had to make sure they understood that they truly did have a choice; if
they didn't want to go, we didn't go, with no shaming repercussions for
that choice. (I didn't buy tickets in advance to anything ;-)
other homeschoolers, they wouldn't go. They preferred to go at their
own pace, lingering as long as they wanted or skipping other parts of,
say, a museum; waiting for other kids was torture.
Unschooling has less to do with activities than with philosophy, I
think.
some of us, and is counter-productive for learning. Long periods of
just hanging out, daydreaming, contemplating, and digesting are
essential. What are these unschoolers you know struggling with? And
by unschoolers, do you mean the parents or the kids?
Forget "learning" ;-) You have lots of time; your boys should be
spending it playing -- Humans learn by playing. My 17 y.o. daughter
just said to tell you "let 'em outside to find bugs." Bugs are great:
I have a spider living on the outside of my kitchen window; we've
watched her catch and eat several large insects, and now she's guarding
her egg sac. We're looking forward to spiderlings. Every fall we
watch the orb web spiders spin a new web each evening; my kids like to
toss moths into them (we also have a pet tarantula, I should confess!).
If your boys aren't into bugs, I'm sure they have lots of other things
they like; let them show you, without you trying to direct them into
something "edumacational" ;-) (That's Homer Simpson, fyi.)
Hope that helps,
Nancy (with a 17 y.o. dd and a 15 y.o. ds, both unschooled)
>Some examples of what you think they would enjoy, of what you consider
>
>
> I need some inspiration. I have almost 8 year old twin boys. I feel
> like they are bored, and quite frankly, so am I. I wholeheartedly
> agree and understand unschooling, but it just doesn't seem to be
> working here. My kids are reluctant to try new things that I
> suggest, and usually if I plan something(that I really think they
> would enjoy) it turns into a fight as to whether we will go. So, I
> usually give up. I just don't feel like they are finding all of
> these exciting new things to learn about, asking me to help them
> find information,etc.
>
exciting new things to learn about, please?
> I know that they are learning, but it just seems like they areLet Them Be Bored. They'll find something to do. Boredom is a great
> bored, and I am not sure what to do.
catalyst to learning. In the meantime, you find something interesting
to do. Model self-starting.
> I don't want to push them intoWhy?
> doing things, but at the same time, how do they learn about things
> that they might enjoy if we are not exposing them to new things?
> This is where I get confused. It seems I should be constantly
> exposing them to new things,
> but how do I do this if they complainMy kids always hated going places, too. They were reluctant to leave
> about going places.
whatever they were doing in order to do something else, including
eating meals. Usually, they enjoyed an outing once they got there. I
had to make sure they understood that they truly did have a choice; if
they didn't want to go, we didn't go, with no shaming repercussions for
that choice. (I didn't buy tickets in advance to anything ;-)
> It seems they have an attitude aboutMine *hated* group activities; if the outing was a field trip with
> homeschoolers too. They say I don't want to go if we are going with
> the HS group.
other homeschoolers, they wouldn't go. They preferred to go at their
own pace, lingering as long as they wanted or skipping other parts of,
say, a museum; waiting for other kids was torture.
> We rarely even do anything with them. And there are aHow long have you been living it? Not "doing" it, but living it?
> couple of boys that they do enjoy playing with when we do go. So, I
> don't get it. I know I don't want them to go to school, but at the
> same time, I am not enjoying this "journey" so far.
Unschooling has less to do with activities than with philosophy, I
think.
> I don't likeExcitement is overrated. Too much stimulation is just exhausting to
> admitting that, but it is the truth. I know people that are
> unschooling IRL, but they struggle too. It just seems like everyone
> else has more exciting things going on.
>
some of us, and is counter-productive for learning. Long periods of
just hanging out, daydreaming, contemplating, and digesting are
essential. What are these unschoolers you know struggling with? And
by unschoolers, do you mean the parents or the kids?
> Any inspiration you can offer me? Please?!Read "The Book of Learning and Forgetting," by Frank Smith.
>
Forget "learning" ;-) You have lots of time; your boys should be
spending it playing -- Humans learn by playing. My 17 y.o. daughter
just said to tell you "let 'em outside to find bugs." Bugs are great:
I have a spider living on the outside of my kitchen window; we've
watched her catch and eat several large insects, and now she's guarding
her egg sac. We're looking forward to spiderlings. Every fall we
watch the orb web spiders spin a new web each evening; my kids like to
toss moths into them (we also have a pet tarantula, I should confess!).
If your boys aren't into bugs, I'm sure they have lots of other things
they like; let them show you, without you trying to direct them into
something "edumacational" ;-) (That's Homer Simpson, fyi.)
Hope that helps,
Nancy (with a 17 y.o. dd and a 15 y.o. ds, both unschooled)
Angela S
<<Mine *hated* group activities; if the outing was a field trip with
other homeschoolers, they wouldn't go. They preferred to go at their
own pace, lingering as long as they wanted or skipping other parts of,
say, a museum; waiting for other kids was torture.>>
My kids were never big on group activities either. They would only want to
go to a group thing once in a while (if they really thought they'd love the
place) and only if it was something that we couldn't do without a group.
Sometimes things are much more affordable with a group too.
Unschooling isn't just about going places. It's also about exposing them to
things through books, movies, conversation, TV, etc. It felt to me that my
kids didn't have a passion for a long time. I'd see other homeschoolers who
did all these great things that they were passionate about (karate, dance,
volunteering, etc.) and it seemed like my kids just played, for a long time.
We didn't go to a LOT of things then, but we did plod along, going to the
things that interested the kids here and there. Like you, I felt it was my
job to expose them to stuff but it was only fun if they wanted to be there.
Well, one trip to a riding stable and the kids found their passion and we've
been on a great ride ever since. :-) Before the horse obsession, we played
lots of board games, played outside a lot, (in winter cross country skiing,
snow shoeing, sliding), (in summer, camping, swimming, going to beaches,
lakes, state parks, etc.), we walked to the farms nearby a lot to visit the
animals, read aloud a lot, and the kids just played pretend a lot, and we
did the occasional field trip (sometimes alone, sometimes with a group).
Post horse obsession, we do the horse thing twice a day and fit the other
stuff in around the edges if we have time. Some things my kids enjoyed
doing alone were local animal rescues/parks, forts, museums, children's
museums, going on picnics in the woods, hiking small mountains, swimming
where we had a membership, cooking, gosh, I can't remember what else. Some
things we did with groups in the past were theater, small zoo, art class,
going to the ballet, stable tour, hiking, playing baseball, going to living
history places (did that alone too), can't think what else right now, but a
fair amount of things.
I say, just try to enjoy your day. Follow your own passions. Make
opportunities available to the boys and they will find their passion one day
and if they never have a passion that's o.k. too. They might just enjoy
doing a lot of different things or just using their imaginations for a long
time.
Angela
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
other homeschoolers, they wouldn't go. They preferred to go at their
own pace, lingering as long as they wanted or skipping other parts of,
say, a museum; waiting for other kids was torture.>>
My kids were never big on group activities either. They would only want to
go to a group thing once in a while (if they really thought they'd love the
place) and only if it was something that we couldn't do without a group.
Sometimes things are much more affordable with a group too.
Unschooling isn't just about going places. It's also about exposing them to
things through books, movies, conversation, TV, etc. It felt to me that my
kids didn't have a passion for a long time. I'd see other homeschoolers who
did all these great things that they were passionate about (karate, dance,
volunteering, etc.) and it seemed like my kids just played, for a long time.
We didn't go to a LOT of things then, but we did plod along, going to the
things that interested the kids here and there. Like you, I felt it was my
job to expose them to stuff but it was only fun if they wanted to be there.
Well, one trip to a riding stable and the kids found their passion and we've
been on a great ride ever since. :-) Before the horse obsession, we played
lots of board games, played outside a lot, (in winter cross country skiing,
snow shoeing, sliding), (in summer, camping, swimming, going to beaches,
lakes, state parks, etc.), we walked to the farms nearby a lot to visit the
animals, read aloud a lot, and the kids just played pretend a lot, and we
did the occasional field trip (sometimes alone, sometimes with a group).
Post horse obsession, we do the horse thing twice a day and fit the other
stuff in around the edges if we have time. Some things my kids enjoyed
doing alone were local animal rescues/parks, forts, museums, children's
museums, going on picnics in the woods, hiking small mountains, swimming
where we had a membership, cooking, gosh, I can't remember what else. Some
things we did with groups in the past were theater, small zoo, art class,
going to the ballet, stable tour, hiking, playing baseball, going to living
history places (did that alone too), can't think what else right now, but a
fair amount of things.
> We rarely even do anything with them. And there are aWhat about having the kids over to play, rather than seeing them in a group?
> couple of boys that they do enjoy playing with when we do go. So, I
> don't get it. I know I don't want them to go to school, but at the
> same time, I am not enjoying this "journey" so far.
I say, just try to enjoy your day. Follow your own passions. Make
opportunities available to the boys and they will find their passion one day
and if they never have a passion that's o.k. too. They might just enjoy
doing a lot of different things or just using their imaginations for a long
time.
Angela
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Good suggestions so far.
Here's a list new to my site, by Deb Lewis. It's a far-north-winter list,
but still...
http://sandradodd.com/strew/deblist
If you're pretty new to unschooling, maybe look again at deschooling:
http://sandradodd.com/deschooling
Will your boys watch movies with you? The more common knowledge you have
between and among you--music, jokes, sights, experiences--the better your
relationship will be, the more conversant you'll be in their lives. Hang out with
them and do what they want to do rather than try to draw them out to do what you
want to do. BE with *them.*
When people say "be with them" they too often emphasize the 'with,' but I
think the BEing is the most important part. Be interested with them and excited
with them and sad with them. Be with them emotionally and intellectually, at
their level.
Sandra
Here's a list new to my site, by Deb Lewis. It's a far-north-winter list,
but still...
http://sandradodd.com/strew/deblist
If you're pretty new to unschooling, maybe look again at deschooling:
http://sandradodd.com/deschooling
Will your boys watch movies with you? The more common knowledge you have
between and among you--music, jokes, sights, experiences--the better your
relationship will be, the more conversant you'll be in their lives. Hang out with
them and do what they want to do rather than try to draw them out to do what you
want to do. BE with *them.*
When people say "be with them" they too often emphasize the 'with,' but I
think the BEing is the most important part. Be interested with them and excited
with them and sad with them. Be with them emotionally and intellectually, at
their level.
Sandra
deirdreaycock
--- In [email protected], "mascire2" <amiersa2@c...>
wrote:
when one interest is winding down, and the new interest hasn't
started yet, I hear them say they are bored. But they don't want to
go anywhere, and the things I suggest don't interest them. But I
just go about my business (my busy-ness), checking in with them
frequently during the day, and before I know it they are totally
into something new. Now, that something isn't looking up
information about whales or volcanoes or dinosaurs or anything
schooly, but I can assure you, they are using their brains, their
creativity.
Pretend they are on summer vacation--one that never ends. That
usually helps me because I can still remember what summer vacation
felt like. About a week or two into it, I would get bored,
restless. And then I would realize that I had weeks and weeks to do
whatever I wanted!!! And I could do nothing at all if I wanted!!!
Were your summers like that? I loved it. My kids have it even
better than that 'cause they have a grown-up (me) at their beck and
call to help them bake those cookies they are in the mood for, or
sit down and chat with them, and cheer them on when they hit the
next level with a video game they have been working on. Both my
parents were gone all day to work and I stayed home with a
babysitter and 3 siblings.
The amazing thing about unschooling is that "doing nothing" is so
productive. I think I have interesting, educated kids, and they got
that way playing video games, playing with cars and stuffed animals,
watching cartoons on TV. I don't know what you visualize other
unschooled kids doing all day, but I can assure you mine aren't
researching ancient Egypt. My kids know about pyramids and
mummies, and I can't tell you how! I read Smithsonian magazine
every month, but I have never seen them so much as flip the pages of
it.
Good luck!
Deirdre in Alabama
wrote:
>feel
>
> I need some inspiration. I have almost 8 year old twin boys. I
> like they are bored, and quite frankly, so am I.Amie - You could be describing my kids, ds 12 and dd 10. Sometimes
> Any inspiration you can offer me? Please?!
>
> Thank you!
> Amie
when one interest is winding down, and the new interest hasn't
started yet, I hear them say they are bored. But they don't want to
go anywhere, and the things I suggest don't interest them. But I
just go about my business (my busy-ness), checking in with them
frequently during the day, and before I know it they are totally
into something new. Now, that something isn't looking up
information about whales or volcanoes or dinosaurs or anything
schooly, but I can assure you, they are using their brains, their
creativity.
Pretend they are on summer vacation--one that never ends. That
usually helps me because I can still remember what summer vacation
felt like. About a week or two into it, I would get bored,
restless. And then I would realize that I had weeks and weeks to do
whatever I wanted!!! And I could do nothing at all if I wanted!!!
Were your summers like that? I loved it. My kids have it even
better than that 'cause they have a grown-up (me) at their beck and
call to help them bake those cookies they are in the mood for, or
sit down and chat with them, and cheer them on when they hit the
next level with a video game they have been working on. Both my
parents were gone all day to work and I stayed home with a
babysitter and 3 siblings.
The amazing thing about unschooling is that "doing nothing" is so
productive. I think I have interesting, educated kids, and they got
that way playing video games, playing with cars and stuffed animals,
watching cartoons on TV. I don't know what you visualize other
unschooled kids doing all day, but I can assure you mine aren't
researching ancient Egypt. My kids know about pyramids and
mummies, and I can't tell you how! I read Smithsonian magazine
every month, but I have never seen them so much as flip the pages of
it.
Good luck!
Deirdre in Alabama
Pam Sorooshian
>> It just seems like everyoneMaybe the others, those whose lives look more exiting, are people who
>> else has more exciting things going on.
view the mundane things, the ordinary family-centered everyday things,
as more exciting? Maybe it is a difference in perspective?
It really makes a huge difference how the parent is feeling about what
the kids are doing.
My sister inadvertently taught me this when her now-24 yo son was only
about 4 years old. They had old very beat-up furniture and her son,
Alex, was standing next to a couch with holes in it. He was pulling out
little bits of stuffing and rolling it in his fingers, feeling the
texture, stuffing it back in, pulling out another tuft, feeling it, and
so on. He had a faraway look in his eyes and was clearly really focused
on experiencing the sensation of the texture of those tufts of couch
stuffing.
She and I walked in and saw him at the same moment. MY reaction would
have been to stop him from pulling stuffing out of the old couch. Julie
stopped and smiled and said, quietly to me, "Look at that - he is
having such a deep sensual experience just with a bit of stuffing from
an old couch. How wonderful!"
Another parent might have complained, "My kid is so bored he's
literally pulling the stuffing out of our old couch. That's the best
thing he can find to do?"
This might sound sort of phony or silly and unimportant - I'm just
recommending that people look at what their kids ARE doing and see if
they can change their own thinking about it - see it in the best
possible way. It doesn't change what they're doing, but it changes the
"tone" in the home and that is so all-important it can't be
overemphasized.
I guess, to be honest, I don't think people who are negative,
pessimistic, or cynical are going to make great unschooling parents and
that if they know themselves to be that way, they owe it to their kids
to work on being more positive, optimistic, and especially at not
expressing even minimal scorn. They'll do better by choosing to be more
child-like themselves, more filled with wonder at even little ordinary
aspects of life.
-pam