Looking for Suggestions
Lisette Abbott
Hi, I've been on this list for a while, reading
everybody's comments, thoughts, ideas, etc. Very
helpful!
Our family has been moving to unschooling without
anybody's *decision* to do so--I'm discovering it's a
natural progression. Well, almost all of us. Here's
the thing. My husband fully supports us, is very
involved with ds's learning, activities, etc., *but*
he's still in the mindset of school in that he's
having a hard time seeing that what our son's doing is
what's right for him at that moment. Ds John is a
video gamer and computer whiz. He likes to spend hours
playing & studying games, their designs, logic,
artwork, music, etc. He's also creating his own pc
game. Dh James is another computer/video gamer so he
can spend hours doing the same thing ds does. *But* it
seems as if dh doesn't consider what ds is doing as
valid learning. (Dh regards his time doing this as
"relaxing" and having fun, so it seems that he's still
having trouble recognizing that we *can* have fun and
learn at the same time...)
Occasionally dh will ask ds what he did for math that
day, or what he did for writing, etc. And when he
does, I can see ds clam up and become sullen. He'll
not tell his dad that he wrote this incredible poem
just because "it needed to come out" or about a really
great conversation we had or that he's composing his
own drum solo or ... you get the idea. Ds does this
only when dh starts to get, what I call, "lecturish."
When the two are just hanging out and having fun, ds
is completely open with dh, talking about a whole host
of things.
It also doesn't help any that right now we're staying
at dh's grandparents' house and it's becoming more
obvious that they are anti-hsing at worst and, at
best, think we should follow a set curriculum that's
put forth by the state and "do school" only during
"normal school hours" (their words). The grandmother
likes to brag about what one of the other
great-grandkids is doing in school (taking sax
lessons) while not commenting on the fact that ds is
learning drums, violin, is a great storyteller, can
understand complex & abstract concepts, conversations,
loves satire, etc. (He's only 11, too.) Ds can have
meaningful or goofy conversations with *anybody* while
the other ps kids in the family can barely hold a
thought. The grandmother has even noticed this and,
I'm not kidding, ask why ds doesn't have any trouble
talking to anybody but (insert other kid's name here)
is "out of his league."
Anyway, we *are* moving to our own house next month
(in another state, too! LOL), so that's a light at the
end of the tunnel, but I'm still at a loss as how to
help dh alleviate his own fears and come to really
recognize that what ds is doing is incredible, he's
genuinely happy, and he's nurturing an amazing
personality, sense of humor, and a centeredness being
as a person.
Sigh. Any suggestions are welcome. I'm just getting
very tired feeling like I need to act as a buffer btw
our growing unschooling lifestyle and Dh's slight
resistance. I think he's giving it a try b/c he trusts
me, but I'm not so sure he trusts ds enough to back
off and just let ds *be.* Does any of this make sense?
Anyway, ideas, thoughts, comments, etc are welcome.
Regards,
Lisette
P.S. Short of standing over him to make sure he reads
these columns, I have sent him links to various
unschooling columns, particularly those by Sandra
Dodd. I'm not quite at wit's end, but I fear I'm
getting close to it...
=====
"You cannot teach a person anything; you can only help him find it within himself." Galileo
everybody's comments, thoughts, ideas, etc. Very
helpful!
Our family has been moving to unschooling without
anybody's *decision* to do so--I'm discovering it's a
natural progression. Well, almost all of us. Here's
the thing. My husband fully supports us, is very
involved with ds's learning, activities, etc., *but*
he's still in the mindset of school in that he's
having a hard time seeing that what our son's doing is
what's right for him at that moment. Ds John is a
video gamer and computer whiz. He likes to spend hours
playing & studying games, their designs, logic,
artwork, music, etc. He's also creating his own pc
game. Dh James is another computer/video gamer so he
can spend hours doing the same thing ds does. *But* it
seems as if dh doesn't consider what ds is doing as
valid learning. (Dh regards his time doing this as
"relaxing" and having fun, so it seems that he's still
having trouble recognizing that we *can* have fun and
learn at the same time...)
Occasionally dh will ask ds what he did for math that
day, or what he did for writing, etc. And when he
does, I can see ds clam up and become sullen. He'll
not tell his dad that he wrote this incredible poem
just because "it needed to come out" or about a really
great conversation we had or that he's composing his
own drum solo or ... you get the idea. Ds does this
only when dh starts to get, what I call, "lecturish."
When the two are just hanging out and having fun, ds
is completely open with dh, talking about a whole host
of things.
It also doesn't help any that right now we're staying
at dh's grandparents' house and it's becoming more
obvious that they are anti-hsing at worst and, at
best, think we should follow a set curriculum that's
put forth by the state and "do school" only during
"normal school hours" (their words). The grandmother
likes to brag about what one of the other
great-grandkids is doing in school (taking sax
lessons) while not commenting on the fact that ds is
learning drums, violin, is a great storyteller, can
understand complex & abstract concepts, conversations,
loves satire, etc. (He's only 11, too.) Ds can have
meaningful or goofy conversations with *anybody* while
the other ps kids in the family can barely hold a
thought. The grandmother has even noticed this and,
I'm not kidding, ask why ds doesn't have any trouble
talking to anybody but (insert other kid's name here)
is "out of his league."
Anyway, we *are* moving to our own house next month
(in another state, too! LOL), so that's a light at the
end of the tunnel, but I'm still at a loss as how to
help dh alleviate his own fears and come to really
recognize that what ds is doing is incredible, he's
genuinely happy, and he's nurturing an amazing
personality, sense of humor, and a centeredness being
as a person.
Sigh. Any suggestions are welcome. I'm just getting
very tired feeling like I need to act as a buffer btw
our growing unschooling lifestyle and Dh's slight
resistance. I think he's giving it a try b/c he trusts
me, but I'm not so sure he trusts ds enough to back
off and just let ds *be.* Does any of this make sense?
Anyway, ideas, thoughts, comments, etc are welcome.
Regards,
Lisette
P.S. Short of standing over him to make sure he reads
these columns, I have sent him links to various
unschooling columns, particularly those by Sandra
Dodd. I'm not quite at wit's end, but I fear I'm
getting close to it...
=====
"You cannot teach a person anything; you can only help him find it within himself." Galileo
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/20/05 9:42:12 AM, lisetteabbott@... writes:
<< When the two are just hanging out and having fun, ds
is completely open with dh, talking about a whole host
of things. >>
Buy or rent a DVD called Video Game Revolution.
You can buy it by calling
1-800-937-5387
which is some PBS station that's selling it.
That's where we got ours. But they might be used on Amazon by now, too, and
maybe for rent from Netflix or other places.
Don't make a lecture about why you got it, just put it out there, and try to
arrange for your husband to watch it with your son (or all of you together).
It's BIGtime, lifechanging.
-=-I'm just getting
very tired feeling like I need to act as a buffer btw
our growing unschooling lifestyle and Dh's slight
resistance. I think he's giving it a try b/c he trusts
me, but I'm not so sure he trusts ds enough to back
off and just let ds *be.* -=-
Buffer for now. It won't be forever.
Conversations that might help are: asking your husband questions that will
remind him how much he learned outside of or after he left school; pointing out
a single interesting learning moment of the day, without further commentary
(those will build up); telling an occasional school-sorrow story from your own
life or another relative. Don't lay those on thick or demand agreement or
response. Just float them out there.
Sandra
<< When the two are just hanging out and having fun, ds
is completely open with dh, talking about a whole host
of things. >>
Buy or rent a DVD called Video Game Revolution.
You can buy it by calling
1-800-937-5387
which is some PBS station that's selling it.
That's where we got ours. But they might be used on Amazon by now, too, and
maybe for rent from Netflix or other places.
Don't make a lecture about why you got it, just put it out there, and try to
arrange for your husband to watch it with your son (or all of you together).
It's BIGtime, lifechanging.
-=-I'm just getting
very tired feeling like I need to act as a buffer btw
our growing unschooling lifestyle and Dh's slight
resistance. I think he's giving it a try b/c he trusts
me, but I'm not so sure he trusts ds enough to back
off and just let ds *be.* -=-
Buffer for now. It won't be forever.
Conversations that might help are: asking your husband questions that will
remind him how much he learned outside of or after he left school; pointing out
a single interesting learning moment of the day, without further commentary
(those will build up); telling an occasional school-sorrow story from your own
life or another relative. Don't lay those on thick or demand agreement or
response. Just float them out there.
Sandra
Diane Bentzen
What I did when we were staying for a month at my
parents' house (retired schoolteachers) while setting
up housekeeping at our new house was to say we were
doing a unit study on home economics (moving) and just
basically declare vacation for the duration.
If your dh is normally supportive and this has
primarily come up while staying with family, I'd just
declare spring break for the month, thumb your nose at
the in-laws (politely, of course) and let everyone
know you'll be getting back to normal after you get to
the new house. Of course, normal will look a lot like
spring break except for the boxes, but you don't have
to tell them that. I try, in these situations, to keep
the relationships intact rather than educating people
on my educational philosophy.
If dh's fears are still around after you move you can
deal with that then. I'd just declare vacation until
after you move.
:-) Diane
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The all-new My Yahoo! - Get yours free!
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parents' house (retired schoolteachers) while setting
up housekeeping at our new house was to say we were
doing a unit study on home economics (moving) and just
basically declare vacation for the duration.
If your dh is normally supportive and this has
primarily come up while staying with family, I'd just
declare spring break for the month, thumb your nose at
the in-laws (politely, of course) and let everyone
know you'll be getting back to normal after you get to
the new house. Of course, normal will look a lot like
spring break except for the boxes, but you don't have
to tell them that. I try, in these situations, to keep
the relationships intact rather than educating people
on my educational philosophy.
If dh's fears are still around after you move you can
deal with that then. I'd just declare vacation until
after you move.
:-) Diane
> It also doesn't help any that right now we're__________________________________
> staying
> at dh's grandparents' house and it's becoming more
> obvious that they are anti-hsing at worst and
>
> Anyway, we *are* moving to our own house next month
> (in another state, too! LOL), so that's a light at
> the
> end of the tunnel, but I'm still at a loss as how to
> help dh alleviate his own fears ...
>
> Anyway, ideas, thoughts, comments, etc are welcome.
Do you Yahoo!?
The all-new My Yahoo! - Get yours free!
http://my.yahoo.com
Tracey Inman
Lisette Wrote:
end of the tunnel, but I'm still at a loss as how to
help dh alleviate his own fears and come to really
recognize that what ds is doing is incredible, he's
genuinely happy, and he's nurturing an amazing
personality, sense of humor, and a centeredness being
as a person.<<
Boy do I feel for you on the part about living with dh parents. We did that
for 4 months last year. UGH! It also happened to be the time we
transitioned into unschooling. I believe most of the stress will eliminate
itself once you move. Maybe your dh is getting some flack from his parents
and that is where you get his apprehensions. On the other hand, my
suggestion is give him stuff to read about unschooling. I have been
fortunate to have a completely supportive husband but I will still forward
him through e-mail some threads I think are relative to us. I also asked him
to read "The Unprocessed Child" by Valerie Fitzenreiter. Even though he
agreed on the whole concept we were still not totally on the same page when
it came to things like bedtimes, how to handle when one of our dd asked a
question. My dh wanted to answer it by having them figure it out instead of
just give them the answer. Valerie has a great chapter on that particular
subject. I have also offered websites and book titles to parents and
in-laws. Now, they have chosen not to read anything at this point but that
is their choice. At least I have offered information. And the reading my
dh has done has been good for all of us.
Hang in there! I hope some of this helped.
~Tracey I.
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>>Anyway, we *are* moving to our own house next month(in another state, too! LOL), so that's a light at the
end of the tunnel, but I'm still at a loss as how to
help dh alleviate his own fears and come to really
recognize that what ds is doing is incredible, he's
genuinely happy, and he's nurturing an amazing
personality, sense of humor, and a centeredness being
as a person.<<
Boy do I feel for you on the part about living with dh parents. We did that
for 4 months last year. UGH! It also happened to be the time we
transitioned into unschooling. I believe most of the stress will eliminate
itself once you move. Maybe your dh is getting some flack from his parents
and that is where you get his apprehensions. On the other hand, my
suggestion is give him stuff to read about unschooling. I have been
fortunate to have a completely supportive husband but I will still forward
him through e-mail some threads I think are relative to us. I also asked him
to read "The Unprocessed Child" by Valerie Fitzenreiter. Even though he
agreed on the whole concept we were still not totally on the same page when
it came to things like bedtimes, how to handle when one of our dd asked a
question. My dh wanted to answer it by having them figure it out instead of
just give them the answer. Valerie has a great chapter on that particular
subject. I have also offered websites and book titles to parents and
in-laws. Now, they have chosen not to read anything at this point but that
is their choice. At least I have offered information. And the reading my
dh has done has been good for all of us.
Hang in there! I hope some of this helped.
~Tracey I.
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[email protected]
-=-I have also offered websites and book titles to parents and
in-laws. Now, they have chosen not to read anything at this point but that
is their choice. At least I have offered information. -=-
"At least" puts it too lightly.
You've made a move in the real positioning game that takes you from being a second-tier person to a full-blown adult.
You've given them an assignment, in one way. Another way to look at it is you've given them an opportunity to make the next move.
If and when they are the least big critical or ask what would be a stupid question (meaning if they had done their reading they would have the answer), you can say "Did you read the book I gave you?"
If the answer is no, you can say, "After you read that, we could talk about it some more." The unstated other side of that chesspiece is "until you read about it, it is not my move, and any other moves you make are cheating."
Sandra
in-laws. Now, they have chosen not to read anything at this point but that
is their choice. At least I have offered information. -=-
"At least" puts it too lightly.
You've made a move in the real positioning game that takes you from being a second-tier person to a full-blown adult.
You've given them an assignment, in one way. Another way to look at it is you've given them an opportunity to make the next move.
If and when they are the least big critical or ask what would be a stupid question (meaning if they had done their reading they would have the answer), you can say "Did you read the book I gave you?"
If the answer is no, you can say, "After you read that, we could talk about it some more." The unstated other side of that chesspiece is "until you read about it, it is not my move, and any other moves you make are cheating."
Sandra
Robyn Coburn
Here are the two lists for Unschooling Dads that my dh is subscribed to. He
considers getting 5 emails (combined!) in a day to be "enormous volume" so
your dh need not fear that he will be swamped by correspondence.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDads/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SSUDs/
My dh is terrible about reading books, although he does like to read both
magazines and anything when it shines out of a screen, provided it is
reasonably brief. Once when I had marked some passages in a book for him
(rather than present the whole book) he responded, sadly, with the words,
"Is this another book for you to criticize me with?"
I realized that I was not approaching him the best way. Now, instead of
large volumes, I forward the occasional pithy email, or link to a new
article (rather than the whole site for example). The other thing I did that
has made a lot of difference is forward some of *my* posts to him,
especially those that are "theoretical musings", along with any answers they
generate, so that he gets some understanding of where my thinking is going.
It might be better to help your dh see what he is doing as being "testing
and quizzing", and offer him the information that it is the testing itself
that is anathema to free learning. I'm trying to suggest that focusing on
dh's *actions* (that he can change at once) will immediately put less
pressure on your son, rather than expecting dh to prematurely embrace these
larger concepts that "every activity is valid learning" or "learning should
be fun". As Unschoolers we know these things are true, however I believe
that your dh's actions of asking judgmental questions should be ceased
before his acceptance can blossom. I have faith that it will blossom. I'm
sure that there are some links to anti-testing info websites on Sandra's
site.
As for family members:
One thing that helped with my mother (who died in January) was to send her
articles from sources that *she* respected. The example that I always repeat
is when she was being ignorantly opinionated about extended breastfeeding, I
sent her an article from the American Academy of Pediatrics, rather than one
from say, Mothering Magazine, because she was married to a doctor and had a
great deal of faith in Western medicine. The information was essentially the
same, and it quieted her fears - and she even told me "OK, you know best".
I also was able to avoid getting into lengthy discussions by immediately
hanging up the phone since we lived in different states. "Jayn should be
writing her name by now".."No she shouldn't gotta go bye now love you"
Click. This worked because my mother was a very long winded person and
letting her get started tended to lead to "and another thing (you do wrong
is)...." too often.
It seems like eventually most people have to find a way to tell their
inflexible or willfully ignorant relatives effectively to "butt out". It is
possible to do this kindly and nicely, acknowledging the affection that
prompts the concern. However sometimes it has to come down to an ultimatum:
"WE are our children's parents and we have to do what we feel is best. If
you want to be part of their lives you will have to accept that this is our
decision." Sometimes they just don't get to be alone with the kids.
Sometimes there is a lot of discussion between the kids and parents about
the differences in attitude at Grandma's and whether it is still worth
visiting. Sometimes Grandma or Uncle merely get a card for the holidays and
little other contact.
Robyn L. Coburn
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considers getting 5 emails (combined!) in a day to be "enormous volume" so
your dh need not fear that he will be swamped by correspondence.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDads/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SSUDs/
My dh is terrible about reading books, although he does like to read both
magazines and anything when it shines out of a screen, provided it is
reasonably brief. Once when I had marked some passages in a book for him
(rather than present the whole book) he responded, sadly, with the words,
"Is this another book for you to criticize me with?"
I realized that I was not approaching him the best way. Now, instead of
large volumes, I forward the occasional pithy email, or link to a new
article (rather than the whole site for example). The other thing I did that
has made a lot of difference is forward some of *my* posts to him,
especially those that are "theoretical musings", along with any answers they
generate, so that he gets some understanding of where my thinking is going.
It might be better to help your dh see what he is doing as being "testing
and quizzing", and offer him the information that it is the testing itself
that is anathema to free learning. I'm trying to suggest that focusing on
dh's *actions* (that he can change at once) will immediately put less
pressure on your son, rather than expecting dh to prematurely embrace these
larger concepts that "every activity is valid learning" or "learning should
be fun". As Unschoolers we know these things are true, however I believe
that your dh's actions of asking judgmental questions should be ceased
before his acceptance can blossom. I have faith that it will blossom. I'm
sure that there are some links to anti-testing info websites on Sandra's
site.
As for family members:
One thing that helped with my mother (who died in January) was to send her
articles from sources that *she* respected. The example that I always repeat
is when she was being ignorantly opinionated about extended breastfeeding, I
sent her an article from the American Academy of Pediatrics, rather than one
from say, Mothering Magazine, because she was married to a doctor and had a
great deal of faith in Western medicine. The information was essentially the
same, and it quieted her fears - and she even told me "OK, you know best".
I also was able to avoid getting into lengthy discussions by immediately
hanging up the phone since we lived in different states. "Jayn should be
writing her name by now".."No she shouldn't gotta go bye now love you"
Click. This worked because my mother was a very long winded person and
letting her get started tended to lead to "and another thing (you do wrong
is)...." too often.
It seems like eventually most people have to find a way to tell their
inflexible or willfully ignorant relatives effectively to "butt out". It is
possible to do this kindly and nicely, acknowledging the affection that
prompts the concern. However sometimes it has to come down to an ultimatum:
"WE are our children's parents and we have to do what we feel is best. If
you want to be part of their lives you will have to accept that this is our
decision." Sometimes they just don't get to be alone with the kids.
Sometimes there is a lot of discussion between the kids and parents about
the differences in attitude at Grandma's and whether it is still worth
visiting. Sometimes Grandma or Uncle merely get a card for the holidays and
little other contact.
Robyn L. Coburn
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Lisette Abbott
Thank you *all* for your wonderful suggestions! I'm
going to search out the Video Game Revolution and pick
up a copy of "The Unprocessed Child" asap.
I think it *is* the fact that we're living here with
the grandparents that's getting to dh. I've been
noticing these patterns of when he gets "test-ish" and
it seems that he gets that way after spending a few
hours with the grandmother. He's recently told me that
both she and the grandfather have told him that our
son needs to be in public school b/c "it was good
enough" for their sons. Dh, quite respectfully, has
told them that ds is *our* son and we're doing what's
right for him and for us. But then, usually the day
after spending a few hours with her, James
(husband--it's kind of awkward for me to use "dh" and
"ds") asks the test-like questions.... So I'm thinking
that once we move that stress will be alleviated.
(BTW, the inlaws have *never* told me that John should
go back to ps. He was in ps from 1st & 2nd grades. I
just hear about it from James. Also, my sister
recently told me that my own mother & brother were
talking about how John should be back in school. They
haven't told me anything, either. Hmmmm.)
On an aside, I mentioned that James "respectfully"
told his grandparents etc.. James was raised in the
deep south (Louisiana) and I noticed that while we've
been here (Louisiana) he's taken more to saying "yes,
ma'am/no ma'am" and "yes sir/no sir." What's
interesting, too, is that his family members (and at
times him, too) insist that John (son) uses "yes
ma'am" etc. John isn't rude; he does say "yes/no,
please, thank you" but we've never stressed the
"ma'am/sir" part. (Heck, I don't use those terms.)
James and I were watching the Queens of Comedy the
other night, and one of the comedienne's mentioned
that when somebody tells you what and how you should
talk, it's all about control. That person is trying to
control you. Since then, James hasn't insisted John
use "ma'am/sir" when he responds. Interesting, huh?
Again, thank you all so much for your insight and
words of wisdom. I'm going to get the Video Game
Revolution DVD and watch it with the guys one evening.
Not going to say anthing "lecturish" or otherwise over
the top--just watch and enjoy. I'll continue acting
the "buffer" for now knowing that it won't be forever.
Sometimes I just get caught up in the "now" and
forget (or are unable) to see the big picture. And
sometimes, it's the complete oppposite!
Robyn, or anybody else who can help, how does one
offer one's husband info that testing itself
(including the "pop" quizzes) goes against the idea of
free learning *without* getting defensive? I find that
I tend to get defensive, as if James is somehow
questioning *my* relationship with learning. And I'm
now realizing that my defensiveness can be part and
parcel of living with the inlaws, too. I don't believe
they're exactly thrilled with the idea that I
willingly left grad school when I was thisclose to
getting the PhD just b/c I realized (a long time
coming, though) that higher ed (even a PhD program),
including teaching and attending university, is the
antithesis of education and learning. I think they're
having a hard time trying to figure out where I'm
coming from. At any rate, I find myself feeling
challenged when I talk to James about unschooling
*only* during or after he's quizzed John or asked me
what has John done "for school" that day. I'll check
out some links on Sandra's website re: testing, and
I'm going to email James the links to the Unschooling
Dads groups. I think he could benefit from them--just
knowing that there are other unschooling dads out
there might help him.
I guess b/c it's all relatively new to me--not the
idea of unschooling but our active practicing it--that
I may be having a hard time sharing it with my
husband. Did anybody else feel this way when you
started/realized you were unschooling?
Thanks so much for listening and offering your
encouragement! I hadn't realized how much I really
needed this venue.
Regards,
Lisette
=====
"You cannot teach a person anything; you can only help him find it within himself." Galileo
going to search out the Video Game Revolution and pick
up a copy of "The Unprocessed Child" asap.
I think it *is* the fact that we're living here with
the grandparents that's getting to dh. I've been
noticing these patterns of when he gets "test-ish" and
it seems that he gets that way after spending a few
hours with the grandmother. He's recently told me that
both she and the grandfather have told him that our
son needs to be in public school b/c "it was good
enough" for their sons. Dh, quite respectfully, has
told them that ds is *our* son and we're doing what's
right for him and for us. But then, usually the day
after spending a few hours with her, James
(husband--it's kind of awkward for me to use "dh" and
"ds") asks the test-like questions.... So I'm thinking
that once we move that stress will be alleviated.
(BTW, the inlaws have *never* told me that John should
go back to ps. He was in ps from 1st & 2nd grades. I
just hear about it from James. Also, my sister
recently told me that my own mother & brother were
talking about how John should be back in school. They
haven't told me anything, either. Hmmmm.)
On an aside, I mentioned that James "respectfully"
told his grandparents etc.. James was raised in the
deep south (Louisiana) and I noticed that while we've
been here (Louisiana) he's taken more to saying "yes,
ma'am/no ma'am" and "yes sir/no sir." What's
interesting, too, is that his family members (and at
times him, too) insist that John (son) uses "yes
ma'am" etc. John isn't rude; he does say "yes/no,
please, thank you" but we've never stressed the
"ma'am/sir" part. (Heck, I don't use those terms.)
James and I were watching the Queens of Comedy the
other night, and one of the comedienne's mentioned
that when somebody tells you what and how you should
talk, it's all about control. That person is trying to
control you. Since then, James hasn't insisted John
use "ma'am/sir" when he responds. Interesting, huh?
Again, thank you all so much for your insight and
words of wisdom. I'm going to get the Video Game
Revolution DVD and watch it with the guys one evening.
Not going to say anthing "lecturish" or otherwise over
the top--just watch and enjoy. I'll continue acting
the "buffer" for now knowing that it won't be forever.
Sometimes I just get caught up in the "now" and
forget (or are unable) to see the big picture. And
sometimes, it's the complete oppposite!
Robyn, or anybody else who can help, how does one
offer one's husband info that testing itself
(including the "pop" quizzes) goes against the idea of
free learning *without* getting defensive? I find that
I tend to get defensive, as if James is somehow
questioning *my* relationship with learning. And I'm
now realizing that my defensiveness can be part and
parcel of living with the inlaws, too. I don't believe
they're exactly thrilled with the idea that I
willingly left grad school when I was thisclose to
getting the PhD just b/c I realized (a long time
coming, though) that higher ed (even a PhD program),
including teaching and attending university, is the
antithesis of education and learning. I think they're
having a hard time trying to figure out where I'm
coming from. At any rate, I find myself feeling
challenged when I talk to James about unschooling
*only* during or after he's quizzed John or asked me
what has John done "for school" that day. I'll check
out some links on Sandra's website re: testing, and
I'm going to email James the links to the Unschooling
Dads groups. I think he could benefit from them--just
knowing that there are other unschooling dads out
there might help him.
I guess b/c it's all relatively new to me--not the
idea of unschooling but our active practicing it--that
I may be having a hard time sharing it with my
husband. Did anybody else feel this way when you
started/realized you were unschooling?
Thanks so much for listening and offering your
encouragement! I hadn't realized how much I really
needed this venue.
Regards,
Lisette
=====
"You cannot teach a person anything; you can only help him find it within himself." Galileo
Gold Standard
>>how does oneOne idea is to mention that you've been wondering about the "testing" part
>>offer one's husband info that testing itself
>>(including the "pop" quizzes) goes against the idea of
>>free learning *without* getting defensive?<<
of free learning. Tell about some of your memories of testing (ie,
short-term memorizing for quick regurgitation, you tested well but didn't
really know the stuff, or you tested poorly because that mode didn't work
for you but you really did know the stuff, etc). Of course this kind of
thing seems to work better when approached lightly, without the preaching
kind of undertone (I have a hard time with this sometimes :o)
I wish I had some links for you to peruse regarding the ineffectiveness of
testing because I have read a lot about it, and it may be useful for your
husband to "stumble" upon some writing about it (I love to put reading that
I want dh to read in the bathroom...it works every time) but I don't know
links offhand. Sandra's link http://sandradodd.com/tests probably won't help
your husband, but it certainly gives entertaining and fresh ideas about
testing.
Jacki
[email protected]
Tons of links on tests are here:
_http://www.chemistrycoach.com/lbe7.htm_
(http://www.chemistrycoach.com/lbe7.htm)
Bottom right.
He linked my testing page, which is why I know.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
_http://www.chemistrycoach.com/lbe7.htm_
(http://www.chemistrycoach.com/lbe7.htm)
Bottom right.
He linked my testing page, which is why I know.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Nichole Fausey-Khosraviani
----- Original Message -----
From: Robyn Coburn
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, February 21, 2005 12:55 PM
Subject: RE: [AlwaysLearning] Looking for Suggestions
Here are the two lists for Unschooling Dads that my dh is subscribed to. He
considers getting 5 emails (combined!) in a day to be "enormous volume" so
your dh need not fear that he will be swamped by correspondence.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDads/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SSUDs/
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Lisette,
Many of the dads on the UnschoolingDads list are right here in the DFWMetroplex. So, if your husbands reads and/or asks questions and actually wants to see those unschooling dads live and in person, he can.
If you and your husband are planning to go to the upcoming unschooling conference in St. Louis, he can meet many of the dads on the SSUDs list.
:o)
Nichole (right outside of Dallas)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tracey Inman
I was telling my dh about this thread. He wanted me to tell any of you who
have husbands who would like to call him he would be happy to talk with
them. This is something he is very passionate about would be very happy to
answer questions or share with any dad who would like to talk.
~Tracey
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have husbands who would like to call him he would be happy to talk with
them. This is something he is very passionate about would be very happy to
answer questions or share with any dad who would like to talk.
~Tracey
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Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
Version: 7.0.300 / Virus Database: 265.8.8 - Release Date: 2/14/2005