[email protected]

Apologies to those who've already seen this; skip it by.
For the mom who asked about science and moving more toward unschooling, I
thought it could be inspiring. Cameron is coming to visit us in February, so I
forwarded it to my husband too.

Because my kids never went to school, they had no deschooling. I had, but I
worked at it consciously and pointedly when they were younger. I've seen
sometimes that those who did go to school first can be the most appreciative
of unschooling. My kids don't know any other way except by the reports and
responses of their friends. When they were little, friends would say "you
won't learn anything and you'll never get a job." Now that they're teens, and
their friends are that age or older, the friends say "YOU ARE SO LUCKY!" (or
"How did you do that?" or "How did you know that?").

===========


> From: kbcdlovejo@...
> Date: January 7, 2005 7:28:09 PM PST
> To: [email protected]
> Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] pros-cons question for Kelly
> Reply-To: [email protected]
>
>
> In a message dated 1/7/2005 9:21:56 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
> Luckiebyrd@... writes:
>
> I am very interested to hear about children who came to unschooling
> late.
> My son is 12 now and we have been unschooling for 11 months. I am
> really
> starting to feel the sands of time slip through my fingers! I can't
> believe that
> he will have a learners permit to drive in 2 1/2 years! How long
> did it
> take your son to heal Kelly?<<<<
>
> He left school at the end of sixth grade. He was 12.5. That summer he
> went
> to Australia with People to People for three weeks. We spent the rest
> of the
> summer just hanging out. I read the .com boards and learned as much as
> I could
> about unschooling. I *understood* it, but I had a hard time putting it
> into
> practice.
>
> When loading the car for a trip, I'd point out that that was geometry!
> <g>
> I'd nag him that he hadn't read anything in a while. I would read a
> short
> story to him and ask him to draw a picture of it or of how it made him
> feel.
> After a trip, I'd suggest that he write me a paper about it.
>
> Yeah, yeah, yeah----I know. It took a while to make it work! <bwg> I
> probably could have knocked six-eight months off his deschooling if
> I'd quit nagging
> and just TRUSTED him.
>
> He spent 18 months doing NOTHING but sleeping, watching TV, talking on
> the
> phone, and eating. Seriously. It was painful to watch. BUT he needed
> that
> time to heal. It was VERY important!
>
> Slowly, he started to do more. He started with IMing his friends. He'd
> hated
> the computer in school, preferring to write assignments by hand. But
> he got
> *really* fast on the computer and knew more about its capabilities
> than my
> husband or me in just a few short months.
>
> I have another son, eight years younger. We'd go somewhere almost every
> day----the park, the zoo, the beach, the library, a
> restaurant----*somewhere*.
> I'd ask each day whether Cameron would like to join us: his answer was
> always,
> "No." Then.....one day, I asked and he said, "Yes!" It was all I could
> do not
> to jump up and do the happy dance----but I did one inside! <g>
>
> Then he started to join us more and more----and we started to do
> things HE
> wanted to do. He started drawing again, so I bought him some really
> nice papers
> and charcoals.
>
> He and his friends started skateboarding, so we got him a skateboard
> and
> sent him to Camp Woodward that summer. Then he started filming other
> skaters, so
> we got him a camera. That eventually led to more filming (and his
> first 6.5
> minute film). Now he volunteers at the local independent film theatre
> and is
> called on by local film-makers to do camera work.
>
> He also asked for drums (who knows why!?), so he got drums one
> Christmas.
> He's really gotten into music. He's playing with three bands---all
> different
> styles. He's had a few lessons, but does it mostly on his own; only
> going to
> Danny when he's struggling with something. He got a high-tech
> metronome for
> Christmas this year. (My dad thought that was SOOOO funny---that a
> child would
> *ask* for a metronome! <g>) He plays three-four hours/day---sometimes
> more.
> Luckily, the drums are in our DEtached garage! <g>
>
> He's traveled to Seattle with Wilderness Ventures. He's made many road
> trips
> on his own since he got his license. He's flying out to Albuquerque by
> himself next month and to Europe with his cousin in September.
>
> He has three jobs: delivering a weekly paper to businesses,
> pet/house-sitting, and catering. He has his volunteer gig at the
> theatre. He has the
> film-making that keeps him thinking and the drumming that has him
> finding/playing
> gigs at different bars every now and then.
>
> He's so busy now ----like he's making up for those lost months.
>
> He thought he was stupid and was going nowhere without a diploma.
> That's
> what he heard from his friends. NOW his friends think his life is
> pretty sweet.
> So does he! <g> He has three friends from school that he still hangs
> with.
> His girlfriend, who is also in school. But most of his friends are in
> their
> 20's, with one in his 30's and 2-3 in their 40's! <g>
>
> He's into Buddhism and is a vegetarian (mostly <g>). He has a lot of
> questions and is not afraid to ask them. He LIKES his parents! <g> How
> novel! <BWG>
>
> I just looked up at the subject. It says "pros-cons question for
> Kelly."
> Cons: He still doesn't care to read much. He prefers non-fiction
> anyway---always
> has. Fiction he prefers through movies. Well, documentaries too! He
> just
> prefers his information that way. But he reads just fine.
>
> He has his own back accounts and has been overdrawn once in three
> years. I
> doubt that'll happen again soon! <g>
>
> He sat in on a college class last spring and was appalled at how
> little the
> students wanted to be there. He liked the subject and participated in
> the
> class, but I doubt he'll go to college. Some may see that as a con. I
> see it as
> well-thought out at this time. But he knows he could do the work.
>
> He's good to his girlfriend and sweet to the animals. He's gentle and
> patient with his little brother. He's a loyal friend, but seems to
> stay away from
> the trouble some of them seem to wallow in.
>
> He seems more and more comfortable in his skin every day. Happy with
> who he
> is and what he's doing. THAT is the best part!
>
> That deschooling thing is hard----it's really, really hard. He needs
> to know
> you're there. He needs to know you care. But he needs to be left to
> heal. I
> don't mean just left alone. There's this incredibly fine line between
> leaving
> him alone and letting him alone. I don't know how to explain it. But
> you'll
> know it AFTER you're through it! <G> Go figure!
>
> Riding in the car was a great place for us to talk---that's why we
> went to
> the beach so much that first year! Duncan would fall asleep in the
> back seat,
> and Cameron and I could talk and talk and talk with no interruptions
> and
> without looking at each other (at night with the lights off is good
> too!).
>
> Quit nagging. Offer cool things to do and good movies to watch. Eat
> out a
> lot. Be his partner. Work together. Let him know that you're willing
> to let him
> heal from that school damage.
>
> It gets better! It gets GREAT!
>
> ~Kelly
>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

jwvastine

--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:

>
> ===========
>
>

How long
> > did it
> > take your son to heal Kelly?<<<<
> >
> > He left school at the end of sixth grade. He was 12.5.

This is one ofthe most inspiring things I've ever read.

Thanks!

Judy