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Thank you all, and you all spoke right to my heart and confirmed with me the lie will not go through my familiy's walls.
I am fine letting things be, letting my sis figure out her stuff, letting her kids come here for a vacation. I told her last night, though that I will not be able to lie if and when her hubby goes to jail. Right now he is working on getting bailed out. He has been charged with forcing a minor to give him a blow job. Some party a few years back is now haunting him. Alcohol, new years.

My hubby has worked through lots of his feelings and is ok with the kids coming into our tiny home for a few days. My sis lives with my mom and because I spoke my truth about not lying and my hubby not thrilled to have to cramp his home, we are the bad unhelpful family who selfishly won't help. Everyone else is doing great things to help my mom said.
Thank you again for the support. I know in my heart big ugly lies make for big ugly lives and I won't compromise this.

I thiunk I'll have the kids here for the next few days. I'll let you all know how things go.

Mary

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<<I thiunk I'll have the kids here for the next few days. I'll let you all
know how things go.>>

I would send her the bill thusly:

I would say "Don't you ever criticize my parenting or my family again."
I wouldn't say it nicely and I wouldn't say it sweetly. I would say it
levelly but soberly and I would look at her eyes when I said it (if it were me, and
if it were my sister). And if she said "screw you" or any variation thereon,
that would be the last time I did her a favor for a long long time.

<< He has been charged with forcing a minor to give him a blow job. >>

That's rape, isn't it?

<<My sis lives with my mom and because I spoke my truth about not lying and
my hubby not thrilled to have to cramp his home, we are the bad unhelpful
family who selfishly won't help.>>

For the moment you are. Truth looks different at a distance.
Lies are ugly from any angle.

You are the at-peace, positive living family unwilling to sacrifice your
integrity and your children's peace to *slightly* soothe someone with BIG problems
he (allegedly) brought on himself.

<<big ugly lies make for big ugly lives>>

I agree with you hugely.

<<Everyone else is doing great things to help my mom said.>>

I've heard drunks say that. And if your brother in law is using alcohol to
justify what he allegedly did, perhaps that is a problem of his. I've heard
drunks insult their children or other relatives for not helping them more, and
I've known (and been) a child who bailed a parent out of trouble, emergency
rooms, dangerous late-night situations, paid the gas bill, paid for the phone so
I could call and check on her, brought groceries and paid the rent. That is
not "help." That is enabling. That was pouring my OWN good, healthy life's
energy and on the scrap pile of her life.

People make choices. Their choices affect other people. If a choice is to
create a disaster, pulling down the immediate family, then the extended family,
then the in-laws and the neighbors is NOT okay, and you don't have to be
shamed into slipping into someone else's pit.

Sandra