words themselves, as words
[email protected]
-=-This way, the IDEA is being discussed rather than the terminology. -=-
I doubt the terminology's feelings would be hurt.
The idea of using more positive phrasing and being supportive instead of
using negative terms IS an idea. Once in a while a good example (or bad example)
comes by on its own.
-=-I think it's important to recognize that some words may be viewed as
negative by some but as benign or merely descriptive by others. -=-
No one here can make you change your behavior and language choices, but I
think if anyone believes a phrase is toward the less-supportive, less-respectful
side of the MANY choices parents have, this list is a great place to point
that out.
-=-I think it would be a good idea if we decided to take it for granted that
the members of this list are all dedicated to providing a loving,
coercion-free learning environment for their children-=-
Pushy me. It's my list, and I think the best idea is to assume everyone here
wants to get nearer to what will make unschooling work as well as it can.
-=-With that in mind, it is unlikely that anyone posting here is thinking
negatively of their children, but may use light-hearted phrasing in order to
express concerns that are very serious for them. -=-
Anyone choosing to write down and then post negative phrasing will likely get
feedback that negative phrasing doesn't help unschooling, doesn't help the
child, and doesn't help the parent.
A while back Marty had said something tacky about another kid. The kid
wasn't there, and Marty said he wouldn't say it around him. But as it was
something that other boy really, truly couldn't change about himself, I suggested
gently to Marty that even when his negativity wasn't known to the other've been if
he hadn't said it.
Yes, there are things that can be said humorously IF everyone involved is
aware of the humor and if the relationship is SO sweet and strong and positive
that a "psychotic" or "insane" or "crazy" won't harm the child in any way, and
the child will know deeply that it's a joke.
We don't know that about the children of people here. If it's true, you
don't need to convince us, you already know it. If you're not sure whether it's
true, it shouldn't hurt you the mom to consider choosing kinder words.
Sandra
I doubt the terminology's feelings would be hurt.
The idea of using more positive phrasing and being supportive instead of
using negative terms IS an idea. Once in a while a good example (or bad example)
comes by on its own.
-=-I think it's important to recognize that some words may be viewed as
negative by some but as benign or merely descriptive by others. -=-
No one here can make you change your behavior and language choices, but I
think if anyone believes a phrase is toward the less-supportive, less-respectful
side of the MANY choices parents have, this list is a great place to point
that out.
-=-I think it would be a good idea if we decided to take it for granted that
the members of this list are all dedicated to providing a loving,
coercion-free learning environment for their children-=-
Pushy me. It's my list, and I think the best idea is to assume everyone here
wants to get nearer to what will make unschooling work as well as it can.
-=-With that in mind, it is unlikely that anyone posting here is thinking
negatively of their children, but may use light-hearted phrasing in order to
express concerns that are very serious for them. -=-
Anyone choosing to write down and then post negative phrasing will likely get
feedback that negative phrasing doesn't help unschooling, doesn't help the
child, and doesn't help the parent.
A while back Marty had said something tacky about another kid. The kid
wasn't there, and Marty said he wouldn't say it around him. But as it was
something that other boy really, truly couldn't change about himself, I suggested
gently to Marty that even when his negativity wasn't known to the other've been if
he hadn't said it.
Yes, there are things that can be said humorously IF everyone involved is
aware of the humor and if the relationship is SO sweet and strong and positive
that a "psychotic" or "insane" or "crazy" won't harm the child in any way, and
the child will know deeply that it's a joke.
We don't know that about the children of people here. If it's true, you
don't need to convince us, you already know it. If you're not sure whether it's
true, it shouldn't hurt you the mom to consider choosing kinder words.
Sandra
Elizabeth Hill
-=-I think it would be a good idea if we decided to take it for granted that
the members of this list are all dedicated to providing a loving,
coercion-free learning environment for their children-=-
-=-With that in mind, it is unlikely that anyone posting here is thinking
negatively of their children, but may use light-hearted phrasing in order to
express concerns that are very serious for them. -=-
The percentage of parents in this country who don't coerce their kids, even when they are hard-to-understand toddlers is really really low. So, sometimes, the coercion-free assumption would be wrong.
How about assuming that if someone flags a remark as sounding too negative, know that you have a chance to explain that you meant it humorously. Humorous remarks that contain put-downs probably should be examined, though. It's really easy to get in the habit of repeating negative thoughts, and sometimes exaggerated negative thoughts. Removing exaggeration and "cutting a problem down to size", that is it's realistic size, is usually a helpful starting point in dealing with a problem.
Betsy
the members of this list are all dedicated to providing a loving,
coercion-free learning environment for their children-=-
-=-With that in mind, it is unlikely that anyone posting here is thinking
negatively of their children, but may use light-hearted phrasing in order to
express concerns that are very serious for them. -=-
The percentage of parents in this country who don't coerce their kids, even when they are hard-to-understand toddlers is really really low. So, sometimes, the coercion-free assumption would be wrong.
How about assuming that if someone flags a remark as sounding too negative, know that you have a chance to explain that you meant it humorously. Humorous remarks that contain put-downs probably should be examined, though. It's really easy to get in the habit of repeating negative thoughts, and sometimes exaggerated negative thoughts. Removing exaggeration and "cutting a problem down to size", that is it's realistic size, is usually a helpful starting point in dealing with a problem.
Betsy
Fetteroll
on 9/3/04 10:14 AM, SandraDodd@... at SandraDodd@... wrote:
poster, that environment and understanding doesn't travel with the negative
words as they spread out to everyone reading and joining into the
conversation. The words create an atmosphere of negative thought on the
list. The use of the words suggests that it's okay to think negative
thougths about kids and this list is a good place to vent those pent up
frustrations.
It's much more useful for the list to discuss ways parents can turn their
thinking around so they aren't thinking of their children in those negative
ways and aren't building up pent up frustrations that needed vented
somewhere.
Joyce
> We don't know that about the children of people here. If it's true, you don'tAnd even if the sweet and totally joking context is true of the original
> need to convince us, you already know it. If you're not sure whether it's
> true, it shouldn't hurt you the mom to consider choosing kinder words.
poster, that environment and understanding doesn't travel with the negative
words as they spread out to everyone reading and joining into the
conversation. The words create an atmosphere of negative thought on the
list. The use of the words suggests that it's okay to think negative
thougths about kids and this list is a good place to vent those pent up
frustrations.
It's much more useful for the list to discuss ways parents can turn their
thinking around so they aren't thinking of their children in those negative
ways and aren't building up pent up frustrations that needed vented
somewhere.
Joyce