The "bad breath" comment
Kathryn
So, for the past few days, I have been wondering if I should just let
a minor misunderstanding go by without any comment from me, but as it
is still on my mind, I felt I ought to do my best to clarify:
When I made the suggestion about saying something to the effect
of, âIf you want to have your teeth fall out of your head, thatâs
fine, but itâs unfriendly to make the rest of us smell a plaque-
filled mouth,â I did not realize that it would be taken as something
so rude; although, it does seem rather rude if it was to be said in a
very authoritarian way, (which I feel certain no one on this list
would do). At our home, this type of thing would most likely be said
with great sighs and an affected British accent (rather sounding like
the mother in Mary Poppins), and would be taken as a playful, good-
natured suggestion. In our home there is a great deal of silliness
and pleasant teasing, which is why it did not occur to me that my
comment would be taken as anything but that. I apologize if anyone
was upset by this comment or my previous comment on another topic
about some posts seeming âbossyâ (by which I meant âincredibly
detailedâ). I forget sometimes that the light-hearted tone in my
head when I write it is not necessarily going to be in the heads of
the readers.
Thank you for your patience.
Kathryn
a minor misunderstanding go by without any comment from me, but as it
is still on my mind, I felt I ought to do my best to clarify:
When I made the suggestion about saying something to the effect
of, âIf you want to have your teeth fall out of your head, thatâs
fine, but itâs unfriendly to make the rest of us smell a plaque-
filled mouth,â I did not realize that it would be taken as something
so rude; although, it does seem rather rude if it was to be said in a
very authoritarian way, (which I feel certain no one on this list
would do). At our home, this type of thing would most likely be said
with great sighs and an affected British accent (rather sounding like
the mother in Mary Poppins), and would be taken as a playful, good-
natured suggestion. In our home there is a great deal of silliness
and pleasant teasing, which is why it did not occur to me that my
comment would be taken as anything but that. I apologize if anyone
was upset by this comment or my previous comment on another topic
about some posts seeming âbossyâ (by which I meant âincredibly
detailedâ). I forget sometimes that the light-hearted tone in my
head when I write it is not necessarily going to be in the heads of
the readers.
Thank you for your patience.
Kathryn
Gold Standard
"When I made the suggestion about saying something to the effect
of, âIf you want to have your teeth fall out of your head, thatâs
fine, but itâs unfriendly to make the rest of us smell a plaque-
filled mouth,â I did not realize that it would be taken as something
so rude"
When I read this, I thought you were being humorous. In fact, it was in
response to my request for help with my bad breathed :) son who stopped
brushing. I never thought you meant to be rude. I think that email is easily
misinterpreted, since it doesn't have those nuances of inflection in our
voices, facial expressions and body language. And some people may think that
literal words can be harmful, no matter what the nuances.
I was called on using the term "psycho-like tantrums" which was also said in
fun, with humor being my intention feeling like a had a camaraderie with a
group of parents who had struggled with their children's emotions as I had.
I thought it would inspire a response of something like, "yes, those
tantrums have made me want to just scream" (even though we don't). And maybe
some did think that. I don't know. What I got was something similar to what
you got. So now I try to be very accurate in my communication here, for fear
of misinterpretation, or worse.
of, âIf you want to have your teeth fall out of your head, thatâs
fine, but itâs unfriendly to make the rest of us smell a plaque-
filled mouth,â I did not realize that it would be taken as something
so rude"
When I read this, I thought you were being humorous. In fact, it was in
response to my request for help with my bad breathed :) son who stopped
brushing. I never thought you meant to be rude. I think that email is easily
misinterpreted, since it doesn't have those nuances of inflection in our
voices, facial expressions and body language. And some people may think that
literal words can be harmful, no matter what the nuances.
I was called on using the term "psycho-like tantrums" which was also said in
fun, with humor being my intention feeling like a had a camaraderie with a
group of parents who had struggled with their children's emotions as I had.
I thought it would inspire a response of something like, "yes, those
tantrums have made me want to just scream" (even though we don't). And maybe
some did think that. I don't know. What I got was something similar to what
you got. So now I try to be very accurate in my communication here, for fear
of misinterpretation, or worse.
Gold Standard
"Andrew very much wanted to go to an art high school this
year that he had picked out before his surgery. He tried the first day of
school and was sick by the end of the day. He slowly gave up on this idea,
though not in a way that felt "successful" to him. We talked about this, and
he has had some great raging sessions. Day by day though he seems lighter
and happier. Yesterday, when he normally would have been in school, we
spontaneously went to see the movie Collateral (movies...a great love of
his...he's just finishing a script for a scary dark comedy that you may all
see on the big screen someday soon :0). He giggled almost the whole way
there at this relinquished taste of freedom."
I meant to say "He giggled almost the whole way there at this 'recovered'
sense of freedom". Now I feel better.
Thank you!
Jacki
year that he had picked out before his surgery. He tried the first day of
school and was sick by the end of the day. He slowly gave up on this idea,
though not in a way that felt "successful" to him. We talked about this, and
he has had some great raging sessions. Day by day though he seems lighter
and happier. Yesterday, when he normally would have been in school, we
spontaneously went to see the movie Collateral (movies...a great love of
his...he's just finishing a script for a scary dark comedy that you may all
see on the big screen someday soon :0). He giggled almost the whole way
there at this relinquished taste of freedom."
I meant to say "He giggled almost the whole way there at this 'recovered'
sense of freedom". Now I feel better.
Thank you!
Jacki
Elizabeth Hill
**
When I read this, I thought you were being humorous.**
(I think you were right, in this case.)
It's just really hard to type humor and to read humor from typed text like this. We lose so much when we take away the tone of voice and inflections. It's not surprising that sometimes people are misunderstood.
One that comes to mind for me, is that if we are in a hurry, we often read fast. And so the sentences we read come off of the page fast. But critical comments that are SAID fast can sound really harsh. Most of us, when offering criticism to a real-life friend might speak slowly, or haltingly, and watch to see how the recipient was responding. When we offer criticism on the list, we might type it slowly, or hesitatingly, but we have no control of how "fast" or "loud" it sounds when other people read it. The reader has to "fill in the blanks" without enough information to really guess someone's intended tone. That's why it's good to lean in the direction of assuming the best.
Betsy
When I read this, I thought you were being humorous.**
(I think you were right, in this case.)
It's just really hard to type humor and to read humor from typed text like this. We lose so much when we take away the tone of voice and inflections. It's not surprising that sometimes people are misunderstood.
One that comes to mind for me, is that if we are in a hurry, we often read fast. And so the sentences we read come off of the page fast. But critical comments that are SAID fast can sound really harsh. Most of us, when offering criticism to a real-life friend might speak slowly, or haltingly, and watch to see how the recipient was responding. When we offer criticism on the list, we might type it slowly, or hesitatingly, but we have no control of how "fast" or "loud" it sounds when other people read it. The reader has to "fill in the blanks" without enough information to really guess someone's intended tone. That's why it's good to lean in the direction of assuming the best.
Betsy
Kathryn Balley
Thank you for the kind words of support! :-)
Kathryn
P.S. I'm with you on the "psycho-like tantrums"; it is rather the challenge not to get caught up in all of the drama. Good luck to us all!
Gold Standard <contact@...> wrote:
"When I made the suggestion about saying something to the effect
of, ���If you want to have your teeth fall out of your head, that���s
fine, but it���s unfriendly to make the rest of us smell a plaque-
filled mouth,��� I did not realize that it would be taken as something
so rude"
When I read this, I thought you were being humorous. In fact, it was in
response to my request for help with my bad breathed :) son who stopped
brushing. I never thought you meant to be rude. I think that email is easily
misinterpreted, since it doesn't have those nuances of inflection in our
voices, facial expressions and body language. And some people may think that
literal words can be harmful, no matter what the nuances.
I was called on using the term "psycho-like tantrums" which was also said in
fun, with humor being my intention feeling like a had a camaraderie with a
group of parents who had struggled with their children's emotions as I had.
I thought it would inspire a response of something like, "yes, those
tantrums have made me want to just scream" (even though we don't). And maybe
some did think that. I don't know. What I got was something similar to what
you got. So now I try to be very accurate in my communication here, for fear
of misinterpretation, or worse.
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Kathryn
P.S. I'm with you on the "psycho-like tantrums"; it is rather the challenge not to get caught up in all of the drama. Good luck to us all!
Gold Standard <contact@...> wrote:
"When I made the suggestion about saying something to the effect
of, ���If you want to have your teeth fall out of your head, that���s
fine, but it���s unfriendly to make the rest of us smell a plaque-
filled mouth,��� I did not realize that it would be taken as something
so rude"
When I read this, I thought you were being humorous. In fact, it was in
response to my request for help with my bad breathed :) son who stopped
brushing. I never thought you meant to be rude. I think that email is easily
misinterpreted, since it doesn't have those nuances of inflection in our
voices, facial expressions and body language. And some people may think that
literal words can be harmful, no matter what the nuances.
I was called on using the term "psycho-like tantrums" which was also said in
fun, with humor being my intention feeling like a had a camaraderie with a
group of parents who had struggled with their children's emotions as I had.
I thought it would inspire a response of something like, "yes, those
tantrums have made me want to just scream" (even though we don't). And maybe
some did think that. I don't know. What I got was something similar to what
you got. So now I try to be very accurate in my communication here, for fear
of misinterpretation, or worse.
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---------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysLearning/
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
---------------------------------
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