Beverley Paine

I've been lurking due to an extreme state of busy-ness that just won't go
away! I hope it's okay to come in on this thread, though...

Re depression,

Talking about brain chemical imbalances - here's a way to help that doesn't
require much effort so long as it's accepted.
Ply her with fresh, preferably organic if you can afford them, vegies and
fruit, especially vegies. Raw is preferable, steamed or stir fried next.

I've found that when I'm depressed (environment/illness induced rather than
psychological) if someone plies me with fresh vegie juice, salads and yummy
healthy snacks (no highly processed or starchy foods) then my depression
starts to diminish and I can tackle the positive thinking side of life.

Lots of magnesim and zinc foods or supplements, B vitamins, Omega 3. St
John's Wort is a good supplement if she can take it, but be careful as you
can't take this with other medication.

I was depressed for over 20 years - during the years my children were
unschooling. It wasn't recognised at all by anyone and my immediate family
had no idea how to help. My kids were brillliant - they were able to offer
unconditional love in my darkest moments and just held me. That kept me
alive. Just being held. Sometimes I'd push my dh away, but never the kids.

Tackle the physical brain chemistry thing and then gently encourage your mom
to reprogram her thinking with positive thoughts.

Nobody gets anything out of being depressed, even though it may look like
it. Depression is a trap, not a lurk. Group therapy helped me - leaving our
'expectations' of each other at the door was another way of bringing
unconditional love into my life. I needed that, after having had illnesses
ignored all the way through childhood. I also read lots of self-help
books - they all helped, but that was because I desperately wanted to be
well.

I think Sandra hit the nail on the head when she mentioned choice and
responsibility in the same sentence. Perhaps your mom is probably
overwhelmed by her sense of responsibility - she doesn't want to be
responsible for herself any more - choice depresses her, she wants to be
mothered, to be dependent, have the day to day responsibility of making
decisions lifted from her shoulders so she can heal.

Another way to bolster healing is to get creative. It's impossible to be
depressed when you are being creative. Make time to be creative together, or
with the kids. Get her to do something creative (simple, like blowing
bubbles or finger painting) with the kids.

Another way to blow the blues away is to get down by some water and wander.
The beach is the absolute best, but a pond or river will suffice.

With your mom's negativity I'd be polite, then blunt, if politeness doesn't
work. Especially with respect to your daughter. I'm an overprotective mum
around my kids and proud of it. I'd say "do you mind not talking meanly to
her". It took years for this to be effective though - for some reason
grandparents seem to think they can treat our kids like they were their
kids...

> Do I keep trying to brainstorm with them
> in an attempt to "convert" them over to choice and freedom? Or do I
> make the choice to give up these relationships?

Who are you trying to convince of your belief - them or yourself? If they
truly don't believe you or don't want to listen, leave them alone. Talk
about something else. If their actions impact on you tell them how you feel
about each action, but stop trying to sell them on your philosophy. A simple
"when you do that to me I feel hurt and rejected... or whatever" etc.

cheers
Beverley
www.beverleypaine.com

Tia Leschke

>
>With your mom's negativity I'd be polite, then blunt, if politeness doesn't
>work. Especially with respect to your daughter. I'm an overprotective mum
>around my kids and proud of it. I'd say "do you mind not talking meanly to
>her". It took years for this to be effective though - for some reason
>grandparents seem to think they can treat our kids like they were their
>kids...

I found that as my mother got older, she felt she could treat my kids in
ways she wouldn't have treated us. She'd get after my kids about things
that she would have let us do. Luckily I was able to get her to see that.
"Hey Mom, you would have let me do that when I was her age."
Tia

[email protected]

In a message dated 6/25/04 11:57:50 AM, leschke@... writes:

<< I'm an overprotective mum
>around my kids and proud of it. I'd say "do you mind not talking meanly to
>her". >>

I wouldn't ask if she minded.
I'd say "Be nice to her or you'll have to live elsewhere."

Sandra