eriksmama2001

I see that exposure to experiences does not in itself provide the
child with tools to deal with an experience. However, I think there
is a difference between being "upset" or "frightened" by something
and being "damaged" by it.

Having someone put their finger in an orafice as a child doesn't make
it the childs' fault certainly, nor does it "damage" them anymore
than getting a shot. The difference is in whether they have the
support available to be listened to in order to avoid it or
understand it in the future. The key, I think is whether the child
has the ability or resources (i.e. parents' support or other
advocate) to prevent or avoid it in the future IF the child wishes.

Having no one or no advocate to which one can go for support is what
makes it damaging. Worse yet is if one's "advocate" is the source.
Having the feeling of being "upset" or "frightened" and recognizing
this in oneself is powerful information upon which to act in the
future IF you have the choice to do so. Listening to a child's
reactions and allowing him to be in charge of himself, does empower
him.

Similarly, I am responsible to model setting limits for myself. These
nuances are new for me. I am trying to be aware so that I am
not "permissive" and disreguarding my own boundaries while allowing
my child to be "in charge" of himself. This is a challenge since I am
reacting to having had limited oportunities to set boundaries for
myself in childhood. However, this is exactly why I do embrace "my
child is his own boss".