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In a message dated 5/24/04 6:49:49 PM, marymapel@... writes:

<< I have witnessed many AP parents
struggle with their own childhood issues and therefore
at times be unable to identify the true needs of their
child. Parenting consciously is a ongoing growth
experience. >>

I'm probably generalizing discussions from www.unschooling.com and
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The ongoing discussion for years has involved people being aware of why and
what so they can be makig decisions as clearly as they can, based on principles
and priorities.

In a way, we don't need to identify the true needs of our children if we give
them enough leeway to indicate by choosing one thing over another how much
closeness they want, how much activity or quiet they want, etc.

I think my kids need safety and a lot of freedom within that safe
environment. (Some people's "safety" would be repression or restriction from my point of
view, I know.) I think they need opportunities and experiences and input,
and the right and power to say "No thanks, not now, not that."

Some "childhood issues" are not "issues" in the sense that they're emotional
infections. Some are just calm awarenesses of things we think hindered more
than helped. Spankings. Being put to bed in a dark room and made to stay
there even with bad dreams. Those aren't "issues" for me, but those things
happened and I decided they were not the way to go. So am I person who has
decided thoughtlessly to "just" do the opposite of what my mother did?

It seems more direct to me for people who are talking about unschooling to
move toward what will help their children learn without school, and develop into
confident, happy people. Whether or not someone's parents spanked, spanking
doesn't help with any of that. Some people don't spank because their
parents didn't. Some don't spank because their parents did.

Sandra