cross posting article
moonwindstarsky
In the newest Creative Loafing:
Homeschool Horror
Divinely ordained education, taught by martyrs
BY QUINN COTTON
You know how there are terrorist cells embedded throughout the world?
Well, in my neighborhood we have numerous "homeschool" cells humming
in the
cul-de-sacs. They're almost as scary as the terrorist ones in some
ways --
and they definitely have some traits in common with them.
When we first moved to Charlotte, the houses next to us, behind us,
and diagonally across the street all contained children who
mysteriously
never seemed to leave home, and mothers with glazed expressions on
their
faces. The whole set-up of moms stuck with their school-age kids
24/7 gave
me the willies, and that was before I even had one of my own.
Middle class areas seem to be magnets for little suburban
schoolhouses. Even though there must be homeschooling pockets all
over
Charlotte, somehow I don't picture your basic Ballantyne babe risking
breaking a nail on a chalkboard in the bonus room, or skipping a
tennis set
for an educational excursion to the sewage plant. Likewise, I doubt
many
Belmont moms miss a beat packing those kids off to public school.
It's the
middle class that gets suckered into the myth that mothers and older
children can survive being together all day without somebody being
strangled. The true "haves" and "have-nots" know better.
What's scary is that a lot of the homeschooling faithful are as
fueled
by a fanatical, religion-based belief in their mission as Islamist
terrorists, and seem to be just about as brainwashed. Sometimes I
even
wonder if they're a manufactured race along the lines of the
Stepford wives
in Ira Levin's book, but assembled in fundamentalist Christian
churches
instead of family basements. Like the Stepford robots, they're
programmed to
fulfill their husbands' fantasies, only in this case it's their role
as the
Ultimate Selfless Mothers.
Other times I feel like the heroine in another famous horror story by
Levin, Rosemary's Baby, at that chilling moment when she puts
together the
anagram "All of Them Witches" and realizes it refers to her seemingly
harmless neighbors. Some of the homeschooling moms (HMs) are kind of
witch-y, with the uncut hair and the long skirts because pants on
females
are unholy, but the description that really applies to this coven
is "All of
Them Zealots."
They're not only terrorist-like in their conviction that their
calling
is divinely ordained, homeschoolers also often have a broad martyr
streak.
Rather than suicide bombings, though, they commit "suicide book-
learning,"
sacrificing their own lives to teach their kids. I've known one or
two to
get pregnant as an excuse to get out of homeschooling hell, but the
true
martyrs keep right on instructing, with the newest little pupil
glued to
their breast.
Beyond a certain age, children and mothers are just not meant to be
isolated together. It's unnatural. Keeping the kids at home might
have
worked back in the Stone Age, but cave women would've at least had
each
other for company, and I bet they made damn sure the youngsters
stayed off
in a group together while they grunted gossip and drank their Cro-
Magnon
coffee.
Kids need their teachers to be adults, separate from their mothers.
That way they can idolize or despise them apart from a parent
figure, and
don't have to depend on one person for everything they require. Did
a parent
of yours try to teach you to drive? How'd that go? 'Nuff said.
All young animals must be immersed in a mass of their peers so they
can figure out what it means to function as a member of the larger
group.
Believe me, I'm aware that homeschooling families get their children
together, since occasionally there'll be a flood of them from next
door
scrambling over the fence to play uninvited in our yard, but being
with
maybe a dozen other kids once in a while doesn't do the trick. It
takes
serious numbers for developing humans to catch on to the nuances of
accepted
behavior and to have a chance to make enough friends. I just can't
see
homeschooling providing adequate socialization.
One of my neighboring HMs taught her two kids through eighth grade,
then threw them to the wolves in public high school. The boy ended up
dropping out and doing jail time, and the girl got pregnant.
Yes, I know that homeschooled kids have won high-profile academic
contests, but for every homeschooler who aces a spelling bee,
there's some
poor child being "instructed" by a parent who's barely literate
herself.
Teachers in the public school system are required to have
certification and
college degrees, yet any yahoo can force their kids to stay home as
long as
they pass an annual test.
What's really scary about homeschooling is what it can do to the
sanity of a mother deluded into thinking it's her Christian duty. No
woman
was ever meant to be trapped in a house all day with children old
enough to
spell "homicide."
So if new neighbors move in next door and you notice that the kids
never leave for school and mom wears her hair in two braids, be
afraid. Be
very afraid.
Homeschool Horror
Divinely ordained education, taught by martyrs
BY QUINN COTTON
You know how there are terrorist cells embedded throughout the world?
Well, in my neighborhood we have numerous "homeschool" cells humming
in the
cul-de-sacs. They're almost as scary as the terrorist ones in some
ways --
and they definitely have some traits in common with them.
When we first moved to Charlotte, the houses next to us, behind us,
and diagonally across the street all contained children who
mysteriously
never seemed to leave home, and mothers with glazed expressions on
their
faces. The whole set-up of moms stuck with their school-age kids
24/7 gave
me the willies, and that was before I even had one of my own.
Middle class areas seem to be magnets for little suburban
schoolhouses. Even though there must be homeschooling pockets all
over
Charlotte, somehow I don't picture your basic Ballantyne babe risking
breaking a nail on a chalkboard in the bonus room, or skipping a
tennis set
for an educational excursion to the sewage plant. Likewise, I doubt
many
Belmont moms miss a beat packing those kids off to public school.
It's the
middle class that gets suckered into the myth that mothers and older
children can survive being together all day without somebody being
strangled. The true "haves" and "have-nots" know better.
What's scary is that a lot of the homeschooling faithful are as
fueled
by a fanatical, religion-based belief in their mission as Islamist
terrorists, and seem to be just about as brainwashed. Sometimes I
even
wonder if they're a manufactured race along the lines of the
Stepford wives
in Ira Levin's book, but assembled in fundamentalist Christian
churches
instead of family basements. Like the Stepford robots, they're
programmed to
fulfill their husbands' fantasies, only in this case it's their role
as the
Ultimate Selfless Mothers.
Other times I feel like the heroine in another famous horror story by
Levin, Rosemary's Baby, at that chilling moment when she puts
together the
anagram "All of Them Witches" and realizes it refers to her seemingly
harmless neighbors. Some of the homeschooling moms (HMs) are kind of
witch-y, with the uncut hair and the long skirts because pants on
females
are unholy, but the description that really applies to this coven
is "All of
Them Zealots."
They're not only terrorist-like in their conviction that their
calling
is divinely ordained, homeschoolers also often have a broad martyr
streak.
Rather than suicide bombings, though, they commit "suicide book-
learning,"
sacrificing their own lives to teach their kids. I've known one or
two to
get pregnant as an excuse to get out of homeschooling hell, but the
true
martyrs keep right on instructing, with the newest little pupil
glued to
their breast.
Beyond a certain age, children and mothers are just not meant to be
isolated together. It's unnatural. Keeping the kids at home might
have
worked back in the Stone Age, but cave women would've at least had
each
other for company, and I bet they made damn sure the youngsters
stayed off
in a group together while they grunted gossip and drank their Cro-
Magnon
coffee.
Kids need their teachers to be adults, separate from their mothers.
That way they can idolize or despise them apart from a parent
figure, and
don't have to depend on one person for everything they require. Did
a parent
of yours try to teach you to drive? How'd that go? 'Nuff said.
All young animals must be immersed in a mass of their peers so they
can figure out what it means to function as a member of the larger
group.
Believe me, I'm aware that homeschooling families get their children
together, since occasionally there'll be a flood of them from next
door
scrambling over the fence to play uninvited in our yard, but being
with
maybe a dozen other kids once in a while doesn't do the trick. It
takes
serious numbers for developing humans to catch on to the nuances of
accepted
behavior and to have a chance to make enough friends. I just can't
see
homeschooling providing adequate socialization.
One of my neighboring HMs taught her two kids through eighth grade,
then threw them to the wolves in public high school. The boy ended up
dropping out and doing jail time, and the girl got pregnant.
Yes, I know that homeschooled kids have won high-profile academic
contests, but for every homeschooler who aces a spelling bee,
there's some
poor child being "instructed" by a parent who's barely literate
herself.
Teachers in the public school system are required to have
certification and
college degrees, yet any yahoo can force their kids to stay home as
long as
they pass an annual test.
What's really scary about homeschooling is what it can do to the
sanity of a mother deluded into thinking it's her Christian duty. No
woman
was ever meant to be trapped in a house all day with children old
enough to
spell "homicide."
So if new neighbors move in next door and you notice that the kids
never leave for school and mom wears her hair in two braids, be
afraid. Be
very afraid.
[email protected]
Tell us what you think about things instead of just posting them, please.
Sandra
Sandra
moonwindstarsky
I thought it was funny how they didn't compare the journey to cults.
During primitive times families probably spent about 24/7 with each
other.
During primitive times families probably spent about 24/7 with each
other.
--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
> Tell us what you think about things instead of just posting them,
please.
>
> Sandra