a triumph!
Diane
My son's been having some trouble with the next door neighbor
kids--they've been picking on him. Not really bad, just establishing the
pecking order. Of course I'm worried, because everyone gets picked on
and they either deal with it, or it proceeds to real bullying. Out of
school, my son has the option of staying away from those kids, but he
hasn't wanted to do that.
Yesterday, he came to ask me to tell Alex to stop, and I explained why
that wouldn't work--Alex already leavse him alone when I'm there--*he*
needs to tell Alex, himself. He came to tell me about it several times
(I was mowing the back, and the neighbors were cooking out in front).
Finally he came back with a look of triumph! HE had dealt with it! He
was *so* puffed up with pride. He had talked with Alex's mom and told
her of the problems with both kids. He says he had walked past the mom
outside saying, "I wish I could tell her about that problem," and she
talked to him.
OK, so it's not the way I would have solved it, but it's the way he did,
and he's feeling so empowered. I can't express how excited I am, because
I was the kids that got beat up all the time, so he's surpassed me! I'm
so glad, because interpersonal skills are really where I worry about my
guys, not algebra or such, which is much easier for us than talking to
the neighbors.
:-) Diane
kids--they've been picking on him. Not really bad, just establishing the
pecking order. Of course I'm worried, because everyone gets picked on
and they either deal with it, or it proceeds to real bullying. Out of
school, my son has the option of staying away from those kids, but he
hasn't wanted to do that.
Yesterday, he came to ask me to tell Alex to stop, and I explained why
that wouldn't work--Alex already leavse him alone when I'm there--*he*
needs to tell Alex, himself. He came to tell me about it several times
(I was mowing the back, and the neighbors were cooking out in front).
Finally he came back with a look of triumph! HE had dealt with it! He
was *so* puffed up with pride. He had talked with Alex's mom and told
her of the problems with both kids. He says he had walked past the mom
outside saying, "I wish I could tell her about that problem," and she
talked to him.
OK, so it's not the way I would have solved it, but it's the way he did,
and he's feeling so empowered. I can't express how excited I am, because
I was the kids that got beat up all the time, so he's surpassed me! I'm
so glad, because interpersonal skills are really where I worry about my
guys, not algebra or such, which is much easier for us than talking to
the neighbors.
:-) Diane
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/28/04 6:23:03 AM, cen46624@... writes:
<< Yesterday, he came to ask me to tell Alex to stop, and I explained why
that wouldn't work--Alex already leavse him alone when I'm there--*he*
needs to tell Alex, himself. >>
I would talk to Alex myself, especially if my child asked me directly to do
so.
I would talk to Alex myself if my child were unsure whether he wanted it
addressed or not.
The only time I would NOT talk to Alex myself was if my child asked me not to.
Part of my job as mom is helping my child have a safe environment.
It might never have occurred to Alex to behave differently. Maybe you could
make a huge difference in Alex's life, but you have an obligation to make a
difference in your own children's lives.
-=-He says he had walked past the mom
outside saying, "I wish I could tell her about that problem," and she
talked to him.
-=-OK, so it's not the way I would have solved it, but it's the way he did,
and he's feeling so empowered. I can't express how excited I am, because
I was the kids that got beat up all the time, so he's surpassed me!-=-
Sounds like Alex's mom is the one who took action. That's good. Depending
what she says to Alex though, Alex might feel he was tattled on. Had you
talked to Alex directly, he wouldn't be in trouble with his mom (if he is, which
he might not be).
Sandra
<< Yesterday, he came to ask me to tell Alex to stop, and I explained why
that wouldn't work--Alex already leavse him alone when I'm there--*he*
needs to tell Alex, himself. >>
I would talk to Alex myself, especially if my child asked me directly to do
so.
I would talk to Alex myself if my child were unsure whether he wanted it
addressed or not.
The only time I would NOT talk to Alex myself was if my child asked me not to.
Part of my job as mom is helping my child have a safe environment.
It might never have occurred to Alex to behave differently. Maybe you could
make a huge difference in Alex's life, but you have an obligation to make a
difference in your own children's lives.
-=-He says he had walked past the mom
outside saying, "I wish I could tell her about that problem," and she
talked to him.
-=-OK, so it's not the way I would have solved it, but it's the way he did,
and he's feeling so empowered. I can't express how excited I am, because
I was the kids that got beat up all the time, so he's surpassed me!-=-
Sounds like Alex's mom is the one who took action. That's good. Depending
what she says to Alex though, Alex might feel he was tattled on. Had you
talked to Alex directly, he wouldn't be in trouble with his mom (if he is, which
he might not be).
Sandra
Elizabeth Hill
**OK, so it's not the way I would have solved it, but it's the way he did,
and he's feeling so empowered. I can't express how excited I am.. **
I had an "aha" moment from what you wrote. I like your support for him being empowered.
I think in traditional parenting, if a child solved a problem in a way that is "not the way the parent would have solved it", then that kind of parent would have told the child that that method of problem solving was *wrong*.
Betsy
and he's feeling so empowered. I can't express how excited I am.. **
I had an "aha" moment from what you wrote. I like your support for him being empowered.
I think in traditional parenting, if a child solved a problem in a way that is "not the way the parent would have solved it", then that kind of parent would have told the child that that method of problem solving was *wrong*.
Betsy