Help Making Friends (from a Mom & Bookworm DD)
Bob Iyall
I shared with my 16 year old daughter, the email about the big 10 year old son who loves to read. She has always been an avid reader and storyteller.
Together we came up with a few directions that could be useful.
My daughter pointed out that the urge to make friends may only be coming from Mom. She has had plenty of experiences of being urged to be friendly and make connections with other kids when her impulse was to avoid someone who she sensed was too immature or dissimilar to herself. This need of mine for her to have friends created tension and reluctance on her part and was a demonstrated a lack of respect for her people sensors (which are much better than mine).
If the child's passion is reading, perhaps a book oriented activity would suit him more than the park or pool where physical activity is the focus. In the park/pool setting he is dealing with the stress of being encouraged to be active physically and the stress of being in awkward social situations. Two strikes at a time - 2 areas where he may feel that he is failing parental expectations.
Trips to the park or the pool will likely involve different people each time. Something of an ongoing nature would give your son, and the other folks more time to get comfortable together and build a little trust.
Are there opportunities at the local library?
Could you start a book club or movie viewing group and include a fairly wide age range for the participants? My daughter always liked kids a few years older because they were generally closer to her intellectual level than her age peers. I am not sure if this caused by advance reading, or visa versa. Anyway, if was easier for her to find interesting friend material in an older group.
Just some thoughts, hope they give a new window on the situation. Thanks for sharing and giving DD & I an interesting talk.
Take Care,
Sheri
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Together we came up with a few directions that could be useful.
My daughter pointed out that the urge to make friends may only be coming from Mom. She has had plenty of experiences of being urged to be friendly and make connections with other kids when her impulse was to avoid someone who she sensed was too immature or dissimilar to herself. This need of mine for her to have friends created tension and reluctance on her part and was a demonstrated a lack of respect for her people sensors (which are much better than mine).
If the child's passion is reading, perhaps a book oriented activity would suit him more than the park or pool where physical activity is the focus. In the park/pool setting he is dealing with the stress of being encouraged to be active physically and the stress of being in awkward social situations. Two strikes at a time - 2 areas where he may feel that he is failing parental expectations.
Trips to the park or the pool will likely involve different people each time. Something of an ongoing nature would give your son, and the other folks more time to get comfortable together and build a little trust.
Are there opportunities at the local library?
Could you start a book club or movie viewing group and include a fairly wide age range for the participants? My daughter always liked kids a few years older because they were generally closer to her intellectual level than her age peers. I am not sure if this caused by advance reading, or visa versa. Anyway, if was easier for her to find interesting friend material in an older group.
Just some thoughts, hope they give a new window on the situation. Thanks for sharing and giving DD & I an interesting talk.
Take Care,
Sheri
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]