moonwindstarsky

I want to quit, but am too scared to, is this common?

deirdreaycock

I gotta ask! What do you want to quit? Unschooling? What do you
see that justifies calling yourself a failure? To me being a parent
is kinda scary! It's so much responsibility! Reminds me of an
incident a few weeks back. My husband had the flu and there was a
leak in the roof on our unoccupied rental house. I had to get up on
that roof and fix it! The slope of the roof wasn't too bad, but
running a circular saw while standing on a roof was difficult. At
one point the next door neighbor came out and asked, "Aren't you
scared you'll fall?" I told him of course I was scared! I'm not
stupid! What I was doing was difficult and dangerous.
Homeschooling and parenting in general is the same way--it's
difficult. I guess I can't say that parenting is dangerous, but I
do look for reassurance that I'm doing okay for my kids. Deirdre




--- In [email protected], "moonwindstarsky"
<moonwindstarsky@y...> wrote:
> I want to quit, but am too scared to, is this common?

Barbara Chase

> I want to quit, but am too scared to, is this common?

As I recall, you are a young person - not a parent. And yes, this is a
very common experience, at least with me and those close to me where I have
seen it.

I remember that the last time you wrote you wanted to homeschool and your
parents laughed at you. That can be devastating... to be laughed at. I am
sure that there were lots of emotions that came up for you around this, and
at the same time you don't have a place where you can express them and feel
safe. Maybe not, but that's how it feels to me anyway, when I imagine it.

I assume that when you say that you want to quit you are still talking
about school. If not, then what is it that you want to quit?


Namaste
--bc--

moonwindstarsky

--- In [email protected], "moonwindstarsky"
<moonwindstarsky@y...> wrote:

I haven't been feeling that great in short outbursts for awhile, it
could mean something else but I'm pretty sure school's a big part of
it, plus pressure, parents...

> I want to quit school, but am too scared to, is this common?

moonwindstarsky

--- In [email protected], "moonwindstarsky"
<moonwindstarsky@y...> wrote:
so I hide it as much as I can until I'm by myself then I can be
myself and relax, release everything, stress, whatever's on my mind -
I do this to prevent anyone who cares about me to worry about me

moonwindstarsky

--- In [email protected], "moonwindstarsky"
<moonwindstarsky@y...> wrote:

it's been like that since like 12

Sylvia Toyama

Hi there!

Keeping everything so those who love you won't worry isn't a good plan, IMO&E.

I spent most of my teen years -- and even much of my 20's -- doing just that, and it not only sucked, it held me back from being truly happy. When I finally met someone I could trust (unfortunately, no one from my family of origin can be really trusted) I began to let him in. What I learned about myself was amazing.

I learned that it was all about trust, not about being so strong I didn't need others. I couldn't trust others, because those who had professed love for me, or who should have loved me, really didn't love me for myself. They loved me for the person they thought I was -- the image I had projected to protect myself from their rejection. My secrecy didn't prevent their rejection, it only delayed it. It also cost me many good years with myself. Keeping it all in was an exhausting venture, leaving me with no time or energy to know who I really was.

I also learned that it sounded noble to say I was doing it to spare others worry about me. Sadly, they wouldn't have worried about me, only about how they could get me back into their box. Not because they don't love me the best they can, but because they truly believe it's necessary to be in the box to find happiness. I've learned I just can't be happy in that box. You'll find that many people can be happy there, tho. That's because long ago they accepted a limited happiness and believed it was enough -- they got dumbed down to accept less than the very most they could have.

If you can't tell your parents how you are feeling, find someone you can tell. Someone else you can trust with your doubts and flaws. Likely, you'll find you go thru more than one trusted friend before you finish your journey to meet yourself. Listen to your own voice, follow your own lead and you'll meet other people like yourself. Trust a few people with your feelings. They may surprise you -- some will be helpful, some won't. Don't take it personally. People who aren't helpful aren't important to your journey; just move on. It's okay to outgrow someone and to feel like you need new ideas and new support. It's not disloyal to disagree with your parents, even when they believe they have your best interests at heart.

Maybe it is time to quit school and just explore your thoughts and feelings. Or maybe it's just time to figure out which goals are yours and which ones have been imposed on you by parents. A lot of that pressure you mentioned probably comes from trying to meet goals that aren't your own, and really aren't part of your life path. Often, parents look at their child and wistfully hope their child will do all the things they wish they'd done -- or even worse, all the things someone else told them they should have wished to do.

Try to figure out where you want to be, what you want to do, who you want to become. Then give yourself permission to leave behind all the stuff that doesn't fit into that ideal. It's okay to want different things for yourself than your parents want for you. It's your life, not theirs.

Not a complete answer, but it's a hectic morning around here. Your post really cried out to me and I wanted to say something -- I hope it helps!

Sylvia


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