Mary Mapel

>
> In a message dated 4/16/04 11:12:33 PM Eastern
> Daylight Time,
> mozafamily@... writes:
>
> > >>So I would really like some feedback on if I did
> the
> > right thing here - I was finally feeling like I
> was getting the
> > correct "ideas" of this "unschooling or Life
> Learning", that it was
> > starting to make sense to me, and my son is so
> much happier than he
> > was in school, but now that my closest
> "unschooling" friend is
> > questioning me so I feel confused again. <<
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Sounds like you did a fantastic job of allowin your
son to take responsibility in his own way. I hope my
son in a similar situation would handle it as well as
your son did, ie next day apologize on his own, day
of incident acknowledge wrongdoing. Wow! What a
responsible son. He really deseves to hear that
although he made a mistake he handled it really well.

Sounds to me like your friend, the other mom, is
angry. Instead of being upfront about her feelings
she wants you to punish your son, rather than address
her feelings. She probably thinks that if you would
only punish him, then she wouldn't feel angry anymore.
Well, maybe it would help to acknowledge her unspoken
feelings too. Something like, "I really hear that you
are upset about this, and I can understand that you
might be angry that your son was bitten, I would be
too if i where in your shoes. It must feel hard to
place your son in our care, and then not be there to
protect him when something like this happens. I am
sorry too that this happened." Perhaps if she can
feel acknowledged in this way some of her own anger
will disipate.

I wouldn't change your parenting style because she is
uncomfortable with it. She can learn or not, but you
did a beautiful job. If she is uncomfortable leaving
her son in your care, so be it, but given your
description I would love for my son to be treated so
well if i ever left him with someone.

Sorry this is so hard. I hope it resolves soon. Mary




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